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» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Dick Cheney (Page 2)

 
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Author Topic: Dick Cheney
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 03-07-2006 09:21 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

Even Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton couldn't resist. Firing up the troops Friday night with talk of Democrats taking back the House and Senate in November, the former first lady said, "We can target our passion."

After a strategic pause, she added: "And, lucky for us, we have far better aim than some people in Washington."

On Saturday, DRC member Ken Harper of Putnam County introduced Sean Patrick Maloney, a former aide to President Clinton and a candidate for state attorney general, to the crowd by noting it often wasn't easy for Democrats operating in traditionally Republican areas of the state.

"Being a Democrat in Putnam County is like going on a hunting trip with Dick Cheney _ every day," he said. [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 03-07-2006 09:28 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

"Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird."

—Jon Stewart

"Cheney's defense is that he was aiming at a quail when he shot the guy. Which means that Cheney now has the worst aim of anyone in the White House since Bill Clinton."

—Jay Leno

"You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.'"

—Craig Ferguson

"But all kidding aside, and in fairness to Dick Cheney, every five years he has to shed innocent blood or he violates his deal with the devil."

—Jimmy Kimmel

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 03-08-2006 08:38 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Bruce

WASHINGTON, D.C.
A White House source stated that Congress is considering awarding Vice-President Dick Cheney the Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian commendation, for his act of bravery in shooting an attorney. The source was quoted to say,"All Americans have wanted to shoot a lawyer at one time or another and Cheney actually had the guts to do it."

***********

In a related story, the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, which issues hunting licenses, said that it will start requiring hunters, wishing to bag a lawyer, to have the new "lawyer's stamp" on their hunting license. Currently Texas hunters are required to carry stamps for hunting birds, deer, and bear, at a cost of $7 annually. The new "lawyers stamp" will cost $100, but open season will be all year long. The department further stated that although the "lawyers stamp" comes at a hefty price, sales have been brisk and it is believed it will generate annual revenues in excess of $3 billion dollars. Other states are considering similar hunting stamps.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 04-01-2006 11:33 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG [Eek!] Bruce [Eek!]

Sing to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies


Come and listen to a story about a man named Dick, A poor marksman with glasses kinda thick, Then one day he was shooting at some quail, When up popped a lawyer and let out a wail!

Attorney that is. Buckshot barrister; Texas Toast.

Well next thing you know Ol' Dick's the butt of jokes, Got folks rolling And laughing coast-to-coast

An undisclosed location Is the place you ought to be Anywhere but standing In front of Dick Cheney.

V. P., that is, Hunting fool, Shotgun scars. [Big Grin]

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Bruce Hansen
Jedi Master Film Handler

Posts: 847
From: Stone Mountain, GA, USA
Registered: Dec 1999


 - posted 04-03-2006 05:22 PM      Profile for Bruce Hansen   Email Bruce Hansen   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

Well, the terrorists now know that if they want to see George Bush dead, all they need to do is give Dick Cheney a gun.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 04-10-2006 04:23 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

Reported in Newsmax Today:

Cheney Shot in Hunting Accident in 1990s


Years before Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a lawyer during a Texas quail hunt, Cheney himself was on the receiving end of an errant shotgun blast.
Carlsbad Mayor Bob Forrest said he doesn't know for certain if he or his twin brother, Dick Forrest, fired the shot during the hunting trip in the late 1990s. It accidentally pelted Cheney, who was then chief executive at Halliburton Co.

"We're probably the only twins in the United States that have shot the vice president and never have gone to jail," Forrest joked. The Albuquerque Journal reported the incident Sunday.

Cheney wasn't hurt but he was miffed, Forrest told the Journal.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 12-13-2006 04:38 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

"This is the time of the year everybody's getting ready for the holidays. Earlier today, Dick Cheney brought home a Christmas tree that he shot."

--David Letterman

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 12-18-2006 08:20 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

I would rather go hunting with Dick Chaney than driving with Ted Kennedy! [Big Grin]

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