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Posted by Paul G. Thompson (Member # 655) on 11-19-2002, 02:48 AM:
HOW TO SIMULATE BEING A SAILOR:
1. Buy a steel dumpster, paint it gray inside and out, and live in it for six months.
2. Run all the pipes and wires in your house exposed on the walls.
3. Repaint your entire house every month.
4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of the bathtub and move the shower head to chest level. When you take showers, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down.
5. Put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.
6. Once a week, blow compressed air up your chimney, making sure the wind carries the soot onto your neighbor's house. Ignore his complaints.
7. Once a month, take all major appliances apart and then reassemble them.
8. Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and back doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through them.
9. Disassemble and inspect your lawnmower every week.
10. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn your water heater temperature up to 200 degrees. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn the water heater off. On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family they use too much water during the week, so no bathing will be allowed.
11. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling, so you can't turn over without getting out and then getting back in.
12. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a
curtain. Have your spouse whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to sleep, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say "Sorry, wrong rack."
13. Make your family qualify to operate each appliance in your house - dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc.
14. Have your neighbor come over each day at 5 am, blow a whistle so loud Helen Keller could hear it, and shout "Reveille, reveille, all hands heave out and trice up."
15. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in your back yard at 6 am while she reads it to you.
16. Submit a request chit to your father-in-law requesting permission to leave your house before 3 PM.
17. Empty all the garbage bins in your house and sweep the driveway three times a day, whether it needs it or not. (Now sweepers, sweepers, man your brooms, give the ship a clean sweep down fore and aft, empty all shitcans over the fantail.)
18. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your
magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item before delivering it to you.
19. Watch no TV except for movies played in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one.
20. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone shouting that your home is under attack and ordering them to their battle stations. (Now general quarters, general quarters, all hands man your battle stations. Condition Zebra will be set in two minutes)
21. Make your family menu a week ahead of time without consulting the
pantry or refrigerator.
22. Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak, but they can have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they ignore the menu and just ask for hot dogs.
23. Bake a cake. Prop up one side of the pan so the cake bakes unevenly. Spread icing real thick to level it off.
24. Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. (midrats)
25. Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night. At the
alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks. Run out into the backyard and uncoil the garden hose.
26. Every week or so, throw your cat or dog in the pool and shout "Man
overboard port side!" Rate your family members on how fast they respond.
27. Put the headphones from your stereo on your head, but don't plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck on a string. Stand in front of the stove, and speak into the paper cup "Stove manned and ready." After an hour or so, speak into the cup again 'Stove secured." Roll up the headphones and paper cup and stow them in a shoebox.
28. Place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4 hour intervals. This is best done when the weather is worst. January is a good time.
29. When there is a thunderstorm in your area, get a wobbly rocking chair, sit in it and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseous. Make sure to have a supply of stale crackers in your shirt pocket.
30. For former engineers: bring your lawn mower into the living room, and run it all day long.
31. Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot, and allow the pot to simmer for 5 hours before drinking.
32. Have someone under the age of ten give you a haircut with sheep shears.
33. Sew the back pockets of your jeans on the front.
34. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go to the
scummiest part of town. Find the most run down, trashiest bar, and drink beer until you are hammered. Then walk all the way home.
35. Lock yourself and your family in the house for six weeks. Tell them that at the end of the 6th week you are going to take them to Disney World for "liberty." At the end of the 6th week, inform them the trip to Disney World has been canceled because they need to get ready for an inspection, and it will be another week before they can leave the house.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-08-2002, 07:47 AM:
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
The Chaplain had been assigned to the ship and he noticed how much grief the cooks (Mess Specialists) caught from the crew and how they gave back as much as they got.
He talked to the Food Service Officer and decided to talk to the cooks and get them to be more cheerful when they served the meals to the sailors coming down the line. "A smile and a cheerful comment, a willingness to serve them will reap great benefits," he told them.
After his pep talk the Food Service Officer and the Chaplain stood back and watched the food being served.
A new sailor aboard walked down the line but he didn't like anything he saw so he just carried his tray down the line till he got to the desert section. He picked up a saucer containing a large piece of chocolate cake.
The Mess Specialist looked at him, "Is that all you're gonna eat ?" he asked.
The sailor said, "Yeah, the rest of it don't look too appetizing."
The Mess Specialist smiled and said, "Well, in that case would you like two pieces of cake?"
The Chaplain smiled and hit the Food Service Officer in the ribs, "I told you my talk did them some good."
The kid said, "Yeah, man, I'd appreciate it."
The cook leaned over and cut the piece of cake on the tray in half. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-23-2002, 05:39 PM:
Rated X
Q:What is it about the Navy and submarines that women love so much?
A:Is it the concept of a long, hard cylinder filled with seamen,or is it the concept of a sailor going down for three months at a time?
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-10-2003, 12:03 PM:
Rated PG ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
The following was over heard from a recent Naval Analyst:
Let's put it this way,anyone who's crazy enough to want to live
in a submarine is welcome to do so as far as I'm concerned.And
don't worry about illicit sex if women are added to crews -- the
only place there'd be enough room for anything more than a pat on the ass (unless you're both yoga masters) is the bridge, and then the watch standers would have to pretend you weren't around.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 04-10-2003, 11:41 AM:
Rated G
A friend of mine joined the Navy and soon after had to attend a
wedding.He asked an officer for a pass and was told he had to be back by 7 p.m. Sunday.
"You don't understand,sir," my friend said."I'm in the wedding."
"No,YOU don't understand," the officer replied. "You're in the
Navy."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 04-17-2003, 10:14 AM:
Rated G
When I was in the Navy,women were assigned to the WAVES. When we finally got leave after three months,our Captain told the WAVE Captain she'd better keep her girls under lock and key.
The WAVE Captain,tapping her temple, replied."Don't worry. My girls have it up here !"
Our Captain said,"It doesn't matter where they have it.Once those throttle jocks start looking,they'll find it."
[ 05-01-2003, 10:55 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 05-26-2003, 03:41 PM:
Rated G
A sailor boasted to be able to read any flag signal.He was asked
about a beflagged ship near at anchor. "Strange,they say they
are on the rocks.It's quarantine. We're surrendering."
Then a boat from the ship in distress was lowered and brought some sailors to the pier.They were asked by frightened spectators who had heard the ominous interpretation of the signals by the great expert of flag communication.
"What do you mean by your terrible signals?"
"Those aren't signals.The crew had a wash day and now they are
drying up their underwear."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 06-10-2003, 07:40 AM:
Rated G Sue Bee
Our son, Aaron, came home from a five-month deployment aboard his submarine, and told us that one of the ways the sailors kept up morale was to make wooden cars out of kits and run derby races.
"What do you do for a ramp?" my husband inquired.
"Don't need one," Aaron said. "We just put the cars on the floor
and then tilt the sub."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 07-08-2003, 05:14 PM:
Rated G
What is it about the navy and submarines that women love so much?
Is it the concept of a long,hard cylinder filled with seamen or is it the concept of going down for three months at a time?
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 07-29-2003, 11:55 AM:
Rated G Michele
Having passed the enlistment physical,Jon was asked by the doctor,"Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, sir."
[ 07-31-2003, 06:34 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 07-31-2003, 06:36 AM:
Rated G Stroade
Note: those of us that are retired Navy Chief Petty Officers, have yet another 'anthem' ......... (for the non-Navy types, Navy Chief Petty Officers are the 3 senior enlisted ratings, Pay Grades E-7, E-8 and E-9, and are considered the *Backbone* of the US Navy!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOW OLD IS THE CHIEF?
~~~~~~~~~~~
...Chief's birth certificate says EXPIRED!
...When God said "Let There Be Light!," Chief flipped the switch.
...Chief's Oath of Office is in Roman Numerals.
...Chief reminisces about the good times they had during Sherman's March to the Sea.
...When Chief was in school there was no history class.
...Chief's Social Security Number is 1.
(STROADE note: during my tenure, we had SERVICE NUMBERS and NOT Social Security Numbers........ my service number is close to '1')
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 08-21-2003, 05:56 AM:
Rated G
My ship,a Navy destroyer,took a group of Naval Academy midshipmen on a cruise of European ports.When my wife heard about this,she decided to meet the ship at its various destinations.As we pulled into each port,there she was on the dock,smiling and waving as we maneuvered alongside.
At our final port,there she was again.
"It's true what they say about the Navy," I said to the midshipman standing next to me."We do have a girl in every port."
"Yes, sir," he replied. "But the same one?"
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 08-22-2003, 06:51 AM:
Rated G Sue Bee
The old Chief finally retired from the Navy and got that chicken
ranch he always wanted. He took with him his lifelong pet parrot.First morning at 0430, the parrot squawked and said, "Off yer hocks and don yer socks. Reveille"
The old chief told the parrot, "we are no longer in the Navy. Go
back to sleep." The next morning, the parrot did the same thing.
The old Chief told the parrot, "Look, if you keep this up, I will put you out in the chicken pen."
Again the parrot did it, and true to his word, the Chief put the
parrot in the chicken pen. About 0630, the Chief was awakened by
one heck of a ruckus in the chicken pen. He went out to see what
was the matter.
The parrot had about 40 white chickens in formation and on the
ground lay 3 bruised and beaten brown ones. The parrot was
saying, "By God, when I say fall out in dress whites, I don't mean Khakis!"
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 08-22-2003, 06:54 AM:
Rated G
One day a squad of Navy Seals was making for an objective in theirrubber boat.With each stroke of the paddle,they whispered thatparticularly unique Seal grunt - ooyah. Ooyah ... ooyah ... ooyah. God looked down from above and was beside Himself with pride knowing that He could not have done any better than when He made HIS Seals.
Thinking to Himself,God decided to test precisely just how good
His Seals were in fact.God raised His arms and "ZAP", took away
1/2 of all the Seals brains in the dingy.There they were, seven
Seals in a dingy, still making for their objective - ooyah, ooyah, ooyah.
With glee,God rubs His hands,then raised His arms again and
"ZAP", He took away 1/2 of the Seals remaining brains.The Seals
in their rubber dingy, making for their objective now had only 1/4 of their original brains.Still,determined,they stroked on - ooyah, ooyah, ooyah.
God was nearly hysterical with joy over knowing that His creation could still function as a viable,forward deployed, tactical fighting force with very nearly all of their brains removed. Dare I, thought God? Shall I? YES! And God raised His arms and in an instant, "ZAP"! God took away all of the seals remaining brains.
And there they were, a seven man forward deployed,tactical
fighting force, in a rubber dingy, with no brains, making for
their objective - singing - "Off we go, into the wilde blue yonder..................."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 10-23-2003, 01:22 PM:
Rated G Lorraine
HOW TO SIMULATE NAVY SHIPBOARD LIFE AT HOME:
Sleep on the shelf in your closet.
Every time there's a thunderstorm, go sit in a wobbly rocking
chair and rock as hard as you can until you vomit.
Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it
to "high".
Leave lawnmower running in your living room 24 hours a day for
proper background noise level.
Have the paperboy give you a haircut.
Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow to sit for 5 or 6 hours before serving.
Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee
table and lie under it to read books.
Invite over 100 people to come and visit for a couple of months.
Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills on your front and
back doors so that you either trip over the threshold or hit your head on the sill every time you pass through one of them.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 10-29-2003, 09:06 AM:
Rated G Michele
A sailor on leave was paying his bill at a fashionable hotel.
Looking at the girl cashier who was taking his money, he asked
what she had around her neck.
"A necklace of course. Why did you ask?"
"Well," said the sailor, "everything is so high around here I
thought it might be your garter."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-15-2003, 08:57 AM:
Rated G
"Skipper," the sailor said to his captain as he saluted,"A special message just came in for you from the admiral.I have it
right here."
"Read it to me," the captain ordered.
The sailor began reading nervously,"You are without a doubt the
most idiotic,lame-brained officer ever to command a ship in the
United States Navy."
The skipper responded, "Have that communication decoded at once!"
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-02-2004, 11:51 AM:
Rated G
Some people are extremely impressed when you tell them you're a Navy SEAL.Case in point:My grandson's pre-K class on Career Day.I regaled them with stories of my exploits in the military.After I finished, hands shot up into the air all over the classroom.
The kids were eager to ask questions. "So," asked one little
girl, "can you balance a ball on the end of your nose?"
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 11-02-2004, 09:11 AM:
Rated G
I was scrubbing the bulkhead on the USS Kitty Hawk one Sunday morning when the loud-speaker announced:
"Religious services. Maintain silence about the decks. Dis- continue all unnecessary work."
An hour later, the opinion many of us held regarding our daily routine, was confirmed with this announcement:
"Resume all unnecessary work."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 01-05-2005, 09:55 AM:
Rated PG Michele
A sailor about to arrive in his homeport sends the following telegram to his wife - In today, home tonight.
Lots of love, Rodney.
His delighted wife received the following mangled telegram – Home today, in tonight. Lots of rod, Lovely.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-12-2005, 01:22 PM:
Rated G
In about 1972 while stationed aboard USS Midway (CVA 41),I was a PO1,working in the PLAT shop in V2 Division.We televised taped all launches and landings of aircraft. The skipper had a small (8") monitor next to his chair on the bridge. For some reason, this monitor often broke down, and one day I was on the bridge changing out monitors. When I entered the bridge, the skipper was not there, and I got permission from the OOD to do the job. The OOD mentioned that he was seeing me on the bridge a lot lately. I responded that "If the skipper would use his footrest instead of my PLAT monitor, I wouldn't be there so often." He turned mute and white, and I looked over my shoulder to see the skipper standing behind me. I finished my job quickly and lit out of there like a "snipe" on liberty.
Ten years later,I was the Command Senior Chief of FASOTRAGRUPAC,
Barbers Point Hawaii. Admiral (4 star) Harris paid a visit to the command. His aide told him that I had served with him on Midway. He responded, "I remember him. He's the one who told me to keep my damned feet off his equipment."
I don't remember it the same way he did, but it just goes to prove that working aboard an Aircraft Carrier can be dangerous, even when you are not conducting Air Ops.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-26-2005, 11:48 AM:
Rated G
Some people are extremely impressed when you tell them you're a Navy SEAL.
Case in point: My grandson's Kindergarten class on Career Day. I regaled them with stories of my exploits in the military. After I finished, hands shot up into the air all over the classroom. The kids were eager to ask questions.
One little girl asked, "Can you balance a ball on the end of your nose?"
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-26-2005, 04:10 PM:
Rated G
Navy News Bulletin
1. A petty officer was treated at Sick Bay after complaining of shortness of breath after working in an enclosed workspace with several other personnel.
The dining facility had served a mexican meal for lunch, causing suspected high methane and sulfite levels in the atmosphere from the crew's flatulence.
2. Many Navy personnel work in facilities and on ships where flatulence may exist, and due to mission urgency are not able to immediately vacate the space should the air become foul. This mishap serves as a strong reminder that the expression of flatulence can be extremely dangerous in these areas, unless they are specifically listed as intrinsically safe.
The Navy has developed the following safe work practice to address this problem:
Effective immediately, the practice of expelling flatulence, commonly referred to as "farting," "breaking wind," or "passing gas," is prohibited indoors aboard all naval ships, boats, vehicles, aircraft, and shore installations.
3. This regulation applies not only to audible flatulence, or incidents that are claimed by their perpetrator, but also to covert events such as "deadly whispers," "cheek sneakers," "air dustings."
4. Unauthorized expulsion of flatulence is to be punished under the UCMJ. "He who smelt it, dealt it" is considered sufficient basis for prosecution. "I didn't know it was going to stink" or "I ate at the galley" is not to be accepted as an excuse for failure to control oneself.
5. Commands are instructed to ensure known gas producing foods are avoided at the dining facilities. Mexican the med meals, navy or baked beans, chili, cabbage, and egg salad are no longer authorized menu items.
6. The lighting of flatulence with any type of open flame is still prohibited.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-30-2005, 01:12 PM:
Rated G B.B.
A hospital corpsman and I were helping an elderly retired chief petty officer out of his wheelchair when I noticed the man had a tattoo on his knee.
"What's that?" I asked, unable to make out the design.
"It's a banjo," he replied, a little sheepishly. "I'm from Alabama."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 04-15-2005, 01:41 PM:
Rated G
Navy Way
A friend of mine joined the Navy and soon after he had completed boot camp, he was invited to be in a friend's wedding. He asked an officer for a pass and was told he had to be back by 7 p.m. Sunday.
"You don't understand, sir," my friend said. "I'm in the wedding."
The officer replied, "No, YOU don't understand. You're in the Navy."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 06-28-2005, 05:07 AM:
Rated G
ANY MORE QUESTIONS???
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a group of half dozen or so officers that included personnel from most of the countries.
Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks, but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked: "Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?"
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies, and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 09-19-2005, 11:06 AM:
Rated G
A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves--the barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that shit on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 11-01-2005, 10:43 AM:
Rated G
A sailor, while bringing flowers to a cemetery, noticed an old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice on a nearby grave.
The sailor walked up to the man and asked, "When do you expect your friend to come up and eat the rice?"
The old Chinese man replied with a smile, "Same time your friend comes up to smell the flowers."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 11-21-2005, 01:59 PM:
Rated G Denny in Yonkers
Marines & Navy ..
An old Navy Chief and an old Marine Gunny were sitting at the VFW arguing about who'd had the tougher career.
"I did 30 years in the Corps," the Marine declared proudly,"and fought in three of my country's wars.Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand,and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade. As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General Macarthur. We pushed the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border,always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire.
Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day,plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire by day and mortar fire all night.In a firefight, we'd fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty,then we charge the enemy with bayonets".
"Ah," said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand."Lucky bastard,all shore duty,huh?"
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 11-26-2005, 03:33 PM:
Rated G
The following is a quote from a director of sports infor- mation in the Navy, regarding the theft of some mascots from the Naval Academy by Army rivals:
"We knew Army cadets were involved because they cut through two fences to get to the goats, and 15 feet away there was an unlocked gate."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-08-2005, 02:52 PM:
Rated PG
Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long
commercial flight.
After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off,the man in the window seat abruptly says,distinctly and confidently,in a loud voice, "Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married,two sons, both surgeons."
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile,"Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired.
Married, two sons,both judges."
After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to
introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims,
"Master Chief, United States Navy, retired. Never married, two sons -- both Admirals.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-20-2005, 01:01 PM:
Rated G Chris
The following is a quote from a director of sports infor- mation in the Navy, regarding the theft of some mascots from the Naval Academy by Army rivals: "We knew Army cadets were involved because they cut through two fences to get to the goats, and 15 feet away there was an unlocked gate."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 01-04-2006, 04:44 PM:
Rated G
Navy News Bulletin
1. A petty officer was treated at Sick Bay after complaining of shortness of breath after working in an enclosed workspace with several other personnel.
The dining facility had served a mexican meal for lunch, causing suspected high methane and sulfite levels in the atmosphere from the crew's flatulence.
2. Many Navy personnel work in facilities and on ships where flatulence may exist, and due to mission urgency are not able to immediately vacate the space should the air become foul. This mishap serves as a strong reminder that the expression of flatulence can be extremely dangerous in these areas, unless they are specifically listed as intrinsically safe.
The Navy has developed the following safe work practice to address this problem:
Effective immediately, the practice of expelling flatulence, commonly referred to as "farting," "breaking wind," or "passing gas," is prohibited indoors aboard all naval ships, boats, vehicles, aircraft, and shore installations.
3. This regulation applies not only to audible flatulence, or incidents that are claimed by their perpetrator, but also to covert events such as "deadly whispers," "cheek sneakers," "air dustings."
4. Unauthorized expulsion of flatulence is to be punished under the UCMJ. "He who smelt it, dealt it" is considered sufficient basis for prosecution. "I didn't know it was going to stink" or "I ate at the galley" is not to be accepted as an excuse for failure to control oneself.
5. Commands are instructed to ensure known gas producing foods are avoided at the dining facilities. Mexican the med meals, navy or baked beans, chili, cabbage, and egg salad are no longer authorized menu items.
6. The lighting of flatulence with any type of open flame is still prohibited.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-18-2006, 08:17 AM:
Rated G B.B.
The Chaplain had been assigned to the ship and he noticed how much grief the cooks (Mess Specialists) caught from the crew and how they gave back as much as they got. He talked to the Food Service Officer and decided to talk to the cooks and get them to be more cheerful when they served the meals to the sailors coming down the line. A smile and a cheerful comment, a willingness to serve them will reap great benefits he told them.
After his pep talk the Food Service Officer and the Chaplain stood back and watched the food being served.
A new sailor aboard walked down the line but he didn't like anything he saw so he just carried his tray down the line till he got to the desert section. He picked up a saucer containing a large piece of chocolate cake.
The Mess Specialist looked at him, "Is that all you're gonna eat?" he asked.
The sailor said, "Yeah, the rest of it don't look too appetizing."
The Mess Specialist smiled and said, "Well, in that case would you like two pieces of cake?"
The Chaplain smiled and nudged the Food Service Officer in the ribs, "I told you my talk did them some good."
The kid said, "Yeah, man, I'd appreciate it."
The cook leaned over and cut the piece of cake on the tray in half.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-28-2006, 08:10 AM:
Rated G Uncle Bubba
Question: What do you call an eighty year old impotent sailor?
Answer: A salt with a dead weapon.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-27-2007, 02:17 PM:
Rated G B.B.
A hospital corpsman and I were getting an elderly retired master chief petty officer out of his wheelchair, when I noticed the man had a tattoo on his knee. "What's that?" I asked, unable to make out the design.
"It's a banjo," he said sheepishly. "I'm from Alabama."
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