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Author Topic: Truck Driving jokes Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-18-2003 07:31 AM                        Rated G TOP 10 REASONS TRUCK DRIVING IS BETTER THAN SEX... 10. You always see something new 9. Your gear shift wont go limp on you 8. Truck driving is a legal profession in all 50 states 7. Having "Doubles" or "Triples" is not uncommon 6. Walk around inspections before getting in 5. Keep track of where you've been on log book 4. You drop your load several times daily 3. When lubrication gets low. a warning light comes on 2. Theres rest areas when you get tired 1. If you lose some rubber, it won't cause a pregancy  |  IP: Logged Tim Reed Better Projection Pays Posts: 5246 From: Northampton, PA Registered: Sep 1999 posted 03-18-2003 04:43 PM                       Bob! HAAAhaha! Those are pretty good. I've only got the dirty truck stop comedy tapes to pool from!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-19-2003 07:23 AM                        Tim, Glad you enjoyed ...here's another.... Rated G TWO TRUCKERS: Trucker 1: "Breaker breaker. I've got a pig stuck behind my bull bar. How can I get it out?" Trucker 2: "Just slice the gut and let the insides drop out,then it'll fall straight down." Trucker 1: "Thanks. Ten four." (a couple of minutes' silence) Trucker 1: "Breaker breaker. OK, it's out, but now I've got another problem. What do I do with his motorcycle and helmet?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-19-2003 07:30 AM                        Rated R A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road.Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road,he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back onto the road. (at this point some of you are probably wondering how the trucker could distinguish the lawyers from the humans. Obviously he saw the trail of slime they left...) One day,as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking.He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest. "No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him.But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him,so at the last minute he swerved back away,narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer,he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything,he turned to the priest and said,"I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer." "That's okay",replied the priest. "I got him with the door!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-19-2003 07:43 AM                        Rated X Little Johnny was sitting on the front porch steps. While his mother was in the kitchen, she was watching little Johnny. He had a bag of M&Ms in his hand and a cat right beside him. Little johnny would eat an M&M, Bite the cat and move down a step. His mother looked at little Johnny and thought she needed to go see what he is doing.When she walks outside he does it again. Eats an M&M, bites the cat and moves down a step. His momma says,"Little Johnny what the hell are you doing!" Johnny says,"I'm practicing truck driver." "Truck Driver?" "Yeah, I'm popping pills, eating pussy, and movin' on."  |  IP: Logged Tim Reed Better Projection Pays Posts: 5246 From: Northampton, PA Registered: Sep 1999 posted 03-20-2003 08:08 AM                       Those are pretty good! I've got to do some more reasearch. Heh-heh!  |  IP: Logged Tim Reed Better Projection Pays Posts: 5246 From: Northampton, PA Registered: Sep 1999 posted 03-20-2003 08:10 AM                       Rated X What do a woman and a condom have in common? They spend more time in your wallet than on your pecker.  |  IP: Logged Tim Reed Better Projection Pays Posts: 5246 From: Northampton, PA Registered: Sep 1999 posted 03-20-2003 08:14 AM                       What does CDL stand for? Combination Driver Lumper (A lumper unloads trucks.)  |  IP: Logged Tim Reed Better Projection Pays Posts: 5246 From: Northampton, PA Registered: Sep 1999 posted 03-20-2003 08:54 AM                       Rated X "Mommy," said the little girl, "can I get pregnant by anal intercourse?" "Of course you can." her mother replied. "How do you think truck drivers are made?"  |  IP: Logged Tim Reed Better Projection Pays Posts: 5246 From: Northampton, PA Registered: Sep 1999 posted 03-20-2003 08:55 AM                       What would a trucker do if he won a million dollars? Continue to drive until the money ran out.  |  IP: Logged Tim Reed Better Projection Pays Posts: 5246 From: Northampton, PA Registered: Sep 1999 posted 03-20-2003 08:57 AM                       There were two people walking down the street. One was a truck driver. The other was broke, too.  |  IP: Logged Tim Reed Better Projection Pays Posts: 5246 From: Northampton, PA Registered: Sep 1999 posted 03-20-2003 08:58 AM                       Saint Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter. The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations." St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!" The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children." "Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?" The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime." "Heavens!" says St. Peter. "Who did you drive for?"  |  IP: Logged Tim Reed Better Projection Pays Posts: 5246 From: Northampton, PA Registered: Sep 1999 posted 03-20-2003 08:59 AM                       St. Peter's still checking ID's. He asks a man, "What did you do on Earth?" The man says, "I was a doctor." St. Peter says, "Ok, go right through those pearly gates. Next! What did you do on Earth?" "I was a school teacher." "Go right through those pearly gates. Next! And what did you do on Earth?" "I was a truck driver." "Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen..."  |  IP: Logged Tim Reed Better Projection Pays Posts: 5246 From: Northampton, PA Registered: Sep 1999 posted 03-20-2003 09:00 AM                       A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know." A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!" The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative. Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!" The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?" "I'm a truck driver." The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!"  |  IP: Logged Tim Reed Better Projection Pays Posts: 5246 From: Northampton, PA Registered: Sep 1999 posted 03-20-2003 09:10 AM                       A J.B. Hunt driver passed another rig on the interstate in a hilly area. As sometimes happens, the other rig later passed J.B., and then J.B. passed him, and then he was passed... As the Hunt driver made his last pass, he kept right on going; over the shoulder, through the guardrail, down an embankment, back up the rise, and crashed into a tree. The driver of the other rig stopped and ran up to the scene of the crash, to find the man climbing out of the windshield. "J.B., buddy, what happened?" The J.B. Hunt driver chuckled and said, "Oh, that darned turn signal stuck on me, again!" The  |  IP: Logged

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