InsultsI know why you look like a horse, I saw your mom grazing in a field.
You so ugly, you make blind kids cry.
If ugliness were bricks, you'd be the Great Wall of China.
Your boy so ugly, you tried to give him a hickey and got a mouthful of fur.
You were so ugly at birth, your parents named you Shit Happens.
You so ugly, when you jerk off your hand tries to fall asleep.
You so ugly, you have to Trick or Treat by phone.
You so ugly, they call you Moses, cause everytime you step in a lake the water parts
Useful Unusual Insults...
He's as sharp as a beach ball.
Stupidity doesn't count as a handicap, park elsewhere.
I would engage in a battle of wits with you, but I refuse to duel with and unarmed person.
The proctologist called!...they found your head!
His elevator won't go to the top.
She's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.
People would follow him,but only out of morbid curiosity.
Some people are going to leave a mark on this world, you might leave a stain.
If ignorance is bliss you must be orgasmic!
Everyone has a photographic memory you just don't have film.
You couldn't get a clue during clue mating season in a field of clues if you smeared your body in musk and did the clue mating dance.
Just because your head is pointed, that doesn't mean you're sharp.
May your life be like toilet paper--long and useful.
If my dog looked as ugly as you, I'd shave its butt and teach him to walk around backwards!
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, you're abusing the privilage.
All foam, no beer. 
There was once a beautiful lady sitting on the beach but she had no arms and legs.
She was crying and a young man came to see what was wrong.
He asked her, "Why are you crying?"
The lady said, "Well, because of my appearance, I have never been hugged before"
So the young man hugs her.
Then the lady says, "I've also never been kissed before."
So the young man kisses her, then the lady says, "iI've never been screwed before."
So the young man thinks for a moment, and says "ok".
He picks the lady up and throws her into the ocean. he says, "now you're screwed!!!" and walks away.
A mother and daughter were riding in a cab through New York City when the daughter noticed some scantily clad women loitering on a street corner. "Mommy," the little girl asked, "what are all those ladies doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to come home from work," the mother replied.
"C'mon, lady," the cabbie interjected, "tell her the truth. They're hookers!"
After a stunned silence, the daughter piped up, "Mommy, do hookers have children?"
"Of course," the mother replied. "Where do you think cabbies came from?"
All Your Mama
Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!
Yo mama lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray!!
Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future!!
Yo mama like a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded!!
Yo mama like the pillbury doughboy--everyone gets a poke!
Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell she says, "DING!"
Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry!
Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl!
Yo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing
up!
Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks!
Yo mama is like a doorknob everybody gets a turn!
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles, traffic slows down!
Yo Mamma Joke
Yo Mamma so fat She Sat on a Rainbow and Skittles Popped out
------------------
1. If a fly went into your head it'd be a space invader
2. You have a mind like half a dictionary, it never gets to think'
3. I like the way you talk, except for two things - my ears
4. You sound so good when you sing solo - so low nobody can hear you
5. The last time I saw something like you, it was swinging off a tree branch at the zoo and eating a banana
6. Roses are red, violets are blue, the tap in the kitchen reminds me of you--drip, drip, drip
7. Don't worry if your job is small and your rewards are few, remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like you!
8. If you had a brain transplant the brain would reject you.
9. Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control
10. I heard you were at the dog show! Who won second prize?
11. You have a wonderful face. One look and people wonder.
12. I have seen better heads on matches!
13. Your mouth reminds me of a bike without breaks. It can't be stopped.
14. The rain makes all things beautiful
The flowers and grasses too
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why won't it rain on you?
15. You have two ears and one tongue so why don't you listen twice as much as you talk?
16. Germs must love you, you're sickening!
17. Vampires must love you, you're such a pain in the neck.
18. Help reduce air pollution - stop breathing!
19. You grow on people, like a wart.
20. You have such a big mouth you could eat a banana sideways.
21. If I took an aspirin would you go away?
22. Knock knock
Who's there?
Boyer
Boyer who?
Boyer not much in the brain department!
23. You're so stupid that when you got a job as a babysitter, you thought you had to sit on the baby!
24. You think you are top guy
The way you shout and pose
But every time I look at you
Your finger's up your nose!
25. You're such a cheapskate, you ate baked beans all week soyou could have a bubble bath on saturday
26. I think I think I smell a stink, I think I think I do. I think I think I smell a stink, oh it's only you!
27. Knock knock
Who's there?
I'm up
I'm up who?
Oh that's a relief, I thought I'd stood in something
28. If I gave you a towel, would you dry up?
29. Mummies must love you, you're so wrapped up in yourself
30. Q - How do you keep an idiot in suspence?
A - Tell you tomorrow!
Yo Mama So Fat....
...she fell in love and she broke it
...she jumped on a scale and it said "to be continued"
...she jumped on a scale and it said "one at a time please"
...she jumped on a dollar and got four quarters
...she's got her own area code
...her measurements are 36-24-36, and her other arm is just as big
...when God said let there be light, he told her to move her ass over
...she smokes a turkey after sex
Yo Mama's so old...
...she was in Jesus's yearbook
...when God said let there be light, she flipped the switch
...her driver's license number is one
Yo Family's So Poor...
...your house has a kickstand
...you have to go home and take off your clothes so your father has pants to go to work
Yo Dad's So Bald...
...he reaches into his pants just to run his fingers through his hair
Yo House is so Nasty...
...the roaches wear shoes
...you wipe your feet before going out
Yo Mama's So Stupid...
...she thought a quaterback is a refund
...I gave a penny for her thoughts and got change back
Your mama is so fat:
When she hauls ass she has to make two trips.
When she dances she makes the band skip.
When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live.
She puts mayonnaise on aspirin. (<- clearly the winner)
Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
When she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts.
Her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
Her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."
She has to iron her pants on the driveway.
The back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
Yo mama's so fat, all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama"
Yo mama's so fat, when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
Yo mama's so fat, instead of Levis 501 jeans, she wears Levi's 1002's.
Yo mama's so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
Yo mama's so fat, she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
Yo mama's so fat, she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
Yo mama's so fat, she could sell shade.
Yo mama's so fat, when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
Yo mama's so fat, people jog around her for exercise.
Yo mama's so fat, I ran around her twice and got lost.
Yo mama's so fat, she gets runs in her jeans.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
Yo mama's so fat, if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!
Yo mama's so fat, she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
Yo mama's so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion.
Yo mama's so fat, she broke her leg and gravy dripped out.
Yo mama's so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Whats funnier than an idiot who builds a house under water?
Your momma trying to burn it down
So bad its good
Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.
Q. How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wiped his ass.
Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q. What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A. A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch
sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
Q. What's the difference between love, true love, and showing
off?
A. Spitting, swallowing and gargling
Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job?
A. You know she'll swallow.
Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish
wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.
Q. When is a pixie not a pixie?
A. When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a
goblin.'
Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a "quickie,"only you do it yourself.
Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of
marrying?
A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
intention of driving.
Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A. No one to talk to during orgasm.
Q. What do you call a smart blonde?
A. A golden retriever.
Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A. A mechanic!
Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a
dozen donuts.
Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!
Q. How can you tell which is the head nurse?
A. The one with the dirty knees.
Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A. A battery has a positive side.
Q. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third
grade:Who has the biggest tits?
A. The blonde, because she's 18.
Q. Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A. Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor
lock.
Q. The three words most hated by men during sex?
A. "Are you In?" or "Is It In?"
Q. Three words women hate to hear when having sex
A. "Honey, I'm home!"
Q. Why do men take showers instead of baths?
A. Pissing in the bath is disgusting.
Q. Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint?
A. It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.
Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went..
Q. When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died
peacefully in his sleep.
A. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Q. How can you tell a macho women?
A. She rolls her own tampons.
Q: What's the leading cause of death among lesbians?
A: Hair balls.
Q: What's good on a pizza, but bad on a pussy?
A: Crust.
Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
A: Because Kermit loves sweet and sour pork.
------------------
I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure owed me a lot of money!"
A man needs to get an artificial eye due to a work injury. The eye doctor shows him a glass eye and a wooden eye. He can only afford the wooden eye so he buys it.
He is embarrassed to have a wooden eye and doesn't socialize, but he hears of a handicap dance and decides that he would risk going. Surely no one would make fun of him at this dance since they have disabilities too.
When he gets to the dance he sees a beautiful young lady with a peg leg that no one has asked to dance. He walks up to her and says, "Would you like to dance?"
She replies, "Would I?!"
Shocked and angered, he yells back at her, "PEG LEG!!!"
Yo’ Momma So Ugly...
• Yo'momma so ugly she has to get her vibrator drunk first.
• Yo'momma so ugly she puts on her makeup in the dark!
• Yo'momma so ugly they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in her shower.
• Yo'momma so ugly they turn off the cameras when she walks into a bank!
• Yo'momma so ugly she has to sneak up on her mirror.
• Yo'momma so ugly she got arrested for mooning when she looked out the window.
• Yo'momma so ugly she'd make a freight train take a dirt road.
• Yo'momma so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.
..Yo mama's so fat, she's got more rolls than a bakery.
Yo mama's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
Yo mama's so fat, she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Yo mama's so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
You’re mama is so ugly,
she had to get the baby drunk to breast feed it.
You’re mama’s house is so dusty,
the roaches ride around on dune buggys.
You’re mamas so fat,
she wakes up in sections.
Usefull descriptions of people you may know
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
A room temperature IQ
A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
Bright as Alaska in December.
One celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
She’s Attractive in a Ugly kind of way:
I'm not saying she lacks appeal...
But she couldn't get jumped if she was playing checkers.
I'm not saying she's ugly...
But she did turned 3 cannibals into vegetarians!
She's a true flower of womanhood...
A blooming idiot
Actually she's not a complete loss...
She can always be used as a horrible example
What's the difference between yo' mama and a walrus?
One has whiskers and smells of fish, the other one's a walrus!
What is the difference between your mother and a prostitute?
You don't know? I see! I'm sure she'll be delighted when I tell her!
What's the difference between yo mama and a chicken?
A chicken lays eggs and your mama lays everything else!
Yo mama's butt is so big, when her hemorrhoids got inflamed, the doctor called the Fire Department.
Yo mama is like a 7-11, open 24 hours a day, on every street corner and for 99 cents you can get a slurpee.
I'm not saying she didn't have much of a figure, but...
- she's the only girl I know with a Cross-Your-Navel bra
- she got a run in her panty hose and fell thru it
- she has to hold her bra up with suspenders
- she's so bowlegged, she looks like half a doughnut
- as a teen, she was so fat, it took 3 days to pierce her ears
- when she drinks tomato juice, she looks like a thermometer
- she can take a shower without getting her feet wet
- better bodies can be found at almost any used car lot
- one look at her & ya wonder if there were any other survivors
- she orders all her new cars with washtub seats
- when she went to see a plastic surgeon, he wanted to add a tail
- when she makes love, it's like an exclamation point in heat
- if not for her Adam's Apple, she wouldn't have any shape at all
- her day job is modeling for slipcovers
A grandfather and granddaugher were sitting and talking when the young girl asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"
"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.
A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?"
"Yes, He did," the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up.
"You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job lately."
SmileIt may be that your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
At least you're not being rectally probed by aliens.
What if, at this very moment, you are living up to your full potential?
The more you think about things, the weirder they seem. Take this milk. Why do we drink *cow* milk?? Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em.
My favorite poem is the one that starts "Thirty days have September" because it actually tells you something.
Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day.
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.
We all can't be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by.
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
My ambition is to live forever - so far, so good!
Don't follow in my footsteps, because I run into a lot of walls.
Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.
Don't talk about yourself so much... we'll do that when you leave.
If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
This morning I looked down at my unmade bed and decided that it was art in another medium and I should not destroy it.
If you can't say anything nice...come sit by us.
Know what I'm thinking? No. Neither do I; frightening, isn't it?
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
Never say "OOPS!" always say "Ah, Interesting!"
This isn't burger king, you can't have it your way.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
Putdowns
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had aboutyou.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your uniquepoint of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're anartist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burnoff.
23. No, my powers can only be used for good.
24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
25. Who me? I just wander from room to room
26. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
27. Do I look like a people person?
29. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
31. You!... Off my planet!
32. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
33. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
34. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
35. Allow me to introduce my selves.
36. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
37. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
38. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
40. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
41. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
42. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize youhaven't fallen asleep yet.
43. Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
44. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
45. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
46. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
47. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
48. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted thepaychecks.
49. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
50. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Your Mama is Like A(n)
.....Hardware store, 5 cents a screw
....Ice Cream Cone, everyone gets a lick
....Tube of Pringles, once you pop, you can't stop
....vacuum cleaner, she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in thecloset.
...Shotgun, two cocks and she's loaded
. ...Railroad Track, she gets laid all over the country
....Door Knob, evryone gets a turn.
...Christmas Tree, everyone hangs balls on her.
...Lettuce, 25 cents a head
....Tricycle, she's easy to ride
....McDonalds, over 5 million served world wide
....Carpender's dream, flat as a board and east to nail
....Fan, she's always blowing someone
....5 Foot Basketball hoop, it ain't that hard to score
....Turtle, once she's on her back she's fucked
....Birthday Cake, everyone gets a piece
....Squirrel, she's always got some nuts in he mouth
....Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, there's no wrong way to eat her
....Bag of Potato Chips, " Free-To-Lay "
...the Sun, look at her to long and you'll go blind.
...Bowling Ball, she gets picked up, fingered, thrown down thegutter, and she still comes back for more.
Yo Mamma is.....
Yo mamma is so fat, when school busses drive by, she yells "Twinkies"
Yo mamma is so dumb, she wore a hard hat to Wal Mart because it said"Watch out for falling prices!"
Yo Mamma is so poor, I saw her diggin throught TOYS R US dumpster I said what are you doing..she said Christmas shopping.
Yo mamma is so fat, when she came out of the water..people said.."Hey..Free Willy"
Yo mamma is so dumb, the supermarket's sign said "Wet Floor"...so she did!
You’re mama is so ugly,
she had to get the baby drunk to breast feed it.
You’re mama’s house is so dusty,
the roaches ride around on dune buggys.
You’re mamas so fat,
she wakes up in sections.
What's the position to make ugly babies?
Ask your parents.
"You remind me of a famous movie star."
"Really? Which one?"
"Lassie."
*********************************************************
You're so anal retentive, you could stick a piece of coal up there and have a diamond in a week!
*********************************************************************
Last time I saw a face like yours I fed it a banana.
*********************************************************************
Hey, what are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants its ass back?
Yo mama's like a railroad track, she gets laid all over the country!
Yo mama so fat, she don't cast a shadow!
Yo mama so fat, her ass look like two pigs fightin' over a Milk Dud!
Yo Mama's So Fat...
Yo mama's so fat, she uses a mattress for a maxipad
Yo mama's so fat....
...She's 36-24-36... but thats her forearm, neck, and thigh!
...When she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
...She gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down
...She got smaller fat women orbiting around her
...When someone yells "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall.
...She could sell shade.
...when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.
...Her graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
...She played the part of the big rolling ball that was in the Indiana Jones movie.
...When I had sex with her, I burned my ass on the lightbulb.
...She has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
...Your daddy had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
...She has to iron her pants on the driveway.
...When her beeper went off, people thought she was backing up.
SOMETHING TO OFFEND DAMN NEAR EVERYONE
Q. What's the Cuban national anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar
Q. What did the Chinese couple name their retarded baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment
Q. What does it mean when the Post Office's flag is flying at half-mast?
A. They're hiring
Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.
Q. What do you call a Mississippi farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. A pimp.
Q. Why do Driver Education classes in redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal on the frontof the cage.... along with a recipe.
Q. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the "F" word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"
Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairy tale?
A. A northern fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time..." southern fairy tale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.
Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.
Yo mama's built like a record player: 33, 45, 78!
Yo brain on the edge of my knife look like a BB on a four-lane hiway.
A friend's stock retort to those that question his professional expertise:
quote:
Those who disagree with me are tree-worshiping Luddites who probably beat their wives and change their underwear infrequently.
And a final send off...
quote:
May the line that forms to piss on your grave be long and unruly.
Yo mama is so poor,when she goes to the park,ducks throw bread at her.
You're so ugly, when you walk into the bank they turn off the cameras.
If ugliness were bricks, you would be the Great Wall Of China.
You're so ugly, you went to a haunted house and came out with an application.
If ugliness was a crime, you'd get the electric chair.
You were so ugly at birth, your parents named you Shit Happens.
You're so ugly, your mate won't have to worry about birth control...your face will do just fine.
You're so ugly, you could model for death threats.
You're so ugly, when you were born they put tinted windows on your incubator.
You're so ugly, you have to sneak up on your mirror.
You're so ugly, when you look in the mirror your reflection turns to stone.
You're so ugly, when you sit in the sand the cats try to bury you.
You're so ugly, your doctor is a vet.
You're so ugly, when you were born the doctor took one look at you and slapped your parents.
You're so ugly, you stuck your head out of the car window and got arrested for mooning.
You're so ugly, your pet name is Scooby-Doo.
Your girl is so ugly, you gave her a hickey and got a mouthful of fur.
You're so ugly, you have to Trick or Treat by phone.
You're so ugly, when your mother went into labor your father went into shock.
You're so ugly, every time your mother looks at you she says to herself, "Damn, I should've
just given head."
I know why you look like a horse, because I saw your mother grazing in the field.
You're so ugly, when we play peek-a-boo - first I peeked, then I booed.
You're so ugly, you can sink your face in dough and make monster cookies.
You're so ugly, they call you Taco Bell, when people see you they run for the border.
You're so ugly, you make onions cry.
You're so ugly, the tide wouldn't bring you in.
You're so ugly, I took you to see the zookeeper and he said, "Thanks for bringing him back."
You're so ugly, you mother had to get drunk before she breast fed you.
You're so ugly, you went to a freak show and got a permanent job.
You're so ugly, the police sketch artists are afraid to draw you.
You're so ugly, when you get sick they call the vet.
You're so ugly, you make blind kids cry.
You're so ugly, farmers use your picture as a scarecrow.
You're so ugly, every time you go out you get chased by the dog catcher.
You're so ugly, when you jerk off your hand tries to fall asleep.
You're so ugly, you can't hail a bus.
You're so ugly, they call you Moses because every time you step in the lake, the water parts.
You're so ugly, you give Freddy Kruegger nightmares.
You're so ugly, they let you park in handicapped spaces.
You're so ugly, when you threw a boomerang it didn't come back.
You're so ugly, when you went to the zoo they refused to let you out.
You're so ugly, you can't get a date off the calendar.
You're so ugly, when your mother went into labor the doctors went on strike.
You're so ugly, your last name is Link and your first is Missing.
You're so ugly, people put your picture in their car window as an anti-theft device.
You're so ugly, that you can turn milk into yogurt, just by looking at it.
You're so ugly, people create a Jackson Pollock style painting when they spew on the floor.
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It has been 419 days since the last post.
Michele
Maggie
It has been 4229 days since the last post.