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Author Topic: Hurricane & Weather Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-08-2007 07:40 AM                        Rated G Indian Winter It Was Already Late Fall And The Indians On A Remote Reservation In South Dakota Asked Their New Chief If The Coming Winter Was Going To Be Cold Or Mild. Since He Was A Chief In A Modern Society He Had Never Been Taught The Old Secrets. When He Looked At The Sky He Couldn't Tell What The Winter Was Going To Be Like. Nevertheless, To Be On The Safe Side, He Told His Tribe That The Winter Was Indeed Going To Be Cold And That The Members Of The Village Should Collect Firewood To Be Prepared. But Being A Practical Leader, After Several Days He Got An Idea. He Went To The Phone Booth, Called The National Weather Service And Asked, "is The Coming Winter Going To Be Cold?" "It Looks Like This Winter Is Going To Be Quite Cold," The Meteorologist At The Weather Service Responded. So The Chief Went Back To His People And Told Them To Collect Even More Firewood In Order To Be Prepared. A Week Later He Called The National Weather Service Again. "Does It still Look Like It Is Going To Be A Very Cold Winter?" "Yes," The Man At National Weather Service Again Replied, "It's Going To Be A Very Cold Winter." The Chief Again Went Back To His People And Ordered Them To Collect Every Scrap Of Firewood They Could Find. Two Weeks Later The Chief Called The National Weather Service Again. "Are You Absolutely Sure That The Winter Is Going To Be Very Cold?" Absolutely," The Man Replied. "It's Looking More and More Like It Is Going To Be One Of The Coldest Winters We've Ever Seen." How Can You Be So Sure?" The Chief Asked. The Weatherman Replied, "The Indians Are Collecting Firewood Like Crazy."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-02-2008 06:49 AM                        Rated G Lorraine HURRICANE SEASON: FOLK WISDOM The wisdom of the ages is often worth a listen. Here's a little Caribbean ditty: June- too soon. July-- stand by! August-- look out you must. September-- remember. October, all over.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-11-2008 09:09 AM                        Rated G Dave in Aurora, Ont. I didn't check "snopes.com" to see if this actually works or if it's a scam or hoax. It has been said that...in this hot weather...if you ever get the sudden urge to run around naked, you should spray yourself with some Windex immediately......It'll keep you from streaking.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-27-2008 03:20 PM                        Rated G eff Foxworthy on Upstate New York If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the Food will swim by, you might live in Upstate New York . If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights a year because Saranac Lake is the coldest spot in the nation, and Syracuse gets more snow than any other major city in the US, you might live in Upstate, NY. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from October through May, you might live in Upstate New York . If you get 131 inches of snow in a week and you comment that 'winter's finally here', you might live near Oswego in Upstate New York . If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you might live, bundled up, in Upstate New York. If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Upstate NY. If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Upstate New York . If you have worn shorts and a parka on the same day, you might live in Upstate New York . If you have had a lengthy phone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in UpstateNew York . YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE UPSTATE NEW YORKER WHEN: "Vacation" means going South past Syracuse for the weekend. You measure distance in hours. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend/wife knows how to use them. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction. You can identify a southern or eastern accent. Down South to you means Corning . Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed. You go out for a fish fry every Friday. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. You find 10 degrees "a little chilly." and 55 is shorts weather. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Upstate New York friends and to those who used to live here and left. -- (chickens).  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-21-2009 08:44 AM                        Rated G The Jokester "It's So Hot In Here..." The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs. The cows are giving evaporated milk. The trees are whistling for the dogs. You can say 110 degrees without fainting. You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off. You can make instant sun tea in your tank bag. You learn that a chrome brake lever makes a pretty good branding iron. The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly. You discover that in August, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your motorcycle. You discover that you can get a sunburn through your face shield. You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. Hot water now comes out of both taps. You can actually burn your hand on the clutch lever. You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work. No one would dream of wearing shorts and sitting on a vinyl motorcycle seat! Your biggest motorcycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?" You realize that asphalt has a liquid state. Riding breaks are measured by bottles of water rather than the need for gas. Now that your yard has burnt, you do not have to spend time mowing but it is still too hot to ride. You have to chew the air properly before you can swallow it. The next person to ask you "Hot 'nuff for ya?" WILL receive a black eye.  |  IP: Logged System Notices Forum Watchdog / Soup Nazi Posts: 215 Registered: Apr 2004 posted 12-18-2010 11:22 AM                 It has been 665 days since the last post.  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 12-18-2010 11:22 AM                        Rated G.... It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?' 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?' 'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.' The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' 'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.' 'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked. The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood'  |  IP: Logged System Notices Forum Watchdog / Soup Nazi Posts: 215 Registered: Apr 2004 posted 11-09-2015 12:42 PM                 It has been 1787 days since the last post.  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 11-09-2015 12:42 PM                        Rated G.... Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience.” When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight.” Her next announcement came about 2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available."  |  IP: Logged

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