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Posted by Betsie Beadling (Member # 591) on 06-29-2001, 07:29 AM:
What Soda does Marion Barry Like to Snort up his NoseCoke 
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Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 08-04-2001, 08:16 PM:
Rated G 
•Prior to the impeachment vote, Senator Robert Byrd told CNN he could go either way. The next day he got a dozen roses from Barney Frank. (Times)
•During arguments, Senator Ted Kennedy became frustrated with the whole thing. He said, "Why are we here? It's not like he killed a woman or anything." (Daily Scoop)
Posted by Will Kutler (Member # 770) on 08-13-2001, 02:40 PM:
Rated GPresident Nixon's favorite saying--in conjuction with his Victory wave and floppin' face;
"You can buy a used car from me!"
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 08-17-2001, 09:21 AM:
Rated PG 
Strom Thurmond went to his doctor for a check up. After the check up was over, he asked his doctor if he should get some viagra.
The doctor looked at him and said, "Strom, at your age sex would probably kill you."
Strom replies, "Hell, Doc, I don't want viagra because I want to have sex."
"Well, what do you want it for?" asked the doctor.
Strom replied, "I'm tired of peeing on my feet."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 08-20-2001, 12:13 PM:
Rated G 
Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this! I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money!"
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-10-2003, 02:25 PM:
Rated PG ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
George Washington's Story
Released this morning for the first time is the complete transcript of the Cherry Tree Hearings.
"George?"
"Yes, father."
"George, I have a very serious question to ask you and I want you to promise you'll answer truthfully. Will you?"
"Yes, father."
"Good. now here is the question. Did you cut down my cherry tree?"
"No, father."
"You're quite sure?"
"Yes, father."
"Well, I'm afraid I'm very disappointed in you, George."
"Why, father?"
"Because 12 people saw you cut down the cherry tree with your little hatchet."
"Oh."
"In view of that, would you like to change your previous answer, George?"
"No, father. I believe the answer I gave you was legally accurate."
"You still insist you were telling me the truth?"
"In my own mind I was telling you the truth, yes father."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Well, you asked me if I had 'cut' down the tree. In my own mind, it seemed to me that 'cutting' is something one does with a knife or a sickle. In my own mind it seemed that , since I used my little hatchet, the relationship I had with the tree, while perhaps inappropriate, was not a 'cutting' relationship. I would call it a 'chopping' relationship."
"Very well. I'll give you another chance, George. Listen very carefully. Did you chop down my cherry tree?"
"No, father."
"No? No? Why do you still say no?"
"Because, father, I cannot tell a lie. And in my own mind I did not 'chop down' your cherry tree."
"Well, what did you do, then?"
"I chopped it into two pieces and one piece fell to the ground."
"So you chopped it down."
"No, father, I merely chopped it. I did not cause that piece to fall down. The force of gravity caused it to fall down. Were it not for the force of gravity, over which I have absolutely no control, the tree, though segmented, would presumably still be up, not down."
"George, I'm losing patience with you. But I'm going to give you one last chance to tell the truth. Did you take your little hatchet and chop my cherry tree, which action on your part, combined with the force of gravity, caused the tree to fall down?"
"No, father."
"NO? NO? IT'S STILL NO? HOW CAN YOU STILL SAY NO?"
"I still say no because of my legendary regard for the truth, father. What is that object at which I am pointing with my finger?"
"It's the stump of the cherry tree you cut down."
"And isn't the stump part of the tree, father?"
"It sure is."
"In fact, isn't the stump the most important part of the tree, father, since, without a stump there would be no tree?"
"I guess so."
"Yet the stump is still standing. So when you asked me if I had chopped down the tree, my own mind said to me, 'George, you must tell the truth. And the truthful answer is no. You chopped, gravity caused part of the tree to fall down yet the most important part of the tree is still standing.'"
"I see."
"All I can suppose, father, is that those 12 people whose exaggerated claims allege they saw me 'cut down' the entire 'tree' were motivated not by a search for truth, but by some personal vendetta against me, perhaps because I am from Virginia."
"George, you're a real crafty little guy."
"Thank you father."
"Have you thought about what you want to be when you grow up?"
"Yes, father. If they ever build a White House I would like to occupy it as the first White House lawyer." ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Posted by System Notices (Member # 2357) on 12-06-2005, 06:35 AM:
It has been 1029 days since the last post.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-06-2005, 06:35 AM:
Rated G
As head of the FBI, J.Edgar Hoover ruled the agency with a picky hand. When he disapproved of the manner in which an agent had written a memo with the words typed too close to the edge of the page, Hoover scribbled a note and sent the memo back. The note instructed the agent to "watch the borders."
The agent showed Hoover's note to his supervisor, and FBI agents were immediately pulled off other assignments and sent to man the borders between the United States and Mexico.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-06-2005, 07:12 PM:
Rated G
George Washington's Story
(if after the Clinton years)
Released this morning for the first time is the complete transcript of the Cherry Tree Hearings.
"George?"
"Yes, father."
"George, I have a very serious question to ask you and I want you to promise you'll answer truthfully. Will you?"
"Yes, father."
"Good. now here is the question. Did you cut down my cherry tree?"
"No, father."
"You're quite sure?"
"Yes, father."
"Well, I'm afraid I'm very disappointed in you, George."
"Why, father?"
"Because 12 people saw you cut down the cherry tree with your little hatchet."
"Oh."
"In view of that, would you like to change your previous answer, George?"
"No, father. I believe the answer I gave you was legally accurate."
"You still insist you were telling me the truth?"
"In my own mind I was telling you the truth, yes father."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Well, you asked me if I had 'cut' down the tree. In my own mind, it seemed to me that 'cutting' is something one does with a knife or a sickle. In my own mind it seemed that , since I used my little hatchet, the relationship I had with the tree, while perhaps inappropriate, was not a 'cutting' relationship. I would call it a 'chopping' relationship."
"Very well. I'll give you another chance, George. Listen very carefully. Did you chop down my cherry tree?"
"No, father."
"No? No? Why do you still say no?"
"Because, father, I cannot tell a lie. And in my own mind I did not 'chop down' your cherry tree."
"Well, what did you do, then?"
"I chopped it into two pieces and one piece fell to the ground."
"So you chopped it down."
"No, father, I merely chopped it. I did not cause that piece to fall down. The force of gravity caused it to fall down. Were it not for the force of gravity, over which I have absolutely no control, the tree, though segmented, would presumably still be up, not down."
"George, I'm losing patience with you. But I'm going to give you one last chance to tell the truth. Did you take your little hatchet and chop my cherry tree, which action on your part, combined with the force of gravity, caused the tree to fall down?"
"No, father."
"NO? NO? IT'S STILL NO? HOW CAN YOU STILL SAY NO?"
"I still say no because of my legendary regard for the truth, father. What is that object at which I am pointing with my finger?"
"It's the stump of the cherry tree you cut down."
"And isn't the stump part of the tree, father?"
"It sure is."
"In fact, isn't the stump the most important part of the tree, father, since, without a stump there would be no tree?"
"I guess so."
"Yet the stump is still standing. So when you asked me if I had chopped down the tree, my own mind said to me, 'George, you must tell the truth. And the truthful answer is no. You chopped, gravity caused part of the tree to fall down yet the most important part of the tree is still standing.'"
"I see."
"All I can suppose, father, is that those 12 people whose exaggerated claims allege they saw me 'cut down' the entire 'tree' were motivated not by a search for truth, but by some personal vendetta against me, perhaps because I am from Virginia."
"George, you're a real crafty little guy."
"Thank you father."
"Have you thought about what you want to be when you grow up?"
"Yes, father. If they ever build a White House I would like to occupy it as the first White House lawyer."