Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE: Time Wasters

This is topic Time Wasters in forum Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon at Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE.

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Posted by John Lasher (Member # 968) on 07-09-2003, 09:18 PM:

Rated G

A Black guy, a Mexican and a Hick find a bottle on the beach, they rub it an a genie pops out and agrees to give each of them one wish. The black guy wishes for all of his african peoples to be back in africa and happy, the genie grants this wish and turns to the Mexican who wishes for all of his hispanic brethren to be back in Mexico and happy. So finally, the genie turns to the Hick and asks "What do you wish?"
The hick replies, "So now all of the blacks and Mexicans are out of the country?" The geinie says, "Yes." The hick thinks for a moment and finally says, "Well then I guess I'll have a coke."

Posted by John Lasher (Member # 968) on 09-24-2003, 08:00 PM:

There was a 10-year-old boy named Jimmy. One morning, before school, Jimmy's dad says to him, "Son, I'm going to tell you the secret of the universe, but you have to promise me you won't tell anyone."

Jimmy says, "I promise."

Jimmy's dad says, "The secret of the universe is purple elephants."

Jimmy goes to school and during recess he says to his best friend Bobby, "Did you know that the secret of the universe is purple elephants?"

Bobby tells the teacher, "Jimmy knows what the secret of the universe is."

The teacher says, "Jimmy, come up here."

Jimmy does.

The teacher says, "Bobby says you know the secret of the universe."

Jimmy replies, "Yes, my dad told me this morning and I promised I wouldn't tell anyone, but I slipped up and told Bobby during recess."

The teacher asks, "Well, what is the secret of the universe?"

Jimmy says, "The secret of the universe is purple elephants."

The teacher sends Jimmy to the principal's office. The principal asks him, "Why did the teacher send you here?"

Jimmy says, "Well, this morning my dad told me the secret of the universe, I promised I wouldn't tell anyone, but I slipped up and told Bobby at recess, he told the teacher and the teacher sent me here."

The principal leans over his desk and asks, "Well, what is the secret of the universe?"

Jimmy says, "The secret of the universe is purple elephants."

The principal sends Jimmy home. Jimmy's dad asks him, "Why were you sent home?"

Jimmy answers, "Well, you remember how you told me the secret of the universe this morning, and I promised not to tell anyone? I slipped up and told Bobby at recess, he told the teacher, the teacher sent me to the prinicpal's office and the principal sent me home."

Jimmy's father is furious with him. He kicks Jimmy out of the house and Jimmy ends up sleeping on a park bench, a hobo comes up to him and asks, "Hey kid, what're you doing here?"

Jimmy says, "Well, this morning my dad told me the secret of the universe, I promised I wouldn't tell anyone, but I slipped up and told Bobby at recess, he told the teacher, the teacher sent me to the principal's office, the principal sent me home and my dad kicked me out."

The hobo asks, "Well, what is the secret of the universe?"

Jimmy says, "The secret of the universe is purple elephants."

As it turns out, the hobo isn't a hobo at all, but an undercover police officer who arrests Jimmy.

Jimmy goes to court, the Judge asks him, "Why were you sent here?"

Jimmy says, "Well, this morning my dad told me the secret of the universe, I promised I wouldn't tell anyone, but I slipped up and told Bobby at recess, he told the teacher, the teacher sent me to the principal's office, the principal sent me home, my dad kicked me out, I wound up sleeping on a park bench, an undercover police officer arrested me and brought me here."

The judge leans over and asks, "Well, what is the secret of the universe?"

Jimmy says, "The secret of the universe is purple elephants."

Jimmy is sent to the supreme court in Washington, D.C. he is asked, "Why were you sent here?"

Jimmy says, "Well, this morning my dad told me the secret of the universe, I promised I wouldn't tell anyone, but I slipped up and told Bobby at recess, he told the teacher, the teacher sent me to the principal's office, the principal sent me home, my dad kicked me out, I wound up sleeping on a park bench, an undercover police officer arrested me and I was sent here."

"Well, what is the secret of the universe?"

Jimmy says, "The secret of the universe is purple elephants."

They march him into the president's office, the president asks, "Why were you sent here?"

Jimmy says, "Well, this morning my dad told me the secret of the universe, I promised I wouldn't tell anyone, but I slipped up and told Bobby at recess, he told the teacher, the teacher sent me to the principal's office, the principal sent me home, my dad kicked me out, I wound up sleeping on a park bench, an undercover police officer arrested me and I was sent to the supreme court and they sent me here."

"Well, what is the secret of the universe?"

Jimmy says, "The secret of the universe is purple elephants."

The president deports Jimmy to China, of course Jimme doesn't speak a word of Chinese, but he meets an old woman from America who asks, "Why were you sent here?"

Jimmy says, "Well, this morning my dad told me the secret of the universe, I promised I wouldn't tell anyone, but I slipped up and told Bobby at recess, he told the teacher, the teacher sent me to the principal's office, the principal sent me home, my dad kicked me out, I wound up sleeping on a park bench, an undercover police officer arrested me and I was sent to the supreme court and they sent me here."

"Well, what is the secret of the universe?"

Jimmy says, "The secret of the universe is purple elephants."

The old woman goes berserk! She begins chasing Jimmy. Jimmy runs into the middle of a street where he is hit by a car and killed.

And the moral of the story is = Always look both ways before crossing the street.