This is topic Movie Theaters in forum Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon at Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE.


To visit this topic, use this URL:
https://ft-forum.com/ft/cgi-bin/ubb/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=7;t=000044

Posted by Rachel Carter (Member # 693) on 07-05-2001, 07:53 PM:
 
Rated D for "Dumb"
PG-13


An old farmer went to town to see a movie.
The ticket girl said, "Sir, what is that on your shoulder?"
The old farmer said, "That is my pet rooster Chuckie,
wherever I go Chuckie goes".
"I'm sorry Sir", said the ticket girl, "We can't allow animals
in the theater. Not even a pet chicken".
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed Chuckie
down his pants. He returned to the ticket booth, bought a
ticket and went into the theater. He sat down next to two old
widows named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the
chicken began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants
so Chuckie could stick his head out and watch the movie.
"Marge", whispered Mildred.
"What?" said Marge.
"I think the guy next to me is a pervert."
"What makes you think so?", asked Marge.
"He's unzipped his pants, and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred.
"Well, don't worry about it," said Marge, "at our age we've seen them all."
"Yes I know", said Mildred, "But this one is eating my popcorn!"
 


Posted by Gerard S. Cohen (Member # 994) on 10-18-2002, 12:46 PM:
 

It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

As Claude took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.

I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations. He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"Shit" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the theater.

 


Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 11-05-2002, 08:29 AM:
 
Rated G Forrest Gump Dies.....

Forrest Gump died and went to heaven. When he got to the Pearly Gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.

In order to gain admittance a prospective Heavenly Soul must answer three questions.

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".

2. How many seconds are in a year?

3. What is God's first name?

Forrest thought for a few minutes and answered:

1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow."

2. There are 12 seconds in a year."

3. God has two first names and they are Andy and Howard."

Saint Peter said, "OK I'll buy Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year and why did you ever think that God's first name was either Andy or Howard?"

Forrest responded, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc......"

"OK, I give" said Saint Peter, "but what about the God's first name stuff?"

Forrest said "Well, from the song... Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own...? And the prayer... 'Our Father who art in Heaven Howard be thy name....'"

Saint Peter let him in without further ado.


 


Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 11-14-2002, 09:38 PM:
 
Rated G

THINGS WE LEARN FROM THE MOVIES

*During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

*All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

*Beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman; but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

*The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty

*Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

*A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

*Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

*If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

*Cars that crash will invariably burst into flames.

*Stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.

*If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.

*Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

*A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.

*All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts, so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

*When in love, it is customary to burst into song.

*When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.

*One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than 20 men firing at 1 man.

*If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river - or even a bath. German bullets are unable to penetrate water.

*Laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of an invading alien civilization.

*Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially if any of their family or friends have died in a strange boating accident.

*All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of software.

*Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

*When they are alone, foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

*If you are a hero, you never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste by your actions.

*You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

*Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

*You can tell if somebody is British because he will be wearing a bow tie.

*When driving a car, it is normal to look not at the road but rather at the person sitting beside you or in the back seat for the entire journey.

*Taxi drivers don't require exact or even approximate payment - the first bill you pull from your pocket is always correct.

*Having a job of any kind will make a father forget his son's eighth birthday.

*Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before retirement.

*The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.


 


Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 11-20-2002, 12:46 PM:
 
Rated X [Eek!] Hollywood

Hollywood is going to remake the "Exorcist". One major change will occur.

This time it will be about a mother who hires the Devil to get a Priest out of her son! [Eek!]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 11-24-2002, 03:53 AM:
 
Rated G [Smile]

Two goats are out behind a movie studio eating old movie film.

One goat says to the other, "Pretty good, huh?"

The other goat says, "Yeah, but it's not as good as the book." [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-10-2002, 12:55 PM:
 
Rated G [Smile] Sammy in Knoxville

The Top 17 Rejected Titles For The Movie "Twister"

17. "Totally Gone With The Wind"

16. "Lift and Separate"

15. "Boys on the Side -- Of My Barn"

14. "Summer Film So Full of Special Effects We Couldn't Fit in the Plot"

13. "The Weather Channel: The Movie"

12. "Schindler's Twist"

11. "Field of Debris"

10. "Dead Man Flying"

9. "I, Cumulus"

8. "One House Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"

7. "The Splintered Bridges of Madison County"

6. "Wizard of Oz II: The Search For Toto"

5. "Killer Genuine Draft"

4. "Four Weddings & A Funnel"

3. "Indiana Jones and the Trailer Park of Doom"

2. "A Funnel Thing Happened On The Way To The Farm"

1. "Roofless in Seattle"
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-10-2002, 01:45 PM:
 
Rated G [Smile]

Dr. Seuss Meets Pulp Fiction

I won't eat fries with mayonnaise,
I would not touch them anyways.

I would not drink five-dollar shake,
cause it gives me tummy-ache.

If i snort some uncut smack,
blood and mucus i will yak.

"Why don't you eat pork?" you whine,
it's just 'cause i don't dig on swine.

Would you could you with a shrimp?
Would you could you with the gimp?

I would not do so, but instead,
I think i'll blow off marvin's head. [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-10-2002, 01:47 PM:
 
Rated G [Eek!]

Movie Sequels Nobody Wants To See

"Commandments 11-20: Moses Strikes Back"

"Three Men and a Sheep"

"Rocky 10: Rocky Fights Irregularity"

"Police Academy IX: Beating A Dead Horse"

"Babe II: Side of Bacon"

"Showgirls 2001: A Silicone Odyssey"

"Dumbo: First Blood"

"Waterworld 2: The Red Ink Sea"

"Eliminating Raoul"

"Home Alone 4: Under House Arrest"

"Dead Man Rotting"
"Driving Miss Daisy's Hearse"

"Pee Wee's Felonious Adventure"

"Lawrence of Bolivia"

"Kickboxer 3: Right in the Groin!"

"Weekend At Bernie's 3: Starting to Reek"

"To Kung Fu, Thanks For Everything, David Carridine"

"CoDependence Day"

"The Englishman Who Drove Into L.A. a Hugh and Came Out a John"

"Il Postino Disgruntilo" [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-11-2002, 07:02 AM:
 
Rated G [Big Grin]

The ABC's of Film Cliches

Artists:
Temperamental people.Writers crumple typewritten sheets in anger; They don't use word-processors.Painters stand with bare torsos, hurling gallons of paint at the canvas.

Baths:
Bubble baths hide everything.Bubbles never dissipate.

Bars:
Troubled men gulp their drinks at one shot,and ask for another.

Birth:
The trip to the hospital has endless problems and only by the sheerest
luck does the woman get to deliver in a place that has doctors.Just a
couple of hours after giving birth,she looks as if she'd never been
through it.

Cars:
No one ever bothers to lock their cars when getting out.

Car chases:
If you're trying to get away, the car won't start until you give it a few tries. It will inevitably get on the pavement and hit the vegetables of the Korean greengrocer.During chases,police cars will get battered more than the others.

Clothes:
When you steal clothes from a washline, they will be a perfect fit.

Eating breakfast:
Mothers get up before the rest of the household and cook a hearty meal.The family sits at the table thirty seconds before going out on their daily business,and make do with a bit of toast and half a glass of juice.The father takes three sips of coffee,glances at his watch and says hehas to leave,puts on his jacket while managing another sip.

Falling:
Women fall when chased. If there's a man around, he'll pick her to her
feet and help her run.

Falling in love:
Love has many faces,in film too, but if the parties are opposites,
success is assured:him serious,her fickle;her serious,him wild.The first meeting involves a mishap,some confusion,a mistaken identity
or perhaps a collision, be it in a corridor or in a motorcar.

Glasses:
Glasses are a handicap.Men in glasses are, god forbid,
"Philosophers","Scientists", "Teachers", "Intellectuals". When a man becomes an active hero,his eyesight becomes 20-20 and he doesn't need glasses any more.Women who wear glasses are sexually repressed. When they loosen up the glasses disappear.If they wear contacts,one will fall to the ground and everyone will drop to the floor to look for it.

Health:
Coughing is a symptom of a terminal disease.

Hugging:
American families like to hug.When hugging,one should say,"I love you,son".

Locks:
Any lock can be opened with a credit card or a hairpin.

Money:
In a restaurant,when the woman leaves after fighting with her man, he
will toss a couple of notes on the table without checking the bill. Same thing in bars.There is never a problem with change.Same thing in
hotels and taxis.

Panic:
When in deep panic the woman screams,hands on cheeks.

Phones:
People don't introduce therselves,nor do they say "bye" when they're
done.They remember a huge amount of phone numbers by heart: high school friends they haven't seen in years, government offices, every restaurant in town (they also remember the head waiter's name).They seldom need a phone book,an address book or operator assistance.When the phone wakes you up in the morning,you grope for it with your hand and drop it on the floor.

Police:
The bosses are always mad at their top detective,threatening to suspend him.After they do,he manages to solve the crime single-handed. Police bosses are under pressure from the mayor,who threatens them that if they don't get the serial killer.. and so on ad nauseum.

Pregnancy:
If a woman has dizzy spells that means she is pregnant(and surprised).
When she tells her man he is even more surprised.

Radio/TV:
When the hero wants to hear a newscast he turns it on exactly as the
newsreader gets to the point and shuts it down right afterwards.If a
friend calls you and tells you to watch for an interesting news item, you turn it on and the item starts right away.

Ropes:
Very easy to get out of, using supple fingers or rubbing against a sharpobject.Still the hero will pretend to be tied up so he can jump at the appropriate moment.

Schools:
Lessons are very short and the bell cuts the teacher in mid sentence.

Shootouts:
Heroes are shot in the arm or leg;they improvise a bandage to restrict blood-flow and go on fighting evil.

Shopping:
Put your purchases in a brown paper bag; it will fall apart before you
reach the kitchen.If this happens in the street or the stairs it is anexcellent way to meet someone of the opposite sex.

Tears:
Women will cry in the bath or the shower.When crying in the shower,
their back will slide down the wall slowly until they end up sitting onthe floor.Men cry in the battlefield, especially when it rains.

Soldiers:
If a soldier shows his friend a photo of his small-town sweetheart,he
will die soon.If he's about to go on a coveted leave,he will die soon.
If he tells his friend about a dream he had -- well,you get the idea.

Technology:
From any computer you can - with the help of the wheelchair expert -
infiltrate any large organization and access files on the laptop computer of any villain.

Views:
From any apartment in Paris you can see the Eiffel tower.From any
apartment in New York you can see the Brooklyn Bridge / Empire State
building.

Weather:
When the heroine says "I think it's going to rain" it immediately does.

Toilets:
Only men actually use toilets.Women just use the bathroom for their
makeup.
[Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-11-2002, 09:12 AM:
 
Rated PG [Smile]

Forrest Who?


Forrest Gump
Life is like a box of chocolates...

Forrest Abbot
No, who is not eating chocolate!

Forrest Adam and Eve
Let's just take a bite...

Forrest Adultery
You just can't have one chocolate

Forrest Allen
Chocolate, huroof...

Forrest Ali
Chocolate's the greatest!

Forrest Alimony
The Box is mine!

Forrest Andrews
The Hills are alive... like a box of chocolates!

Forrest AOL
Free chocolates! Sign up now!

Forrest Apollo
Houston! We are running out of chocolates...

Forrest Babe
Life is a box of choc-choa-che..candy

Forrest Barney
I love chocolate, you love chocolate, we're a box of chocolates...

Forrest Beavis
Heh heh,... you said Box...

Forrest Bill and Ted
Dude, Life's totally a box of Chocolate! ---EXCELLENT!----
___AIR GUITARS TRIUMPHANTLY_____

Forrest Bond
My name is Bond, Chocolate Bond

Forrest Bones
Dammit Jim, I'm a Doctor, not a box of chocolates

Forrest Bush
Read my lips... see, I didn't eat chocolates

Forrest Butler
Frankly Scarlett, I don't like chocolate!

Forrest Butt-head
Uh,... life is like a box of um..chocolates...

Forrest Calvin
It's not a box of chocolates, it's a transmorfgorizing ray

Forrest Capitalism
No money, no chocolate

Forrest Christ
I am the Way, the Truth, nobody can go to My Father... even if you own a lot of chocolates
-OR-
Let he without sin, eat the first chocolate

Forrest Churchlady
Chocolates,...well, isn't that special...

Forrest Clinton
I didn't inhale the cream centers

Forrest Coca-Cola
Chocolate is sh*t, coke is it!

Forrest Communism
You can't eat your own chocolates

Forrest Copperfield
POOF! The chocolates are gone!

Forrest COPS on location
Bon bons-bon bons!
Whatcha going to do?
Whatcha gonna do, when someone eats you!?

Forrest Costello
Who's eating chocolate?

Forrest Dahmer
People are like a box of chocolates, YUM!

Forrest Darwin
Chocolates are evolved from sh*t because they both look the same when
melted and both can be hard or soft... and nobody will let them melt in their hands

Forrest Dating Game
Bacholer number two...
If I was a piece of chocolate...
What would you fill me with?

Forrest Eastwood
Make my day... with chocolates
-OR-
I know what your thinking...
Did he eat five chocolates, or did he eat six?
Well let me ask you...
Do you feel hungry PUNK? ...well...DO YOU?"

Forrest ERA
All chocolates are created equal but some are nuts

Forrest Fued
Life is like a?
Box of Chocolates...
Ooh good answer, good answer....
Box of chocolates...SURVEY SAYS?"

Forrest Fife
This Box of Chocolates is a lethal weapons!

Forrest Freud
Is life really a box of chocolate... or is it your mother you want?

Forrest Fudd
Wife is wike a box uv chocowates

Forrest Garth
"Hey mister chocolate man, whose trying to kill you? I don't know but her better not...

Forrest GE
We bring chocolate to life

Forrest Genesis
In the beginning, there is no chocolate

Forrest Government
We are here to help... finish your chocolates

Forrest Hall
Will you take the Box of Chocolates... or what's behind CURTAIN NUMBER TWO

Forrest Hefner
Keep the chocolate, lose the box

Forrest Hillary
Hey Bill,...those are my Chocolates!

Forrest Ice
If you got a chocolate,
Yo I'll box it.
Check out my life,
As my D.J Rocks it!

Forrest Intel
Chocolate Inside

Forrest Jackson
Little kids like my box of chocolates

Forrest Kennedy
Don't ask how many chocolates your country can give you, ask how many you can eat.

Forrest King
I have a dream... all chocolates are after me

Forrest KKK
White chocolates only!

Forrest Latin
Ifela sia a oxba foa hocolatesa

Forrest Lauper
People just wanna have chocolate

Forrest Lee
Fight with your inner chocolate

Forrest Lennon
Imagine there's no chocolate...

Forrest Limbaugh
Life may be a box of chocolates, but the Democrats are all nuts...

Forrest Lincoln
Four score and several chocolates ago,...

Forrest Luke
May the chocolate be with you

Forrest Marx
That's the weirdest box of chocolates I've ever seen...

Forrest Math
It's best when you use your fingers

Forrest McClain
I used to be a box of Chocolates

Forrest McDonald
Warning! Our hot chocolate is really HOT

Forrest Moses
I command the chocolates to separate!

Forrest Native Americans
These chocolates are moving to a smaller box...

Forrest Nicholson
You want chocolate, you can't handle chocolate

Forrest 900-line
Oooh, can I suck your cream filled chocolates?!

Forrest '95
The box is the same, but the chocolates are upgraded

Forrest Noah
2 creams, 2 nuts, 2 coconuts, 2 peanut butter...

Forrest Of Borg
All chocolates must be assimilated

Forrest of Fortune
LIFE I_ LIKE _ _X _F CH_C_L_TE_

Forrest O'Hara
Tommorrow, is another box of chocolates

Forrest on phonics
Lief es lyk a boks uv chakolets

Forrest Pig
Life is a box of chok-choa-che...candy

The Forrest Plague
Ewww...these Chocolates are bad!

Forrest Popeye
I yam a box of Chocolets...eg eg eg eg!

Forrest Presley
Hunk a hunk of milk chocolate!

Forrest Press your Luck
Box of Chocolates! No Whammies...STOP!

Forrest Psychic Line
Yes, I knew you were a chocolate

Forrest Reagan
Life is a box of um,... I don't know, I forgot!

Forrest Rivera
People who like Chocolate... Next on 'Forrest'

Forrest Rodney
Why is it that we are all chocolates?

Forrest Rooney
Why is it, that we are all chocolates?

Forrest Ross
Life is a happy little box of chocolates!

Dr. Forrest Ruth
Chocolates are good, sex is even better!

Forrest Santa
Ho, ho, ho, choco_are_late this Christmas

Forrest Satan
Life is a box of melted chocolates (Sign)

Forrest Scooby Doo
Roinks Raggy, Rocolates!

Forrest Scotty
The box, she's breaking apart Capt'n!

Forrest Shakespeare
Chocolate, or no chocolate. That is the question

Forrest Simmons
Chocolate is bad! EXERCISE! EXERCISE!

Forrest Simpson
I'm going to kill you if you eat my chocolates

Forrest SkeeLo
I wish I had a box of Chocolates.

Forrest Spock
Logically speaking, we are all chocolates

Forrest Stooges
Look Chocolates...nyuk nyuk nyuk
Scram Wise guy **BOink**
Leave him ALone Moe!
Oh you want in on it too...**SLAP**/CRASH/"

Forrest Tannen
Chocolates! McFly!

Forrest the Frog
Someday we'll find it,
The chocolate connections,
The plain ones,
The cream filled....and me...

Forrest the Great
Ha Ha Ha... all chocolates are mine!

Forrest the Hun
Chocolate all mine!

Chief Justice Forrest Thomas
I never touched her milk-duds!

Forrest Trebek
The answer: This is like a box of Chocolate! The Question: What is Life?

Forrest Turner
What's chocolate gotta do, gotta do with it?

Forrest Twister
Where are my chocolates!

Forrest Unabomb
Let me pack it like a box of chocolates

Forrest Vader
Luke, I am your chocolate!

Forrest Valujet
Our chocolates are cheap, really cheap

Forrest Ventura
Chocolates! ... Alll-Riighty then...!"

Forrest Wayne
Sh-yeah...and life is like a box of chocolates as if...

Forrest WWW
On the Internet, nobody knows you're a chocolate

Forrest X
We didn't land in the box of chocolate. The box of chocolate landed on us

Forrest Yoda
There is a dark chocolate, and a light chocolate...

Forrest Zen
I am one with the chocolate

The Forrest Zone
There is another dimension,
beyond that which is known to man,
It's a dimension of cream-filled bon-bons,
or nutty carmel turtles,
and it lies in the white cardboard box,
in the pit of my lap.
It is a candy coated center of comparision,
And it is a place we call, The Forrest Zone.
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-27-2002, 10:07 AM:
 
Rated G They say this is a true story..... From:Jg

My husband and I were at the movies recently,when a middle aged couple sat down in front of us.The man was complaining about being stuffed from dinner and his wife whispered, "Just loosen your belt a little."He loosened his belt and apparently also undid his button.

About half-way through the movie, a rather large lady,seated on the other side of the couple got up to go out and when the man stood to let her pass he realized that his zipper had opened,so he attempted to pull it up while he was standing.When he did the zipper caught on the lady's dress.This caused her to stop when she felt the tug and she hissed "What are you doing?Let go of me!"He,being afraid her dress would tear,grabbed her arm and said "Wait,don't move!"

Now the lady got a little louder "LET ME GO!" she cried.This got his wife's attention and she chimmed in, "Harry,what are you doing,have you lost your mind,let her go!"

At this point the lady started jerking at her dress, causing poor
Harry's pelvis to jump forward in a most provocative way.Right at
this moment a movie employee had arrived and spotlighted the scene
with a flashlight.

There stood Harry, his belt flopping,his fly unbuttoned,with his
pelvis tight against the lady's butt.

I could hear him trying to explain all the way up the aisle,as he
shuffled along behind the distraught lady,with his poor wife in tears following along.

I understand they eventually got the whole mess straightened out,
but I was laughing so hard that I couldn't get it under control and
had to leave.Good thing I had read the book.
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 01-10-2003, 09:21 PM:
 
Rated PG [Smile]

Spielberg's New Film


Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project - an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars.

Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segall, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all present.

Spielberg strongly desired the box office 'oomph' of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select whatever composers they would portray, as long as they were very famous.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," said Willis. "I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Segall. "I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid."

Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"

So Arnold says, "I'll be Bach." [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 01-11-2003, 09:38 AM:
 
Rated G [thumbsup]

Amazing Dog


Jack went to the cinema one day, and in the front row was an old man and his dog.

During the sad parts of the movie, the dog cried his eyes out. In the funny parts, the dog laughed its head off. Throughout the film, Jack couldn't help watching the dog react to what was on the screen.

After the movie had ended, Jack decided to go and speak to the man.

"That's the most incredible thing I've ever seen," said Jack. "Your dog really seemed to enjoy the film. I am so very amazed"

The man turned to Jack and said, "Nothing amazing about it. He enjoyed the book so much, I would have been amazed if he hadn't liked the movie." [Cool]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-07-2003, 08:03 AM:
 
Rated G [Smile]

Movie Translations

Here's a list of actual English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong:


I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

Gun wounds again?

Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!

Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

You always use violence.

I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.

I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

You daring lousy guy.

Beat him out of recognizable shape!

I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

How can you use my intestines as a gift?

Yah-hah, evil spider woman!

I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough extermination.

Greetings, large black person.

Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feet son some ass of the giant lizard person. [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-07-2003, 03:58 PM:
 
Rated G [Smile] Janine

Maurice finally got to see a movie he had been looking forward to for weeks. He found it hard to enjoy, however,because two women in the row in front of him chatted nonstop.

Finally,the exasperated Maurice leaned forward and told the women "Excuse me, but I can't hear a word."

The woman closest to him snapped,"I should hope not.
This is a private conversation!"
[Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-11-2003, 08:06 AM:
 
Rated PG [Eek!] "CARA" Screening

An old Jewish woman has been invited to help screen a movie for the rating it will carry.

The movie is an old remake of a Roman Gladiator-type movie.In the middle of the movie is a scene where the Romans are feeding people to the lions.The little old lady hits the buzzer she's been given,which stops the movie.

The attendant comes down to her chair and says,"Yes, ma'am?"

"This movie should be rated 'R'," she says, "because those Jews are being fed to the lions!"

The attendant says,"Ma'am, those are Christians, not Jews."

"Oh, sorry, start the movie up again. A few minutes later she again presses the buzzer.

The attendant comes down to her chair."Yes ma'am?"

She points to the screen."Those lions over there... ....they're not eating!" [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-28-2003, 12:03 PM:
 
Rated PG Star Wars Sex


Any of you people watched the movies?

Sexually suggestive lines from the Star Wars trilogy...


'Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!'

'Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?'

'Put that thing away before you get us all killed.'

'You've got something jammed in here real good.'

'Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?'

'You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.'

'Sorry about the mess...'

'Look at the size of that thing!'

'Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!'

'She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.'

'I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me.'

'Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?'

'There's an awful lot of moisture in here.'

'But now we must eat. Come, good food, come...'

'That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while.'

'Hurry up, golden-rod...'

'I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?'

'Possible he came in through the south entrance.'

'And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!'

'Control, control! You must learn control!'

'Hey, point that thing someplace else.'

'I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master.'

'I never knew I had it in me.'

'There is good in him, I've felt it.'

'Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one.'

'Back door, huh? Good idea!'

'She's gonna blow!'

'I think you'll fit in nicely.'

'Rise, my friend.'

'Wedge! Pull out! You're not doing any good back there!' [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-28-2003, 05:23 PM:
 
Rated G [Smile] Sue Bee

On a recent evening my family sat in a darkened theater waiting to see the latest hit movie.

As the screen lit up with a flashy ad for the theater's concession stand, we noticed the sound was missing.

The unexpected silence continued for several moments.

Then out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd demanded,"Okay, who's got the remote?"
 
Posted by Mike Olpin (Member # 1115) on 03-01-2003, 01:40 AM:
 
Rated G... I guess.

That last joke reminds me of a funny event that hapened at my theatre last week.

On one of our screens, the douser fell closed durring the trailers, plunging the theatre into darkness. A customer complained to me , and I had the projectionist notified. I then walked into the theatre. As soon as i saw the projectionist at the port window, I walked up to the screen, pulled out my palm pilot, aimed it at the screen, and tapped it just before the picture came back. I think the audience bought it. To them, it looked as though I had turned the screen on with a remote control! [Big Grin]

Anothr time, I was doing theatre checks, when i noiced the smell of pot smoke in one of the auditoriums. I could see the culprit (the only person in the theatre), and i asked him to leave. On his way out, he asked me how i knew he was smoking. I replied, "We have marajuana sensors in our theatres."

He bought it hook, line, and sinker.
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 05-01-2003, 10:11 AM:
 
Rated R [Smile]
"If a movie is 'R-rated', it means that if you're under seventeen,you have to see it with an adult:

'What's he doing, Dad?'

'He's fucking her, Son.'"

-- George Carlin [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 05-10-2003, 06:18 AM:
 
Rated G [Smile] Sue Bee

NEWS FLASH TOP MOVIES COMING THIS SUMMER


It knows your name,it knows your phone number,it knows where you live.Beware..."The Telemarketer."

She was sleazy,but she was also cheap and the only hooker around.Haley Joel Osment stars in the terrifying tale of
"Six Cents." [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 06-24-2003, 12:16 PM:
 
Rated G [Smile]

True story, but it happened to a co-worker of mine.


David and his brother went to see "The Incredible Hulk" when it
opened on Friday.They went to a theater with a digital screen.

Some time into the film, the screen froze.So David and a couple
of other people started yelling, "The screen's frozen!"

Just as it quieted down, some kid behind David turned around and
screamed, "Hit control-alt-delete!"

Everyone was in hysterics! [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 07-08-2003, 04:33 PM:
 
Rated G [Smile] Janine

Movies will reach a new high in realism when the detective following a suspect can't find a place to park his car. [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 07-08-2003, 08:32 PM:
 
Rated G [Smile] Ned 'Da Head

My daughter asked if she could go see the new 'Pirates of the Caribbean' movie.I told her no way.I heard the movie is rated 'Arrrrrrrrrrrr'. [Big Grin]

[ 07-18-2003, 05:49 PM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 07-22-2003, 11:17 AM:
 
Rated G [Smile] Lorraine

So the male flea said to the female flea, "How about we go to the movies?"

And the female flea said, "Sure. Shall we walk or take the dog?" [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 07-29-2003, 11:33 AM:
 
Rated G [Smile]

A woman's strained voice called out through the darkened theater,
"Please, is there a doctor in the house?!"

Several men stood up as the lights came on.

An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her. "Good, are any of you doctors interested in a date with a nice,single,
Jewish girl?" [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 08-26-2003, 10:51 AM:
 
Rated G [Smile]

"Martin Levine, owner of a movie-theatre chain in New York City, has passed away at 65," the newspaper obit read. "The funeral will be held on Thursday at 2:10, 4:20, 6:30, 8:40 and 10:50."

Merrill Markoe, Late night with David Letterman: The Book(Villard)
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 09-03-2003, 03:09 PM:
 
Rated G Nancy

My granddaughter wanted me to take her to see a certain movie.

Since we have six theaters, Her only being three years old,
I asked her where it was showing.

She said mama at a theater near you. [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 09-09-2003, 11:03 AM:
 
Rated G [Smile]

A young lady was describing to her grandfather her experience at the theater the preceding evening."Why, I was really shocked," the young girl said."Everybody in the place was making out."

"Making out? What in the world is that?" her grandpa asked.

"It's the same thing you called necking, Grandpa."

"Maybe so," Grandpa replied. "But now I call it reminiscing." [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 09-19-2003, 11:54 AM:
 
Rated G [Eek!] Lorraine

Jill was selling tickets at the movie house when I got a phone
call. This woman said, "How much is a ticket?"

Jill said, "Seven Dollars."

She said, "How much for children?"

Jill said, "Same price, Seven Dollars."

She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children."

Jill said, "OK, put the kids on a plane somewhere, and you come to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more that way." [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Scott Norwood (Member # 30) on 11-05-2003, 06:47 AM:
 
Rated G

Overheard at a movie theater snack bar:


Customer: "I'll have a large popcorn."
Clerk: "Sorry, our popper is broken. How about a hotdog?"
Customer: "Ok, I'll have a hot dog."
Clerk: "We're out of hot dogs."
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 11-21-2003, 11:35 AM:
 
Rated G [Smile] : Sue Bee

They sat in the dark theater waiting for the movie to begin.The screen finally lit up with a flashy ad for the theater's concession stand but the sound was missing.The film began but silence continued.

Then out of the darkness,an irritated voice in the crowd shouted,"Okay, who's got the remote?" [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-02-2003, 11:59 AM:
 
Rated G [Smile]

A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie.

He cried at the right spots,he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts,but most of all,he laughed like crazy at the funny parts.

Did you find that unusual?"

"Yes," she replied, "I found it very unusual... because he hated the book!" [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-02-2003, 12:29 PM:
 
Rated G [Smile] Michele

A famous football coach was on vacation with his family in Maine.
When they walked into a movie theater and sat down, the handful ofpeople there applauded.He thought to himself,"I can't believe it.People recognize me all the way up here."

Then a man came over to him and said,"Thanks for coming. They
won't start the movie unless we have ten paying people or more."

[Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 01-29-2004, 09:41 PM:
 
Rated G [Eek!]

Porno Movie Titles based on real movies


Sperms of Endearment
Saving Ryan's Privates
Romancing The Bone
For Your Thighs Only
Three Men And A Barbie
On Golden Blonde
Intercourse With The Vampire
Jurassic Pork
Sleeping Booty
The Loin King
The Sperminator
Cum And Cummer
White Men Can't Hump
You've Got Male
I'll Do Anyone
Snatch Adams
Schindler's Fist
Beverly Hills Copulator
The Joy Suck Club
Inspect Her Gadget
Free My Willy
I Know Who You Did Last Summer
Die Hard-on
Wet Dreams May Cum
Humped Back at Notre Dame
RobinŐs Wood
Batman in Robin
Breakfast On Tiffany
Riding Miss Daisy
Ed's Wood
Legs Wide Shut
American Booty
Field Of Wet Dreams
Good Will Humping
Pants/Off
Full Latex Jacket
Man On The Poon
Robocock
Young Buns
Honey, I Shrunk Your Clit
Bonfire of the Panties
The Bone Ranger
Glad-He-Ate-Her
Caddysnatch
Orifice Space
The Brady Munch
Pump Fiction
Gang Bang Related
XXX-Men
Position: Impossible
The Loin King
Play it to the Boner
Porn on the 4th of July
South Pork: Big, Long, and Uncut
Throbbin' Hood
Rambone
A Rear And Pleasant Danger
Mr. Holland's Anus
Buttman Forever
My Bare Lady
Creamer vs. Creamer
Yank My Doodle, It's a Dandy
Das Butt
Diddle-Her on the Roof
Sorest Rump
Ordinary Peepholes
Three Days Of The Condom
For Your Ass Only
Men in Back
The Inside-her
Ball Street
Spray it Forward
My Best Friends Wetting
The Legend in Bagger's Pants
Great Sexpectations
Six Degrees of Penetration
Pulp Friction
A Midsummer Night's Cream
As You Stroke It
Who Lies Beneath
Womb Raider
Saturday Night Beaver
Honey, I Shanked The Kids
Lord Of The Cock Rings
Booty & The Beast
Chitty Chitty Gang Bang
Add Momma To The Train
Twin Cheeks
Gangbangs Of New York
Star Whores
Breast Side Story
The Magnificent Semen
The Porn Identity
Charlie's Anals
Twat Lies Beneath
Eyes Wide Slut
Bang Hur
Bang The Dong Slowly
Driving Into Miss Daisy
Planet Of The Gapes
The Sexorcist
Porn Free
Sleeping With The Enema
The Bad Nudes Bared
My Big Fat Greek Penis
Inspect Her Gadget
Shaving Ryan's Privates
Anus & Andy
Black Booty
CreamCatcher
Apollo's 13
When Harry Wet Sally
Das Booty
Itty Bitty Gang Bang
Lord Of The G-Strings: [Big Grin] [eyes] [Eek!]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-12-2004, 06:58 AM:
 
Rated G [Smile] Michele

I wanted to take my kids to the movies but did not want to wait on line to buy the tickets,so I called ahead to the theater to
purchase them over the phone.

I asked, "How much is a ticket?"

They said, "Seven dollars."

I asked, "How much for children?"

They said, "Same price, Seven dollars."

I said, "The airlines charge half fare for children."

They said, "OK, put your kids on a plane somewhere, and you come
to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more that way." [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 05-06-2004, 08:57 AM:
 
Rated G [Smile] Ed in Aurora,Ont.

A man goes to see Mel Gibson's new movie, The Passion, and is inspired to take his family to Israel to see the places where Jesus lived and died.

While on vacation his mother-in-law dies.

An undertaker in Tel Aviv explains that they can ship the body home to Wisconsin at a cost of $10,000 or the mother-in-law could be buried in Israel for $500.

The man says, "We'll ship her home."

The undertaker asks,"Are you sure? That's an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here."

The man says, "Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance." [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 11-04-2004, 02:54 PM:
 
Rated G [Smile] Maggie

Sixty million people go to the movies every week and almost all of them file past our seats at the most exciting part of the picture. [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 11-23-2004, 08:41 AM:
 
Rated G [Smile] [Eek!] Michele

As the horror movie was about to reach its terrifying conclusion,the co-ed began fidgeting in her seat.

The man sitting behind her leaned forward and inquired, "Excuse me. Are you feeling hysterical?"

"No," she whispered. "He's feeling mine." [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Paul Konen (Member # 41) on 12-01-2004, 11:49 AM:
 
From eBaumsWorld.Com

Rated G: [Smile]

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.

Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-15-2005, 01:33 PM:
 
Rated G [Smile] Dennis

Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?"

It hasn't come out yet. [Big Grin]
 
Posted by System Notices (Member # 2357) on 03-13-2008, 02:55 PM:
 

It has been 1122 days since the last post.


 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-13-2008, 02:55 PM:
 
Rated G [Eek!] Diana

Scientists now say that people should not use their cellphones outdoors during thunderstorms because of the risk of being struck by lightning.

You should also avoid using them in movie theatres because of the risk of being strangled. [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 04-12-2008, 08:32 AM:
 
Rated G [Smile] cutie pa2ti

Did you hear about the people who went to the drive-in movie and hated it so much that they got rowdy and ripped up the seats? [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 04-16-2008, 08:47 AM:
 
Rated G [Smile]

Discover The Context Behind Popular Movie Quotes
By Lisa Fritscher



Do you recite popular movie quotes during casual conversation? Ready-made dialogue is there for the taking, providing a legion of material for any situation. That’s likely one reason so many famous movie quotes are included on today’s sitcoms and used by guests on talk shows. Here is a list of the most popular movie quotes of all time, along with a description of the movie scenes that inspired these quotes. Did any of your favorites make the list? Read on to find out!

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

– Gone With the Wind

This line, number one on the American Film Institute’s Top 100 Movie Quotes, represents Rhett Butler’s final words to the selfish Scarlett O’Hara. They were married and had a daughter, but the death of the child made Rhett realize that their troubled relationship was beyond salvage. He packed to leave and Scarlett begged him to stay, asking, “Where will I go? What will I do?” Rhett then delivers the immortal line, making it clear to both himself and the audience that the relationship is irrevocably severed.

“Play it again, Sam.” – Casablanca

This is quite possibly one of the most famous movie misquotes of all time. In fact, this line never actually appears in the movie. The actual quote by character Ilsa Lund is, “Play it, Sam, for old time’s sake, play as time goes by.” Later, Humphrey Bogart as Rick Blaine says, “You played it for her, you can play it for me. If she can stand it, I can! Play it!” Ilsa’s correct line is listed on the American Film Institute’s 2005 list of Top 100 Movie Quotes.



“Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

– Dirty Dancing


This 1987 film follows the adventures of Frances “Baby” Houseman as she comes of age at a Catskills resort during the summer of 1963.

In the film’s climactic ending scene, Baby’s dance partner and lover, Johnny, who was fired due to their relationship, returns to the resort to perform the last dance of the season. He approaches Baby, seated at a corner table with her family in front. Johnny then delivers the famous line and brings Baby onstage to dance with him.

“If you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? ---- Carpe -- hear it? – Carpe, Carpe Diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.” – Dead Poets Society

This Academy Award winning film, set at a conservative boys’ school in 1959, inspires us to dare to follow our dreams. Robin Williams plays English teacher John Keating, who bucks the school’s imposed conformity in an attempt to help his students to follow their hearts. The quote is taken from the boys’ first day of class, when Keating takes them outside the classroom on a trip of self-exploration. The group pauses beside a trophy case that contains pictures of former students. The ending line of this passage becomes the motto of the class and the theme of the film.



“I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I’m going to take a stand. I’m going to defend it. Right or wrong, I’m going to defend it.” – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

This 1986 film follows the adventures of Ferris Bueller, his girlfriend Sloane Peterson and his best friend Cameron Frye as they skip school to spend the day exploring Chicago.

Repressed Cameron is terrified of his strict father, but Ferris talks him into “borrowing” his father’s Ferrari for the day. Throughout the course of the film, Cameron gradually loosens up. He begins to realize how much repressed anger he has toward his father and he kicks the car’s bumper in frustration, causing a dent. This line is delivered when Cameron surveys the damage and realizes that he will finally have to stand up to his father.

“Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.” – Forrest Gump

Forrest Gump won six Academy Awards for its portrayal of a mentally challenged man and his heroic impact on world events. Forrest takes the role of narrator, telling of his adventures to an ever-changing cast of characters who occupy the seat next to him at a bus stop. As he speaks of his next adventure, it unfolds onscreen. Throughout the film, Forrest quotes sayings that his mother taught him. One of the best loved of several memorable movie quotes in the film is this line.



“It’s only after you’ve lost everything that you’re free to do anything.” – Fight Club

Fight Club explores the thoughts and feelings of a nameless Everyman narrator as he comes to realize that his life as an accident investigator and recall specialist is ultimately pointless. When his condo burns down, he goes to live with the mysterious Tyler Durden, whom he met at a fight. Together, the two form an underground fight club as a reaction to the helplessness they feel.

In a shocking twist, it is eventually revealed that the narrator and Tyler are the same person. The quoted line is a call to react with hope rather than despair.

“That morning I was not yet a vampire, and I saw my last sunrise. I remember it completely, and yet I can’t recall any sunrise before it. I watched its whole magnificence for the last time as if it were the first. And then I said farewell to sunlight, and set out to become what I became.”

– Interview with the Vampire

Interview with the Vampire is the film adaptation of Anne Rice’s successful first novel. In the film, Louis is in a deep depression following the death of his wife and daughter. He seeks death, which draws the vampire, Lestat, to him. Lestat offers to make Louis a vampire, promising him eternal life and most of all the happiness he craves. This quote is delivered as Louis is recounting the story of his vampiric creation to an interviewer, describing his last day as a human being.



“I love waking up in the morning not knowing where I’m gonna go or who I’m gonna meet. Just the other night, I was sleeping under a bridge, and now here I am, on the grandest ship in the world, having champagne with you fine people.” – Titanic

In the blockbuster film Titanic, Jack Dawson is a near-penniless artist who won a third class ticket on the ship in a card game. He saves first-class socialite Rose DeWitt Bukater from suicide and the two begin a relationship. Rose’s first-class family and friends accept Jack due to his saving her life.

Their romance is kept a secret, however, as she is engaged to a man that will ensure her family’s continued place in society. Jack speaks these words at the first event he attends with Rose’s family, demonstrating the free and easy life to which Rose is drawn.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you.” – Star Wars Episode I

Episode I was released as the first of a three-part prequel to the original Star Wars trilogy. The films follow the path of Anakin Skywalker, originally selected in childhood to be the Jedi that could bring balance back to the Force. Anakin eventually turns to the dark side, becoming the infamous Darth Vader. This quote is drawn from the scene when the young Anakin is initially presented to the Jedi council. The wise master, Yoda, speaks the words that foreshadow Anakin’s eventual path.



Gone but Not Forgotten

The above-mentioned quotes are some of the best out there, but what about lesser-known quotes that have worked their way into everyday conversations? While many people know the quote, the person who said it and the context may be forgotten. Here are some of the best everyday movie quotes, thanks to MovieQuotes.com:

* “Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night!” Screen legend Bette Davis uttered this famous line when she played Margo Channing in All About Eve. The classic 1950 film told the story of life in and around the theater. Davis plays an aging star who takes in an aspiring actress and fan.

* “Houston, we have a problem.” Tom Hanks plays real-life astronaut Jim Lovell in this 1995 film based on the dramatic story of the ill-fated Apollo 13 mission.

* “Failure is not an option.” Ed Harris plays real-life NASA Flight Director Gene Kranz in the above-mentioned film, Apollo 13.

* “Find a truly original idea. It is the only way I will ever distinguish myself. It is the only way I will ever matter.”;/b] Russell Crowe said this famous line in the 2001 film A Beautiful Mind, that tells the story of mathematician genius (and Nobel Prize winner) John Nash.



[b]* “You tell the men there are four ways of doing things on this ship: The right way, the wrong way, the Navy way, and my way. They do things my way, and we'll get along just fine.”


Screen legend Humphrey Bogart said this famous line in his role as Lt. Commander Philip Francis Queeg in the 1954 film Caine Mutiny.

* Orson Welles said one word in Citizen Cane: [b]“Rosebud.” The meaning of the word in the movie has been debated for years.

* “I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?” When the 1972 film Dirty Harry was released, many moviegoers quoted all or part of this quote by Clint Eastwood’s character Harry Callahan.

“Look at Roosevelt, look at Churchill, look at old fella what's his name in The African Queen.” Of course, the joke in the 1953 movie How To Marry A Millionaire was that Lauren Bacall’s character, Schatze Page, was referring to Bacall’s real-life husband Humphrey Bogart.



“In the world of advertising, there's no such thing as a lie. There's only expedient exaggeration.” In the Alfred Hitchcock classic North by Northwest, Cary Grant’s character, Roger Thornhill, had no problem describing his work.

“Loneliness has followed me my whole life, everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man.” Robert DeNiro’s character Travis Bickle reflected on life in the 1976 movie Taxi Driver.

“Lunch is for wimps” said Michael Douglas’ character Gordon Gekko, in the 1987 movie Wall Street. Gordon had one main focus: business.

Now that you have the exact wording of some of the most famous movie quotes, go out there and start using them! Who knows, maybe you will find some new ideas of your
 
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 04-19-2008, 02:55 PM:
 
Rated G [Smile] Betsy

My 70-year-old father prides himself on his youthful appearance.

Taking my mother to the movies one evening, he decided to save a few dollars on admission.

He told the ticket clerk his age and then offered to show her his senior discount card as proof.

"No, sir, that's okay." she said cheerfully. "You've got your face." [Eek!]
 




Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.3.1.2