What else have you done?

My favorite gag is actually a downstairs one. There's nothing like watching the new guy "refill the water fountain". Back and forth he goes from kitchen sink to the drain of the water fountain...gallons and gallons of water in buckets!

 

Oh yes, he owned the building.

I left a charged capacitor sitting out with the wires bent so you would have to make contact if you picked it up without knowing how. I went into the back warehouse. About 15 seconds later, I heard a yelp. I rushed back and found him standing there holding his fingers. He had thrown the cap straight up, and it was sticking out of the ceiling tile. He threatened to sue me, but I pointed out that I had a sign telling unauthorized people to keep out, and he dropped the subject. The cap was still there when I moved to another location without nosy neighbors. He never bothered me anymore, and everybody lived happily ever after.

Bruce Grimm
 

There's a customer down here who came in late and wants you to rewind the movie.
 

Tell somebody to get the "Marquee Stretcher" that is conveniently located in the theatre "basement"

Tell somebody to go get the "Squeegee Sharpener".

Tell somebody that the projectors are running out of technicolor, and we need more or we can't run movies! This works great with letterboxed trailers or movies (like Blair Witch) . Take the employee into the theatre before he/she has had a chance to see the movie themsleves, and tell them that the black bars are due to the projector running out of technicolor. Now send them across town to get some.
 

Personally, I think that looks like crap. I reset my masking stops to raise my vertical masking all the way up and brought in the side masking a little bit to form a 1.33 ratio. Then I got a 40mm lens and attached a Magnacom on it so the 1.33 within a 1.85 would fill the new 80 foot "giant screen." (Sure the corners of the 1.85 RP40 test image are cropped off by the lens barrel, but who cares? No one sees them!)

 

I sent someone to get her out of the dumpster 20 minutes later... We found our shortage...
 

<I thought this topic could use a bump up>
 

His trick didn't work, because the porn reel had serious vinegar syndrome. With about 15 minutes to go until the changeover I put it on a bench and started winding it through in order to see if it was too brittle to run. The first frames joined to the leader showed an 'actress' performing an... shall we say... 'intimate act' with a large black labrador! It was a brief encounter alright, but not the sort our elderly customers would have wanted to see. There then followed a frantic search for the original reel, which was eventually discovered in my boss's locker (we had to break into it to retrieve the film).

We looked at the Foxy Boxers reel on a Steenbeck later, and I shudder to think what would have happened if it had gone on the screen. I think that criminal proceedings of some description would have been quite likely.

I remember when I worked at the drive-in, that the most "splicy" prints were usually the soft-core features (e.g., Russ Meyer films) we played during the off-season. I suspect the frames weren't removed because of film damage.

------------------
John P. Pytlak, Senior Technical Specialist
Worldwide Technical Services, Entertainment Imaging
Research Labs, Building 69, Room 7525A
Rochester, New York, 14650-1922 USA
Tel: +1 585 477 5325 Cell: +1 585 781 4036 Fax: +1 585 722 7243
e-mail: john.pytlak@kodak.com
Web site: http://www.kodak.com/go/motion
 

------------------
"This one time, at Projection Camp, I stuck a xenon bulb in a lamphouse...wait, that's not funny."

~Ethan.
 

JJ

------------------
"Film is made of silver, video is made of rust"
'nuf said
 

It gave me sadistic pleasure to send out the Funugy (FNG) for a new box of "Blue Sparks" for the lamphouse. If the fans were dirty, they would go around the aircraft supply to look for some "Prop Wash." But my favorite was to send them out for some "Fallopian Tubes."

>>> Phil

 

Sure enough, the 1:85 film was SMPTE Frame numbered above each image.

KEN
 

In the USAF, one goes from basic traing to tech school to learn your career field. After tech school, one goes onto the first duty assignment. Once at the new assignment, one goes through a practical "ojt" program.

So, it came to pass that we had an ORI (annual operation Readiness inspection). During this ORI, extra bodies were desperately needed on the flightline, so naturally, we were given the greenshirts in the ojt program. So, a C-5 is taxing onto its spot and this clueless greenshirt is thrown a vest and wands and told to marshall the aircraft onto its spot. This kid somehow thought that the expidator told him to march onto the spot. So, he dons the vest and wands, pops to attention, and starts marching towards the nosewheel as the aircraft is taxing onto its spot! The expidator (a MSGT) had to jump out of his truck and tackle the kid to keep him from being run over!

Now, the radar on a C5 is in the nose of the aircraft. If one gets within a certain perimiter while it is in use, one will get zapped w/too much radiation! In any case, once on the ground, the flight crew shuts this system off.

Anyhow, to make matters worse for this kid, we told him that he had been zapped and that he needed to wear the vest and wands for the day so that the radiation would fall off of him. (this vest is nothing more that a school crossing guard reflective vest). Anyhow, when going into the squadron building, one MUST be pc in both attitude and dress/appearance! Needless to say that this kid got his ass reamed by the first shirt for being such a dumb-ass!

This same kid was a hydraulics tech. Now, one of the methods used to detect leaks in lines is to use non-petroleum based soap and water. But this kid's training supervisor told him to check for leaks by sniffing (with his nose) up and down each line! Ya, this kid also got in trouble for this stupidy, and his training supervisor also got yelled at for excessive cruelity!

Then there were the old classics like getting green shirts in trouble by sending them to the squadron orderly room for keys to the aircraft or to bench stock supply for a mile of flightline.

Us mechanics also loved to play practical jokes on the Grunts (Parachiutists). There are basically three bolts that hold jet engines onto aircraft...needless to say that for engineering purposes, these are very special bolts. Engines and wings are also quite flexible (not going to explain engineering here). Anyhow, while the grunts would be loading onto the aircraft, we would naturally shake an engine or two around a little and proclaime just loud enough for them to hear "Ya, the engine mounting bolt is broken, but it will fly!"...talk about WHITE FACES!
 

The guy at the parts counter would just reply with the usual answer... "We'll order them for you. They'll be here in two weeks." Properly done, this schtick can keep a newbie busy for MONTHS!
 

My favorite he told was actually done on the the flight line. Very dangerous but funny as hell. They would make the new recruit get exhaust samples from the the plane on deck. They would tell the recruit to get a garbage liner and stand behind the plane to capture the exhaust. HE said that there would be frantic officers running on the deck to stop the poor sap from roasting themselves from the exhaust.

I spent 22 years for pay purposes in the navy, and never learned how to swim.

That was a very scarey position to be in, that I can tell you.

There is also "go to the shop for a long wait"
"striped paint"
"left handed screwdrivers"
and so on
 

My favorite though, but only works if you have remote start buttons and the projectionists thread ahead of the start times: tell the new guy that a certian projector / auditorium is haunted by the old projectionist who died here years ago. Keep it up for a while. Then as they're walking to start that particular show, push the remote button, watch them jump, and tell them "i told you so"
 

Here is what the MSDS says:
http://www.poem.princeton.edu/MSDS/Carbon%20Dioxide.pdf

CARBON DIOXIDE: In the solid or liquid form carbon dioxide is very
volatile, readily releasing the gas. At concentrations from 2-10% it may
cause acidic taste, dyspnea, headache, vertigo, nausea, labored breathing,
weakness, drowsiness, mental confusion, and increase in blood pressure,
pulse, and respiratory rate. Exposure to 10% for a few minutes has been
reported to cause visual disturbances, tinnitus, tremors, profuse
perspiration, restlessness, paresthesias, general feeling of discomfort,
loss of consciousness, and coma. Concentrations of 25-30% may cause coma
and convulsions within one minute. Tachycardia and arrhythmias are
possible. Concentrations of 50% may cause symptoms of hypocalcemia
including carpopedal spasms. Excessive carbon dioxide for a time period of
not more than 5 minutes was reported to cause effects on vision with
constriction of visual fields, enlargement of blind spots, photophobia,
loss of convergence and accommodation, and deficient dark adaptation as
well as headache, insomnia, and personality changes, largely depression
and irritability. Even when there is sufficient oxygen present to prevent
simple asphyxiation by carbon dioxide, high concentrations may cause
adverse effects by interfering with its normal elimination from the body.
Initially, exposure to increased carbon dioxide concentrations results in
a compensatory increase in both rate and depth of ventilation. Beyond a
certain point, however, this may reverse to hypoventilation resulting in
respiratory acidosis. Death from asphyxia may occur if the concentration
and duration of exposure are sufficient. Reproductive effects have been
reported in animals.

http://www.praxair.com/Praxair.nsf/0/d3cbf4ef4186073485256a860080d221/$FILE/p4574h.pdf

------------------
John P. Pytlak, Senior Technical Specialist
Worldwide Technical Services, Entertainment Imaging
Research Labs, Building 69, Room 7525A
Rochester, New York, 14650-1922 USA
Tel: +1 585 477 5325 Cell: +1 585 781 4036 Fax: +1 585 722 7243
e-mail: john.pytlak@kodak.com
Web site: http://www.kodak.com/go/motion

I have "0" tolerance on dangerous pranks.

..no, seriously. He did.

Now the prank played on me: When I first started working in a commercial booth, I was given a week of apprentiship with a veteran projectionist who at the time I thought was a wisend, ancient old man (wisened yes, but he must have been all of 50yrs old). Finally he thought I was ready to run a show on my own. I did, and everything worked fine, so I was left to take the night shift for the rest of the week.

After about the 3rd day on my own, I started to feel a bit cocky -- I was a PROJECTIONIST. When the feature started, I put my hand on the fader control, a big old knob about 5 inches in diameter mounted on a big gray box on the wall, and I turned up the sound for the opening of the 20th Century Fox logo (with CinemaScope Extension) music -- about 2 & half, 3 points. Curtains opened and all was well with the world. The next show I did it again, thinking that now, surely, I was ruler of the universe. However, just as I went to turn it back down, I noticed the fader knob was moving back to its original position BY IT SELF. Naturally I was quite taken aback by this and tried to figure out what could possibly account for it. Coming up with no logical answer, I just put it out of my mind until the next show -- perhaps it was just the shadowy booth light playing tricks. I had closed the curtains at the end of the last trailer, made the change-over from the attraction reel, push the curtain [Open] switch, put my hand on the fader knob and turn it up as the Fox logo hits the screen. To my amazement, the knob magically returns to its original setting. Getting a little annoyed, I turn it back up. It turns itself back down. I grab it and turn it back up, firmly gripping it and holding it where I want it. Incredibly it is now forcing itself back down while I am try to turn it back up. I can feel it resisting my efforts as if it has a life of its own....and it's winning. I leave it where it wants to stay, stareing at it as if it is some demon from hell.

Next day when I came in to work, I was hesitant to tell my mentor what had happened, because, quite frankly, I didn't believe it myself and kept wondering if recreational maryjane use (this was 1968 and I make no bones about it...I DID inhale) had finally caught up with me (could it really be as bad as the adults said it was?). Finally I asked him if there were anything special about the volume fader. He said, "No; why?" in a perfectly nonchalant voice.

I said, "Oh, nothing." Then added, "Except, could it have a presetting that's automatic?"

He looked at me and said, again, in a voice that betrayed nothing, "What are you talking about....it's an ordinary fader," and he proceded to turn it up and down as if to prove what he was saying. I kept looking at it through the corner of my eye as he asked, "Why....did you have any trouble with it?"

"No, no....just wondering," says I. Then I said, "Well, actually, I wanted to turn up the sound for the Fox logo music and it....well, sort of..." then blurted out in one quick revelation...."it turned itself back down....on its own; it even forced my hand when I tried to turn it back up."

He looked and me with a straight face and asked, "What the hell are you talking about?" I felt like a jerk and said "never mind....I must have imagined it." He feined annoyance and said, "You know I thought you were serious about this job and here you are playing around with the equipment and making up idotic stories....are you sure you want to be a projectionist? Projection is a serious job; no room for dumbasses." I was roundly contrite trying to stammer out an appology and at the same time an assurance that I was serious about my job, sir.

That's when he burst out laughing saying that he wishes everyone downstairs could have seen my face. Then he went over to the fader, gave it a few twists and stood back while it did a dance up and down on its own. After he stopped laughing, he explained that the fader was attached to a small selsyn motor which was duplicated downstairs on the wall in the back of the theatre. This was so the manager could adjust the sound level depending on the film and the amount of people in the theatre (this was long before Ray Dolby decided for the world that [7] was going to be the fader position written in stone).

He asked why I though I had to "up" the sound for the Fox logo. I told him I wasn;t sure, except that gives it a little more dramatic kick. I thought he would admonish me for that, but instead he said not to worry, the Manager likes that kind of thing, but the Assistant Manager is a jerk and he just likes to prove who's got control. The Assistant Manager was on the last two nights. He said, "In this case, there's a reason the word 'assistant' contains the word 'ass' and that's why I've got this anti-ass switch down here...." and he showed me a small switch underneath the box that he installed just for such power struggles. Then he said, "Kid, don't worry, you'll do OK....you've got it in your blood."

How right he was. The Fox logo got bumped up 3 points every night thereafter.

A fellow manager told me this one. It took place at another theater when he was projectionist and had to deal with an old crotchety Senior manager who would always pick on him. Well one day he found an empty xenon-bulb box, taped it up and sealed it as new, and waited until the manager would sit in the office and eat his lunch. He then came upstairs asking who ordered the "new" bulb, faked a trip on the stairs, and heaved the box in the manager's direction. I could only imagine the look on the guy's face. He dropped everything in reaction and was almost fully standing when the box harmlessly thudded onto his lap. Needless to say he wasn't all that happy, but the manager who told it to me still considers that one of his best ones.

When I was a manager at that theater, sometimes we would tell the new employees it was seed count night. Yup, that's right - count the popcorn seeds. A couple of them actually started doing it. Now that was funny!
 

Other trainee and me are wondering why along with sound info etc on the can, there is printed "Colour" in large letters.

Projectinist: Well there might be black and white prints of the film available for cinemas who only have black and white projectors!
 

Another good one is walking up behind someone and dropping a pair of film cans right behind them...it works especially well if they're asleep.
 

A lamphouse door had a weak magnet. When the door was raised, the magnet would not hold it in the up position. While I was working on the lamp, the door came crashing down on top my head.

I told the secretary of the company (who was really not a newbie, and she was a blond at that) to order a new MAGGOT for a bla bla bla lamphouse of bla bla bla theatre.

She called the theatre supply house and tried to order a MAGGOT for the lamphouse.

After the supply house laughed their butts off at her, I caught hell for it. It just so happens to be the secretary was the owner’s wife. (I already knew that, but I really didn't care.)

Anyway, one example of how "pranks" could be useful. If the guy who trained me hadn't taught me to be vigilant about double-checking, I would have been screwed that day, but would have learned my lesson pretty fast.
 

A packet of changeover dots! That was easy as I emptied the desk paper puncher.

A rubber hammer! Well it so happens that I did have a real one, which was a proper tool.

Technicolor carbons! No, I could only burn them as I had generators, they would be no good with his rectifiers.

As this was now a sunday morning when I opened up, with NO co2 to speak of, and expecting a large crowd, I had no choice but to call up our provider on a weekend to fill it up. We normally only spent about 25 dollars a week on the stuff, but the total fill on the built in tank, the extra visit and the fact it was on a sunday, ran me 238 dollars.

I terminated the manager that did that to me three days later, when I got the bill.

I love practical jokes.

Dave
 

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