posted 11-07-2005 09:38 AM                    

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All Pain - No Gain

Penn Jillette

I've always wanted to get a temporary tattoo. Most people think of a temporary tattoo as a decal that is put on with water and stays for a few days or maybe even a week (depending on hygiene). Yup, that is a temporary tattoo but that misses too much of the tattoo experience for my taste. With a decal tattoo, all you experience is the art and (to a lesser degree as people learn that temporary tattoos exist) the identification with those who really have tattoos (a very changing group, it used to mean you were a sailor, carny, or biker, but it's starting to mean you're a kid who goes to a mall).

You also miss all the decision making and self examination (for those who are sober) that goes with making a lifelong decision and you don't experience the pain (again, for those who are sober). You have to make the decision to have a needle stuck into you skin about an 1/8th of an inch deep many many times. An 1/8th of an inch isn't very deep but it's deep enough to get those pain receptors saying "howdy." On new tattoos, the swelling and blood of the repeatedly pierced skin overwhelms the inks that are used. I've always thought that the tattoos shown in the flash books (the loose leafed notebooks at tattoo parlors with plastic pages of snapshots that you browse through looking for sexy body parts while you're checking out the work) were wonderful. The skin looks really beat up, it doesn't look like the proud owner is displaying art, it looks like forensics shots of an art attack victim.

So, there are at least two questions that people with decals haven't addressed:

1. How did you decide to modify your body permanently? They can be removed but unless you're as rich as Johnny Depp (or if Billary has tax payers pick up the tab), you're probably going to have to just cover up "Winona" with a black iron cross tat or a lot of Band-aids.

2. How much did it hurt?

I've wrestled with question #1 and I can't make a decision. I like the commitment, I like saying to the world that my body is mine and doesn't belong to nature, a god or a government (tattooing is still illegal in places). But I don't trust fashion. What would happen if I went out and got the perfect tattoo on my arm and three years later Jon Bonjovi and Joe Piscapo had a copy of it on their arm? There have been many bandwagons that I was riding happily until the wrong people boarded.

Even if the wrong people didn't cop my art, maybe I wouldn't like the art in a while -- maybe I would become morally opposed to the art - - hey, I've been wrong before (I didn't REALLY believe Clinton could be worse than Bush). Those are the real reasons but I have a cop out reason as well, I'm in show-biz and maybe some day I'll want to act (I had parts before, but it didn't seem I wanted to act). I wouldn't want to have to cover up a tattoo with makeup every day (wow, is that a lame reason, I should have just stuck with the Bonjovi/Piscapo reason).

Question #2 really interests me. I like the idea of deciding something is going to hurt and doing it to find out how much. I don't like accidents much and I hate illness but I enjoyed having a tiny amount of dental work done to see what it was like without Novocain. It was nice to know a little of the real deal. I always think being in pain for glory is a fun thing. Pain without injury fascinates me. Pain without fear is just another sensation. I could go on, but you already know too much about me.

June 6th, I was covering the 90th anniversary party for Harley Davidson in Milwaukee for ShowTime. Bobcat Goldthwait, Paul Provenza, Richard Belzer, Stephanie Hodge, Judy Tenuda and I were walking around the grounds with camera crews making fun of bikers while making sure that it was very clear to the bikers that we weren't making fun of them. I told Jerry, the producer, that I should get a tattoo on camera but I didn't want anything permanent. Paul had worn a fake nose-ring for one shot and the crew were all wearing decals and that wasn't what I wanted. I told him I wanted a tattoo done with needle but without ink. All the pain of a tattoo but nothing to show for it. Jerry liked the idea. He went to a tattoo trailer to set it up. He came back and said it was a done deal, they would do the tattoo with blood red ink but no needle, it would look like I was being tattooed but I wouldn't be. With no needle, the red ink would wipe right off.

"That's not what I want, Jerry. I want a NEEDLE and no INK, that'll work too won't it?" Jerry checked and the guy said that a "dry needle" would hurt a bit more than a regular tattoo but it wouldn't leave a mark for more than several weeks. I heal quickly, (that's one of my best character traits) so I was ready. We got a few cameras and I went over to talk to the tattoo artist, Bubba. I talked to him before we went on camera and then asked him the same questions on camera: Yes, he used clean needles. Yes, it would hurt more without the ink to lubricate. After a couple genital jokes, he told me the chest hurts the most. I didn't want to show my chest (hey, maybe if I get on a pain and body modification roll, I'll get implants, and then I'll show them to everyone - but right now, no), he said the forearm also hurt really bad. I have a attractive forearm so I decided to use my forearm. I told him I wanted it all freehand, no stencil. I didn't want the stencil ink to get into the wound and give me an accidental half-assed tattoo.

A crowd was gathering and the cameras were rolling. He brought the needle out of the little sealed packet and Bubba (did I mention his name was Bubba?) got to work. He asked me what I wanted. I said it didn't matter. He asked me if I liked skulls. Who doesn't like skulls? It would be a freehand skull. Bobcat stood behind him as he brought down the needle and gave a Bobcat scream to startle him at the moment of contact. Bobcat had to make jokes, I was just staring at the needle. The needle went in, it went in many times. The bikers were impressed, not that I was taking the pain, but that I was taking the pain for no reason. They got it. I asked Bubba if it would hurt less if I loosened up my muscle and he said yes. I couldn't loosen the muscle, it hurt too much. The blood was really flowing. It was art being made of my blood. I watched and I liked it. The crowd was yelling that I was crazy. Having that collection of pots call me black was one of the prouder moments in this kettle's life.

How much did it hurt? That's the question I wanted to answer. It hurt about as much as putting a couple cigarettes out on my skin (don't ask). It was a burn. But it was pain without injury, pain without fear. It was a good hurt. It didn't take long, a line drawn skull about the size of a quarter. It looked like it was drawn in red ink but it was my blood. It was running down my arm and doing a nice job for the camera. The bit should have been over but Bobcat thought I should have crossbones. He also thought I should have the full skeletal system, a Harley and a road going up over my shoulders with lush scenery but I drew the line after crossbones. It wasn't Bubba's best work. Another artist said it was "strictly jailhouse" but Bubba was working without a stencil and there was the pressure of a crowd and TV. I wouldn't let him put a bandage on it. I wanted the opportunity to show it off and talk about it. I have to put Neo Sporin on it for about a week and they say it'll be gone in about 5 weeks. It's been about 7 hours and it still hurts a bit but not badly at all. The blood has started to change color and the head of the skull is now the color of flesh around day-old stitches. I'm kind of hoping there's a little bit of a scar there to remind me of the needle. I'm about to reinvent the tattoo.

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posted 11-07-2005 05:13 PM                       

quote: AutoSummarized

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All Pain - No Gain

Penn Jillette

I've always wanted to get a temporary tattoo. Yup, that is a temporary tattoo but that misses too much of the tattoo experience for my taste. On new tattoos, the swelling and blood of the repeatedly pierced skin overwhelms the inks that are used. Question #2 really interests me. Pain without injury fascinates me. Pain without fear is just another sensation. I told him I wanted a tattoo done with needle but without ink. All the pain of a tattoo but nothing to show for it. Jerry liked the idea. He went to a tattoo trailer to set it up. With no needle, the red ink would wipe right off.

"I want a NEEDLE and no INK, that'll work too won't it?" Jerry checked and the guy said that a "dry needle" would hurt a bit more than a regular tattoo but it wouldn't leave a mark for more than several weeks. We got a few cameras and I went over to talk to the tattoo artist, Bubba. I asked Bubba if it would hurt less if I loosened up my muscle and he said yes. It was art being made of my blood. How much did it hurt? It was a good hurt. It wasn't Bubba's best work. I'm about to reinvent the tattoo.

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I don't think this summary will offend anyone. Not as much fun as the past ones.

posted 10-21-2006 07:20 PM                      

quote: Rachel Gilardi

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on my right boobage.

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Humm... the picture isn't revealing the location precisely, dear.

Can you zoom out a little, please?