This little diddy hit the airwaves while I was stationed at Norton AFB,CA. Rumor had it that it was authored by an officer who typed it on his office computer and he accidently e-mailed it all over the place! It was supposedly traced back to his computer and he was in DEEP SHIT! soo, here goes

Following President Clinton's directive regarding the military establihment, the U.S. Army has formed a new elite unit, the Queen Berets. In keeping with the tradition established during the Vietnam era by the Green Berets, the new unit also has its own motivational song commemorating their exploits.
To wit:
FALLING FAIRIES FROM THE SKY,
I BROKE A NAIL, OH I COULD CRY.
DONT'T YOU LIKE HOW MY BUTT SWAYS?
WE ARE THE FAGS OF THE QUEEN BERETS!

BILL CLINTON'S WORDS UPON MY EARS,
"YOU HAVE RIGHTS, BE PROUD YOU QUEERS"
I ONCE WAS SCARED, NOW I'M OK,
CAUSE I'M A FAG IN THE QUEEN BERETS!

PIN SILVER WINGS UPON MY NUTS,
I LOVE THE PAIN, NOW SPANK MY BUTT,
THE WAY YOU WALK IS AWFULLY CUTE,
I SURE WOULD LOVE TO PACK YOUR 'CHUTE!

THIS ARMY STUFF IS REALLY SLICK,
FREE MEALS AND CLOTHS AND LOTS OF DICK,
WHEN I RETIRE, I'LL GET PAID
THANK YOU, BILL, FROM THE QUEEN BERETS!

The motto of the new unit: "We'll never leave our buddies behind!"

CIVIL SERVICE BLUES

She thought she'd be a G.I. Girl
And have a little fun
They took her application
And made her GS-1

She wore a naughty little blouse
That you could see right through
Her boss took one look at her
and made her GS-2

She started on dictation
With her skirt above her knee
When she got through that letter
She became a GS-3

He gave her thigh a little pinch
As he went out the door
She winked her big brown eyes at him
And got her GS-4

She felt sooo good one morning
It was good to be alive
So she shook a wiggle on her fanny
And soon was GS-5

Her boss asked her to kiss him
And she showed him some new tricks
He must have liked the lesson
For he made her GS-6

They went off on a weekend
To his little seashore heaven
She thought that must have pleased him
'Cause she got her GS-7

Her work must be improving
'Cause now she's GS-8
But she doesn't know if its worth it
Because She's three weeks late!
 

Travis AFB, CA TEAM 1993

An ORI (Operational Readiness Inspection) is a situation in which you stop doing what you're doing, in order to simulate doing what your doing, so that you can show someone else that you can simulate doing what you were doing as well as you were doing it before you were interrupted.
 

UNITED STATES AIR FORCE REVISED RETIREMENT POLICY

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for the U.S.A.F., we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.
Under this plan, the older enlisted/officers will be asked to go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger personnel who represent our future plans.
A program to phase-out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement will be placed immediately. The program will be known as R.A.P.E. (Retire Aged Personnel Early).
Personnel who are R.A.P.E.D. will be given the opportunity to look for other jobs outside the Air Force. Provided they are being R.A.P.E.d, they can request a review of their personnel records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the operation is called S.C.R.E.W. (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).
All personnel who have been R.A.P.E.d or S.C.R.E.W.ed may file an appeal with the upper echelon. This will be called S.H.A.F.T. (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new policy, personnel may be R.A.P.E.d once, S.C.R.E.W.ed twice, but S.H.A.F.T.E.D. as many times as the company deems appropropriate.
If personnel follow the above procedures, he/she will be entitled to get H.E.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance). As H.E.R.P.E.S. is considered a benefit plan, personnel who have recieved H.E.R.P.E.S. will no longer be R.A.P.E.d or S.C.R.E.W.ed by the U.S.A.F.
Management wishes to assure the younger personnel who remain on the board that the Air Force will continue its policy to ensure that personnel are well trained through our Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.). The Air Force takes pride in the amount of S.H.I.T. our personnel receive. The U.S.A.F. has given personnel more S.H.I.T. than any other branch of the Armed Services! If any personnel feels he/she does not receive enough S.H.I.T. on the job, see your First Sergeant or Commander. They have been trained to make sure that you receive all the S.H.I.T. you can stand.
 

Why do they call Navy recruits SEAMEN?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another true story from Will's archives!

Many memembers of my squadron (including yours truly) were deployed to Puerto Rico to take part in Uphold Democracy (the Haiti thang).

While there, one of the guys, who I was deployed with, got a very interesting phone call from his wife back in the 'States.

Seems that our Squadron Commander (a LT. COL) our 1st. Sergeant (who was either a Chief or SMS-I forgot) and some M.P.s went to his home to arrest him for being AWOL. This guys wife cursed them out and explained to them that they had deployed her Spouse and that he was in Puerto Rico!

No shit this was a true story!!!!
 

I understand it has something to do with a U.S. Marine discharge.

Could not happen to a better bunch of Squids....
 

Another true story from the archives of Will Kutler as pertaining to the USAF

After you enlist, you go to basic traing for 6 weeks or whatever, then you are sent onto tech-school for x-period of time depending on your career field. After tech school, you are sent onto your first duty assignment where you may go through a program called Green-ops which is an on the job training program. Well, it just so happened that we were going through an ORI(operational readiness inspection), and they had taken all of the "trainees" from green-ops and stuck them onto the flightline because we were in desperate need of extra "bodies" for this excersize! Well, we had a C-5 that had just landed as was taxing to its spot on the ramp, and our expiditor gave the marshalling gear (a reflective vest and paddles) to one of these kids from Green-ops who had never marshalled an aircraft before. This kid thought that the expiditor had said to "march to the aircraft", so he dons the marshalling gear, pops to attention, and starts marching towards the nosewheel as the aircraft was taxing onto its spot. The expiditor had to jump out of the truck and grab the dumbass to keep him from being run-over! The radar of a C-5 is in the nose cone, and immediately after landing, the pilot turns the radar off. Should it be left on while on the ground, it could prove to be medically dangerous for ground personnel. If the system is being tested on the ground, then the aircraft is isolated and given a certain blocked-off perimiter. Well, we wanted to mess with this kid a little more, so we told him that he got too close to the radar, and that he needed to wear the reflective vest for the rest of the day so that the radiation would "fall" off him, and if he took it off, then the radiation would deem him impotent. This vest was nothing more than a school crossing guard vest. Well, he wore that vest until an officer chewed him out good for being so gullible and stupid, and for not being in compliance with dress and appearance!
 

First up are the SAS. They don their infra red goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes,followed by a single muffled shot. They emerge with a rabbit, shot cleanly through the forehead.

"Excellent" says the trainer.

Next up are the army. They finish their cans of lager, cover themselves in camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of machine gun fire, mortar bombs, hand grenades and blood-curdling war cries.
Eventually, they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.

"A bit messy, but you got a result. Well done" says the trainer.

Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs, whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie talkie: "sierra oscar lemur one, suspect headed straight for you ...... over " etc.

After what seems an eternity, they emerge, escorting a squirrel in hand cuffs.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" asks the incredulous trainer.
"Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit, like I asked you 5 hours ago!"

So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, day turns to night.

The next morning the trainer and the rest of the crew are awakened by the police, holding the squirrel, now covered in bruises.
"Are you taking the piss ?" asks the seriously irate trainer.

The police team leader shoots a glance at the squirrel, who squeaks:
"Alright, alright, I'm a f***ing rabbit!!"

This is a very, very "inside" Jewish joke. If ya don't understand, then ask the local Rebbe--nu!?

So, during WWI, when Jews were still fighting on both the Allied and Axis sides of the conflict, there happened to be a little Jewish Private in the U.S. Army named Goldman, and this is his story:

Every night, when the trenches were silent and all was melonchaly, Goldman would secretly sneak out of the trench and return with no less than 10 German prisoners. This went on for several weeks. Finally, he was called before his commanding officers who grilled him about his brave, daring and audicious exploits. They wanted to know the "secret" of his success.

"Simple," replied Goldman, "I sneak up to No Mans Land where I yell out Yidden, Ich darf auf minyan auf Kaddish, and I always come away with at least 10 volunteers!"
 

There was a young man in the Air Force named Will Kutler who was so well endowed that it was bothering his knee.

Three Air Force doctors and one Air Force nurse were in the operating room to remedy the situation.

The first doctor said: “We’ll just take a big hunk off the end”. They discussed it and decided that would affect his sensitivity.

The second doctor said: “We’ll just take a big hunk out of the middle of it”. They discussed it and decided it would change the texture and feel of it.

The third doctor said: “We’ll just take a big hunk off the base of it”. They discussed it and said that would give him erection problems.

The doctors looked at the nurse who had tears running done her cheeks.
The nurse cried: “Can’t we just make his legs longer?”
 

Three French legionaries are hiking across the desert where they have been for several days. They are out of food and on their last ration of water.As they walk a bit further, the head legionary thinks he sees something up ahead and cries to the others (in a French accent),"look! It is a bacon tree!

It is what we 'ave been waiting for!"And sure enough, there seems to be a tree covered with streaky bacon. Of course the legionaries are delighted, so desperate that they don't even consider the possibility of it being a mirage.As they get closer, the head legionary says, "Stay 'ere. I will investigate". So he approaches, but as he does so, two gunshots penetrate the deadly silence, seeming to come from the bacon tree, and strike down the legionaire.

The tree disappears.The other two rush to see if there is anything they can do, but it seems almost too late."Sir!" they cry, "are you alright?"And the head legionaire, before he dies, says, "Zat was not a bacon tree...zat was an 'ambush!"
 

There were four vets sitting around a camp fire sharing war stories. A Blue Angle, A Navy Seal, Marine Forest Recon, and an Army Ranger.

The Blue Angle spoke up and said "I was in a dog fight and I downed six of thoes bastards with out even taking a hit."

The Navy Seal stood up and said "I jumped off the front of an aircraft carrier with only a knife in my teeth and sank two submarines."

The Army Ranger then said "I jumped behind enemy lines with 200 rounds and killed 300 of the enemy."

The Marine didn't say anything he just looked at the other three and stired the fire with his dick.
 

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked,
"Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman
wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English
gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out of the window."
 

Why is being in the military like a blow job?

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.   
 

A son comes home from the Army.

After a few hours, he finally gets to talk to his father alone behind the barn.

"So, son, what did the Army teach you?" asked the father.

"Well, they taught me how to kill people," said the son.

"With what?" asked father.

"We used all kinds of things, like guns and knives, but my favorite was the grenade," said the son.

"What's a grenade?" asked the father.

"Well, I brought one home to show you. You just pull this pin out and throw it as far as you can," said the son.

The son proceeded to give a demonstration. Lo and behold, the son throws the grenade on top of the outhouse.KABOOM!!! The outhouse is demolished.

All the lumber and everything else lands in a heap in the yard.

Grandpa sticks his head out of the pile and says, "Whew, glad I didn't let that one loose in the house!"   
 

A private was serving duties at his barracks in the car-park booth. The phone in the booth rang and the private answered.

The other person on the phone, sounding rather distressed, said, "Quick soldier, tell me what cars there are in the car-park.''

So the private looked outside and came back to the phone, ''There's a Bentley at the far end belonging to that fat bastard Colonel Parker.''

''Do you know who this is?'' the voice screamed, ''This is Colonel Parker.''

The private seeming unphased, replied ''Well, do you know who this is?''

''No'' was the reply.

''Well fuck off then!'' barked the private.
 

Q: Why do sailors have tattoos on thier backs?

A: So their shipmates will have something to read.
 

One reason the Military has trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language.

For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.

Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.

Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.

The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
 

A US Navy cruiser pulled into port in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner:

"Dear Captain,

Thursday will be my daughter, Melinda's, coming of age party. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers.

They should arrive at 8 p.m. prepared for an evening of polite southern conversation and dance with lovely young ladies. One last point: No Mexican's.   We don't like Mexican's."

Sure enough, at 8:00 PM on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the door which she opened to find, in dress uniform, four exquisitely mannered, smiling black officers. Her jaw hit the floor, but pulling herself together she stammered, "There must be some mistake!"

"Madam," said the first officer, "Captain Martinez doesn't make mistakes!"
 

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. The father asked him if he had jumped.

"Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane!"

"Is that when you jumped?" asked the father.

"Um, not yet. Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door."

"Did you jump then?" asked the father.

"I'm getting to that. Everyone else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told me to get off the plane or he'd kick my butt."

"So, did you jump?"

"Not then. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go.

Finally he called over the Jump Master.

The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 250 pounds.

He said to me, `Boy, are you gonna jump or not?' I said, `No, sir. I'm too scared.'

So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took his penis out.

I swear, it was about ten inches long and as big around as a baseball bat!

He said, `Boy, either you jump out that door, or I'm sticking this little baby up your ass.'"

"So, did you jump?" asked the father.

"Well, a little, at first, but then I got used to it."
 

A Soldier, a Sailor, an Airman, and a Marine got into an arguement about which service is "The Best." The arguing became so heated they eventually ended up killing each other. Soon, they found themselves at the pearly gates of Heaven. They met St. Peter and decided only he would be the ultimate source of truth and honesty, so they asked him, "St. Peter, which branch of the American Armed Forces is the best?"

St. Peter instantly replied, " I can't answer that, but I will ask God what he thinks the next time I see him."

Sometime later, the four warriors see St. Peter again and reminded him of the question, and asked if he was able to find the answer. Suddenly a white dove lands on St. Peter's shoulder. In the doves beak is a note with glistening gold dust. St.Peter said to the four men, "Your answer from the boss... Let's see what he says." St. Peter opens the note, trumpets blare, gold dust drifts into the air, harps play crescendos and St. Peter begins to read it aloud to the four young men:

Memorandum for Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, and Airmen

Subject: Which Military Service is the Best?

"Gentlemen, all the Branches of the American Armed Services are 'Honorable and Nobel.' Each of you serves your country well and with distinction. Being a member of the American Armed Forces represents a special calling warranting special respect, tribute, and dedication. Be proud of that."

Very Respectfully,

U.S. Coast Guard (Ret.)

 

The top 40 signs that you may be an infantry officer:

40. You think that the S-2 (Intelligence Section) and the Fire Support Element (FSE) are the only important sections, besides infantry of course, in the Tactical Operations Center (TOC), and therefore fail missions miserably because you won’t listen to anyone else.

39. You have any of the following: Ranger Tab, EIB/CIB, Parachutist Badge w/ combat star, Air Assault Badge, SCUBA badge, combat patch, but no brain.

38. You’re bewildered when you flash your Ranger tab around and no one, but your brainless buddies, is impressed.

37. Your peers relentlessly abused you at West Point.

36. You use the term "geek mail" as an insult to technology and those who use it, but cry like a whiny bitch for the Signal Officer (SIGO) when your e-mail doesn’t work.

35. If you think "aggregate test" is something the SIGO does to you to see how much he can get away with.

34. You wonder why on earth the SIGO doesn't call back when you have paged him 6 times...after the first 2,000.

33. You never bother to actually try to call his house after duty hours after he hasn't answered your pages.

32. When there are new technologies the SIGO is trying to break the code on and figure out, you deem it necessary to say, "Have one of your Noncommissioned Officers (NCOs) do it." because you think the SIGO being trained as a battle captain is more important.

31. When the SIGO is pulling his hair out trying to get things to work, you wonder why the new technologies weren't debugged before going to the field.

30. You think the world revolves around the S3 (Operations) shop, so therefore, all signal assets should be placed in the TOC, even though you don't know how to use them and will yell "SIGO" every time you do want to use them.

29. You tell the SIGO to "train" his personnel on computers. Task, Conditions, Standards...followed by a practical exercises.

28. Even though you gave a 911 call to commo to fix something that you screwed up and can't fix yourself, you still stand over the SIGO's shoulder and sharpshoot him.

27. You don't see a problem with #28.

26. You don't consider it to be anything important unless it is on a spreadsheet, MOI, butcher block, matrix, chart...

25. You wonder why the S3 shop is always out of paper.

24. Your favorite words/phrases include: "status, staff it, brief, battle staff, trigger, RETRANS station (even though you still don't know how it works), suspense, staff huddle, make it happen,..."

23. You think the SIGO's #1 mission-essential task is to ensure that your e-mail works.

22. You still have not figured out what "10 working days" means for a commercial telephone drop request for field training.

21. You take out your frustrations on the SIGO because you are a "Tabless Bitch" among the ranger-qualified captains in the unit.

20. Even though the SIGO has told you otherwise numerous times, YOUR expert communications opinion leaves no doubt in YOUR mind that what YOU have planned communications-wise will work. It won’t!

19. You blame the SIGO for #20 when it doesn't work.

18. You think the best spot for communications is the low ground or in a cave.

17. You think WF-16 type telephone wire has elasticity and demand that the TOC be placed twice the length of the wire away from the terminal.

16. Even though you did the exact opposite of what the SIGO told you to do, you still cannot accept fault because you are not the communications guy.

15. You simply cannot understand the correlation between something suddenly ceasing to operate and you unplugging it just seconds before.

14. You fear that someday a signal officer will shove an antenna up your ass and key the handset on the radio because you've been such a prick your entire military career.

13. The world appears to center around you (emphasis on "appears").

12. You weren't smart enough to be a Marine.

11. You wish MREs (rations) would come in "Superior Officer's Dick" flavor.

10. You frequently uses grunts (pun intended) and noises, instead of connected speech, to express thoughts and ideas.

9. Even after being informed of the time required to finish a task, you think that continually pressuring and annoying someone speeds up the process.

8. You publicly ridicule and harass signal officers and call them geeks, but are actually envious of their superior intelligence and common sense. You secretly pray that someday, you'll be like one of them.

7. You think that being stupid is acceptable behavior and even boast and laugh about your own idiocy.

6. Even the simplest of concepts from anyone other than infantry befuckles you into a dazed stupor.

5. Your kids, when around the SIGO's kids, don't mention what daddy does for fear of embarrassment and beatings. (or... Your kids tell everyone that their daddy is a signal officer so the other kids will like them.)

4. You demand to have the most recent technology and gadgets at your fingertips like the SIGO does, but have no earthly idea what they're used for, let alone how to operate them.

3. Compared to you, a moron is pretty damn smart.

2. You find this list not the least bit funny and would like to strangle the jesters who wrote it.

And the number one sign that you might be an infantry officer...

1. Your wife or girlfriend yells "SIGO" when the batteries die in her vibrator.
 

A junior officer at the Pentagon was a hard worker, and he had a very nice well-furnished office. However, he began behaving strangely. First he shoved his desk out into the space also occupied by his secretary's desk. Then a few days later, as he was leaving for the day, he pushed his desk out into one of the many long corridors. He worked there for a few days, and then he shoved his desk into the men's room and set up work there.

All of this had not escaped the notice of his fellow workers. It seemed more and more strange to them, so strange that they did not dare ask the officer himself what he was doing. Instead, they went to the division psychiatrist and asked him to ask the officer.

So the psychiatrist walked into the men's room, sat on the edge of the officer's desk and asked, "Why have you kept moving your desk? Especially, why into the men's room?"

"Well," said the officer, "I figure that this is the only place in the Pentagon where they know what they're doing."
 

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year unaccompanied in Shemya, Alaska.

The first night home, he told his wife he had something to show her.

"I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!" And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether. "Dick, ten-HUT!" And with that, his dick sprang to full erection. "Dick, at EASE!" And his dick deflated again.

"That was amazing," said his wife. "Can I bring over our neighbor to show her?"

The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of his accomplishment. So his wife brought back a delicious looking woman.

"Dick, ten-HUT!" And his penis sprang up. "Dick, at EASE!" Nothing. "Dick, at EASE!" Still nothing. "For the last time, Dick -- at EASE!"

Frustratingly enough, nothing happened. Embarrassed, he ran off to the bathroom. Worried, his wife ran after and found that he was vigorously masturbating.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm giving this guy a dishonorable discharge!"
 

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body.

As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier.

A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe.

They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened.

"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!'"

"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!'"

"We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."
 

Q: Did you hear about the army nurse who went to bed eating popcorn?

A: She woke up with a kernel between her legs.
 

After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, a new recruit eagerly asked his Recruiter what he could expect from jump school."

Well," he said, "it's three weeks long."

"What else," the recruit asked.

"The first week they separate the men from the boys,The second week, they separate the men from the fools."

"And the third week?" asked the recruit.

"The third week, the fools jump."
 

An old Sailor and an old Marine were sitting at the VFW arguing about who'd had the tougher career.

"I did 30 years in the Corps," the Marine declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars.

Fresh out of boot amp I hit the beach at Okinawa,clawed my way up the blood- soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade."

As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire."

Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night. In a firefight, we'd fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!"

"Ah," said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand, "all shore duty, huh?"
 

Kentucky hillbilly, Herman James was drafted into the Army.

On the first day as an enlisted man he was given a comb.
On the second day the Army barber sheared all of his hair off.
On the third day the Army gave him a tooth brush.
On the Fourth day the Army dentist yanked several of his teeth out.
On the fifth day he was given a jock strap.....that afternoon Herman went AWOL.
 

"Well," snarled the tough old sergeant to the bewildered private. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Army, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."

"Not me, Sarge!" the private replied. "Once I get out of the Army, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

Military people sayYou, you, and you: Panic. The rest of you, come with me."

A Purple Heart just proves that you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit.- the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

Any ship can be a minesweeper... once.

Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.

Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate -- the bombs always hit the ground.

Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.

Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.

Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.

Five second fuses only last three seconds.

Friendly fire - isn't.

If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with green, baggy skin.

If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.

If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.

Incoming fire has the right of way.

It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.

Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.

Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.

Never trust a private with a loaded weapon, or an officer with a map.

No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.

Push to test... Release to detonate.

Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography. - Paul Rodriguez

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.

The difficult we do immediately. The impossible takes a little while longer- U.S. Navy Seabees

The easy way is always mined.

The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.

The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who don't.

Tracers work both ways.

Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

We are not retreating, we are advancing in another direction.

When in doubt empty the magazine.

When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.

When you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in combat.

Who cares if a laser guided 500 lb bomb is accurate to within 9 feet?

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons!
 

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make: He'd just signed up at an army recruiter's office.

There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation."Oh, come on, quit pulling our legs," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?"

"I'm positive you'd never get through basic training," scoffed another.

The new recruit looked to his mother for help; but she was just gazing at him.

When she finally spoke, it was to voice a single queston. "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"
 

I have often wondered about the origins of this age old tradition - - Now you'll know.

We've all seen those brave Navy and Marine Corps aviators as they begin to taxi out for takeoff. They always look at their fist to see if their thumb is sticking straight up.

The crewchief on the ground agrees and mimics the pilot's action, confirming that yes, the thumb IS sticking straight up. He then salutes and the pilot continues his taxi out.

Recently I talked to an old Naval Aviator who told me the real reason for this time-tested traditional exchange between crewchief and pilot. This is actually the last link in the flight safety net. The pilot and crewchief are confirming - just prior to takeoff - that the pilot does not have both his thumbs up his ass.
 

A young nurse was giving an old army man a bath and told him he would have to wash his own privates.

"Privates?!" he shouted. "At my age they should be at least Generals by now."
 

A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With
a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel.

The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain.

He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- make sure the fricking captain is aboard before getting under way."

During World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese.

A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a hit seemed inevitable.

The captain told the navigator to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something, at least they would die laughing.

The navigator went down and said to the crew, "What would you think if I could split the whole ship in two by hitting my penis against the table?"

The crew burst out laughing. So, the navigator pulled his penis out and whammed it on the table.

Just when his penis hit the table, a huge explosion tore the ship apart.

The only survivors were the captain and the navigator.

As they floated around in a lifeboat, the captain asked the navigator, "Well, the crew really laughed. What did you do?"

The navigator then told him the story.

The captain replied, "Well, you better be careful with that penis of yours. The torpedo missed!"
 

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.

"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.

"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.

"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"

"No sir, our mother."

"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"

"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."

Three servicemen, Air Force, Marine, and a Sailor, were all on a flight to go home on leave after spending time in Afghanistan.

When they landed a man approached them and said, "Boys to show my thanks for serving our country I'm gonna give you my truck to drive home so you don't have to
pay for a cab." The guys thankfully agreed and drove off.

Halfway there the truck broke down and they were stuck out on a lonely stretch of road. Off in the distance they saw a farm house and went to ask to use the phone.

When the man at the door answered and saw the men in uniform he invited them in. He said, "Boys for serving our country I'll cook you a steak dinner and you can
shack up with my three daughters, you'll have to discuss amongst yourselves who sleeps with eachgirl, there's plenty of beer in the fridge."

The men ate and the first girl comes down the stairs, a very pretty girl. The fly boy jumped up and said "she's mine" and goes upstairs.

The second girl comes down, prettier than the first, the jar head snatches her up and goes upstairs.

The sailor is waiting for the last girl thinking he's getting the ugly one.To his delight she comes down, the finest of them all.

The next morning the farmer is cooking breakfast. The fly boy comes down first, uniform neatly pressed, fresh looking. The farmer asked if he wanted breakfast but
the fly boy says, "No thank you sir, you'vedone enough already," and left.

The jarhead came down next, uniform not as neat as the fly boys but still acceptable. The farmer offers him food but he only drinks coffee, thanks the farmer and leaves.

The sailor comes down next, still a little drunk, neckerchief messed up and missing a shoe. The farmer offers him breakfast and the sailor ate everything and took off without even a 'thank you.'

After they all were gone the farmer calls his girls down. Rubbing is hands together greedily he says, "OK girls, how did we do?"

The girl with the airman says, "He fondled me a little, drank a beer and gave me $200!"

The girl with the marine says, "He screwed me one time, had a couple beers and gave me $150."

The poor girl with the sailor appears all tired and worn out, "he screwed me all night, drank the rest of the beer, and I'll be damned if he didn't borrow $50 from me till next payday!"

 

Shortly after being assigned a new base, a Lieutenant and his wife were invited to the Colonel's home for an evening of bridge.

The Lieutenant was partnered with the Colonel's wife and vice versa.

After many hands, the Lieutenant excused himself to use the "facilities", but accidentally left the door ajar.

When the sound of splashing echoed through the family room, his wife was greatly embarassed and attempted to apologize, to which the Colonel's wife smiled demurely and said.

"Don't worry about it. This is the first time all evening that I've been able to tell what he has in his hand."
 

An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35 lb. pack on his back, 15 lb. weapon in hand, after having marched 12 miles, and says, "This is shit."

An Army Airborne Ranger stands in the rain with a 45 lb. pack on his back, weapon in hand, after having jumped from an airplane and marched 18 miles, and says with a smile, "This is good shit!"

A Navy Seal lies in the mud, 55 lb pack on his back, weapon in hand, after swimming 10 miles to shore, crawling through a swamp and marching 25 miles at night past the enemy positions, says with a grin, "This really is great shit."

A Marine, up to his nose in the stinking, bug-infested mud of a swamp with a 65 lb pack on his back and a weapon in both hands after jumping from an aircraft at high altitude, into the ocean, swimming 12 miles to the shore, killing several alligators to enter the swamp, then crawling 30 miles through the brush to assault an enemy camp, says, "I love this shit!"

An Air Force officer sits in an easy chair in his air conditioned, carpeted BOQ room and says, "The cable's out? What kind of shit is this?"

Military Sayings Involving The F Word

figmo - fuck it, got my orders

fubab - fucked up beyond all belief

fubar - fucked up beyond all recognition/repair

fumtu - fucked up more than usual

snafu - situation normal, all fucked up

tarfu - things are really fucked up

janfu - joint army-navy fuckup.

gfu - general fuck-up

samfu - self-adjusting military fuck-up

sapfu - surpassing all previous fuck-ups

susfu - situation unchanged, still f*cked-up

WOFTAM - Waste Of Fucking Time And Money

RTFM - Read the Fucking Manual

The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news.

First, the good. Private Peters will besetting the pace on our morning run.

'With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Peters was overweight and terribly slow.

But then the drill sergeant finished his statement:

"Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be driving a truck."
 

North Dakota farm boy, Ole Olson was drafted by the Army.

The first day, as an enlisted man, he was given a comb.

The following day, the Army barber sheared all the hair off his head.

On the third day the Army gave him a toothbrush.

The next day, the Army dentist yanked several of his teeth out.

On the fifth day, he was given a jock strap.

That afternoon, Ole disappeared.The Army is still looking for him.
 

A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the Army."

But, wait a minute," said the listener.

"She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?"

"Sure," replied the man.

"Well, won't they find out?

"The man shrugged and replied, "But who'll tell?"
 

During an Army war game, a Commanding Officer's (CO) jeep got
stuck in the mud. The CO saw some men lounging aroud nearby and
asked them to help him get unstuck. "Sorry, sir," said one of the
loafers, "but we've been classified dead, and the umpire said we
couldn't contribute in any way."

The CO turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a coulple of those
dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us
some traction."

 

A Civil War soldier awakens in a field hospital.

He looks at the doctor and says, "Something is wrong, Doc. I can’t feel my leg!"

"I know," the doctor replies. "We had to amputate your arms."

 

The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner:

"Dear Captain,
Thursday will be my daughter Melinda's, coming of age party. I would like you to send four well mannered, handsome, unmarried officers. They should arrive at 8 p.m. prepared for an evening of polite southern conversation and dance with lovely young ladies.

One last point:No, Mexicans. We don't like Mexicans.

"Sure enough, at 8 p.m. on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the door. She opened the door to find, in dress uniform, four exquisitely mannered, smiling black officers.

Her jaw hit the floor, but pulling herself together she stammered, "There must be some mistake!"

"On no, madam," said the first officer, "Captain Martinez doesn't make mistakes."
 

"The young army doctor was stationed at a remote dispensary in
the South Pacific.

One day he was puzzled about treatment for one of his patients.

He radioed a base hospital:

'Have case of beriberi. What shall I do?'

A prankster got hold of the message.

This was the reply:

'Give it to the Marines. They'll drink anything.'

 

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier" "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try
it again."

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "No, SIR!"

 

My father,an Army major,was conducting a field test when
communications went dead.

Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the command station.

When my father and the sergeant ran in,the group cheered their
arrival.

The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook my father's hand.

"Don't congratulate me, sir," my father said modestly as he pointed to his driver."It was all the sergeant's doing."

The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant.
"Congratulations,"he said."The major's wife just had a baby girl."

At the Russian War College, a general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, "Will we have to fight in a World War Three?""Yes, comrades, it looks like you will," answers the general.

"And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?" another officer
asks.

"The likelihood is that it will be China." The class is surprised, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion.

How can we possibly win?"

"Well," replies the general, "Think about it. In modern war, it is not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews have been fighting against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews have been the winners every time."

"But sir," asks the panicky officer, "Do we have enough Jews"?

 

In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannon fired round iron cannon balls.

It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck?

The best storage method devised was a square based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.

There was only one problem -- how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round indentations. But if this plate was made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it.The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys."

Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently,when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.

Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!" (And all this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you?)

When references to "brass monkeys" started appearing in print in the mid-19th century, they did not always mention balls or cold temperatures. It was sometimes cold enough to freeze the ears, tail, nose, or whiskers off a brass monkey. Likewise, it was sometimes hot enough to "scald the throat" or "singe the hair" of a brass monkey. These usages are inconsistent with the putative origins offered here.

Warships didn't store cannonballs (or "round shot") on deck around the clock, day after day, on the slight chance that they might go into battle. Space was a precious commodity on sailing ships, and decks were kept as clear as possible in order to allow room for hundreds of men to perform all the tasks necessary for ordinary ship's functions. (Stacking round shot on deck would also create the danger of their breaking free and rolling around loose on deck whenever the ship encountered rough seas.) Cannonballs were stored elsewhere and only brought out when the decks had been cleared for action.

Particularly diligent gunners (not "masters," who were in charge of navigation, sailing and pilotage, not ordnance) would have their crews chip away at imperfections on the surface of cannonballs to make them as smooth as possible, in the hopes that this would cause them fly truer. They did not leave shot on deck, exposed to the elements, where it would rust.
Nobody really knows where the phrase "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey" came from, but the explanation offered here certainly isn't the answer.

When the very curvaceous female midshipman at the Naval Academy noticed one of the men she was inspecting during formation had an erection, "And what do you call that trouser bulge, mister??"

The sailor looked her straight in the eye as he replied, "It's a one-gun salute, ma'am."

 

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again.

This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.

The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."
 

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
back road encountered another car, stuck in the mud, and with a red-facedcolonel at the wheel.

"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.

"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "yours is."
 

On some air force bases the Air Force uses one side of the field, and
civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control
tower in the middle.

On day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking,"What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference! If it is an American
Airlines flight, is is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an army aircraft,the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps plane, it's Thursday afternoon."
 

A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were
both getting finished with their shaves when the barbers reached for some
after-shave to slap on their faces.

The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will
think I've been in a whorehouse!"

The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put some on me.
My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
 

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous new colonel was
sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door.

Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, and then said into the phone: "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him the afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted
man, he asked, "What do you want, soldier?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook
up your telephone."
 

Navy...

Ah - the Navy - It's an adventure ... the suggestions below are
made on behalf of those who think the Navy is a "TOP GUN" existence. You know, those who watched one too many episodes of
JAG, and think that Navy life is glamorous. To experience Navy life, try a couple of these - right in the comfort of your own homes.

1. Buy a dumpster, paint it gray and live in it for 6 months
straight.

2. Run all of the piping and wires inside your house on the outside of the walls.

3. Pump 10 inches of nasty, crappy water into your basement, then pump it out, clean up, and paint the basement "deck gray."

4. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go the scummiest part of town, find the most run down, trashy bar you can, pay $10 per beer until you're hammered, then walk home in the freezing cold.

5. Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawn mower.

6. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays turn your water temperature up to 200 degrees, then on Tuesday and Thursday turn it down to 10 degrees. On Saturdays, and Sundays declare to your entire family that they used too much water during the week, so all showering is secured.

7. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling.

8. Have your next door neighbor come over each day at 5am, and blow a whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout "Reveille,
Reveille, all hands heave out and trice up."

9. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in the back yard at 6am and read it to you.

10. Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days
straight, then lock the bathroom door for 12 hours, and hang a sign on it that reads "Secured - contact OA DIV at X-3053."

11. Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it's
ok for you to leave your house before 3pm.

12. Invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over, then
board up all the windows and doors to your house for 6 months. After the 6 months is up, take down the boards, and since you're on duty, wave at your friends and family trough the front window of your home...you can't leave until the next day.

13. Shower with above-mentioned friends.

14. Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in
your home (i.e. Dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc)

15. Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure
every 15 minutes.

16. Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours before going
anywhere. This is to ensure your engine is properly "lit off".

17. Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your
driveway 3 times a day, whether they need it or not.

18. Repaint your entire house once a month.

19. Cook all of your food blindfolded, groping for any spice and
seasoning you can get your hands on.

20. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month,
randomly losing every 5th item.

21. Spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your TV, but only
watch CNN and the Weather Channel.

22. Have your 5-year-old cousin give you a haircut with goat
shears.

23. Sew back pockets to the front of your pants.

24. Spend 2 weeks in the red-light districts of Europe, and call
it "world travel."

25. Attempt to spend 5 years working at McDonald, and NOT get
promoted.

26. Needle gun the aluminum siding on your house after your
neighbors have gone to bed.

As a young man in the Navy, I will confess to not being all that careful about who I dated. This one young thang and I connected,and following dinner and a movie, she agreed to a motel. After a very pleasant love-making session I noticed the time. I asked her if her Mother didn't pose questions about where she had been.

She replied, "My Mother doesn't care what I do. it's that damned truant officer who keeps asking a lot of silly questions."

Rated G Sue Bee

Rated PG Pregnancy Dictionary

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Bragging about old times

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What's a Military Family Worth?

by Rush Limbaugh, March 11, 2002

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Speaking with the general

Rated G Frank

Dedicated to the men and women in our military;

The Time Has Come

This is a very special posting. This is History in the making. Back to the begining of the United States of America. Now on with our story.

Rated PG Baby Blues

You know how people are always wondering how certain phrases came into being,like "Don't shoot till you see the whites of their eyes" and "Remember the Alamo" and so on? Ever wonder where the saying "You gotta be shittin' me" came from?

It so happens I know.

Rated G A Letter Home

A letter from a Farmer.

Dear Ma & Pa:

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Rejected US Army Slogans

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Reward these soldiers for their work

Rated G ...........Cynthia MacGregor

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Endowed Army Recruits

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Speak English

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Indoctrination for Return of Soldiers to U.S.

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Rated G Charlie

DIRECTIVE TO HIS EXECUTIVE OFFICERS:

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Rated R Captain Silver

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Rated G Becky

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The 1st Kamikaze pilot is called in to the General's office, and
the news is broken to him:

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Rejected US Army Slogans

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Rated G : Lorraine

YOU'RE A RETIRED D.I.(DRILL INSTRUCTOR) IF....

Rated PG Michele

ACTUAL MILITARY WARNINGS, can you believe it?

Rated PG Michele

Rated G Gloria in Tennessee


Actual excerpts from Royal Navy and Marines officer fitness reports:

Rated G United States Air Force

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Rated G Duty, Honor and Commitment

Rated G Uncle Bubba

Rated G Michele

Rated G Ralph in Jacksonville

Rated G Michele

EMBARRASSING WORLD WAR 2 BLUNDERS:

Rated G The Flag

Rated G Michele

Rated G Michele

Rated G Michele

Rated G Greg

Rated XXX Michele

Rated PG Lorraine

These are all actual lines from military performance appraisals.

Rated G Michele

Useful Military Warnings

Rated G GI Insurance

Rated G B.B.

Rated G Uncle Bubba

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Rated G Frank (Hose Nose) in Da Bronx

Rated G Michele

Rated G Roger in Newport

Rules for Gunfights

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Rated G B.B.

COAST GUARD CHRISTMAS

Rated G For Will Kutler

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Bragging about old times

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Rated G Roger

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Rated G Andrew

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Rated G George

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THINGS TO REMEMBER DURING A WAR

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The Final Inspection

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The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady.

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Rated G Chris

Rated G Ethan

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"Finish Paving"

Rated G B.B.

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Rated G Sally

Rated G Judi

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Rated G B.B.

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Rated G Hot Mama

Rated G Lorraine

Rated G Hank in Simi Valley

Rated G Lorraine

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Rated G the little woman

Rated G Lorraine

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Rated G Gerry

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A naval command instructor was indoctrinating his new naval command recruits.

Rated G Tony in Lyme, CT

Marine Corps Rules:

Rated G Betsy

Rated G Jokester

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Customs

Rated PG Jokester

A Military Wife

Rated G Jokester

More Dirty Magazines

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Worse Punishment?

Rated PG Jokester


How to Interpret Military Performance Reports

It has been 446 days since the last post.

It has been 538 days since the last post.