This is topic I Know Who Killed Me (2007) in forum Film Handlers' Movie Reviews at Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE.


To visit this topic, use this URL:
https://ft-forum.com/ft/cgi-bin/ubb/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=4;t=001298

---

Posted by Brad Miller (Member # 2) on 07-27-2007, 01:34 PM:
 
Attention all you horny and desperate guys out there...it's another phenomenally shitty movie starring one of your favorite slutty gals...Lindsey Lohan!



Oh yes, you horny bastards will want to see this movie! It is loaded with scenes of Lindsey acting slutty repeatedly for extended length scenes doing strip-teases in a bar, along with every other possible chance for Lindsey to tease and act as if she wants you. I particularly love the one sequence when the police are asking her "who did this to you?" and she replies with something like "I was at work that night..." and then the movie goes off for 10 minutes into her having sex with a pole while creepy old men drool and stare at her. Then after they can't possibly cut in any more footage of this, she completes her sentence...followed by MORE pole sex! 5 minutes later she actually starts to tell what happened that night. I am so not joking here, this movie is nothing more than an excuse for the director Chris Sivertson to get his rocks off shooting young girls acting slutty in front of his camera.

This movie has hands down the worst dialogue, acting and direction I have seen in at least 5 years. College movies are far better than this piece of shit! It is pretty clear that Chris Sivertson is blowing some studio executive under the table in order to be able to continue to churn out steaming piles of feces like this because according to IMDB, that fucker has made FIVE movies like this!

For those of you who think I am exaggerating, I dare you to watch this. You will find yourself laughing out loud at some of the acting and dialogue that is supposed to be serious, and groaning in pain at other parts. Every single thing about this movie sucks right down to the sound mix.

***Spoilers that you would already know if you have seen the trailer***
When Lindsey finally figures out that she has an identical twin, we get the explanation of how if something happens to her twin, that it happens to her. So if her twin loses a finger, so does she. If her twin is having a hard time breathing, so does she. I would guess if one of these two twins is having an orgasm, they would both benefit. But the best part is this logic is that if one of them has to take a monster shit, the other one craps their pants!!! Oh yeah, what a great storyline.


I've seen a lot of bad movies in my life, and it's really hard to pick the 10 worst movies of all time, but I am pretty sure this would be somewhere in that top 10 worst movies EVER.

0 out of 5 stars

And Chris Sivertson, you suck!
 

---

Posted by Chris Slycord (Member # 4239) on 07-27-2007, 01:55 PM:
 
Why don't you tell me how you really feel.
 

---

Posted by Brad Miller (Member # 2) on 07-27-2007, 02:25 PM:
 
Because your followup post is about the oldest comeback on the internet.

But if you really couldn't figure it out IT WAS AWFUL!!!
 

---

Posted by Phil Hill (Member # 371) on 07-27-2007, 02:35 PM:
 
I liked it...
 

---

Posted by Christopher Meredith (Member # 3767) on 07-27-2007, 04:59 PM:
 
Is this bombing at anyone else's theater? I know it's a little early to judge returns, but as of 5 PM Friday, we had sold 11 tickets to this show, spread out over 3 matinee showtimes. Talk about bs
 

---

Posted by Kyle Anderson (Member # 3504) on 07-28-2007, 02:26 AM:
 
Yup sold about 50 tickets to this one (compare that to > 700 for No Reservations) - rates somewhere near gems like Alpha Dog or Bloodrayne, or maybe even Dungeons and Dragons 2!
 

---

Posted by Bruce McGee (Member # 131) on 07-28-2007, 05:48 PM:
 
This classic is playing in my smallest theatre... In a room not too much larger than our toilets. Glad I didnt build the print, I might want to take a bath afterward!
 

---

Posted by Mike Blakesley (Member # 26) on 07-28-2007, 06:10 PM:
 
I used to have hope for Lindsay Lohan. She seemed to have her head on straight back in the day. But no more. She's torpedoed her own career. Too bad, too...she really does have talent.
 

---

Posted by Kurt Zupin (Member # 2751) on 07-29-2007, 04:22 AM:
 
What talent is that Mike? No gag reflexs?

Actually she was decent in Mean Girls, but maybe I'm partial to that because it had The Janitor in it from Scrubs. The great Neal Flyn.

Now on to the movie, can I have the last two hours of my life back. I can't say anything that the Grand Pooh-baaa hasn't already said or anybody else for that matter. This film just sucks bad.
 

---

Posted by Josh Rosen (Member # 4291) on 07-29-2007, 05:36 PM:
 
I still think that they only movie she was ever good in was Parent Trap. When she is in the news now I just think back to that movie and wonder what the heck happened...
 

---

Posted by Mark Lensenmayer (Member # 134) on 07-29-2007, 06:23 PM:
 
I loved this comment from a review of this film on WaffleMovies.Com

quote:

---

I wish I could say one nice thing about the movie, but even my old stand by of, “At least, it started on time,” doesn’t apply here. After a 20 minute delay in starting the movie, I had to assume the projector was taking an ethical stand and refusing to be party to the heinous act of showing this movie to people who were forced to pay for it.

---

 

---

Posted by Shane Cooper (Member # 2510) on 07-29-2007, 09:29 PM:
 
At least everyone agrees that this sucks. It has a Cinemascore of F!
 

---

Posted by Claude S. Ayakawa (Member # 1401) on 07-30-2007, 01:19 AM:
 
She was very charming in THE PARENT TRAP. The original film starring Hayley Mills was one of my favorite for many years but I now prefer the remake to the original because of Lindsay Lohan's performance. Her biggest problem was growing up to be the kind of person she is now. Sad!

I have no intention to see her new movie in a theatre or on DVD.

-Claude
 

---

Posted by Chad M Calpito (Member # 3736) on 07-30-2007, 10:35 AM:
 
After reading the reviews here in this forums, makes me really wonder about this film. Hmmmmmmmm!
 

---

Posted by Mark Lensenmayer (Member # 134) on 07-30-2007, 02:22 PM:
 
I had a "private screening" of this film today...no one else showed up.

Art Bell!!! No one mentioned this film has an appearance by ART BELL! The king of the night, and the man with more retirements than anyone I know of. He sure didn't look very healthy, though.

This is a bad movie. Not giganticly bad, as was BATTLEFIELD EARTH, but still BAD. BAD story, BAD acting, BAD music, even BAD sound effects (I used that OWL cry years and years ago from an Audio-Fidelity LP).

Why didn't they hold this thing until October for Halloween season? Almost ANYTHING horror related makes money then.

I really don't find "LiLo" to be very attractive. I don't see much personality there at all, and that body is certainly nothing to pay much attention to.

Worst films ever in my opinion are RABBIT TEST (A Joan Rivers film where Billy Crystal played a pregnant man), NOTHING BUT TROUBLE: an incredibly unfunny film by Dan Ackroyd, and WHERE THE BUFFALO ROAM: a Bill Murray film about Hunter Thompson.

Saw this at the only local REGAL-plex. You REGAL folks sure like it COLD. I about FROZE.

And I especially liked the little usher guy who came into the theatre a few times. He walked in, came to the center aisle of the room, climbed up 4 steps, then turned around and marched off. He went to the same step every time before turning around. Actually, it was rather disruptive...but in this case, anything that diverted from the film was welcome.
 

---

Posted by Brad Miller (Member # 2) on 07-30-2007, 03:57 PM:
 
From what I understand, if the Regal secret shoppers don't put in their notes that an usher came into the auditorium and looked around for problems every 30 minutes or something like that, the managers lose their bonuses and get chewed or something along those lines. (It's been awhile since I inquired when I was watching a movie at a local Regal.) As a result, the ushers are told to have their flashlights on and to make SURE they are seen by everyone in the auditorium, because if the usher is doing their job without attracting attention to themself, it is possible the secret shopper will be enthralled into the movie and not notice...hence the GM gets screwed.

It's a good policy, but the effects are awful.
 

---

Posted by Jeremy Weigel (Member # 4208) on 07-30-2007, 04:28 PM:
 

quote: Mark Lensenmayer

---

Saw this at the only local REGAL-plex. You REGAL folks sure like it COLD. I about FROZE.

And I especially liked the little usher guy who came into the theatre a few times. He walked in, came to the center aisle of the room, climbed up 4 steps, then turned around and marched off. He went to the same step every time before turning around.

---

Why not ask the usher if he could adjust or have someone adjust the temp?
 

---

Posted by Mark Lensenmayer (Member # 134) on 07-30-2007, 04:58 PM:
 
I could have mentioned it, but actually the cold helped keep me awake through this mess!
 

---

Posted by David Stambaugh (Member # 1102) on 07-30-2007, 06:46 PM:
 
Regal is "religious" about walking the auditoria at their new theater here. The person walks up and down every aisle at least part of the way, including front exits (if any). They still carry the green lantern flashlights but it seems like they're not nearly as bright as they used to be, much less intrusive.

I have not seen the movie so that makes this post off-topic.
 

---

Posted by Brad Miller (Member # 2) on 07-30-2007, 07:15 PM:
 
David's review of this turd is the highest rated one I've seen on the internet so far!
 

---

Posted by Bobby Henderson (Member # 840) on 07-30-2007, 11:02 PM:
 
The turd is currently sustaining a 7% rating at Rotten Tomatoes. At that level, the brown biscuit seems to be more of a "sinker" than a "floater."
 

---

Posted by Mark J. Marshall (Member # 1409) on 07-31-2007, 02:02 PM:
 
When I first saw a trailer for this movie, I thought it looked like it might have had potential to be at least a little bit cool, although I thought the title was unfortunate. But then after Lindsay's latest run in with the law, I strangely lost all interest in even screening this movie.

How many people think that Lindsay Lohan's drug & alcohol abuse and flagrant law breaking episodes are related to this movie's dismal box office performance?
 

---

Posted by Mike Heenan (Member # 392) on 07-31-2007, 05:17 PM:
 
Probably a little bit... Georgia Rule didn't do all that great either though.
 

---

Posted by Kurt Zupin (Member # 2751) on 07-31-2007, 05:28 PM:
 
I think thats a big part of it as well as the fact that she can't act!
 

---

Posted by Jesse Skeen (Member # 586) on 07-31-2007, 05:29 PM:
 
Since I have a bad movie fetish, I'll probably check this out when it hits the $5 DVD bins.

To those who've seen it, I just KNOW you're gonna hate me for asking this, but how much of Lindsay do you get to see in this?
 

---

Posted by Mike Blakesley (Member # 26) on 07-31-2007, 06:30 PM:
 

quote:

---

I think thats a big part of it as well as the fact that she can't act!

---

quote: Brad Miller

---

From what I understand, if the Regal secret shoppers don't put in their notes that an usher came into the auditorium and looked around for problems every 30 minutes or something like that, the managers lose their bonuses and get chewed or something along those lines.

---

quote: Jack Ondracek

---

This stuff is true. A friend of mine manages a local Regal. He lost his bonus because a concession worker didn't try to upsell when a secret shopper bought some popcorn.

---

Our concession workers get fired on the spot if they don't upsell...
 

---

Posted by Kurt Zupin (Member # 2751) on 08-08-2007, 05:44 AM:
 
We played it for 11 days and now its off our screen. This piece of shit didn't even make it two weeks. I don't think I've ever seen a "new" movie get pulled this fast.
 

---

Posted by Damien Taylor (Member # 4255) on 08-08-2007, 05:50 AM:
 
Suggestive selling is archaic, and no longer relevant. It probably worked in other times, but these days, most people know exactly what they want, and to get in the way of them and their product can escalate to verbal, and sometimes as I have witnessed, physical abuse. Different field of hospitality, but still relevant I feel.

quote: Josh Rosen

---

only movie she was ever good in was Parent Trap

---

quote: Kurt Zupin

---

This piece of shit didn't even make it two weeks. I don't think I've ever seen a "new" movie get pulled this fast.

---

Then you should have been in Lonon whenHonest came out .

It didn't even complete it's opening weekend it was so bad!
 

---

Posted by Brad Miller (Member # 2) on 08-08-2007, 01:14 PM:
 
Ummm Kurt, obviously you weren't around when Another You came out. We played it for 5 days (at a 12 plex that would pretty much sell out everything all the time) and I want to say we sold 3 tickets, one or two of those of which walked out. After the first day we didn't even bother starting it unless someone bought a ticket. I think it was 2 sold on Friday and 1 sold on Saturday and then we had to motor it through so we could break it down a few days later.
 

---

Posted by Dennis Benjamin (Member # 1137) on 08-08-2007, 02:19 PM:
 
Hell, I've seen movies that were booked, then pulled and went straight to video/dvd before they were even given a chance on the big screen.

"Oddball Hall" was booked for a week before it was pulled.


 

---

Posted by Brad Miller (Member # 2) on 08-10-2007, 04:39 AM:
 
This reviewer is clearly on the studio's payroll.

link to review

quote:

---

I Know Who Killed Me (2007)
2½ Stars
Directed by Chris Sivertson
Cast: Lindsay Lohan, Julia Ormond, Neal McDonough, Brian Geraghty, Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon, Michael Adler, Thomas Tofel, Gregory Itzin, Paula Marshall, Kenya Moore, Michael Papajohn, Colleen Porch, Jessica Lee Rose, Rodney Rowland, Donovan Scott, Shay Astar, Debra Christofferson
2007 – 106 minutes
Rated: Rated R (for strong violence, gory images, sexuality, nudity and language).
Reviewed by Dustin Putman, July 28, 2007.
Say what you will about Lindsay Lohan's erratic and admittedly sad recent troubles with the law, but her mature, poignant performance in "I Know Who Killed Me" is the latest proof that the girl has talent. If she can get some sense knocked into her and focus on putting her life back on track, she could go on to have a long and successful acting career. A true testament to her abilities is that, save for a few unavoidable life-imitating-art reminders, Lohan so effortlessly slides into her multiple characters that the viewer forgets all about the baggage being carried behind her.

As for the film itself, it's not that "I Know Who Killed Me" is a great work of art. It isn't, and the more one thinks about it after the fact, the more the seams start to show. Even so, director Chris Sivertson and screenwriter Jeff Hammond deserve credit for tackling a project unlike any other to be released this year. Defiantly turning their backs on all things cookie-cutter, Sivertson and Hammond have crafted a lurid erotic thriller, a dark and violent horror-mystery, and a spookily whimsical fairy tale all in one.

Community college student Aubrey Fleming (Lindsay Lohan) is a serious-minded aspiring writer who disappears without a trace, leaving the quiet suburban town of New Salem in fear that she is the latest victim of an on-the-loose killer. A few weeks later, she is miraculously discovered alive alongside a road, one of her forearms and one of her legs so badly mutilated that they require amputation. As the police detectives attempt to unravel the crime and profile the culprit, they face an additional obstacle in the young woman's insistence that she isn't Aubrey at all, but Dakota Moss, a parentless exotic stripper straight from the school of hard knocks. Aubrey's concerned parents, Susan (Julia Ormond) and Daniel (Neal McDonough), believe their daughter is suffering from a form of amnesia, but Dakota refuses to accept that the very different life she has led is simply a figment of her imagination.

"I Know Who Killed Me" plays with conventions—a jump scare here, a red herring there—but isn't conventional, and the highlight of the entire enterprise is the seductive and haunting visual scheme. The images, flooded in deep blues and reds, are vibrant and just plain gorgeous, turning even empty moments into chances to aesthetically wow the viewer. Production designer Jerry Fleming (2006's "Crank") has outdone himself, giving the sets a real yet quirkily off-kilter moodiness. The cinematography by John R. Leonetti (2007's "Dead Silence") is some of the best in months, the fluidity, assuredness and imagination of the camera movements favorably bringing to mind old-school Brian De Palma and John Carpenter. Another standout scene in which the camera follows the floating petals of a flower into a bedroom mirror, past an owl, and down to a tranquil wooded stream is (1) singularly beautiful and (2) like something out of 1986's "Labyrinth" or 1984's "The Company of Wolves." Meanwhile, the stormy music score by Joel McNeely (2003's "Uptown Girls") pulsates with the incessant tone and energy of Alfred Hitchcock-era Bernard Herrmann.

The dialogue and plotting are unfortunately not at equal footing with the movie's style. The story's developments, though unpredictable and certainly intriguing, are preposterous even by the standards of the thriller genre. The climax, as exciting as it does get, is overly convenient. Conversational exchanges between characters occasionally feel forced, which may be the reason for the stilted acting from the normally reliable Julia Ormond (2006's "Inland Empire") and Neal McDonough (2007's "The Hitcher"). Ormond and McDonough lack chemistry both as a couple and as the parents of Aubrey; the emotional distance might be intentional since they are dealing with someone whom they are not even positive is really their daughter, but there's something still off about what they do with the roles.

By comparison, Lindsay Lohan (2007's "Georgia Rule") commands the screen as the more reserved Aubrey and shows off her range in the culminating scenes as the damaged, sexually uninhibited Dakota. For what it's worth, Lohan's stripteases and pole-swinging theatrics at the gentleman's club are notable for being genuinely steamy, sleekly shot and choreographed, and suggestive in their surroundings of the seediness and underlying perils that go along with such a job.

"I Know Who Killed Me" will likely go down in history as the stripper movie released the same week that Lindsay Lohan was charged with her second DUI in six weeks. Distributor TriStar Pictures must think just as much, since they released it without advance screenings for critics, but the film does not deserve such dubious distinctions. Blemished though it is and prone to a handful of leaps in logic, the enthralling, elegantly mounted "I Know Who Killed Me" should instead be thought of as the film that reiterates what many know to be true: for all her real-life foibles, Lohan is a chameleonic young actress with a rare depth and intuition to equal her captivating screen presence.

© 2007 by Dustin Putman

---