posted 12-19-2005 09:52 PM                       

Rated G with a chance of PG

From this week's City Life (the best of the surviving local alternative rags):

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I Got Your Slogan

BY BRIAN ROUFF

I see where our friends at the Review-Journal are running a contest to choose a successor to "What happens here, stays here." And not a moment too soon. With every strip joint, car wash and corner bar offering up "clever" mutations, it's clearly time for a change. Being an old ad guy, I thought I'd weigh in with some suggestions of my own.

Las Vegas: Better than Detroit. Straightforward, honest, flexible. Works with virtually any major American city.

It's the Gambling, Stupid. Bill Clinton rode his version to two terms in office. If it's good enough for him, who are we to turn it down?

You're Broke, Hung Over and Pissed. Now Go Home. Coming to Las Vegas must be a lot like childbirth. You forget the pain between visits. How else to explain the 280-mile parking lot that is the I-15 after a three-day weekend?

Where Luck Goes to Die. Truth in advertising. Like the man says, "They don't build these resorts by giving money away."

More Than Thirty Million Schmucks a Year Can't be Wrong. Taps into the herd mentality. Straight out of Marketing 101.

We've Got What it Takes to Take What You've Got. You want slick? This one is positively Kennedy-esque.

It's the Shit. Targets the all-important 21-30 crowd.

Britney Was Here. See above.

Steak & Eggs. 'Nuff Said. For the blue-collar demographic.

Ninety Miles from Yucca. Sure, it's on the if-come. But it can't hurt to have this one in the can. Bonus points for turning a negative into a positive.

Bring Your Own Bottle (of Water). Another forward-thinking campaign if the drought continues.

When the Fun Stops, Call 800-522-4700. Courtesy of the legal department.

Bend Over. Sometimes the simplest ideas are the best. Pure magic. Just picture the TV campaign.

It Ain't Pretty. What's better than hitching our wagon to a hit song? Move over "Viva Las Vegas." Here's our new anthem.

And there you have it, as we say in the biz. But don't take my word for it. Find out for yourself. Invite some friends over, break open a bottle of Jager, and watch the ideas fly. You might create the next great Las Vegas slogan. Think of the fame. Think of the opportunities. Think of the money. If you play your cards right, R&R Partners just might send you a dollar.

BRIAN ROUFF IS THE AUTHOR OF THE LAS VEGAS NOVEL MONEY SHOT.

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