I used to work in Louisville at the South Park drive-in (it was my moonlighting, 'hobby' job). By the time late summer came, I would start to get short-tempered, because of the cumulative sleep-loss working two jobs created.

One night, two party animals standing piggy-backed (it was a high booth), decided to play shadow puppets with my projection beam. This incensed me anyway, but since it was late in the season, it especially pushed my buttons. I hollered a warning through the port, but they gave me a belligerent 'up yours' look, and continued interfering. That did it, a switch was flipped! I dropped whatever I was doing and RAN for the door. The two had gotten down and started walking off, trying to blend-in with the intermission crowd. I CHASED them down, grabbed the first one I got to, swung him around, wrapped my fist around his collar, pulled him to my nose and screamed, "HEY! People didn't come here to see you farting around (only I didn't say 'fart'); they came here to see MY SHOW! I work hard to give them a perfect show and you just ruined it!" I could hear my voice bouncing off the screen tower. "And it PISSES ME OFF when somebody interferes with my job! DON'T DO IT AGAIN!!!" I was fit to be tied. The two punks couldn't believe what was happening, and only looked at me, either in astonishment or fear. "Well... okay? OKAY??!!", I bellowed. I got a shaky nod of the head and a pip-squeak "Okay!" from the hoodlum. His buddy said nothing.

Oooh! It burns me up just thinking about it!

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Better Projection Pays!

CELL PHONES!!! I swear, I wish some one sold a jammer that would render them useless inside an auditorium.

Maybe you guys could help me with a training program for ushers handling this problem.

Heres my idea...

During an auditorium patrol, an usher not only hears a phone ring, but he hears it answered as the customer starts a conversation about the film she is watching.

I think he should say, "Excuse me, MORON!!! Hows about finishing this conversation from the parking lot!?"

I actually had a guy tell me it was "okay" once because he was a doctor and his patient was more important than a movie. I agreed with him and suggested that he immediately leave the movie and go see his patient.

I hate to throw people out but some people really need it!

"CELL PHONES!!! I swear, I wish some one sold a jammer that would render them useless inside an auditorium."

There IS a jammer for cell phones! It's called a volume control knob!

The other night, during a show of "U-571", I saw a guy picking up his phone just as I started the proj. He put his finger in his other ear and started talking louder. Since ther were only a few people in the auditorium, I turned the volume up a notch! He finally left the auditorium and finihed the call outside.

That's pretty funny!

A friend and I were previewing "The Perfect Husband" awhile back. It was somewhere around 2:30 a.m. and we were no longer enjoying the movie, so I, being restless, decided to reach up and "pick" Rupert Everett's nose. Just then, the shot changed and I was instead tickling Minnie's boob. OOPS!

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Scott A. Magie