Whats new with the Anheuiser Bush Twins?
 

George W. Bush's Quotes

Here are some 100% REAL quotes that our delightful president George W. Bush uttered over the past few years:

"This is preservation month. I appreciate preservation. It's what you do when you run for president. You gotta preserve."-Speaking during "Perserverence Month" at a New Hampshire grade school

"I know how hard it is to put food on your family." "This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of mad men and uncertainty and potential mental losses."

"We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself."

Georgie's Daddy has had some interesting things to say, too:"For seven and a half years, I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. Had some sex...uh... I mean, set backs."
 

Gore and Bush

During the presidential election, Al Gore and George Bush were fighting over what was the biggest problem on tv.

George Bush said that there was to much blood and violence on tv.

Al Gore said that there was to much sex and nudity.

So pretty much,George Bush said that there was to much Gore and Al Gore said that there was to much Bush.
 

A cop pulls Jenna Bush over for speeding and he notices her eyes are red.
He says, "Gee, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?"

Jenna replies, "No officer, but gee, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?
 

MAKE THE PIE HIGHER
by George W. Bush

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world;
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.
Rarely is the question asked:
Is our children learning?

Will the highways of the Internet become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope,
where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize Society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!

This is a poem made up entirely of actual quotes from George W. Bush, arranged only for aesthetic purposes by Washington Post writer Richard Thompson.
   
 

The latest polls say that President Bush has the highest approval ratings of any president ever.

His ratings are so high that voters in Palm Beach, Florida are now claiming they voted for him.
 

One day an airliner was hijacked by Muslims who started flying it towards the Empire State Building. In the back two rows of seats, out of sight of the hijackers, were Hillary Clinton, George W., The Pope and a 10 year-old schoolboy. There was an emergency parachute under three seats, but the one under the fourth was missing.

'I'm the most politically ambitious woman in the United States and the electorate don't want me to die,' declares Hillary, who grabs one of the parachutes, opens the back door and jumps out.

'I'm the inspirational leader of a major superpower,' announces George W., 'and my people want me to live.' He grabs the second parachute and jumps out.

The Pope said to the schoolboy, 'I'm old and about to die anyway, so I think you should have the last parachute.' 'Don't be such an idiot,' replies the kid, 'there's one here for each of us. Our 'inspirational leader' just strapped my school bag onto his back and jumped off the plane.'
 

One day George W. went out to dinner with a Jewish friend.

The friend recommended a kosher place nearby.

They arrived and Dubya's friend ordered them both the house specialty: matzo ball soup.

The waiter brought the bowls and George looked at the soup suspiciously, but his friend urged him to try at least one taste. So he took a bite of matzo ball and slurped some soup and clearly liked it.

After Dubya was finished he said, "Mmm mmm, that was good! But tell me, do you Jewish folks eat other parts of the matzo, or just the balls?"
 

Q. What did George W Bush get on his S.A.T.'s?

A. Drool.
 

George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn't seem to notice him.

He turned to Moses and said, "I am George W. Bush, the President of the US of A, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn't you greet me?"

Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 days!"
 

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III ".

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one bicycle repairman."

The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman? Why kill a bicycle repairman?

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart
alec! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"
 

In a train carriage there was Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Janet Reno and Bo Derek.

After several minutes of the trip, the train passes through a dark tunnel and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, Clinton has a big red slap mark on his cheek.

1) Bo Derek thought - "That sleaze ball Clinton wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on Janet Reno, who in turn must have slapped his face."

(2) Janet Reno thought - "That dirty Bill Clinton laid his hands on Bo Derek and she smacked him."

(3) Bill Clinton thought - "George put his hand on Bo Derek and by mistake she slapped me."

(4) George W. thought - "I hope we go through another tunnel so I can slap Clinton again."
 

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency:
"Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control ... this is a true disaster!"

"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President.

"I do need your help," said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms, ASAP, to tide us over?"

"Why certainly! I'll get right on it," said Bush.

"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin.

"Yes?"

"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10 inches long and 4 inches in diameter?" asked Putin.

"No problem," replied the President. With that, George W. hung up the phone and then called the President of the Acme Condom Company. "I need a favor. You've got to send 1,000,000 condoms over to Russia right away."

"Consider it done," said the CEO of Acme.

"Great! Now listen. They have to be red in color, 10 inches long and 4 inches in diameter."

"Easily done. Anything else?"

"Yeah," said Bush. "On each one print the words 'MADE IN TEXAS, SIZE: SMALL.'"
 

President Bush was very curious about how the Jewish people knew everything before he did. So he called the CIA and FBI and asked them to figure it out. A week later they came back and said, "Mr. President, the Jews have something called Shabbat, and they meet each other at the synagogue, and there is a code.

They sit, they pray, and there is a word that is the key to this secret: "Nu?" When one says to other, "Nu?", the other tells him everything... every bit of news."

This Bush wanted to see for himself. The secret service dressed him like a Hassid, and taught him to read from the right to the left of the Siddur (prayer book ).

Bush arrived at a synagogue on Shabbat, and sat beside another religious man. He waited for a moment, and said, "Nu?"

The man answered... "Shh, Bush is coming!"
 

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II. They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley limousine to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent
white horses

As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well. This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity....

Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let fly with the most horrendous, earth-rending, eye-smarting blast of gastronomic flatulence ever heard in the British Empire, including Bermuda, Tortola and the Falkland Islands. Reverberation was felt throughout the coach.

Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation. She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, "Mr.
President, please accept my regrets. "I'm sure you understand that there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."

George W., ever the Texas gentleman, replied, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something, I would have thought it was one of the horses."
 

George W. Bush has changed his mind about using limited nuclear bombs against the Axis of Evil countries....Instead, he's using a weapon of mass destruction.

Arthur Anderson is going over to shred the countries.

 

George Dubya was speeding down the road near his Texas ranch when
a State Trooper came alongside and flagged him down.

Getting out of his car the trooper, brand new and anxious to write up his first speeder, approached the car and, as the Prez rolled down the window, he asked, "Lemme see your driver's license."

Bush, with a sneer, asked, "Do you know who I am?"

"I don't care who you are, I wanna see your driver's license!"

Reluctantly, Dubya took out his wallet, extracted the license and
handed it to the trooper.

Looking at the license, the trooper blanched white.

"Know who I am now?" asked Bush.

"Jesus Christ!!!" exclaimed the trooper.

"No, but you're close," replied Bush.

 

President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.
"Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news and bad news."

"Oh, no..." muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first."

"The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet."

"Gosh, and the good news?"

"The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil."

It has been 1458 days since the last post.