At the prodding of my friends, I am writing this  story.

My name is Mildred Hondorf.  I am a former elementary school music teacher from DeMoines, Iowa. I've always supplimented my income by teaching piano lessons-something I've done for over 30 years. 

Over the years I found that children have many levels of musical ability.  I've never had the pleasure of having a protege though I have taught some talented students. 

However I've also had my share of what I call "musicically  challenged" pupils.  One
such student was Robby. 

Robby was 11 years old when his mother (a single mom)  dropped him off for his first piano lesson. I prefer that students  (especially boys!)  begin at  an earlier age, which I explained to Robby.

But Robby said that it had always been his mother's dream to hear him play the piano. So I took him as a student.  Well, Robby began with his piano  lessons and from the beginning I thought it was a hopeless endeavor.  As much as Robby tried, he  lacked the sense of tone and basic rythm needed to excel. But he dutifully reviewed his scales and some elementary pieces that I require all my students to learn.

Over the months he tried and tried while I listened and cringed and tried to encourage him.  At the end of each weekly lesson he'd  always say, "My mom's going to hear me play some day." But it seemed  hopeless. He just did not have any inborn ability.  I only knew his mother from a distance as she dropped Robby off or waited in her aged car to pick him up. 

She always waved and smiled but never stopped in. Then one day Robby stopped coming  to our lessons. I thought about calling him but assume because of his lack of ability, that he had decided to pursue something else.

I also was glad that he stopped coming.  He was a bad advertisement for my  teaching! Several weeks later I mailed to the student's homes a flyer on the upcoming recital. 

To my surprise Robby (who received a  flyer) asked me if he could be in the recital. I told him that the recital was for current pupils and because he had dropped out he really did not qualify He said that his mother had been sick and unable to take him to piano  lessons but he was still practicing "Miss Hondorf...I've just got to play!" he insisted.

I don't know what led me to allow him to play in the recital.  Maybe it was his persistance or maybe it was something inside of me saying that it would  be all right.

The night for the recital came.  The high school gymnasium was packed with parents, friends and relatives.  I put Robby up last in the program before I was to come up and thank all the students and play a finishing  piece. 

I thought that any damage he would do would come at the end of the  program and I could always salvage his poor performance through my quot;curtain closer

Well the recital went off without a hitch.  The students had been practicing and it showed.  Then Robby came up on stage.  His clothes were wrinkled and his hair looked like he'd run an egg-beater through it. "Why didn't he dress up like the other
students?"

I thought.  "Why didn't his mother at least make him comb his hair for this special night?" Robby pulled out the piano bench and he began.  I was surprised when he announced that he had chosen Mozart's  Concerto #21  in C Major.

I was not prepared for what I heard  next.  His fingers were light on the keys, they even danced nimbly on the ivories.  He went from  pianissimo to fortissimo...from allegro to virtuoso. His suspended chords that Mozart  demands were magnificent! 

Never had I heard Mozart played so well by people his age. After six and a half minutes he ended in a grand crescendo and everyone was  on their feet in wild applause. 

Overcome and in tears I ran up on stage and put my arms around Robby in joy. "I've never heard you play like that Robby!  How'd you do it?  

Through the microphone Robby explained:  "Well Miss Hondorf...remember I told  you my mom was sick?  Well actually she had cancer and passed away this  morning.  And well....she was born deaf so tonight was the first time she ever heard me play. I wanted to make it special."

There wasn't a dry eye in the house that evening. As the people from Social Services led Robby from the stage to be  placed into foster care, I noticed that even their eyes were red and puffy and I thought to myself how much richer my life had been for taking Robby as my pupil. 

No, I've never had a progege but that night I became a protege...of Robby's. 

He was the  teacher and I was the pupil.  For it is he that taught me the meaning of perseverance and love and believing in yourself and maybe even taking a  chance in someone and you don't know why.  This is especially meaningful to me since after serving in Desert Storm, Robby was  killed in the senseless bombing of the  Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City in April of 1995, where he was reportedly....playing the piano. And now, a footnote to the story.  If you are thinking about forwarding this  message,you are probably thinking about which people on your address list aren't the "appropriate" ones to receive this type of message.

The person who sent this to you believes that we can all make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities a day to help realize God's plan. So  many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a spark of the Divine? Or do we pass up that opportunity and leave the world  a bit colder in the process?  You have two choices now:
1. Delete this.
2. Forward it to the people you care about.
You know the choice I made. Thank you for reading this....

I thought this was some good info that anyone of us could possibly need
(hopefully not).  This piece of information was sent to me by a friend.

This was sent out by a corporate attorney to the employees in his company. I pass it along because it has some really good advice.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU LOSE YOUR PURSE OR WALLET

We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed using your name, address, SS#, credit, etc.  Unfortunately I (the author of thispiece who happens to be an attorney) have first hand knowledge,because my wallet was stolen last month and within a week the thieve(s) ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online, and more.

But here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens
to you or someone you know.  As everyone always advises, cancel your credit
cards immediately, but the key is having the toll free numbers and your card
numbers handy so you know whom to call.  Keep those where you can find
them easily.  File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where it
was stolen, this proves to credit providers you were diligent, and is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one).

But here's what is perhaps most important: (I never ever thought to do this) Call the three national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and SS#.  I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit.

By the time I was advised to do this, almost 2 weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done.

There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert.  Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in).  It seems to have stopped them in their tracks.

The numbers are:
Equifax:  1-800-525-6285
Experian (formerly TRW):  1-888-397-3742
Trans Union:  1-800-680-7289
Social Security Administration (fraud line):  1-800-269-0271

We pass along jokes.  We pass along just about everything.  Do think abou passing this information along.  It could help someone.
 

Read Slowly and Think Long on Each Sentence

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

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Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.

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If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?

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Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.

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You can only go as far as you push.

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Actions speak louder than words.

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The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.

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Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff!

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Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.

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A BEST FRIEND is like a four leaf clover, HARD TO FIND and LUCKY TO HAVE

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Some people make the world SPECIAL just by being in it.

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BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us.

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When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.

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TRUE FRIENDSHIP "NEVER" ENDS. Friends are FOREVER.

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Good friends are like stars....You don't alway see them, but you know they are always there.

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Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.

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What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?

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Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

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Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.

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Most people walk in and out of you life, but only friends leave footprints in your heart.

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Send this on to everyone special in your life, even the people who really make you mad sometimes and to the people whose lives you want to be in!!!

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And send it back to the person who sent it too you if they mean something to you!!

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Remember, every minute spent angry is sixt seconds of happiness wasted.

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A smile a day keeps the frowns away.

Thought I'd pass this one on to all of you, makes you stop and think. I have seen it before but, seems it should make the rounds again.

A minister passing through his church
in the middle of the day,
Decided to pause by the altar
and see who had come to pray.

Just then the back door opened,
a man came down the aisle,
The minister frowned as he saw
the man hadn't shaved in a while.

His shirt was kind of shabby
and his coat was worn and frayed,
the man knelt, he bowed his head,
then rose and walked away.

In the days that followed,
each noon time came this chap,
each time he knelt just for a moment,
a lunch pail in his lap.

Well, the minister's suspicions grew,
with robbery a main fear,
He decided to stop the man and ask him,
What are you doing here?"

The old man said, he worked down the road.
Lunch was half an hour.
Lunchtime was his prayer time,
for finding strength and power.

I stay only moments, see,
because the factory is so far away;
as I kneel here talking to the Lord,
this is kind of what I say:

"I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, LORD,
HOW HAPPY I HAVE BEEN,
SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHER'S FRIENDSHIP
AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN.

DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY,
BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERY DAY.
SO, JESUS,
THIS IS JIM CHECKING IN TODAY."

The minister feeling foolish,
told Jim, that was fine.
He told the man he was welcome
to come and pray just anytime.

Time to go, Jim smiled, said
"Thanks." He hurried to the door.
The minister knelt at the altar,
he'd never done it before.

His cold heart melted,
warmed with love,
and met with Jesus there.
As the tears flowed,
in his heart,
he repeated old Jim's prayer:

"I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, LORD,
HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN,
SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHER'S FRIENDSHIP
AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN.

I DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY,
BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY.
SO, JESUS,
THIS IS ME CHECKING IN TODAY."

Past noon one day, the minister noticed
that old Jim hadn't come.
As more days passed without Jim,
he began to worry some.

At the factory, he asked about him,
learning he was ill.
The hospital staff was worried,
but he'd given them a thrill.

The week that Jim was with them,
brought changes in the ward.
His smiles, a joy contagious
Changed people, were his reward.

The head nurse couldn't understand
why Jim was so glad,
when no flowers, calls or cards came,
not a visitor he had.

The minister stayed by his bed,
he voiced the nurse's concern:
No friends came to show they cared.
He had nowhere to turn.

Looking surprised, old Jim spoke up
and with a winsome smile:
"The nurse is wrong, she couldn't know,
that in here all the while,
every day at noon He's here,
dear friend of mine, you see,
He sits right down, takes my hand,
leans over and says to me:

"I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, JIM,
HOW HAPPY I HAVE BEEN,
SINCE WE FOUND THIS FRIENDSHIP,
AND I TOOK AWAY YOUR SIN.

ALWAYS LOVE TO HEAR YOU PRAY,
I THINK ABOUT YOU EACH DAY,
AND SO JIM,
"THIS IS JESUS CHECKING IN TODAY."

Many people will walk in and of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

 

Shake It Off

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.

The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway,
It just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him.

They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.

Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and
was astonished at what he saw.

With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing
something amazing.

He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt.

The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a
step up.

Each of our troubles is a stepping stone.

We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!

Shake it off and take a step up!

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.

2. Free your mind from worries.

3. Live simply.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less..

Someone sent this to me to think over so I am
forwarding it to you to do the same.
Enjoy Your Week
SHAKE IT OFF
 

Subject: New Job Training

Memo to all employees:

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.).

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. in the course, please see your supervisor.

You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S. H. I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S. H. I. T. will be placed in DEPARTMENT EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).

All Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).

Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.).

This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T. If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

P.S. Now send this S.H.I.T. to 5 people who need S.H.I.T. in their life, just not the same person who sent you this S.H.I.T. They have already had their fill of S.H.I.T. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
The Director Under the Main Bureau of Super High Intensity Training.
(The D.U.M.B. S.H.I.T.).
 

A group of Geography students studied the Seven Wonders of the World. At the end of that section, the students were asked to list what they considered to be the Seven Wonders of the World.

Though there was some disagreement, the following got the most votes:
1. Egypt's Great Pyramids,
2. Taj Mahal,
3. Grand Canyon,
4. Panama Canal,
5. Empire State Building,
6. St. Peter's Basilica,
7. China's Great Wall.
While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student, a quiet girl, hadn't turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The quiet girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many." The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help." The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the Seven Wonders of the World are
"1. to touch
2. to taste,
3. to see
4. to hear."
She hesitated a little, "and then
5. to run
6. to laugh
7. and to love."

It is far too easy for us to look at the exploits of man and refer to them as "wonders" while we overlook all God has done, regarding them as merely "ordinary."
May you be reminded today of those things which are truly wondrous.
 

We were then told to carry this bag with us everywhere for one week, putting it beside our bed at night, on the car seat when driving, next to our desk at work.

The hassle of lugging this around with us made it clear what a weight we were carrying spiritually, and how we had to pay attention to it all the time to not forget, and keep leaving it in embarrassing places.

Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated to a nasty slime. This was a great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our pain and heavy negativity!

Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and while that's true, it clearly is also a gift for ourselves!
 

AN IRISH FRIENDSHIP WISH

May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your windowpane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you;
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

OK, this is what you have to do....
Send this to ALL of your friends!
 

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

IF YOU RECEIVE A GIFT IN THE SHAPE OF A LARGE WOODEN HORSE DO NOT DOWNLOAD IT!!!! It is EXTREMELY DESTRUCTIVE and will overwrite your ENTIRE CITY!

The "gift" is disguised as a large wooden horse about two stories tall. It tends to show up outside the city gates and appears to be abandoned.

DO NOT let it through the gates! It contains hardware that is incompatible with Trojan programming, including a crowd of heavily armed Greek warriors that will destroy your army, sack your town, and kill your women and children.

If you have already received such a gift, DO NOT OPEN IT! Take it back out of the city unopened and set fire to it by the beach.

FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!

Poseidon

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Hey

I hate to break to you, but this is one of the oldest hoaxes there is. I've seen variants on this warning come through on other listservs, one involving some kind of fruit that was supposed to kill the people who ate it and one having to do with something called the "Midas Touch." Here are a few tipoffs that this is a hoax:

1) This "Forward this message to everyone you know" crap. If it were really meant as a warning about the Greek army, why tell anyone to post it to the Phonecians, Sumerians, and Cretans?

2) Use of exclamation points. Always a giveaway.

3) It's signed "from Poseidon." Granted he's had his problems with Odysseus but he's one of their guys, isn't he? Besides, the lack of a real header with a detailed address makes me suspicious.

4) Technically speaking, there is no way for a horse to overwrite your entire city. A horse is just an animal, after all. Next time you get a message like this, just delete it. I appreciate your concern, but once you've been around the block a couple times you'll realize how annoying this kind of stuff is.

Bye now."
 

Ever wondered which cartoon character you are most like? Well, a team of researchers got together and analyzed the personalities of cartoon characters, and put the information gathered intothis quiz. Answer each question with the answer that mostdescribes you, then add up the points that correspond with your answer.

Don't cheat!!!!!!! Then send this to all your friends including the person who sent it to you with your cartoon character in the subject line.

1. What describes your perfect date?
a) Candlelight dinner for two
b) Amusement Park
c) Rollerblading in the park
d) Rock Concert
e) See a movie

2. What is your favorite type of music?
a) Rock and Roll
b) Alternative
c) Soft Rock
d) Classical
e) Popular

3. What is your favorite type of movie?
a) Comedy
b) Horror
c) Musical
d) Romance
e) Documentary

4. Which of the following jobs would you chose if you were given
only these choices?
a) Waiter/Waitress
b) Sports Player
c) Teacher
d) Policeman
e) Bartender

5. Which would you rather do if you had an hour to waste?
a) work out
b) Read
c) Watch TV
d) Listen to the radio
e) Sleep

6. Of the following colors, which do you like the best?
a) yellow
b) white
c) sky blue
d) teal
e) red

7. Which one of the following would you like to eat right now?
a) ice cream
b) pizza
c) sushi
d) pasta
e) salad

8. What is your favorite holiday?
a) Halloween
b) Christmas
c) New Year's
d) Valentine's Day
e) Thanksgiving

9. If you could go to any of the following places, which would
it be?
a) Paris
b) Spain
c) Las Vegas
d) Hawaii
e) Hollywood

10. Of the following, who would you rather spend time with?
a) Someone who is smart
b) Someone with good looks
c) Someone who is a party animal
d) Someone who has fun all the time
e) Someone who is very emotional

Now total up your points and find your character below:

1. a 4 2. a 2 3. a 2 4. a 4 5. a 5
b 2 b 1 b 1 b 5 b 4
c 5 c 4 c 3 c 3 c 2
d 1 d 5 d 4 d 2 d 1
e 3 e 3 e 5 e 1 e 3

6. a 1 7. a 3 8. a 1 9. a 4 10. a 5
b 5 b 2 b 3 b 5 b 2
c 3 c 1 c 2 c 1 c 1
d 2 d 4 d 4 d 2 d 3
e 4 e 5 e 5 e 3 e 4

10-17 points: You are TAZ. You are wild and crazy and you know it. You know how to have fun, but you may take it to extremes. You know what you are doing though, and are much in control of your own life. People don't always see things your way, but thatdoesn't mean that you should do away with your beliefs. Try to remember that your wild spirit can lead to hurting yourself and others.

18-26 points: You are Bugs Bunny You are fun, friendly, and popular. You are a real crowd pleaser. You have probably been out on the town your share of times, yet you come home with the values that your mother taught you. Marriage and children are important to you, but only after you have fun. Don't let the people you please influence you to stray.

27-34 points: You are Tweety You are cute, and everyone loves you. You are a best friend that no one takes a chance of losing. You never hurt feelings and seldom have your own feelings hurt. Life is a breeze. You are witty, and calm most of the time. Just keep clear of backstabbers, and you are worry free.

35-42 points: You are Peppe Le Pew (without the smell) You are a lover. Romance, flowers, and wine are all you need to enjoy yourself. You are serious about all commitments. A family person. You call your Mom every Sunday, and never forget a Birthday. Don't let your passion for romance get confused with the real thing.

43-50 points: You are Speedy Gonzales You are smart, a real thinker. Every situation is approached with a plan. You are very healthy in mind and body. You teach strong family values. Keep your feet planted in them but don't overlook a bad situation when it does happen.

Subject: WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES

On Monday we emailed jokes

On Tuesday we did not

On Monday we thought that we were secure

On Tuesday we learned better

On Monday we were talking about heroes as being athletes

On Tuesday we relearned who our heroes are

On Monday we were irritated that our rebate checks had not arrived

On Tuesday we gave money away to people we had never met

On Monday there were people fighting against praying in schools

On Tuesday you would have been hard pressed to find a school where someone
was not praying

On Monday people argued with their kids about picking up their room

On Tuesday the same people could not get home fast enough to hug their kids

On Monday people were upset that they had to wait 6 minutes in a fast food
drive through line

On Tuesday people didn't care about waiting up to 6 hours to give blood for
the dying

On Monday we waved flags signifying our cultural diversity

On Tuesday we waved only the American flag

On Monday there were people trying to separate each other by race, sex,
color and creed

On Tuesday they were all holding hands

On Monday we were men or women, black or white, old or young, rich or poor,
gay or straight, Christian or non-Christian

On Tuesday we were all Americans

On Monday politicians argued about budget surpluses

On Tuesday, grief stricken, they sang 'God Bless America'

On Monday the President was going to Floridato read to children

On Tuesday he returned to Washingtonto protect our children

On Monday we had families

On Tuesday we had orphans

On Monday people went to work and came home as usual

On Tuesday they died

On Monday people were fighting the 10 commandments on government property

On Tuesday the same people all said 'God help us all' while thinking 'Thou
shall not kill'

It is sadly ironic how it takes horrific events to place things into perspective, but it has. The lessons learned this week, the things we have taken for granted, the things that have been forgotten or overlooked, hopefully will never be forgotten again.
 

Dear God:

Why didn't you save the school children at .  .  .
a..  Moses Lake, Washington 2/2/96
b..  Bethel, Alaska 2/19/97
c..  Pearl, Mississippi 10/1/97
d..  West Paducah, Kentucky 12/1/97
e..  Stamps, Arkansas 12/15/97
f..  Jonesboro, Arkansas 3/24/98
g..  Edinboro, Pennsylvania 4/24/98
h..  Fayetteville, Tennessee 5/19/98
i..  Springfield, Oregon 5/21/98
j..  Richmond, Virginia 6/15/98
k..  Littleton, Colorado 4/20/99
l..  Taber, Alberta, Canada 5/28/99
m..  Conyers, Georgia 5/20/99
n..  Deming, New Mexico 11/19/99
o..  Fort Gibson, Oklahoma 12/6/99
p..  Santee, California 3/5/01 and
q..  El Cajon, California 3/22/01?

Sincerely,
Concerned Student

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Dear Concerned Student:
I am not allowed in schools.

Sincerely,
God

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Let's see, I think it started when Madeline Murray O'Hare complained
she didn't want any prayer in our schools.

And we said, OK...

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Then, someone said you better not read the Bible in school, the Bible that says "thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbors yourself,"

And we said, OK...

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Dr.  Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem.  And we said, an expert should know what he's talking about so we won't spank them anymore...

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Then someone said teachers and principals better not discipline our children when they misbehave.  And the school administrators said no faculty member in this school better touch a student when they misbehave because we don't want any bad publicity, and we surely don't want to be sued.

And we accepted their reasoning...

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Then someone said, let's let our daughters have abortions if they want, and they won't even have to tell their parents.

And we said, that's a grand idea...

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Then some wise school board member said, since boys will be boys and they're going to do it anyway, let's give our sons all the condoms they want, so they can have all the fun they desire, and we won't have to tell their parents they got them at school.

And we said, that's another great idea...

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Then some of our top elected officials said it doesn't matter what we do in private as long as we do our jobs.  And we said, it doesn't matter what anybody, including the President, does in private as long as we have jobs and the economy is good...

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And someone else took that appreciation a step further and published pictures of nude children and then stepped further still by making them available on the Internet.

And we said, everyone's entitled to free speech...

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And the entertainment industry said, let's make TV shows and movies that promote profanity, violence and illicit sex...  And let's record music that encourages rape, drugs, murder, suicide, and satanic themes...

And we said, it's just entertainment and it has no adverse effect and nobody takes it seriously anyway, so go right ahead...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, classmates or even themselves.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Undoubtedly, if we thought about it long and hard enough, we could figure it out.  I'm sure it has a great deal to do with...

"WE REAP WHAT WE SOW,"
 

          The Lady
  
        I wonder what she thought
        As she stood there, strong and tall.
        She couldn't turn away,
        She was forced to watch it all.
        Did she long to offer comfort
        As her country bled?
        With her arm forever frozen
        High above her head.
        She could not shield her eyes
        She could not hide her face
        She just stared across the water
        Keeping Freedom's place.
        The smell of smoke and terror
        Somehow reduced her size
        So small within the harbor
        But still we recognized...
        How dignified and beautiful
        On a day so many died
        I wonder what she thought,
        And I know she must have cried.    
 

Question!

NOW that the President has called us to prayer.....

NOW that Congress has called us to prayer.....

NOW that our Governor has called us to prayer.....

NOW that the city Mayor has called us to prayer.....

NOW that the "liberal" media and most other branches of our American society have called us to prayer.....

AND NOW that our churches are assembling in special prayer....

"Honorable" Justices of the Supreme Court, I have only one question......

Would it be okay to pray in our schools........?? 
 

My name is Billy Evans.  I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't.  She is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick.  I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe. The doctors gave me an artificial body.  It is a burlap bag filled with leaves.  The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance.  I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money.  Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people.  I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she
hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic
to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.  I hope you will help me.  You can help me if you forward this email to everyone you know.  Forward it to people you don't know, too.  Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this
email to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With
that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up a
collection in church and send all the money to the doctors.  The doctors
could help me get better then.  Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball.
Right now I can only be third base. Every time you forward this letter, the
astronauts can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer
to coming true.  Please help me.  Mommy is so sad, and I want a body.  I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.  If you don't forward this email, that's okay.  Mommy says you're a mean and heartless bastard who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow, horrible death and then burn forever in hell.  She asks what kind of cruel a person are you that you can't take five freakin' minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?  Please help me.  I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty.  I wish I could
hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its turds in the leaves of my burlap body.  I wish that very much. 

Thank You, Billy "Smiles" Evans

P.S.  You can SEND MONEY to the person who sent you this because that person is very trustworthy.
 

Dollar Bill

Take out a one dollar bill and look at it. The one dollar bill you're looking at first came off the presses in 1957 in its present design. This so-called paper money is in fact a cotton and linen blend, with red and blue minute silk fibers running through it. It's not paper money at all...it's fabric money.

We've all washed it without it falling apart. A special blend of ink is used, the contents we will never know. It is overprinted with symbols and then it is starched to make it water resistant and pressed to give it that nice crisp look. If you look on the front of the bill, you will see the United States Treasury Seal. On the top you will see the scales for the balance - a balanced budget. In the center you have a carpenter's T-square, a tool used for an even cut. Underneath is the Key to the United States Treasury. That's all pretty easy to figure out, but what is on the back of that dollar bill is something we should all know.

If you turn the bill over, you will see two circles. Both circles, together, comprise the Great Seal of the United States. The First Continental Congress requested that Benjamin Franklin and a group of men come up with a Seal. It took them four years to accomplish this task and another two years to get it approved.

If you look at the left hand circle, you will see a Pyramid. Notice the face is lighted and the western side is dark. This country was just beginning. We had not begun to explore the West or decided what we could do for Western Civilization. The Pyramid is un-capped, again signifying that we were not even close to being finished. Inside the capstone you have the all-seeing eye, and ancient symbol for divinity. It was Franklin's belief that one man couldn't do it alone, but a group of men, with the help of God, could do anything. "IN GOD WE TRUST" is on this currency.

The Latin above the pyramid, ANNUIT COEPTIS, means "God has favored our undertaking." The Latin below the pyramid, NOVUS ORDO SECLORUM, means "a new order has begun." At the base of the pyramid is the Roman Numeral for 1776. If you look at the right hand circle, and check it carefully, you will learn that it is on
every National Cemetery in the United States. It is also on the Parade of Flags Walkway at the Bushnell, Florida National Cemetery and is the centerpiece of most hero's monuments. Slightly modified, it is the seal of the President of the United States and it is always visible whenever he speaks, yet no one knows what the symbols mean. The Bald Eagle was selected as a symbol for victory for two reasons. First, he is not afraid of a storm; he is strong and he is smart enough to soar above it. Secondly, he wears no material crown. We as a nation had just
broken from the King of England. Also, notice the shield is unsupported. This
country can now stand on its own. At the top of that shield you have a white bar signifying congress, a unifying factor. We were coming together as one nation. In the Eagle's beak you will read, "E PLURIBUS UNUM", meaning "from many (people) one (nation)." Above the Eagle you have thirteen stars representing the thirteen
original colonies, "exploding" to roll away any clouds of misunderstanding and
doubt. Again, we were coming together as one. Notice what the Eagle holds in
his talons. He holds an olive branch and arrows. This country wants peace, but
we will never be afraid to fight to preserve peace. The Eagle always wants to face the olive branch, but in time of war, his gaze turns toward the arrows. They say that the number 13 is an unlucky number. This is almost a worldwide belief. You will usually never see a room numbered 13, or any hotels or motels with a 13th floor. But think about this: 13 original colonies, 13 signers of the Declaration of Independence, 13 stripes on our flag, 13 steps on the Pyramid, 13 letters in the Latin phrases "Annuit Coeptis" and "E Pluribus Unum", 13 stars above the Eagle, 13 bars on that shield, 13 leaves on the olive branch, 13 fruits, and if you look closely, 13 arrows (and later, for minorities: the 13th Amendment). Why didn't we know this? You probably don't know it. Your children don't know it because no one ever felt it important enough to tell us about it. The schools no longer teach American History with an emphasis on what it took to found this country and gain our freedom from the English crown; on the moral underpinnings, courage, and conviction of our Founding Fathers. It used to be "United we stand, divided we fall." Now, everything is about "celebrating our differences", "moral relativism" and moral equivalency", that no one set of beliefs are better than another. Group rights divide and "Balkanize" people against one another to give one group "an advantage" over the other. They teach that our country is no longer a "melting pot" where people should assimilate into one (E Pluribus Unum), rather it is a "salad bowl" where all the pieces are separate and distinct (but if you don't like cucumbers, tomatoes, or Romaine lettuce you can easily pick them off your plate). The real story of the strong religious convictions and values of our founders, and what it meant to them to risk their lives and property to follow those beliefs, has been diminished, distorted, covered over, and regrettably, dismissed as "non-inclusive". Too many veterans have given up too much to ever let that meaning fade. Many veterans remember coming home to an America that doesn't care. Too many veterans never came home at all. Tell your kids and grand-kids what a dollar bill really stands for. Because if you don't, nobody else will.
 

THIS SAYS IT ALL!!!!!

Broken Arrow, Oklahoma School officials remove "God Bless America" signs from schools in fear that someone might be offended.

Channel 12 News in Long Island, New York, orders flags removed from the newsroom and red, white, and blue ribbons removed from the lapels of reporters.

Why?

Management did not want to appear biased and felt that our nations flag might give the appearance that "they lean one way or another".

Berkeley, California bans U.S. Flags from being displayed on city fire trucks because they didn't want to offend anyone in the community.

In an "act of tolerance" the head of the public library at Florida Gulf Coast University ordered all "Proud to be an American" signs removed so as to not offend international students.

I, for one, am quite disturbed by these actions of so-called American citizens; and I am tired of this nation worrying about whether or not we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on September 11, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Americans. However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled in New York and Washington D.C. when the "politically correct" crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others.

I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to America. In fact, our country's population is almost entirely comprised of descendants of immigrants; however, there are a few things that
those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some native Americans, need to understand.

First of all, it is not our responsibility to continually try not to offend you in any way. This idea of America being a multi-cultural community has served only to dilute our
sovereignty and our national identity. As Americans, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language,and our own lifestyle. This culture, called the "American Way" has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.

Our forefathers fought, bled, and died at places such as BunkerHill, Antietam, San Juan, Iwo Jima, Normandy, Korea, Vietnam,

We speak English, not Spanish, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society - learn our language! "In God We Trust" is our national motto. This is not some off-the-wall, Christian, Right Wing, political slogan - it is our national motto. It is engraved in stone in the House of Representatives in our Capitol and it is printedon our currency. We adopted this motto because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation; and this is clearly documented throughout our history. If it is
appropriate for our motto to be inscribed in the halls of our highest level of Government, then it is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools.

God is in our pledge, our National Anthem, nearly every patriotic song, and in our founding documents. We honor His birth, death, and resurrection as holidays, and we turn to Him in prayer in times of crisis. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture and we are proud to have Him.

We are proud of our heritage and those who have so honorably defended our freedoms. We celebrate Independence Day, Memorial Day, Veterans Day, and Flag Day. We have parades, picnics, and barbecues where we proudly wave our flag. As
an American, I have the right to wave my flag, sing my national anthem, quote my national motto, and cite my pledge wheneverand wherever I choose. If the Stars and Stripes offend you, or you don't like Uncle Sam, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet.

The American culture is our way of life, our heritage, and we are proud of it. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from. We are Americans, like it or not, this is our country, our land, and our lifestyle.

Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to express his opinion about our government, culture, or society, and we will allow you every opportunity to do so. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about our flag, ourpledge, our national motto, or our way of life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great American freedom, the right to leave.
 

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd."

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.

My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives." He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now.

I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business degree on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous.

Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began.

"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

"Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable." I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.

"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. "There is no beginning or end..Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift.

 

Subject: FW: Fwd: Number 11

I don't know who David is, but his response is hilarious!!!

Ya know ... some people look for things like this ... and it amazes me. At first I rolled my eyes ... then I read Dave's response and I couldn't have said it
better if I had all day to do it. I had to pass thisalong.

ORIGINAL LETTER:

The date of the attack: 9/11 - 9 + 1 + 1 = 11
September 11th is the 254th day of the year: 2 + 5 + 4 = 11
After September 11th there are 111 days left to the end of the year
119 is the area code to Iraq/Iran. 1 + 1 + 9 = 11
Twin Towers - standing side by side, looks like the number 11
The first plane to hit the towers was Flight 11

I Have More...

State of New York - The 11th State added to the Union
New York City - 11 Letters
Afghanistan - 11 Letters
The Pentagon - 11 Letters
Ramzi Yousef - 11 Letters (convicted or orchestrating the attack on the WTC in 1993)
Flight 11 - 92 on board - 9 + 2 = 11
Flight 77 - 65 on board - 6 + 5 = 11

DAVE'S RESPONSE:

Oh my God! How worried should I be? There are 11 letters in the name
"David Pawson!" I'm going into hiding NOW. See you in a few weeks.

Wait a sec... just realized "YOU CAN'T HIDE" also has 11 letters! What am I gonna do? Help me!!! The terrorists are after me! ME! I can't believe it!

Oh crap, there must be someplace on the planet Earth I could hide! But no..."PLANET EARTH" has 11 letters, too!

Maybe Nostradamus can help me. But dare I trust him?
There are 11 letters in "NOSTRADAMUS."

I know, the Red Cross can help. NO, they can't... 11 letters in "THE RED CROSS," can't trust them.

I would rely on self defense, but "SELF DEFENSE" has 11 letters in it, too!

Can someone help? Anyone? If so, send me email. No, don't... "SEND ME EMAIL" has 11 letters...

Will this never end? I'm going insane! "GOING INSANE???" Eleven letters!!

Nooooooooooo!!!!!! I guess I'll die alone, even though "I'LL DIE ALONE" has 11 letters...

Oh my God, I just realized that America is doomed! Our Independence Day
is July 4th ... 7/4 ... 7+4=11!

Dave

PS. "IT'S BULLSHIT" has 11 letters also.

 

Rated G
DEAR RECEIVER,

You have just received a Taliban virus. Since we are not so technologically advanced in Afghanistan, this is a MANUAL virus.

Please delete all the files on your hard disk yourself and send this mail to everyone you know.

Thank you very much for helping me.
Abdullah
Taliban hacker
 

Subject: A Christmas Poem

WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF
PLASTER AND STONE.

I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY
WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
AND TO SEE JUST WHO
IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.

I LOOKED ALL ABOUT,
A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS,
NOT EVEN A TREE.

NO STOCKING BY MANTLE,
JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES
OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.

WITH MEDALS AND BADGES,
AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
A SOBER THOUGHT
CAME THROUGH MY MIND.

FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT,
IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER,
ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.

THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING,
SILENT, ALONE,
CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR
IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.

THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE,
THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,
NOT HOW I PICTURED
A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.

WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?
CURLED UP ON A PONCHO, THE FLOOR FOR A BED?
I REALIZED THE FAMILIES
THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS
WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.

SOON ROUND THE WORLD,
THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE
A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.

THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM
EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS,
LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.

I COULDN'T HELP WONDER
HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE
IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.

THE VERY THOUGHT
BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
I DROPPED TO MY KNEES
AND STARTED TO CRY.

THE SOLDIER AWAKENED
AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
SANTA DON'T CRY,
THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;

I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM,
I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,
MY LIFE IS MY GOD,
MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS."

THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER
AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
I COULDN'T CONTROL IT,
I CONTINUED TO WEEP.

I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS,
SO SILENT AND STILL
AND WE BOTH SHIVERED
FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.

I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE
ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR
SO WILLING TO FIGHT.

THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER,
WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,
WHISPERED, "CARRY ON SANTA,
IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE."

ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH,
AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND,
AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT."

A Marine stationed in Okinawa Japan wrote this poem.The following is his request. I think it is reasonable...PLEASE. Would you do me the favor of sending this to as many people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our U.S. service men and women for our being able to celebrate these festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us. Please, do your small part to plant this small seed.
 

REMEMBER WHEN:

Mom was at home when the kids got home from school.

When nobody owned a purebred dog.

When a quarter was a decent allowance, and another quarter, a huge bonus.

When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.

When all of your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done and wore high heels.

When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for free, every time. And, you didn't pay for air. And, you got trading stamps to boot.

When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.

When the worst thing you could do at school was smoke in the bathrooms, flunk a test or chew gum.

When a '57 Chevy was everyone's dream car ... to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady and girls wore a class ring with an inch of wrapped yarn so it would fit her finger.And no one ever asked where the car keys were 'cause they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked. And you got in big trouble if you accidentally locked the doors at home, since no one ever had a key.

Remember lying on your back on the grass with your friends and saying things like "That cloud looks like a ... "

Remember jumping waves at the ocean for hours in that cold water. And playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game. Back then, baseball was not a psychological group learning experience--it was a game.

Remember when stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals 'cause no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger.

And with all our progress ... don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace ... and share it with the children of today...

Remember when being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home.

Basically, we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.... Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we all survived because their love was greater than the threat.

Go back with me for a minute....
Before the Internet or the MAC
Before semi automatics and crack
Before SEGA or Super Nintendo...Way back ....

I'm talkin' bout hide and go seek at dusk.
Red light, Green light.
Kick the can.
Playing kickball & dodge ball until your porch light came on.
Mother May I?
Red Rover
Hula Hoops
Roller skating to music
Running through the sprinkler Wait ....

Catchin' lightning bugs in a jar
Christmas morning ....
Your first day of school
Bedtime Prayers and Goodnight Kisses
Climbing trees
Getting an Ice Cream off the Ice Cream Truck
A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers
Jumpin' on the bed.
Pillow fights
Runnin' till you were out of breath
Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt
Being tired from playin'....
Your first crush ....Remember that? I'm not finished yet....

Kool-aid was the drink of summer
Toting your friends on your handle bars
Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school
Class Field Trips When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there.
Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, Yeah, I remember that!
There's nothing like the good old days.
They were good then, and they're good now when we think about them.

Share some of these thoughts with a friend who can relate, then share it
with someone that missed out on them. I want to go back to the time when............

Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo"
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do it over!"
"Race issue"; meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly"
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.
Being old, referred to anyone over 20.
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.
Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.
Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.
Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare"
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
Water bal! loons were the ultimate weapon.
Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!!!!

Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown up" life.
I DOUBLE DOG DARE YA!!!!!!!
 

~ Afghanistan Christmas Carol ~

Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the Land,
They're running like rabbits
in Afghanistan,

Osama's been praying,
he's down on his Knees,
He's hoping that Allah
will hear all his Pleas.

He thought if he killed us
that we'd fall and Shatter,
But all that he's done
is just make us Madder.

We ain't yet forgotten
our Marines in Beirut,
And we'll kick your butt,
with one heavy Boot.

And yes we remember
the USS Cole,
And the lives of our sailors
that you bastards Stole.

You think you can rule us
and cause us to Fear,
You'll soon get the answer
if you live to Hear.

And we ain't forgotten
your buddy Saddam,
And he ain't forgotten
the sound of our Bombs.

You think that those mountains
are somewhere to Hide.
They'll go down in history
as the place where you Died.

Remember Khadhafi
and his Line of Death?
He came very close,
to his final Breath.

So come out and prove it,
that you are a Man,
Cause our boys are coming
and they have a Plan.

They are our fathers
and they are our Sons,
And they sure do carry
some mighty big Guns.

They would have stayed
home with children and Wives,
Till you bastards came here
and took all these Lives.

Osama I wrote this
especially for You,
For air mail delivery
by B-52.

You soon will be hearing
a thud and a whistle,
Old Glory is coming,
attached to a Missle.

I will not be sorry
to see your ass Go.
It's Red, White, and Blue
that is running this Show
 

A Real Man's Letter

This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything.

Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented.

Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women.

One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have.

At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, of whom 4 were worth keeping.

REMEMBER this chain brings luck.

One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy swimsuit model.

An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooters waitress and a Hollywood super model.

You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN!

One man broke the chain, and got his own wife back again.

Let's keep it going, men! Just add your name to the list below!

Bill Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

William Jefferson Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

W. J. Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

William Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

W. Jefferson Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

William J Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

Slick Willy Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017
 

Contraceptives '02
Microsoft's Latest Venture

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive02, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play.

It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.

The Contraceptive02 suite consists of three products: Condom02, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive02 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive02 Small Business Edition is a package for startups, aimed at the housewife and gigolo niches.

While Contraceptive02 does not address nontraditional copulatory channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year.

OPERATION: Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install the package.

At installation, the Condom02 software checks for minimum hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently scaleable to meet most requirements. After installation, operation commences. One precaution is that the user must be sure they have sufficient RAM to complete the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is initiated, and the user gets the message, it is now safe to turn off your partner.

DRAWBACKS: Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern during beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious error encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have been eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time its used.

CONCLUSION: Contraceptive02 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, it is reasonably good value for its $49.95 price tag, and is far superior to its shareware version. Hopefully, future releases (of the software, that is) will add missing functionality, such as Backout and Restore, uninterruptible Power Supply and Onboard Camera.

Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic that "Our contraceptive products will help users do to each other what we've been doing to our customers for years."
 

Contraceptives '02
Microsoft's Latest Venture

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive02, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play.

It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.

The Contraceptive02 suite consists of three products: Condom02, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive02 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive02 Small Business Edition is a package for startups, aimed at the housewife and gigolo niches.

While Contraceptive02 does not address nontraditional copulatory channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year.

OPERATION: Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install the package.

At installation, the Condom02 software checks for minimum hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently scaleable to meet most requirements. After installation, operation commences. One precaution is that the user must be sure they have sufficient RAM to complete the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is initiated, and the user gets the message, it is now safe to turn off your partner.

DRAWBACKS: Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern during beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious error encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have been eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time its used.

CONCLUSION: Contraceptive02 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, it is reasonably good value for its $49.95 price tag, and is far superior to its shareware version. Hopefully, future releases (of the software, that is) will add missing functionality, such as Backout and Restore, uninterruptible Power Supply and Onboard Camera.

Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic that "Our contraceptive products will help users do to each other what we've been doing to our customers for years."
 

Just mature

Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.
From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.
I asked for the cause of a lesser amount;
And he answered, "Because of the Seniors Discount."

I went to McDonald's for a burger and fries;
And there, once again, got quite a surprise.
The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me.
He said, "For you, Seniors, the coffee is free."

Understand---I'm not old---I'm merely mature;
But some things are changing, temporarily, I'm sure.
The newspaper print gets smaller each day,
And people speak softer---can't hear what they say.

My teeth are my own (I have the receipt),
and my glasses identify people I meet.
Oh, I've slowed down a bit...not a lot, I am sure.
You see, I'm not old...I'm only mature.

The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun.
You should see all the damage that chlorine has done.
Washing my hair has turned it all white,
But don't call it gray...saying "blond" is just right.

My car is all paid for...not a nickel is owed.
Yet a kid yells, "Old duffer...get off of the road!"
My car has no scratches...not even a dent.
Still I get all that guff from a punk who's "Hell bent."

My friends all get older...much faster than me.
They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see.
I've got "character lines," not wrinkles...for sure,
But don't call me old...just call me mature.

The steps in the houses they're building today
Are so high that they take...your breath all away;
And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago.
That should explain why my walking is slow.

But I'm keeping up on what's hip and what's new,
And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo.
I'm still in the running...in this I'm secure,
I'm not really old ... I'm only mature.
 

True Friends

Are you tired of the mushy "friendship" poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a "friendship" poem that really speaks to true friendship and truth itself!

Friend,

When you are sad, ...I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue, ....I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile, ...I'll know you finally got laid.

When you are scared, ...I will rag you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried, ...I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

When you are confused, ...I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.

When you are sick, ...stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall, ....I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath, ...I pledge 'till the end. Why you may ask?

Because you're my friend! Send this poem to ten of your closest friends (or else you will have bad luck and go to hell) and get depressed becauseyou realize you only have 2 friends, and one of them is not speaking to you right now anyway.

P.S. A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body.
 

In Phoenix AZ. a 26-year-old mother  stared down at her son who was dying of terminal leukemia. 

Although her heart was filled with sadness, she also had a strong feeling of determination.  Like any parent she wanted her son to grow up and fulfill all his dreams.  Now that was no longer possible. The leukemia would see to that.

But  she still wanted her son's dreams to come true. She took her son's hand and asked, "Billy,did you ever think about what  you wanted to be once you grew up?

Did you ever dream and wish what you would  do with your life?" 

Mommy, I always  wanted to be a fireman when I grew up." Mom smiled back and said, "Let's see if we can make your wish come true." 

Later that day she went to her local  fire department in Phoenix, Arizona, where she  met Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Phoenix. She explained her son's final wish  and asked if it might be possible to give her six-year-old son a ride around the block on a fire engine.

Fireman Bob said, "Look, we can do better than that.If you'll have your son ready at seven o'clock Wednesday  morning, we'll make him an honorary fireman for the whole day. He can come down to the fire station, eat with us, go  out all the fire calls, the whole nine yards! "And if you'll give us his sizes,  we'll get a real fire uniform for him, with a real fire hat-not a toy one-with the emblem of the Phoenix Fire Department on it, a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots. They're all manufactured right here in Phoenix, so we can get them fast."

Three days later Fireman Bob picked  up Billy, dressed him in his fire uniform and escorted him >from his  hospital bed to the waiting hook and ladder truck. Billy got to sit  on the back of the truck and help steer it back to the fire station. He was in heaven. There were three fire calls in  Phoenix that day and Billy got to go out on all three calls. He rode in the different fire engines, the paramedic's van, and even the fire chief's  car. He was also videotaped for the local news program. Having his dream come true, with all the love and attention that was lavished upon him,  so deeply touched Billy that he lived three months longer than any doctor thought  possible.

One night all of his vital signs began to drop dramatically and the head nurse, who believed in the hospice concept that no one should die alone,began to call the family members to the hospital.

Then she remembered the day Billy  had spent as a fireman,  so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would be possible to send a  fireman in uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he made his transition.

The chief replied, "We can do better  than that. We'll be there in five minutes. Will you please do me a  favor? When you hear the sirens screaming and see the lights  flashing, will you announce over the PA system that there is  not a fire? It's just the fire department coming to see one of its finest members one more time. And will you open the window to his room?"

About five minutes later a hook and  ladder truck arrived at the hospital and extended its ladder up to Billy's third floor open window.

16 firefighters climbed up  the ladder into Billy's room. With his mother's permission, they hugged him and held him and told him how much they  loved him. With his dying breath, Billy looked  up at the fire chief and said, Chief, am I really a fireman now?" 

Billy, you are,and the Head Chief, Jesus, is holding your hand," the  chief said. With those words, Billy smiled and said, "I know, He's been  holding my hand all day, and the angels have been singing." He closed  his eyes one last time.

My instructions  were to send this to at least four people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you. 
 

/\/\/\/\ THE TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS /\/\/\/\

I bet most of you people out there are plenty tired of all those stupid annoying pointless chain letters out there. Well, I have put together a list of the types of chain letters that you all hate. Enjoy!

/\/\/\ TYPE 1 /\/\/\

Please help! Sammy, from Oogalablotscanda needs desperate help! He has no legs, no arms, and he has to drink 40 gallons of chocolate syrup before he can eat bannanas! All you have to do to help Sammy, is send this to 49,092 people in the next 2.998 seconds, and sign your name at the bottom!

For every person you send this to, Sammy will get 1 doller!!!!

/\/\/\ TYPE 2 /\/\/\

Make a wish, and scroll down!

Have you made your wish???

C'mon...make it dammit.

I haven't got all day here.

K got it???

Good!!

Just keep scrolling..

Scroll more........

Getting tired????????

HA HA!!!

OK STOP!

STOP I SAID STOP!!!

MAN STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay got your wish? Okay good. Now, all you have to do, is send this to more people so they can be tortured with anoying scrolling wish crap! If you send it to....

0-15 people: Purple donkeys will jump through the moniter and attack you!

15-30 people: The donkeys will still attack you, but you wont be injured quite as severely.

30-50 people: Sheesh...so many people will be annoyed with you for sending this!

50-70: You will get $20! Who knows how..but you'll get it!
70-100: You will win the $20,000 lottery, but a big rock will fall out of the sky and crush you and your computer

Now send away!!

/\/\/\ TYPE 3 /\/\/\

This chain letter has been going on since 1876. This is incredibly amazing, since there weren't any computers back then.

Send this on (to 200,099 people in the next minutue)...or face the coniquences! Take a look at these examples-

(Dumb ass horror story 1): Lue Ser, a 9 year old boy, was an average boy. He knew a lot about computers, and he figured that nothing bad could ever happen to him if he didn't pass this on. So, he deleted it, without hesitation. The next day, while
getting ready for school, rabid squirrels arived at his door, and nibbled him to death!!

(Dumb ass horror story 2): Stu Pidwun was about eh 12. Nobody liked him at all, so he didn't have too many friends. He only sent this to 4 people! After he sent it, he grinned and thought "what a stupid chain letter nothing bad happend!" Well, little
did he know, an hour later, When he went to take his bath, he got sucked down the drain! For some strange reason, he shrunk down in size, and went right down the drain. Noone really cared though, cuz no one liked him anyways.

(Dumb ass happy story): Linda Luckee, a 12 year old, just like stu. She had lots of friends though. She really didn't believe in this chain letter, but she was bored so she sent it to 200,099 people, just like you're supposed to. The next day, she came home from school super happy. She had won the lottery! This is surprising, since you have to be an adult to enter the lottery but she won it alright! Plus, the guy she had been crusing on for 14 years asked her out!!!

Now, you wouldn't want to end up like Lue, or Stu would you? I'd much rather be like Linda. Well, it's your choice! Send this to 200,099 people now before the minute is over! Don't break the chain that's been in existance since 1876!!!!!

/\/\/\ TYPE 4 /\/\/\

Hey this is really cool, try it! Send this to 789 people now! Exactly 789, if it's any higher or lower you will instantly be attacked by purple-butted-baboons! Okay, after you send it to the 789 peeps, hold 1+M+s+t+u+p+1+d+5+g+9+b, then a little
window will pop up. In that window, type in "I don't have enough fingers to press all the buttons!" Then, a pig will fly across your screen with you name, hair color, and address on it!

Amazing, huh! Send away!

8 True Friends

I'LL TAKE IT AS A HINT IF I DON'T GET THIS BACK!!
How many people actually have 8 true friends? Hardly anyone I know!

But some of us have all-right friends and some good friends!!!

You, my friend, have been tagged by the friendship Angel

Which means you are a

GREAT FRIEND!!!

You will have good luck for two years if you send this to 8 people or more.

And, if this is sent back to you, then you will know that you are a true friend.
 

Rated G

Author Unknown

When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are going to take over my yard.

My kids see flowers for Mom and blowing white fluff you can wish on.

When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see a smelly, dirty person who probably wants money and I look away.

My kids see someone smiling at them and they smile back.

When I hear music I love, I know I can't carry a tune and don't have much rhythm so I sit self-consciously and listen.

My kids feel the beat and move to it. They sing out the words. If they don't know them, they make up their own.

When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it messing up my hair and pulling me back when I walk.

My kids close their eyes, spread their arms and fly with it, until they fall to the ground laughing.

When I pray, I say thee and thou and grant me this, give me that.

My kids say, "Hi God! Thanks for my toys and my friends. Please keep the bad dreams away tonight. Sorry, I don't want to go to Heaven yet. I would miss my Mommy and Daddy."

When I see a mud puddle I step around it. I see muddy shoes and dirty carpets.

My kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to cross, and worms to play with.

I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from? No wonder God loves the little children!

Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

I wish you Big Mud Puddles and Sunny Yellow Dandelions!!!
 

Scratch the last line....we're far from old "fogies"

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today,this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puttogether a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen.

Here's this year's list:

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1983.

They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

The CD was introduced the year they were born.

They have always had an answering machine.

They have always had cable.

They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or"de plane Boss, de plane".

They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.

Michael Jackson has always been white.

McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Do you feel old yet? Pass this on to the other old fogies in your life.

 

Everything you need to know, can be learned from Noah's Ark......

1. Don't miss the boat.

2. Remember that we are all in the same boat.

3. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

4. Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

5. Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

6. Build your future on high ground.

7. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

8. Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

9. When you're stressed, float a while.

10. Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

11. No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow awaiting.

12. Send this to people that you want God to bless. I picked you!
 

Ponder this and smile

1. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

2. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor'sdog that barks all the time run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

3. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

4. A penny saved is a government oversight.

5. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

6. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

7. He who hesitates is probably right.

8. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

9. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

10. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

11. If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

12. Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

13. If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

14. You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

15. Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

16. Don't cry because it's over: smile because it happened.

17. We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors...but they all have to learn to live in the same box.

18. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

19. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

20. Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.

21. Once over the hill, you pick up speed.

22. I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

23. If not for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.

24. Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed

25. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

26. I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.

27. You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

28. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

29. We cannot change the direction of the wind... but we can adjust our sails.

30. If the shoe fits...buy it in every color (YES!)

31. Have an awesome day, and know that someone has thought about you today!
 

CANNON BALLS

In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannon fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck?

The best storage method devised was a square based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of thirty cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.

There was only one problem -- how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with sixteen round indentations. But, if this plate was made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys."

Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!" (And all this time, you thought that was a dirty expression, didn't you?)

You must send this fabulous bit of historical knowledge to unsuspecting friends (or enemies).
 

MONEY

It can buy a House...............But not a Home

It can buy a Bed..................But not Sleep

It can buy a Clock................But not Time

It can buy you a Book..........But not knowledge

It can buy you a Position......But not Respect

It can buy you Medicine.......But not Health

It can buy you Blood............But not Life

It can buy you Lovin'..............But not Love

So you see money isn't everything.

And it often causes pain and suffering.

I tell you all this because...........I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering.

So please send me all your money......and I will suffer for you.

CASH ONLY PLEASE

Thought this was gonna be one of those "inspirational" ones, didn't you????
 

Banking Time

Assume there is a bank that credits your account each morning with $86,400.00 It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening deletes whatever part of the
balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out ALL OF IT, of course!!!!

Each of us has such a bank. Its name is TIME. Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft.

Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day.
If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours.

There is no going back. There is no drawing against the "tomorrow." You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success! The clock is running. Make the most of today.

To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.

To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the ! value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who! are waiting to meet.

To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train.

To realize the value of ONE-SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident.

To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.

Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time.>

And remember that time waits for no one. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present!!!

Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed.They make you smile and encourage you to
succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their heart to us.

 

EVIDENCE YOU LIVE IN THE YEAR 2002

1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.

2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

3. You call your son's beeper to let him know it's time to eat. Hee-mails you back from his bedroom, "What's for dinner?"

4. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.

5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you
haven't spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year.

6. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains Echinacea.

7. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she
can create a new screen saver.

8. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

9. Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the bottom of the screen.

10. You buy a computer and 6 months later it's out of date and now sells
for half the price you paid.

11. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the
first 20 or 30 years of your life is cause for panic and turningaround to go get it.

12 . Using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase woul be a hassle and takes planning.

13. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the
back seat of your car.

14. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

15. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.

16. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.

17. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.

18. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.

19. You get an extra phone line so you can get phone calls.

20. You disconnect from the Internet and get this awful feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

21. You get up in the morning and go on-line before getting your coffee.

22. You wake up at 2 AM to go to the bathroom and check your E-mail on your
way back to bed.

23. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

24. You're thinking how true all of this is.

READ THIS. LET IT REALLY SINK IN.

THEN CHOOSE HOW YOU START YOUR DAY.

Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say.

When someone would ask him how he was doing, would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ..... you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood.

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or...I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice.

You choose how you react to situations.

You choose how people affect your mood.

You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood.

The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life."

I reflected on what Michael said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied. "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter," Michael replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or.....I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read "he's a dead man. I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Michael. "She asked if I was allergic to anything.

"Yes, I replied." The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, "Gravity!"

Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

You have two choices now:

1. Delete this.
2. Forward it.
 

Let's plant a garden in the winter

T H E G A R D E N. Come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses...

@ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @
\(/\(/ \(/ \(/ \(/ \(/ \(/ \(/ \(/\)/ \(/ \(/

FOR THE GARDEN OF YOUR DAILY LIVING PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS:

1. Peace of mind
2.Peace of heart
3. Peace of soul

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:

1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
4. Squash selfishness

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:
1.Lettuce be faithful
2. Lettuce be kind
3. Lettuce be patient
4. Lettuce really love one another

NO GARDEN IS WITHOUT TURNIPS:

1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help one another

TO CONCLUDE OUR GARDEN WE MUST HAVE THYME:

1. Thyme for each other
2. Thyme for family
3. Thyme for friends

WATER FREELY WITH PATIENCE AND CULTIVATE WITH LOVE. THERE IS MUCH FRUIT IN YOUR GARDEN BECAUSE YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.

@ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @
\(/ \)/\)/ \(/ \(/ \)/ \)/ \(/ \(/ \)/ \)/\(/

Who Packed Your Parachute?

Charles Plumb was a U.S. Navy jet pilot in Vietnam.After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyedby a surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands. He was captured and spent 6 years in a communist Vietnamese prison.

He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience.

One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant, a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. You were shot down!"

"How in the world did you know that?" asked Plumb.

"I packed your parachute," the man replied.

Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude. The man pumped his hand and said, "I guess it worked!"

Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked, I wouldn't be here today."

Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man.

Plumb says, "I kept wondering what he might have looked like in a Navy uniform: a white hat, a bib in the back, and bell-bottom trousers. I wonder how many times I
might have seen him and not even said 'Good morning, how are you?' or anything because, you see, I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor."

Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent on a long wooden table in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the shrouds and folding the silksof each chute, holding in his hands each time the fate of someone he didn't know.

Now, Plumb asks his audience, "Who's packing your parachute?" Everyone has someone who provides what they need to make it through the day. Plumb also points out that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy territory-he needed his physical parachute, his mental parachute, his emotional parachute, and his spiritual parachute. He called on all these supports before reaching safety.

Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, or thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice for no reason.

As you go through this week, this month, this year, recognize people who pack your parachute. I am sending you this as my way of thanking you for your part in packing
my parachute !!! And I hope you will send it on to those who have helped pack yours!

Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word, maybe this could explain:

When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do - --you forward jokes.

And to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get ? --- A forwarded joke.

So my friend, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.
 

The Dalai Lama said read it to see if it works for you.

Very interesting. Just 4 questions and the answers will surprise you. Do not cheat by looking up the answers. The mind is like a parachute, it works best when it is opened.

This is fun to do, but you have to follow the instructions very closely. Do not cheat.

MAKE A WISH BEFORE BEGINNING THE TEST!!

A Warning! Answer the questions as you go along.

There are only four questions and if you see them all before finishing, you will not have honest results. Go down slowly and do each exercise as you scroll down. Don't look ahead. Get pencil and paper to write youranswers as you go along. You will need it at the end.

This is an honest questionnaire which will tell you a lot about your true self.

PERSONALITY TEST: Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference.
a. Cow

b. Tiger

c. Sheep

d. Horse

e. Pig

Write one word that describes each one of the following:

Dog

Cat

Rat

Coffee

Sea

Think of someone (who also knows you and is important to you) that you can relate to the following colors (do not repeat your answer twice. Name just one person for each color.)

Yellow

Orange

Red

White

Green

Finally, write down your favorite number and your favorite day of the week.

Wish for something you REALLY WANT. Look at the interpretations below:
(but first before continuing, repeat your wish.)

Question # 1: This will define your priorities in your life.

Cow Signifies CAREER

Tiger Signifies PRIDE

Sheep Signifies LOVE

Horse Signifies FAMILY

Pig Signifies MONEY

Question # 2:

Your description of dog implies YOUR OWN PERSONALITY.

Your description of cat implies the personality of your partner.

Your description of rat implies the personality of your enemies.

Your description of coffee is how you interpret SEX.

Your description of the Sea implies your own life.

Question # 3:

Yellow: Someone you will never forget

Orange: Someone you consider your true friend

Red: Someone that you really love

White: Your twin soul

Green: Someone that you will remember for the rest of your life

Question # 4:

You have to send this message to as many persons as your favorite number and your wish will come true on the day that you put. This is what the Dalai Lama has said about the Millennium-just take a few seconds to read it and think.

Do not put away this message, the mantra will come out from your hands in the next 96 hours. You will have a very pleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious. Please do this. It is fascinating.

SEND THIS E-MAIL MANTRA TO AT LEAST FIVE PERSONS AND LIFE WILL IMPROVE

0-4 persons: Your life will improve slightly

5-9 persons: Your life will improve to your liking

9-14 persons: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next three weeks

15 or more persons: Your life will improve drastically and all that you have always dreamed will come

Hey, I don't know if this works but it's worth a try.& Kind of fun too.
 

"Tater" People

Some people never seem motivated to participate,

but are just content to watch while others do the work.

They are called "Speck Taters".

Some people never do anything to help,

but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work.

They are called "Comment Taters".

Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do,

but don't want to soil their own hands.

They are called "Dick Taters".

Some people are always looking to cause problems by

asking others to agree with them.

It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet.

They are called "Agie Taters".

There are those who say they will help,

but somehow just never get around to

actually doing what they promised

They are called "Hezzie Taters".

>Some people can put up a front

and pretend to be someone they are not.

They are called "Emma Taters".

Then there are those who love others

and do what they say they will.

They are always prepared to stop

whatever they are doing

and lend helping hand.

They bring real sunshine

into the lives of others.

They are called "Sweet Taters".

I think you're a Sweet Tater . . .

If you know any "Sweet Taters",

send them this!!
 

Ann Margaret and the Vet

Richard, (my husband), never really talked a lot about his time in Vietnam other than he had been shot by a sniper. However, he had a rather grainy, 8 x 10 black & white photo he had taken at a USO show of Ann Margaret with Bob Hope in the background that was one of his treasures.

A few years ago, Ann Margaret was doing a book signing at a local bookstore.
Richard wanted to see if he could get her to sign the treasured photo,so he arrived at the bookstore at 12 o'clock for the 7:30 signing. When I got there after work, the line went all the way around the bookstore, circled the parking lot, and disappeared behind a parking garage.

Before her appearance, bookstore employees announced that she would sign only her book and no memorabilia would be permitted. Richard was disappointed, but wanted to show her the photo and let her know how much those shows meant to lonely GI's so far from home.

Ann Margaret came out looking as beautiful as ever and, as 2nd in line,it was soon Richard's turn. He presented the book for her signature and then took out the photo. When he did, there were many shouts from the employees that she would not sign it. Richard said, "I understand. I just wanted her to see it".

She took one look at the photo, tears welled up in her eyes and she said, "This is one of my gentlemen from Vietnam and I most certainly will sign his photo. I know what these men did for their country and I always have time for "my gentlemen". With that, she pulled Richard across the table and planted a big kiss on him. She then made quite a to do about the bravery of the young men she met over the years, how much she admired them, and how much she appreciated them. There weren't too many dry eyes among those close enough to hear.

She then posed for pictures and acted as if he was the only one there.

Later at dinner, Richard was very quiet. When I asked if he'd like to talk about it, my big strong husband broke down in tears. "That's the first time anyone ever thanked me for my time in the Army", he said.

Richard, like many others, came home to people who spit on him and shouted ugly things at him. That night was a turning point for him.

He walked a little straighter and, for the first time in years, was proud to have been a Vet. I'll never forget Ann Margaret for her graciousnessand how much that small act of kindness meant to my husband.

I now make it a point to say Thank You to every person I come across who served in our Armed Forces. Freedom does not come cheap and I am grateful for all those who have served their country.

If you'd like to pass on this story, feel free to do so. Perhaps it will help others to become aware of how important it is to acknowledge the service of our veterans and current servicemen.
 

Subject: History

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetable of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"

And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth chocolate. And woman gained pounds.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."

And Satan brought forth ice cream. And woman gained pounds.

And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.

And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.

And Man gained pounds.

And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."

And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also.

And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.

And Satan saw and said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And Satan created HMOs.
 

Subject: Mom Humor

This e-mail really reminded me of Mom. I was surprised at the number of people who sent it- I didn't know Mom had so many kids.

Lessons Only a Mother Could Teach

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE- "If you're going kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:-"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC- "Because I said so, that's why."

My Mother taught me LOGIC...#2 "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT -"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISTS - "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is
finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen THEN?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY -"There are millions of less fortunate children in
in this world who would love to have wonderful parents like you do!"

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...Just wait until we get home."

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING...."You are going to get it when we get home!"

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE..."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD..."If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

My Mother taught me ESP... "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when
you're cold?"

My Mother taught me HUMOR..."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT..."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My Mother taught me about GENETICS... "You're just like your father."

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS... "Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE... "When you get to be my age, you will understand."

And my all time favorite... JUSTICE... "One day you'll have kids ...and I hope they turn out just like you!"
 

Subject: 25 TRUTHS

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you've figured out how to make endsmeet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

In light of all the chain e-mails we send each other, I though this was too funny not to share with you guys. It's not a chain e-mail, but it mocks the heck out of them.

I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's, (sent to me because I forwarded their e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman Numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken - which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government made them change their name to KFC.

Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened e-mail entitled "Join the crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true- I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)

The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy's expense. Then reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped around a note that said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital - the one where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more than 10 people, you will have good luck but for 10 people you will only have OK luck, and if you send it to fewer than 0 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).

So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation. Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk mail and you will receive 4 green m&ms, but if you don't the owner of Proctor and Gamble will report you to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck: You will get cancer from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo, your wife will develop breast cancer from using the antiperspirant which clogs the pores under your arms, and the government will put a tax on your e-mails forever. I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet.
 

THE "FORWARDER'S" 12 STEP PROGRAM - EVERYONE SAY IT WITH ME ...

I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I DON'T forward an email!

I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I do forward an e-mail.

Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money, Victoria Secret doesn't know anything about a gift certificate they're supposed to send me.

Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward my e-mail to more than 50 people!

I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10 people.

I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an e-mail ... NEVER --NEVER !!

There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program, and I am not STUPID enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an e-mail to 10 or more people!

There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish program in England collecting anything! He did when he was 7 years old. He is now cancer free and 35 years old and DOESN'T WANT ANY MORE POST CARDS, or GET-WELL CARDS.

The government does not have a bill in Congress called 901B (or whatever they named it this week) that, if passed, will enable them to charge us 5 cents for every e-mail we send.

There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colorful flowers, characters, or program that I will receive immediately after I forward an e-mail. NONE, ZIP, ZERO, NADA!!

The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to certain individual dying of some never-heard-of disease for every e-mail address I send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations.

And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into sending things by telling me I am not their friend or that I don't believe in Jesus Christ. If God wants to send me a message, I believe the bushes in my yard will burn before He picks up a PC to pass it on!

Now, repeat this to yourself until you have it memorized, and send it along to at least 5 of your friends before the next full moon or you will surely be constipated for the next three months and all of your hair will fall out!

Just Kidding...
 

This is a test of the Emergency Friendship System

....... A Friend....

(A)ccepts you as you are
(B)elieves in "you"
(C)alls you just to say "HI"
(D)oesn't give up ! ! on you

(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
(F)orgives your mistakes
(G)ives unconditionally
(H)elps you

(I)nvites you over
(J)ust "be" with you
(K)eeps you close at heart
(L)oves you for who you are

(M)akes a difference in your life
(N)ever Judges
(O)ffer support
(P)icks you up

(Q)uiets your fears
(R)aises your spirits
(S)ays nice things about you
(T)ells you the truth when you need tohear it

(U)nderstands you
(V)alues you
(W)alks beside you
(X)-plains thing you don't understand

(Y)ells when you won't listen and
(Z)aps you back to reality
 

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in strings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of 'sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinning,
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
If we can remember our friends and their names.

When the joints ache, when the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.
 

Hurts and Blessings **

A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point in the journey they had an argument and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt but without saying anything he wrote in the sand: "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE".

They kept walking until they found an oasis where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning but his friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning he wrote on a stone:
'TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE".

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him "After I hurt you you wrote in the sand and now you write on a stone why?

He replied "When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where the winds
of forgiveness can erase it away but when someone does something good for us we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."

Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your blessings in stone!
 

Age Gauge

Count all the ones that you remember.

Please add your memories at the bottom of this page.

01. Candy cigarettes
02. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside.
03. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles.
04. Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes
05. Blackjack chewing gum
06. Home milk delivery in glass bottles, with Cardboard stoppers.
07. Party lines.
08. Newsreels before the movie.
09. PF Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix ... (Drexel-5505)
12. Peashooters.
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM Records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice cube trays--with levers
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flash Bulbs
21. roller skate keys
22. Cork pop guns
23. Drive ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers
26. The Fuller Brush man
27. Reel-to-reel tape recorders
28. Tinkertoys
29. The Erector Set
30. 5 cent packs of baseball cards...with a pink slab of bubblegum

How many did you remember?

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!

If you remembered 10 or less You're still young

If you remembered 11 - 15 You are getting old

If you remembered 16 - 20 Don't tell your age

If you remembered 21 or more You're older than dirt!
 

A Woman's Random Thoughts:

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, drinking too much, impulse buying and driving to fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.

Skinny people piss me off! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I forget to eat." Now, I've forgotten myaddress, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills.. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't give a shit.

They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen bitch...do it and you die."

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?"

From: Lumpy Diaperbuns

Sometimes when you have a stressful day, you need some silliness to break up the day. Here is your dose. Follow the instructions to find your new name.

The following in an excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants and The Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants", by Dave Pilkey: (don't you LOVE captain underpants?) The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new Names.

For example: George W. Bush's new name is Goober Chickenshorts.

Use the 3rd letter of your first name to determine your New First Name:

a= poopsie
b = lumpy
c = buttercup
d = gidget
e = crusty
f = greasy
g =fluffy
h = cheeseball
i = chim-chim
j = stinky
k = flunky
l = zippy
m = pinky
n = booger
o =goober
p = doofus
q = slimy
r = loopy
s = snotty
t = tulefel
u = dorkey
v = squeezit
w =oprah
x = skipper
y =dinky
z = zsa-zsa.

Use the 2nd letter of your last name to determine the 1st half of your New Last Name:

a = diaper
b = toilet
c = giggle
d = burger
e = girdle
f = barf
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = cootie
j = monkey
k = potty
l = liver
m = banana
n = rhino
o = bubble
p =hamster
q = toad
r = gizzard
s = pizza
t = gerbil
u = chicken
v = pickle
w = chuckle
x = tofu
y =gorilla
z = stinker

Use the 4th letter of your last name to determine the 2nd half of your New Last Name:

a = head
b = mouth
c = face
d = nose
e = tush
f = breath
g = pants
h =shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = butt
l = brain
m = tushie
n = chunks
o = hiney
p = biscuits
q = toes
r =buns
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = prinkles
v = kisser
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y =brains
z= juice

Now when you FORWARD THIS... use your new name as the subject.

Remember that children laugh an average of 146 Times a day, adults laugh an average of 4 times a day. Put more laughter in your life!!!
 

Some of you are way too young to remember the answers to these questions,but some of you will really enjoy travelling back in time. (It's kind of long, so you may want to read & try it when you have a few minutes to spare.)

Subject: Great quiz-please take it!

HOW WELL DO YOU REMEMBER? Don't try this on anyone under 30.....

1. "Kookie; Kookie. Lend me your ________________."

2. The "battle cry" of the hippies in the sixties was "Turn on; tune in;________________."

3. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, "Who was that masked man?" Invariably, someone would answer, "I don't know, but he left this behind." What did he leave behind?________________.

4. Folk songs were played side by side with rock and roll. One of the most
memorable folk songs included these lyrics: "When the rooster crows at the
break of dawn, look out your window and I'll be gone. You're the reason I'm
traveling on, _______________________."

5. A group of protesters arrested at the Democratic convention in Chicago in
1968 achieved cult status, and were known as the ________________.

6. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched
them on the ________________________show.

7. Some of us who protested the Vietnam war did so by burning our
_____________.

8. We all learned to read using the same books. We read about the thrilling
lives and adventures of Dick and Jane. What was the name of Dick and Jane's
dog?______

9. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk (what there
was of it) in the front, was called the VW. What other name(s) did it go by?
_______________ & ________________

10. A Broadway musical and movie gave us the gang names the ___________and
the ____________.

11. In the seventies, we called the drop-out nonconformists "hippies." But in the early sixties, they were known as ________________.

12. William Bendix played Chester A. Riley, who always seemed to get the short end of the stick in the television program, "The Life of Riley." At the end of each show, poor Chester would turn to the camera and exclaim, "What a ______________________."

13. "Get your kicks, ________________."

14. "The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed
______________________________."

15. The real James Bond, Sean Connery, mixed his martinis a special way:________________.

16. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________."

17. That "adult" book by Henry Miller - the one that contained all the "dirty" dialogue - was called _________.

18. Today, the math geniuses in school might walk around with a calculator strapped to their belts. But back in the sixties, members of the math club used a _________.

19. In 1971, singer Don Maclean sang a song about "the day the music died." This was a reference and tribute to _______________.

20. A well-known television commercial featured a driver who was miraculously lifted through thin air and into the front seat of a convertible. The matching slogan was "Let Hertz ________________."

21. After the twist, the mashed potatoes, and the watusi, we "danced" under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the________________.

22. "N-E-S-T-L-E-S; Nestles makes the very best... _____________________."

23. In the late sixties, the "full figure" style of Jane Russell and Marilyn Monroe gave way to the "trim" look, as first exemplified by British model
________________.

24. Sachmo was America's "ambassador of goodwill." Our parents shared this
great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was ________________.

25. On Jackie Gleason's variety show in the sixties, one of the most popular segments was "Joe, the Bartender." Joe's regular visitor at the bar was that slightly off- center, but lovable character, _______________. (The character's name, not the actor's.)

26. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it; it was called ____________.

27. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking?____________.

28. One of the big fads of the late fifties and sixties was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist; it was called the ________________.

29. The "Age of Aquarius" was brought into the mainstream in the Broadway musical ______________.

30. This is a two-parter: Red Skelton's hobo character (not the hayseed, the
hobo) was ________________. Red ended his television show by saying, "Good
night, and ________________."

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THE ANSWERS:

1. "Kookie; Kookie; lend me your comb."

2. The "battle cry" of the hippies in the sixties was "Turn on; tune in; drop out." Many people who proclaimed that 30 years ago today are Wall Street bond traders and corporate lawyers.

3. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet. Several of you said he left behind his mask. Oh, no; even off the screen, Clayton Moore would not be seen as the Lone Ranger without his mask!

4. "When the rooster crows at the break of dawn, look out your window and
I'll be gone. You're the reason I'm traveling on; Don't think twice, it's all right."

5. The group of protesters arrested at the Democratic convention in Chicago
in 1968 was known as the Chicago seven. As Paul Harvey says, "They would
like me to mention their names."

6. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched them on the Ed Sullivan Show.

7. Some who protested the Vietnam war did so by burning their draft cards. If you said "bras," you've got the right spirit, but nobody ever burned a bra while I was watching. The "bra burning" days came as a by-product of women's liberation movement which had nothing directly to do with the Vietnam war.

8. Dick and Jane's dog was Spot. "See Spot run." Whatever happened to them? Rumor has it they have been replaced in some school systems by "Heather Has Two Mommies."

9. It was the VW Beetle, or more affectionately, the Bug.

10. A Broadway musical and movie gave us the gang names the Sharks and the Jets. West Side Story.

11. In the early sixties, the drop-out, non-conformists were known as beatniks. Maynard G. Krebs was the classic beatnik, except that he had no rhythm, man; a beard, but no beat.

12. At the end of "The Life of Riley," Chester would turn to the camera and exclaim, "What a revolting development this is."

13. "Get your kicks, on Route 66."

14. "The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent."

15. The real James Bond, Sean Connery, mixed his martinis a special way: shaken, not stirred.

16. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight."

17. That "adult" book by Henry Miller was called Tropic of Cancer. Today, it would get a PG-13 rating.

18. Back in the sixties, members of the math club used a slide rule.

19. "The day the music died" was a reference and tribute to Buddy Holly.

20. The matching slogan was "Let Hertz put you in the driver's seat."

21. After the twist, the mashed potatoes, and the watusi, we "danced" under a stick in a dance called the Limbo.

22. "N-E-S-T-L-E-S; Nestles makes the very best....chooo-c'late." In the television commercial, "chocolate" was sung by a puppet - a dog. (Remember his mouth flopping open and shut?)

23. In the late sixties, the "full figure" style gave way to the "trim" look, as first exemplified by British model Twiggy.

24. Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was Louis Armstrong.

25. Joe's regular visitor at the bar was Crazy Googenhiem.

26. The Russians put the first satellite into orbit; it was called Sputnik.

27. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? A Timex watch.

28. The large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist was called the hula-hoop.

29. The "Age of Aquarius" was brought into the mainstream in the Broadway musical "Hair."

30. Red Skelton's hobo character was Freddie the Freeloader. (Clem Kaddiddlehopper was the "hay seed.") Red ended his television show by saying, "Good night, and may God bless."

 

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist
change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused
 

That's all you have to do. There is nothing attached. This is a powerful novena.

Last Chance to Make a Wish

May today there be peace within
May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be....
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you....
May you be content knowing you are a child of God....Let this presence settle into our bones,and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, It is there for each and every one of you....
 

For those of you who are married, were married, or are contemplating marriage - under the assumption that men need (or ought) to be trained for marriage ....

TWO YEAR DEGREE A new two-year degree is being offered at the University that many of you should be interested in: Becoming a Real Man. That's right, in just six mini-mesters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn a MA degree (Male Arts).Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR Autumn Schedule:

MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for ChristmasWinter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4 am

EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:

MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers

ECON 001C What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex

MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down(Elective) (See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule:

MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important

Spring Schedule:

MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2Course Electives:
EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 Mothers-in-law
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say "Yes, Dear"

ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her Just a thought for all the women out there. MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause, GUYnocologist(poetic spelling)Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men?

...and when we have real trouble, it's a HISterectomy.

 

THINGS I'VE LEARNED

For those who already have children past this age,this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN:

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house
4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

6. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

7. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

8. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.

9. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

10. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.

11. Certain Leggos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.

12. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

13. Super glue is forever.

14. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

15. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

16. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

17. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

18. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

19. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

20. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

21. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

22. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

23. It will however make cats dizzy.

24. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

25. The mind of a six-year-old is wonderful. First grade....True story.

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read, "....And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

One little boy raised his hand! and said, "I think he said "Holy Shit! A talking pig!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

Hi:

I am a science teacher at an elementary school in
Los Angeles, California. A few of my sixth grade
students are working on a project for our 2002
Science Fair to be held May 8-9, 2002. We are
trying to see where, and how fast e-mail can travel
in a period of six weeks.

We are keeping track of how many e-mails we get
back, and what cities, states, and countries they are
coming from. We are hoping that you will be willing
to help us with our project!

There are only 2 simple steps that will help us to track this
email:

1. Please send an e-mail to the following address:
science2002fair@yahoo.com In the subject of the
e-mail please include your city, state, and country.
You do not need to include your name.
Please respond only one time

2. Please forward this e-mail to everyone on your mailing list.
We will be keeping track of the number of responses,
as well as the locations. Therefore, send them even
to people in the same town. In our science project,
we are trying to demonstrate how fast and how far
information can travel on the Internet in a six week period.

If you receive this e-mail after May 1, 2002, please
disregard it, since the project will be over.

Thank you VERY much for your help!
 

Please read everyone. Very good information to pass on, especially to
young women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I never even knew about this #77 feature!

This actually happened to one of my dearest new friend's daughter. Her daughter, Lauren, is 19yrs old and a sophomore in college. This happened to her over the Christmas/New Year's holiday break. It was the Saturday before New Year's and it was about 1PM in the afternoon.

Lauren was driving from here, Winchester, to visit a friend in Warrenton.For those of you who are familiar with the area, she was taking 50 East towards Middleburg and then was going to cut over to 66 via 17.Those of you who aren't familiar with this area - 50 East is a main road (55mph and two lanes each side with a big median separating East and West lanes), but is somewhat secluded, meaning mostly residents along the road, rather than commercial businesses. Lauren was actually following behind a state police car shortly after she left Winchester and was going just over 65mph since she was following behind him.

An UNMARKED police car pulled up behind her and put his lights on.

My friend and her husband have 4 children (highschool and college age) and have always told them never to pull over for an unmarked car on the side of the road, but rather wait until they get to a gas station, etc.

So Lauren had actually listened to her parents advice, and promptly called #77
on her cell phone to tell the dispatcher that she would not pull over right away.

She proceeded to tell the dispatcher that there were two police cars, one unmarked behind her and one marked in front of her. The dispatcher checked if there were 2 police cars where she was. There wasn't and she was connected to the policeman in front of her and he told her to keep driving, remain calm and that he had back-up already on the way. Ten mins later four cop cars surrounded her and the unmarked car behind her. One policeman went to her side and the others surrounded the car behind.

They pulled the guy from the car and tackled him to the ground..........the man was a convicted rapist and wanted for other crimes.

Thank God Lauren listened to her parents! She was shaken up, but fine. I never knew that bit of advice, but especially for a woman alone in a car, you should not pull over for an unmarked car in a secluded area.

In fact, even a marked car after dark should follow you to a populated area.

Apparently police have to respect your right to keep going to a"safe" place. You obviously need to make some signals that you acknowledge them (i.e. put on your hazard lights) or call #77 like Lauren did. I am so thankful that my friend was just sitting at our book club meeting telling us this scary story, rather than us at her house consoling her!

Be safe and pass this on to your friends. Awareness is everything
 

TWO TRAVELING ANGELS

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family.

The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room.
Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement.

As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it.

When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, "Things aren't always what they seem."

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife.

After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest.

When the sun came up the next morning the angelsfound the farmer and his wife in tears.

Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.

The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel how could you have let this happen?

The first man had everything, yet you helped him, she accused.

The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die.

"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied.

"When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall.

Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it."

"Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead.

Things aren't always what they seem."

Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every out come is always to your advantage. You just might not know it until some time later...
 

A number of 12 year old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.

That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers, and then there are educators.....
 

What do you think??

Conspiracy, We Must Stop This

Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection........Well, REALLY NOW ......... even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!

All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone" will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has caused fonts to be smaller than they once were too!
 

I hear we are going to hit close to $3.00 a gallon by the summer.  Want gasoline prices to come down? We need to take some intelligent, united action. Phillip Hollsworth, offered this good idea:

This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain Day"
campaign that was going around last April or May! The oil companies just laughed
at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing
to buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for
them. BUT, whoever thought of this idea has come up with a plan that can really work.

Please read it and join with us!

By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $1.50 is super cheap. Me too! It is currently $1.97 for regular unleaded in my town.(California)

Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $1.50- $1.75,we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control themarketplace....not sellers. With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to  take action. The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocket book that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. How?

Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas. But we CAN
have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a Price war.

Here's the idea:

For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from The two
biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL. If they are not selling
any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit. But to have an
impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon and Mobil gas buyers. It's really simple to do!! Now, don't wimp out on me at this point...keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!

I am sending this note to about thirty people. If each of you send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300)... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000) ... and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers!
.
.

If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each,then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further,you guessed  it..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!

Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all.

(If you don't understand how we can reach 300 million and all you have to do is send this to 10 people.... well, let's face it, you just aren't a mathematician. But I am... so trust me on this one.)

How long would all that take? If each of us sends this email out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!! I'll bet you didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you?

Acting together we can make a difference.  If this makes sense to you, please
pass this message on.

PLEASE HOLD OUT UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES AND KEEP THEM DOWN. THIS CAN REALLY WORK. YOU KNOW THEY LOVE HOLIDAYS AND SUMMER TRAVELERS.
 

Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON
 

This is very interesting, read on......

What happens when a president gets elected in a year with a "0" (zero) at the end? Also notice it goes in increments of 20 years.

And LOOK! Year 2000 is where it lands!

1840: William Henry Harrison (Died in Office)

1860: Abraham Lincoln (Assassinated)

1880: James A. Garfield (Assassinated)

1900: William McKinley (Assassinated)

1920: Warren G. Harding (Died in Office)

1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (Died in Office)

1960: John F. Kennedy (Assassinated)

1980: Ronald Reagan (Survived Assassination Attempt)

2000: George Bush (???)

And to think that we had 2 guys duking it out in the courts to be the one elected in 2000.

You might be interested in this next part.

Have a history teacher explain this ---- If they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.

John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.

John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.

Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.

Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.

Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.

Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.

Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford'.

Kennedy was shot in a car called a 'Lincoln' made by Ford.

Booth ran from the theater and was caug! ht in a warehouse.

Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials!

And here's the kicker

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.

A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

The Trouble Tree

I hired a carpenter to help me restore an old farmhouse. He had just finished a rough first day on the job. A flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric saw quit, and now his ancient pickup truck refused to start.

While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence.

On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching tips of the branches with both hands. When opening the door, he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.

Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier. "Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied. "I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home. Then in the morning I pick them up again." "Funny thing is," he smiled, "when I come out in the morning to pick 'em up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before."

THIS ONE IS WORTH SENDING ON.

We all need one of those trees next to our sidewalk.
 

NO CAFFEINE, NO BOOZE, NO PILLS...

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can get going without pep pills,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when,
through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him,

If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can say honestly that deep in your heart
you have no prejudice against creed,
color, religion or politics,

Then, my friend,...you are almost as good as your dog!
 

After hearing that the state of Florida changed its opinion and let a Muslim woman have her picture on her drivers license with her face covered, I believe this is even more appropriate.

Read on, please!

This is an Editorial written by an American citizen, published in a Tampa Newspaper.

IMMIGRANTS, NOT AMERICANS, MUST ADAPT.

I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Americans.

However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically correct" crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others.

I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to America. Our population is almost entirely comprised of descendants ofimmigrants. However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand.

This idea of America being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity.

As Americans, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom. We speak ENGLISH, not Spanish, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language.

Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language! "In God We Trust" is our national motto. This is not some Christian, right wing, political slogan. We adopted this motto because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider
another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture. If Stars and Stripes offend you, or you don't like Uncle Sam, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from.

This is OUR COUNTRY, our land, and our lifestyle. Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to express his opinion and we will allow you every opportunity to do so. But, once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about our flag, our pledge, our national motto, or our way of life, I highly encourage you to take advantage of one other great American freedom, THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.
 

!!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!!
-------------------------------

I've done a little research, and what I'vediscovered should make anyone think twice....

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread- pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

In light of these frightening statistics,we propose the following bread restrictions:

1. No sale of bread to minors.

2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign,
complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.

3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.

4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

Please send this e-mail on to everyone you know who cares about this crucial issue.

Remember: Think idiotically, act globally!
 

I'm going to be the best friend you ever had.

I'm going to listen to you like no one has
Even if I might be too busy.
I'm going to be there when it counts
Not this time, but every time you need it.
I'm going to be the best friend you ever had.

I'm going to be your support, lifting you up
Whether I have the strength to or not.
I'm going to treat you like it's your birthday
Not that day, but every single day of the year.
I'm going to be the best friend you ever had.

I'll listen to you
I'll offer you advice
I'll play with you
Sometimes letting you win.
I'll be there for you
When you're filled up with strife
I'll pray for you
When you're struggling in life

I'm going to be the best friend you've ever had.
This day, the next and forever...
Why?
Because that's the kind of friend you are for me.

~Written by Dobhran~
 

Lunch With God:
----------------------

A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six-pack of Root beer and he started his journey.

When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old man. He was sitting in the park just staring at some pigeons. The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the old man looked hungry, so he offered him a Twinkie.

He gratefully accepted it and smiled at him. His smile was so pleasant that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer.

Again, he smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the old man, and gave him a hug. He gave him his biggest smile ever.

When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face.

She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy? "He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? He's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"

Meanwhile, the old man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked, "Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?"

He replied, "I ate Twinkies in the park with God." However, before his son responded, he added, "You know, he's much younger than I expected."

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Embrace all equally!

Send this to people who have touched your life in a special way.

Let them know how important they are.
 

YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN

by George Carlin

I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

I think firewor! ks should be legal on the 4th of July.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4 years plus, of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I'm freezing my ass off during these long winters and paying, paying, paying?

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut-the-Hell-up alr! eady.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the R everend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.

I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause. These people should be targets.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

I believe if she has her lips on your Willie, it's sex, and this applies even if you are President of the United States.

And what the hell is going on with gas price! s... again?

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

If you are a BAD American too, please forward this to everyone you know.

We need our country back!
 

TIPS FOR HARDLY WORKING!

Here are some tips for looking like you are working hard:

Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss and you *will* get caught - your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

Voice Mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then
returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that the caller will give up or look for a solution that doesn't involve you. The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is: "Ignore my last message. I took care of it". If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full" - a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.

Looking Impatient and Annoyed. According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.

Appear to Work Late. Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc...) and during public holidays.

Creative Sighing for Effect. Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are very hard pressed.

Stacking Strategy. It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. . . .Can always borrow from library. Thick computer manuals are the best.

Build Vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use it freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.

MOST IMPORTANTLY: DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!
 

EVERYTHING HAPPANS FOR A REASON

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there…to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be but you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would never realize your potential, strength, will power or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. Illness, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test limits of your soul.

Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you experience can create whom you are, and the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but also because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes to little things. Make every day count. Appreciate everything that you possibly can, for you may never experience it again.

Talk to people whom you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high. Hold you head up because you have every right to.

Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you. Create you own life and then go out and live it.

Share this with anyone whom you believe has made a difference in your life!

"If you take your eyes off your goals, all you see is obstacles."

~Author Unknown~

Submitted by: Harry Updegraff, Jr.


 

"May I go now?" the almost completed, eager mother asked.

"Not yet. There are essential parts and finishing touches to be added," her Maker replied.

"I look pretty good to me," she said, peering into the crystal pool at her feet.

"True, you're looking better all the time. But bear with me."

"What does a mother have to do, God, besides wash, feed, and clothe little bodies?"

God only smiled and continued working.

"What are you doing now?" the curious mother-to-be questioned.

"Tightening your anger valve. If this doesn't work, everyone is in trouble."

She watched as He reached for the container marked patience.

"And what do I need patience for?" she asked as He poured in quite a supply.

"After a week you will know, my child."

"And whatever could that be?"

"This is your bypass mechanism. It enables a mother to operate efficiently for long periods of time without compliments from her children."

"I'm sure I won't need that."

"I'm sure you will."

Then God reached for a bundle labeled insulation against loud noises.

"You can skip that," she told him. "I don't mind a little noise."

"That's nice," He said.

Seeing all the energy He was preparing to give her, she shifted uneasily from one foot to the other. "I wouldn't need all that energy in a million years."

"Little you know. You will use all of this and be begging for more before long."

"I didn't know there was so much involved in being a mother. You're not just putting me on, are you?"

"No, little mother."

With much apprehension, "Are you sure I can handle the job?"

"Quite sure...with help. I'm always available when you need me."

"I'm glad to know that. What could I possible need all these for?"

"A certain amount of pain, so that you will be fully equipped to sympathize with and minister to the needs of your children when they feel pain; tears, so that you will be able to cry with them when they are hurt; and laughter to blend with theirs for happy times."

The mother-in-waiting fidgeted while God attached yes and no buttons.

"Wouldn't it be nicer just to say yes to my children all the time?"

"Definitely not. Good mothers need to say no--and often. Say it with kindness and they will respect you for it."

"Have you equipped me with this thing called kindness, Lord?"

"I have indeed."

"And what about respect? Do I have to respect my children?"

"Absolutely."

The anxious mother tried to be patient as God installed a question answered, advice giver, get along without sleep, and a pretender not to notice.

"I know I wouldn't use one of those!" she said, as God came toward her with a let-go lever.

"Sure you will, though it's hard. This is a vital piece of equipment. Until this little lever is released, your children will not have room to grow properly, make their own decisions, or develop their own personalities."

"I guess that is important."

God stood back a few steps to appraise His work, then reached for a coat of love and wrapped it around her. "Wear this at all times, and you'll be a good mother."

~Author Unknown~
 

Bank Account

If you had a bank that credited $86,400 to your account each morning, carried over the balance from day to day,allowed you to keep no cash in your account at the end of 24 hours, canceled out whatever partof that amount you failed to use, what would you do?

Try to spend every cent, of course!

Well, everyone does have such a bank, and its name is TIME.
Every morning it credits you with 86,400 seconds.

The next morning at the same hourit rules as lost whatever of thisyou failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance and allows no overdrafts.

If you don't use the day's deposit, the loss is yours.
There is no going back, no drawing against tomorrow.

How do you spend your daily surplus?

Best wishes for an Enormous Return on your investment Today.

~Author Unknown~
 

One step at a time is the best way to go.

When going through life
and traveling in
the direction of
your dreams,

the best way
to get ahead
is the simplest way:
Take one step at a time.

Don't look over
your shoulder;
if you do,
you'll feel
the weight

of all your
yesterdays
upon you.
And don't worry
about what lies ahead.

By the time you get
to the bend in the road
or the crest of the hill,

you're going to be better
and stronger than
you ever were before.

Just go one step at a time,
one day at a time.

And you'll find
a rich, thankful life
you never thought
you could afford.

~by Adrian Rogers~

Juggling Your Life

Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air.
You name them - work, family, health, friends and spirit, and you're keeping all of these in the air.

You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back.
But the other four balls: family, health, friends and spirit are made of glass.

If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same.

You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.

How?

Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others.
It is because we're different that each of us is special.

Don't set your goals too high by what other people deem important.
Only you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as you would life, for without them, life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living life only one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.

Don't give up when you have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect.
It is this fragile thread that binds us and hold us together.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks.
It is by taking chances that we learn to be brave.
Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going.

Don't forget that a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

Don't be afraid to learn.
Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.
Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.

Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.

~"Five Balls" Author Unknown~

Essay submitted by: Harry Updegraff, Jr.
 

What's a Military Family Worth?
by Rush Limbaugh, March 11, 2002

I think the vast differences in compensation between the victims of the September 11th casualty, and those who die serving the country in uniform, are profound.

No one is really talking about it either because you just don't criticize anything having to do with September 11th.

Well, I just can't let the numbers pass by because it says something really disturbing about the entitlement mentality of this country.

If you lost a family member in the September 11th attack, you're going to get an average of $1,185,000. The range is a minimum guarantee of $250,000, all the way up to $4.7 million.

If you are a surviving family member of an American soldier killed in action, the first check you get is a $6,000 direct death benefit, half of which is taxable.

Next, you get $1,750 for burial costs.

If you are the surviving spouse, you get $833 a month until you remarry.

And there's a payment of $211 per month for each child under 18.When the child hits 18, those payments come to a screeching halt.

Keep in mind that some of the people that are getting an average of $1.185 million up to $4.7 million are complaining that it's not enough.

We also learned over the weekend that some of the victims from the Oklahoma City bombing have started an organization asking for the same deal that the September 11th families are getting.

In addition to that, some of the families of those bombed in the embassies are now asking for compensation as well.

You see where this is going, don't you?

Folks, this is part and parcel of over fifty years of entitlement politics in this country.

It's just really sad.

"Patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime."-Adlai E. Stevenson, Jr.

Every time when a pay raise comes up for the military they usually receive next to nothing of a raise.

Now the green machine is in combat in the Middle East while their families have to survive on food stamps and live in low rent housing.

However our own U.S. Congress just voted themselves a raise, and many of you don't know that they only have to be in Congress one-time to receive a pension that is more than $15,000 per month and most are now equal to be millionaires plus.

They also do not receive Social Security on retirement because they didn't have to pay into the system.

If some of the military people stay in for 20 years and get out as an E-7 you may receive a pension of $1,000 per month, and the very people who placed you in harms way receive a pension of $15,000 per month.

I would like to see our elected officials pick up a weapon and join ranks before they start cutting out benefits and lowering pay for our sons and daughters who are now fighting.

" When do we finally do something about this ??"
 

I dreamed I had an interview with God.

"Come in," God said. "So, you would like to interview Me?"

"If you have the time," I said.

God smiled and said: "My time is eternity and is enough to do everything; What questions do you have in mind to ask me?"

"What surprises you most about mankind?"

God answered:

"That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.

"That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health.

"That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor the future.

"That they live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived."

God's hands took mine and we were silent for awhile and then I asked...

"As a parent, what are some of life's lessons you want your children to learn?"

God replied with a smile:

"To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What they can do is to let themselves be loved.

"To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their lives, but who they have in their lives.

"To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others. All will be judged individually on their own merits, not as a group on a comparison basis!

"To learn that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.

"To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, and that it takes many years to heal them.

"To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.

"To learn that there are persons that love them dearly, but simply do not know how to express or show their feelings.

"To learn that money can buy everything but happiness.

"To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it totally different.

"To learn that a true friend is someone who knows everything about them...and likes them anyway.

"To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others, but that they have to forgive themselves."

I sat there for awhile enjoying the moment. I thanked Him for his time and for all that He has done for me and my family, and He replied, "Anytime. I'm here 24 hours a day. All you have to do is ask for me, and I'll answer."

~Author Unknown ~

I will always be there
 

America Answers

Osama Bin Laden, your time is short;
We'd rather you die, than come to court.

Why are you hiding if it was in God's name?
Your just a punk with a turban; a pathetic shame.

I have a question, about your theory and laws;
"How come you never die for the cause?"

Is it because you're a coward who counts on others?
Well here in America, we stand by our brothers.

As is usual, you failed in your mission;
If you expected pure chaos, you can keep on wishing

Americans are now focused and stronger than ever;
Your death has become our next endeavor.

What you tried to kill, doesn't live in our walls;
It's not in buildings or shopping malls.

If all of our structures came crashing down;
It would still be there, safe and sound.

Because pride and courage can't be destroyed;
Even if the towers leave a deep void.

We'll band together and fill the holes
We'll bury our dead and bless their souls.

But then our energy will focus on you;
And you'll feel the wrath of theRed, White and Blue.

So slither and hide like a snake in the grass;
Because America's coming to kick your ass!!!
 

THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE

Here's a quick quiz:

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America
contest.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or
Pulitzer prize.

5. Name the last six Academy Award winners for
Best Actor & Actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series
Winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remembers
the headliners of yesterday.
These are not second-rate achievers.
They're the best in their fields.

But the applause dies.
Awards tarnish.
Achievements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried
with their owners.

Now here's another quiz.
See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey
through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you
through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you
something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel
appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time
with.

6. Name a half dozen heroes whose stories have
inspired you.

Easier, isn't it?

So what's the lesson?

The people who make a difference in your life
aren't the ones with the most credentials,
the most money, or the most awards.
They're the ones who care.

When you have a chance,
pass this on to people
who've made a difference in your life.

I just did!

~Author Unknown~

The Best Chain Letter Ever

Hello, my name is Amber and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000?

How stupid are we?

"Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by a model I just ! happen to run into the next day!"

What a bunch of bullshit.

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower.

Fuck them.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something
mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends,and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.

I don't fucking care.

Show a little intelligence and think about! what you're actually
contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's
our own unpopularity.

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening
to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on.

Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in
Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the ass of a dead
elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per
letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know.

Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

Have a nice day.

 

The mantra must leave your hands within 96 hours. You will get a very
pleasant surprise. This is true even if you are not superstitious.

Instructions for Life in the new millennium from the Dalai Lama:

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great
risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three R's: Respect for self, respect for others,
responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke
of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct
it.

8. Spend some time alone everyday.

9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then, when you get older and think back,
you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current
situation.

14. Don't bring up the past.

15. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

16. Be gentle with the earth.

17. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

18. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for
each other exceeds your need for each other.

19. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

20. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Do not keep this message. The mantra must leave your hands within 96
hours.

You will get a very pleasant surprise (this is true even if you are not
superstitious) if you send it to:

* 0-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.

* 5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.

9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks.

To Thine Own Self Be True
 

READ ALL THE WAY TO THE END-THERE'S A TRICK TO IT.

Finally a Barbie I can relate to. At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic...

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new,roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus with tummy-support panels are included.

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for$ 199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.

If you forward to 11 people a video comes on your screen. This works. I don't know how...but it works This is the coolest thing I've ever gotten! All you have to do is send it to 11 people and this little video comes up on your screen and shows the funniest clip. I can't tell you what it is, but I couldn't stop laughing so hard I was crying! So spend a few seconds to send this and you'll be glad you did!
 

Dear Terrorists,

I am a Naval Aviator. I was born and raised on a small farm in Oklahoma. I come from a family of 5. I was raised in a middle class home and was taught my values by my mother and father.

My dad worked a series of jobs in finance and my mom took care of us kids. We were not an overly religious family but attended church most Sundays. It was a nice small Catholic Church. I was the youngest in my family. I was the first in many generations to attend college.

I have flown Naval aircraft for 16 years. For me the flying was never a life long dream or a "calling," it just happened. I needed a job and I liked the challenge.

I continue to do it today because I feel it is important to give back to a nation which has given so much to me. I do it because, although I will never be rich, my family will be comfortable. I do it because many of my friends have left for the airlines and someone has to do it.

My government has spent millions to train me to fly these multi-million dollar aircraft. I make about 70,000 dollars a year and after 20 years will be offered a pension.

I like baseball but think the players make too much money. I am in awe of firemen and policemen and what they do each day for my community. I respect my elders and always use sir or ma'am when addressing a stranger.

I'm not sure about kids these days but I think that's normal for every generation. I voted for George Bush not for his IQ but because I like him. I think I made a pretty good choice.

I tell you all this because when I come for you I want you to know me. I won't be hiding behind a woman or a child. I won't be disguised or pretending to be something I am not.

I will be in a US issue flight suit. I will be wearing standard US issue flight gear, and I will be flying a Navy aircraft clearly marked as a US warplane.

I wish we could meet up close in a small room where I could wrap my hands around your throat and slowly squeeze the life out of you but, unfortunately, you're hiding in a hole in the ground so we will have to do this a different way.

I want you to know also that I am very good at what I do. I can put a 2,000 lb weapon through a window from 10,000 feet up. I generally only fight at night so you may want to start sleeping during the day. I am not eager to die for my country but I am willing to sacrifice my life to protect it from animals like you. I will do everything in my power to ensure no civilians are hurt as I take aim at you.

My countrymen are a forgiving bunch. Many are already forgetting what you did on Sept 11th. But I will not forget and my President will not forget. I am coming. I hope you know me a little bit better, see you soon...sleep tight.

Signed ............a US Navy Pilot

Thumper North Dakota VROC # 5885 & # 7720 W.A.R.B. #062 & #063
 

THE GREATEST MATHEMATICAL PROBLEM IN THE WORLD

Moses and the people were in the desert, but what was he going to do with them. They had to be fed, and fed is what they did, according to the Quartermaster General in the Army. It was reported that Moses would have had 1500 tons of food each day.

Do you know that to bring that much food each day, two freight trains, each a mile long, would be required! Besides you must remember, they were out in the desert, so they would have to have firewood to use in cooking the food. This would take 4000 tons of wood and a few more freight trains, each a mile long just for one day.

And just think, they were forty years in transit and oh yes, they would have to have water. If only they had enough water to drink and wash a few dishes, it would take 11,000.000 gallons each day, and a freight train with tank cars, 1800 miles long, just to bring in water!

And then another thing! They had to cross the Red Sea at night. (They did?) Now, if they went on a narrow path, double file, the line would be 800 miles long and would require 35 days and nights to get through. So there had to be space in the Red Sea, 3 miles wide so that they could walk 5,000 abreast to get over in one night.

But then, there is another problem. Each time they camped at the end of the day, a campground two-thirds the size of Rhode Island was required, or a total of 750 square miles long… Think of it! These spaces just for nightly camping.

Do you think Moses figured all this out before he left Egypt? I think not! You see Moses believed in God. God took care of these things for him.

Let us take courage, we have the same God. We think our problems are so big. Remember what God can do!

~By Dr. Danny Kellum~
Story submitted by: Harry Updegraff


 

GETTING OLD

You know you're getting old when....

Everything hurts; and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.

Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

Your children begin to look middle aged

You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.

Your mind makes contracts that your body can't meet.

You look forward to a dull evening.

Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 years ago today."

You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation.

You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 106 around the golf course.

Your back goes out more than you do.

A fortune teller offers to read your face.

Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you see a pretty girl.

The little old gray haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

You know all the answers but nobody asks you the questions.

 

Rated G

HOW DO YOU EAT YOUR OREO'S

Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos:

1. The whole thing all at once.

2. One bite at a time

3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the
results of each bite afterwards.

4. In little feverous nibbles.

5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).

6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the
cookie.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.

10. I don't have a favorite way because I don't
like Oreos.

Your Personality:

1. The whole thing:

This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children.

2. One bite at a time:

You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreos this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that's okay, not to worry, you're normal.

3. Slow and Methodical:

You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit.

4. Feverous Nibbles:

Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good.

5. Dunked:

Every one likes you because you are always up beat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life. You have a propensity towards narcotic addiction.

6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie:

You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie:

You are good at business and take risk that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself. But that's ok, you don't care, you got yours.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside:

You enjoy pain.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them:

Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional medical help - immediately.

10. I don't have a favorite way, I don't like Oreos:

You probably come from a rich family, and like to wear nice things, and go to up-scale restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a priss.


 

"Hey Dad," My Son asked the other day, "what was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?"

"We didn't have fast food when I was growing up."

"C'mon, seriously.  Where did you eat?" "We ate at home," I explained.

"Your Grandma cooked every day and when your Grandpa got home from work, we all sat down together at the table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I had to sit there until I did like it."

By this time, my Son was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer some serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to get my Father's permission to leave the table.

Here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I had figured his system could handle it.  My parents never: wore Levi's, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country, flew in a plane or had a credit card.

In their later years they had something called a "revolving charge card" but they never actually used it.  It was only good at Sears-Roebuck Or maybe it was Sears and Roebuck.  Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore.

My parents never drove me to soccer practice.  This was because soccer back then was just for the girls.

We actually did walk to school.  By the time you were in the 6th grade it was not cool to ride the bus unless you lived more than 4 or 5 miles from the school, even when it was raining or there was ice or snow on the ground.

Outdoor sports consisted of stickball, snowball fights, building forts, making snowmen and sliding down hills on a piece of cardboard.  No skate boards, roller blades or trail bikes.

We didn't have a television in our house until I was 12.  It was, of course, black and white, but you could buy a piece of special colored plastic to cover the screen.  The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass.  The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day.

I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza.  It was a Sam's Pizza at the East end of Fruit Street in Milford.  My friend, Steve took me there to try what he called "pizza pie." When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down and plastered itself against my chin. It's still the best pizza I ever had.

Pizzas were not delivered to your house back then, but the milk was. I looked forward to winter because the cream in the milk was on top of the bottle and it would freeze and push the cap off.  Of course us kids would get up first to get the milk and eat the frozen cream before our mother could catch us.

I never had a telephone in my room.  Actually the only phone in the house was in the hallway and it was on a party line.  Before you could make a call, you had to listen in to make sure someone else wasn't already using the line.  If the line was not in use an Operator would come on and ask "number please" and you would give her the number you wanted to call.

There was no such thing as a computer or a hand held calculator. We were required o memorize the "times tables." Believe it or not, we were tested each week on our ability to perform mathematics with nothing but a pencil and paper.  We took a spelling test every day.

There was no such thing as a "social promotion." If you flunked a class, you repeated that grade the following year.  Nobody was concerned about your "self esteem." We had to actually do something praiseworthy before we were praised. 

We learned that you had to earn respect.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and most all boys delivered newspapers.  I delivered the "Milford Daily News" six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents.  On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers.  My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home
on collection day.

Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut on screen.  Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they just didn't do that in the movies back then. I had no idea what they did in French movies. French movies were considered dirty and we weren't allowed to see them.

You never saw the Lone Ranger, Roy Rogers or anyone else actual kill someone.  The heroes back then would just shoot the gun out of the bad guys hand.  There was no blood and violence.

When you were sick, the Doctor actually came to your house.  No, I am not making this up.

Drugs were something you purchased at a pharmacy in order to cure an illness.

If we dared to "sass" our parents, or any other grown-up, we immediately found out what soap tasted like.  For more serious infractions, we learned about something called a "this hurts me more than it hurts you." I never did quite understand that one.

In those days, parents were expected to discipline their kids.  There was no interference from the government. "Social Services" or "Family Services" had not been invented (The ninth and tenth amendments to the constitution were still observed in those days.)

I must be getting old because I find myself reflecting back more and more and thinking I liked it a lot better back then.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your kids or grandchildren.  Just don't blame me if they wet themselves laughing.  Growing up today sure ain't what it used to be.

Note: Change name to Bob and Milford to The Bronx and it could be me with the exception that my Dad was the Doctor, so I was unable to prove I was sick...

Don't buy it from the MiddleEast

Re: gas
Buy Gas from Co's that don't import it from the MiddleEast!!

Every time you fill up the car, you can avoid putting more money into the coffers of Saudi Arabia.

Just buy from gas companies that don't import their oil from the Saudis. Nothing is more frustrating than the feeling that every time I fill-up the tank, I am sending my money to people who are trying to kill me, my family, and my friends. I thought it might be interesting for you to know which oil companies are the best to buy gas from.

Major companies that import Middle Eastern oil (for the period 9/1/00-8/31/01).

Shell................ 205,742,000 barrels
Chevron/Texaco....... 144,332,000 barrels
Exxon /Mobil......... 130,082,000 barrels
Marathon............. 117,740,000 barrels
Amoco................ 62,231,000 barrels

If you do the math at $30/barrel, these imports amount to over $18 BILLION!

Here are some large companies that do not import Middle Eastern oil:

Citgo 0 barrels
Sunoco 0 barrels
Conoco 0 barrels
Sinclair 0 barrels
BP/Phillips 0 barrels
Hess 0 barrels

All of this information is available from the Department of Energy and can be easily documented. Refineries located in the U.S. are required to state where they get their oil and how much they are importing. They report on a monthly basis.

Keep this list in your car; share it with friends. Stop paying for terrorism.............
But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of gas buyers. It's really simple to do!! Now, don't wimp out at this point...keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!

I'm sending this note to about thirty people. If each of you send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300)... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000) .. and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth ! generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION
consumers!

If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!! .

Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people.

How long would all that take? If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!!

Who knows!? It might be worth the try! Go for it!!

Gosh, I just sent it to 1300 + people...your turn
 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE

Dr. Phil gave this test on Oprah. Some folks pay a lot of money to find this stuff out. Read on, this is very interesting!

Here's something that you may find interesting psychological profile don't be overly sensitive! The following is pretty accurate. And it only takes 2 minutes. Take this test for yourself and send it to your friends, including the one who sent it, and let
them know who you are.

The person who sent it placed their score in the subject box. Please do the same before forwarding to your friends.

Don't peek but begin the test as you scroll down and answer.

Answers are for who you are now ... not who you were in the past.

Have pen or pencil and paper ready. This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and prospective employees.

There are only 10 simple questions, so .... grab a pencil and paper, keeping track of your letter answers.

Make sure to change the subject of the e-mail to read YOUR total. When you're finished, forward this to everyone you know, and also send it to the person who sent this to you.

Make sure to put YOUR score in the subject box. Ready?? Begin..

1. When do you feel your best?
a) in the morning
b) during the afternoon and early evening
c) late at night

2. You usually walk:
a) fairly fast, with long steps
b) fairly fast, with little steps
c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face
d) less fast, head down
e) very slowly

3. When talking to people you:
a) stand with your arms folded
b) have your hands clasped
c) have one or both your hands on your hips
d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with:
a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
b) your legs crossed
c) your legs stretched out or straight
d) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with:
a) a big, appreciative laugh
b) a laugh, but not a loud one
c) a quiet chuckle
d) a sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering:
a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted, do you ...
a) welcome the break
b) feel extremely irritated
c) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most?
a) Red or orange
b) black
c) yellow or light blue
d) green
e) dark blue or purple
f) white
g) brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep, you lie:
a) stretched out on your back
b) stretched out face down on your stomach
c) on your side, slightly curled
d) with your head on one arm
e) with your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are:
a) falling
b) fighting or struggling
c) searching for something or somebody
d) flying or floating
e) you usually have dreamless sleep
f) your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:
1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6

2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1

3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6

4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1

5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2

6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2

7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4

8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1

9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1

10. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

Now add up the total number of points.

Interpretations on are as follows:

OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care". You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful and practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions and who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything. They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.

Now forward this to others, and put your score in subject box
 

Our Hazardous life

Us older folks, or I guess it would be more politically correct to say "youth deprived" or "age enhanced," have lived a most dangerous but adventurous life.

Looking back, it's hard to believe that we have lived as long as we have.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets.

We drank water from the garden hose, public fountains and not from a bottle.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us by cell phone or pager all day.

We played dodge ball and sometimes the ball would really hurt.

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank sugared soda,but we were never overweight; we were always outside playing.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't, had to learn to deal with disappointment and learned to try harder.

Some students weren't as smart as others so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade.

That generation produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with all of it!

It's a wonder that any of our generation has survived to tell of that hazardous way of life.

Boy - how times have changed!
 

Click on the link below it really is to an nfl site

Campbell Soups is donating up to 5 millions cans of soup to local area food banks just be clicking on their website (link below) and then clicking on the your favorite team's helmet.

Let's pass this on and help make this Thanksgiving better for those who are needier than we are! I just did it and it's quick, easy and can be done once a day.
here
 

Rated G Three Old Men

Rated PG Dennis in Yonkers

HELL YEAH!

Rated G Baby Blues

Rated G Faye in Kingston, Ontario

...Get your kleenex box ready


Subject: angels

Rated G Faye in Kingston,Ont.

Deep Thoughts...

Thought you'd enjoy these ...

Rated G Faye in Kingston, Ontario 

Security Level:? Internal

Subject: You must forward this - can't risk putting on the weight

Happy Day!

Rated G From: Ed In Aurora,Ontario

He probably had a butter tart today.

We Have To Help This Kid.

Rated G

This is really an eye opener.... Water or Coke?

Rated G Random Thoughts

Rated G

I want you to close your eyes and picture in your mind the soldier at Valley Forge, as he holds his musket in his bloody hands.

He stands barefoot in the snow, starved from lack of food, wounded from months of battle and emotionally scarred from the eternity away from his family; surrounded by nothing but death and carnage of war.

He stands tough, with fire in his eyes and victory on his breath. He looks at us now in anger and disgust and tells us this...

Rated G Inspiration

Rated G Becky

The Bargain

Rated G JJ on the Left Coast Holding the Fort.

I Can't Believe We Made It!

Rated G

Some Things We Keep

Rated G Women Will Love This

Rated G Brains for Sale

Rated G JJ on Left Coast

Subject: 809  Area Code

Ratd G Nan in Rhode Island

NAIL IN THE FENCE

Rated G

Rated G Diane in Las Vegas

"Heart Test"

Rated G

Read this line very slowly and let it sink in...

Rated G

Why go to Church?

Church - What is it good for?

Rated G

Rated G

Rated G

WRITE IT ON THE BACK OF YOUR ENVELOPES

Rated G Diane in Las Vegas

Rated G Diane in Las Vegas

Think about this... You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

Rated G Diane in Vegas

Rated G In light of the many perversions and jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke, it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Rated G Submitted by Vossi

Rated G

An Old Lady's Poem

When an old lady died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Dundee,Scotland,it was felt that she had nothing left of any value.Later, when the nurses were going through her meager possessions,they found this poem.Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.

So now this little old Scottish lady,with nothing left to give to the world,is the author of this "anonymous" poem winging across the Internet.

Rated G Faye in Kingston, Ont.

Dusting...

Rated G Diane in Vegas

Rated G Faye in Kingston, Ont.

A Real Gem

As I've Matured...

Rated G Nan In Warwick

Rated G Michael G. Johnson Newport

Rated G
Checked your pennies lately?

A Penny

Rated G Public Service Posting

...from the "For What's It's Worth" department...maybe you knew this, maybe you didn't - it scares me if it's true. JJ

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED

Rated G Diane in Reno

Rated G

Just read this slowly

Rated G

Sit back and relax as you reflect back on the good ol' days....

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN...?

Rated G PSA - PSA - PSA

This one, allegedly true, worth reading and passing on.I learned something I never knew or thought about......

Rated G Faye in Kingston,Ont

Rated G Diane in Reno

You Are Blessed

Rated G Michael G Newport

There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're notsuperstitious. This Lotus Totus has been sent to you for good luck fromthe Anthony Robbins organization.It has been sent around the world ten times so far.You will receive good luck within four days of relaying this Lotus Totus.

Rated PG Via: Dennis in Yonkers

Rated G Donna in Phoenix

Rated G

MY CODE OF UNDERSTANDING
Subject: As I get older...

The lessons I've learned as I've matured:

Rated G

Rated G LAS in CT

(A must read for people over 25 yrs of age).

People over 25 should be dead.To the survivors:According to today's regulators and bureaucrats,those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's & 70's,probably shouldn't have survived.

Rated G

This is why I try not to forget to say I love YOU....

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Rated G

Dear Mr. Ex President Clinton:

Rated G Dennis in Yonkers

Rated G Diane in Reno

Rated G Will

Rated G Michele

Rated G
Special Day

Rated G

Interesting Credit Card Scam

A friend sent this to me ........ very interesting.
 
Please pass it on.

Rated G

IRS Scam

WARNING! PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY!

THIS IS SERIOUS!

Rated G One film-tech good guy sent this to me.

Rated G One film-tech good guy sent this to me.

Rated G

A Chain letter to make you think.....

Rated G Diane in Reno

I think this is important enough to forward.



WRITE IT ON THE BACK OF YOUR ENVELOPES

I THINK THIS A GREAT IDEA. I WILL START WRITING THIS ON FRONT OF ALL MY ENVELOPES, TOO!

Rated G Anonymous Author

Chain Letters

To all my friends,thanks to you sending me chain letters in 2003:

Rated G

What was my Mother thinking?

Rated G

"OLD GEEZERS"


"Geezers" (slang for an old man) are easy to spot:

Rated G Hank in Simi

Rated G Faye in Kingston, Ont.

MOMENTS IN LIFE