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This topic comprises 2 pages: 1 2
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Author
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Topic: Advice
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-07-2003 10:04 AM
Rated G ![[Eek!]](eek.gif) Lorraine
DEAR ABBY:
I'm writing you and your sister Anne,
If you can't help me, perhaps she can.
I met this gal I want to marry
But telling my folks is going to be hairy.
She's a former lady of the night,
She gave it up, when she learned to fight.
She's heavy-weight champion of the state.
She's the kind of girl I want for mate.
She won her title by judges' decisions,
In both the women's and men's divisions.
She's the world-wide Jell-O wrestling champ,
She teaches art at a nudist camp.
I only know her folks by mail,
'Cause right now they are both in jail.
Her brother too, is doing time.
He didn't know arson was a crime.
Her body's such a pretty sight
And all her tattoos are spelled right.
She wears a tiny silver rose,
On the ring that's through her nose.
She always sleeps 'til noon each day,
Then goes to class at the double A.
My family knows about all that,
But how can I tell them she's a Democrat? ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 09-09-2003 11:29 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif) : Michele
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties.These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out.Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the sex, nudity,language and violence on my VCR?
Dear Abby,
I have a man I never could trust.He cheats so much,I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years.It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost,but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby,
I suspected that my husband had been fooling around,and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo.Why would a boy who was raised in a Good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world.I've seen it.Now,how do I get out?
Dear Abby,
My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years.He must be crazy.
Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby,
Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't,and he did it.
[ 05-20-2005, 11:17 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 05-20-2005 11:12 AM
Rated XXX
If Dear Abby Was A Man:
Q: My husband to be, still pines for his old girlfriends. I'm afraid he may not be faithful.
A: A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other women, your partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior -- and it should be encouraged. Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal, and don't mention this aspect of his behavior to him.
Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my sister.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing -- your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex can be very embarrassing for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Many women can't find their own clitoris so how do you expect your man to find it? Your clitoris belongs to you. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you may wish to video tape yourself while doing this, and to sell it at the local flea market. To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice expensive present, and cook him a delicious meal.
Q: My husband goes straight to sleep after making love -- we have no time to talk.
A: Sex is like running a marathon for a man. Afterwards he needs rest. In fact, the more he loves you, the more hard work his lovemaking is, and the more rest he needs. Stop putting pressure on him. Buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband's efforts at lovemaking only last 30 seconds.
A: Your husband loves you very much. He is so turned on by you that he cannot control himself. In fact, the shorter the 'effort' the more he loves you. Return this love by buying a nice, expensive present, and cooking him a nice meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay is very important. If your man seems uninterested it means that you do not love your man as much as you should because he has to work so hard to get you in the mood. Reread the question about Oral Sex above for suggestions and make it up to him by buying a nice expensive present, and cooking a nice meal.
Q: My husband hardly ever gives me an Orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is so intense it can happen only once a year Be patient. Don't mention it again to him and show your love to him by buying a nice expensive present......and don't forget to cook him a delicious meal.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 04-08-2008 10:34 AM
Rated G Dave in Aurora, Ont.
Letters Dear Abby -admitted she was at a loss to answer
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?
Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boy friend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?< /I>
Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober. (I love this one!!)
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.
Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do
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