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Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-07-2004, 02:36 PM:
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Warning
Martinis don't pull punches.
Never drink and drive, never promise anything to anyone after the second drink and don't try to set your martini on fire.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-07-2004, 02:40 PM:
Rated G
"I think I had it in the back of my mind that I wanted to sound like a dry martini.
--Paul Desmond of the Dave Brubeck Quartet when asked about the sound of his Sax.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-07-2004, 02:43 PM:
Rated G ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
"All I ever did was supply a demand that was pretty popular."
--Al capone bootlegger/gangster
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-07-2004, 02:46 PM:
Rated G
"Martinis......have a muting effect on the constant ringing in my ears, and as five o'clock approaches, my thoughts turn toward the elixir of quietude. Gin stops the bell from tolling."
E.B. White
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-07-2004, 02:49 PM:
Rated G
"What hit me?" asked Nora charles
"That last martini." SAYS Nick Charles
From the movie The Thin Man
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-08-2004, 08:54 AM:
Rated G
"So, when he looked down into his martini, he was put into a trance by dancing myriads of winking eyes on the surface of his drink. The eyes were beads of lemon oil."
--Kurt Vonnegut,Jr. Breakfast of Champions
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-08-2004, 08:57 AM:
Rated G
"The three martini lunch is the epitome of American efficency. Where else can you get an earful, a bellyful, and a snootful at the same time."
Gerald Ford
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-08-2004, 09:01 AM:
Rated G
" Yes, but my martini is still dry.
My name is James."
--James Bond, in the movie Never Say Never Again.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-09-2004, 10:03 AM:
Rated G
"All the charming and beautiful things, from the song of songs to bouillabaisse, and from the nine Beethoven symphonies to the martini cocktail, have been given to humanity by men who, when the hour came, turned from tap water to something with color in it, and more of it than mere oxygen and hydrogen."
--H.L. Mencken
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-09-2004, 10:07 AM:
Rated G
"You can no more keep a martini in the refrigerator than you can keep a kiss there. The proper union of gin and vermouth is...one of the happiest marriages on earth, and one of the shortest lived."
--Bernard De Voto
[ 08-16-2005, 04:13 PM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-09-2004, 10:10 AM:
Rated G
"If the Lord hadn't intended us to have a three martini-lunch, then why do you suppose He put all those olive trees in the Holy Land?"
--Former House Speaker Jim Wright
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-09-2004, 10:14 AM:
Rated G
McMurphy: "That's right Mr. Martini, there is an Easter Bunny."
From the movie One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-09-2004, 10:18 AM:
Rated G
"After the first glass you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally you see things as they really are, and that is the mosy horrible thing in the world."
--Oscar Wilde, on absinthe
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-09-2004, 10:37 AM:
Rated G
"It is cold on the stomach."
Stalin, on FDR's martini, at the 1943 Teheran Conference
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-09-2004, 10:39 AM:
Rated G
"....America's lethal weapon."
Nikita Khrushchev, on the even stronger martini Eisenhower gave him.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-09-2004, 10:45 AM:
Rated G
FDR's Martini
1 part gin
1/2 part vermouth
1 teaspoon olive brine
Roosevelt shook his martinis with cracked ice, added one olive, rubbed the glass rim with lemon peel and inbibed to "relieve his back pain." His staff said he was a sloppy mixer because he was apt to dump orange juice, grapefruit juice, or anisette into his drinks too. He like to do his international negotiating over shared martinis.
Source: The little Black Book of Martinis.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-09-2004, 02:06 PM:
Rated G Martini Mystique
The Martini (A.K.A. The Cold War, White Lightning, Olive Soup, and See Through)is not just a drink. It is the soul of cocktail--a liquid icon. It is a transparent razzle-dazzle concoction that implies glamour, style, and edgy wit. Though a martini enjoys an evening at home, it gets invited to all the right parties, sports the most elegant accessories, and is surrounded by the most devoted movie stars, high rollers, statesmen and literary pundits. From it's humble beginings, this a first abrasive little drink has been [polished, praised, decorated, and lifted to nearly legendary status. Without prejudice it plays muse to heros, hedonists, rascal, and poets.
Source: The Little Black Book of Martinis
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-14-2004, 11:14 AM:
Rated G
A well-made Martini or Gibson, correctly chilled and nicely served, has been more often my true friend than any two-legged creature.
--M.F.K. Fisher, Food Writer
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-14-2004, 11:20 AM:
Rated G
1934: William Powell (Nick) and Myrna Loy (Nora) played the parts of sexy, sassy sluths. Nick did naughty things like shoot ornaments off the Christmas tree when he was tanked. Nora, rather than becoming annoyed, juist tried to catch up with Nick when she found him drunk on six martinis.
To the waiter: "Six Martinis."
To Nick: "Your not going to have anything on me."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-14-2004, 11:23 AM:
Rated G
1936: In My Man Geodfrey, David Niven played the part of a butler who sneaked sips of martini from his employer's serving tray.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-14-2004, 12:07 PM:
Rated G
1936: In The Major and the Minor,Robert Benchley (as Mr. Osbourne) gets to deliver the best line in the show:
Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini," he says to Ginger Rogers (as Susan Applegate),in a manner halfway between wry and lecherous.
[ 08-16-2005, 04:15 PM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-14-2004, 12:10 PM:
Rated G
1945: "Most men lead lives of quiet desparation. I can't take quiet desparation. What better reason for that second martini?" explaind Ray Milland, playing an alcoholic having trouble staying sober in The Lost Weekend.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-15-2004, 01:28 PM:
Rated G
J. Edgar Hoovertini
Gin or Vodka
Vermouth to taste
Stuffed Olive
Shake gin or vodka with cracked ice, and pour into martini glass. Add the stuffed olive "bug".
Can you trust that man's martini? Hal Lipset testified in a 1965 Subcommittee hearing that he and his colleagues had developed small microphones and transmitters to replace the pimientos in olives, and had buried tiny copper antennas inside the swizzles.
A Hand-held martini could work the room, recording snippets of conversations, or could be left at tables where people assumed they had privicy.
Pretend that your Hoovertini is "bugged."
[ 08-16-2005, 04:16 PM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-15-2004, 01:31 PM:
Rated PG
They say that a Martini is like a woman's breast. One ain't enough and three is too many.
Cocktail waitress,in the movie The Parallax View 1974
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-16-2004, 03:17 PM:
Rated G
1950: That was a dry martini Bette Davis knocked back before she delivered her famous line:"Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night," in All About Eve.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-16-2004, 03:19 PM:
Rated G
1954: In Sabrina, Larrabee tries to fish out the last olive in the jar for his martini, but gives up and dumps the martini fixings into the jar.
[ 08-16-2005, 04:17 PM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-16-2004, 03:21 PM:
Rated G
1959: In Alfred Hitchcock's North By Northwest, Cary Grant wheels and deals ovber a few martini's.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 01-11-2005, 10:54 AM:
Rated G Dirty Martini
A Dirty Martini is a gin or vodka martini with any amount of vermouth and a little olive brine. A Filthy Martini is one with extra olive brine.A Filthy Wet Martini has extra brine and extra vermouth. There is also a Mouldy Martini in which the pimiento is removed and replaced with hand-packed blue cheese. Not moved?
Then How about a Martini Poo?
Dirty Poo Martini
2 parts vodka
2 parts coconut rum
Splash of cranberry juice
Splash of mango juice
Dash of Cointreau
Shake ingredients over ice and strain into cocktail glass.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 01-13-2005, 01:13 PM:
Rated G Emerald Martini
12 parts gin
4 parts vermouth
1 part chartreuse liqueur
Stir with cracked ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass
Garnish with a twist of lemon or lime peel
It's a Gem!
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 01-13-2005, 01:22 PM:
Rated G Flirtini
During a party at Guastivino's, Sarah Jessica Parker took one sip of this colorful, easy to swallow drink, and promply dubbed it "Flirtini."
1 ounce rasberry vodka
Lime,pineapple, and cranberry juices to taste
Raspberries
Champagne.
Splash some fresh lime, pineapple and cranberry juices over vodka. Muddle some raspberries in the bottom of the glass. (Raspberry syrup can be substituted}.
Pour your best champagne on top. Garnish with a mint sprig and wink at the attactive strangers.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 01-13-2005, 01:26 PM:
Rated PG ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
Happiness is a good martini,a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman...or a bad woman,depending on how much happiness you can stand.
George Burns
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 01-20-2005, 11:52 AM:
Rated G
"How about seventy-three dry martini's?"
Earnest Hemingway,to the startled assistant manager of the Ritz Hotel, as he escorted a boisterous crown of soldiers and/or journalists into the lobby after the liberation of Paris (1944)
Parisian
4 parts gin
2 parts white vermouth
1 part creme de cassis
Stir with cracked ice and strain into chilled cocktail glass.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-04-2005, 12:20 PM:
Rated G Knockout
1 ounce light rum
1 ounce vodka
1 ounce amaretto
Dash of lemon soda
Dash of grenadine
Dash if gin
1 ounce pineapple juice
Shake or stir all ingredients except pineapple juice with cracked ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass, Stir in pineapple juice.
When made with technical precision, it's a TKO!
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-04-2005, 12:24 PM:
Rated G The Manhattan-
A Martini Lite?
4 parts Canadian Whisky
1 part sweet vermouth
1 dash bitters
Maraschino cherry
Pour into a cocktail glass over ice or straight up. Only 170 calories. And there is always diet cola.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-17-2005, 10:11 AM:
Rated G
Great link......................
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=Martini&btnG=Google+Search
http://search.ebay.com/martini_W0QQfkrZ1QQfnuZ1QQxpufuZx
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-30-2005, 01:26 PM:
Rated G
"If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue."
Dylan Thomas
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-30-2005, 01:30 PM:
Rated G
I know that I am not going to live forever, and neither are you, but until my furlough here on earth is revoked, I should like to elbow aside the established pieties and raise my martini glass in a salute to the moral arts of pleasure.
--Bob Shacochis, Drinking, Smoking & Screwing
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 07-28-2005, 07:58 AM:
Rated G
Monkey Gland
5 parts gin
2 parts orange juice
1 part grenadine
1 or 2 parts Pernod
Shake with ice and strain into a chilled martini glass.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 07-29-2005, 11:19 AM:
Rated G
Picture Perfect Martini
8 Parts Gin
1 Part Red Vermouth
1 Part White Vermouth
Cherry or Lemon Peel
Stir the licquid ingredients over cracked ice,strain into cocktail glass and garnish with aq cherry or lemon peel. Serve it straight up or on the rocks on a bad hair day. Forget the zit on your chin. Atitude is beautiful. ![[thumbsup]](graemlins/thumbsup.gif)
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 08-01-2005, 07:22 PM:
Rated G Hangover Helpers
A hangover is dehydration, low blood sugar, and mild alcohol poisoning. Not a pretty sight. Sure, torture yourself--swallow raw eggs, drink triple strength coffee, and stand under a shower of ice water. It won't do any good.
Prevention
Plan the number of drinks you intend to have and stick to your limit.
Eat before, during and afterthe psrty; it fills your stomach and slows the absorbtion of the alcohol. (No one said this was a diet post)
Alternate a glass of water or juicewith each alcoholic beverage.
At the bar avoid the salty snacks that make you so thirsty you end up having one more.
Drink as much water as you can before going to bed.
To cure a hangover
Don't drink more alcohol ("Hair of the dog").
Take a multivitamin
Drink water, juice or soft drinks.
Sleep it off.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 09-01-2005, 04:26 PM:
Rated D for Delicious More Recipes
VODKA MARTINI
1 1/2 oz vodka
dash dry vermouth
stuffed olive
Combine ingredients with cracked ice in a shaker.Shake well. Strainand serve in a chilled cocktail glass.Garnish with an olive.
Cosmopolitan Cocktail
1 1/4 ounces Absolut Citron vodka (about 2 1/2 tablespoons)
1/4 ounce Rose's lime juice (about 3/4 tablespoon)
1/4 ounce triple sec or Cointreau (about 3/4 tablespoon)
1/4 cup cranberry juice
1 cup ice cubes
Garnish: lime twist In a cocktail shaker combine all ingredients. Shake well and strain into a Martini glass.Garnish drink with lime.
SUPER GENIUS VODKA INFUSION
1 1/2 liter Grey Goose Vodka
1 pineapple
1/2 watermelon
2 baskets strawberries
7-Up
Cut all pineapple and fruit so no rind of any kind is left behind.Wash and rewash the watermelon, pineapple,and strawberries.Cut the strawberries into halves,the pineapple and watermelon into bigger than a bite-sized pieces.Layer a "sun tea" (preferably with spigot at bottom) with one fruit at
a time. Start with strawberry or watermelon, as they are more
fragrant and will gather more taste at the bottom, where the vodkaexits the container. Fill container to top with fruit.
Pour vodka over fruit until covered. Screw on top and let sit minimum 2 weeks in refrigerator.
To serve, mix 3 parts infusion with one part 7-Up (diet or regular) in a martini glass and serve with small piece of fruit as garnish.
The Perfect Manhattan
1/3 dry vermouth
1/3 sweet vermouth
1/3 whiskey
Christmas Martini
1 oz Dry Gin
1 1/2 oz Peppermint Schnapps
1/2 oz Water
1 stick Peppermint Candy
Strain gin and peppermint schnapps
into martini glass.
Add peppermint stick
Poinsettias Cocktails
1/2 oz. Triple Sec
3 oz. Champagne
Fill with Cranberry Juice
Stain into bucket
glass with lemon wedge
Christmas Tree
1 fifth Blue Maui
2 quart Pineapple Juice
Mix in punch bowl.
Add pineapple chunks.
[ 09-13-2005, 10:46 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]
Posted by Dieter Depypere (Member # 3184) on 09-13-2005, 09:53 AM:
Rated G
A man comes home - of course drunk. He wakes his wife and asks: "Are lemons able to run?" Wife: "Don't ask me silly questions, go to bed and be quiet!"
After some minutes... He: "Are lemons able to run? I am dying to know." wife: "Be quiet, will ya! And BTW, lemons have no feet so how should they be able to run?"
He thinks over a minute and exclaims: "Damn, i pressed the canary in my martini!"
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 09-14-2005, 09:55 AM:
Rated G
If the Lord hadn't intended us to have a three-martini lunch, then why do we suppose He put all those olive trees in the Holy Land?
--Former House Speaker Jim Wright
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 11-16-2005, 02:10 PM:
Rated G
Martini Man {That's Him on your left} is a universal figure.
He's a lawyer, gourmet cook, yachtsman, doctor, Wall Street tycoon, a skiier, an exercise enthusiast, a golfer, a Hollywood big shot, a guy who loves to vacation, and a phenom host!
Martini Man is the creation of JELA (an acronym for Judith E.L. Angerman), an artist working in oils, acrylics and computer graphics.
Now she brings her work to offer on the net in the form of GICLEES-pronounced geeclayz- (archival, museum quality full-color prints).
Click Here:
http://cocktails.about.com/library/weekly/aa113000f.htm
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 11-18-2005, 12:04 PM:
Rated G Thanks to Gordon Bachlund
Pure Art:
http://www.michaelgodard.com/thumbs.asp?CategoryID=21
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-10-2005, 03:58 PM:
Rated PG Wall Street Journal
Don't Forget
The Vermouth
By ERIC FELTEN
December 10, 2005; Page P15
Martini passions run high. Take the copy I found of a 1930 cocktail book called "Shake 'Em Up!" The first owner of the volume penciled, in an elegant if excited hand, a simple editorial comment over its Martini recipe: "NO, NO, NO!!!"
The "Shake 'Em Up!" recipe -- two parts gin to one part French vermouth and a couple of dashes of bitters -- was archaic even in 1930. In the 12th year of the Volstead Act, a Martini would still generally have been made with a few drops of orange bitters, but the fashionable ratio of gin to vermouth was already 4 to 1. In decades to come that ratio would be doubled, and even doubled again.
The Martini started life in the 1880s as the Martinez cocktail. It was modified from the Manhattan -- whiskey, sweet vermouth and bitters -- by substituting gin for the whiskey. The gin was originally a syrupy-sweet variety called Old Tom Gin. By the aught years, Old Tom was tossed in favor of dry gin, sweet (red) vermouth gave way to the dry (white) kind, and the Martinez came to be the Dry Martini.
A Martini made with dry gin and dry vermouth proved to be a far more sophisticated cocktail than its sweet predecessor. "The ultimate class bifurcation based on drink," Paul Fussell wrote in his sly and malicious little book, "Class," is "the difference between dry and sweet." But somewhere along the way, "dry" came to mean a Martini's relative absence of vermouth. Even so, the social cachet attached to "dryness" persisted, and decades of striving have produced today's dry Martini standard: in effect, a straight shot of gin or vodka. Which is odd, because there's nothing particular swanky about a glass of plain gin -- in Orwell's "Nineteen Eighty-Four," everyone gulps his synthetic gin straight.
Near-Perfect Martini
2 oz Hendrick's gin
¼ oz Vya dry vermouth
• Shake or stir with ice, and strain into a Martini glass. Garnish with olive.
Original Intent Martini
2 oz Plymouth gin
½ oz Noilly Prat dry vermouth
2 dashes orange bitters
• Shake or stir with ice and strain into a Martini glass. Garnish with olive.
Ladder-climbing hasn't been the only imperative driving Martini dessication. Ernest Hemingway ranked "dry" Martini-drinking somewhere between bull-fighting and big-game hunting in his hierarchy of the manly arts and favored his Martinis at 15 to 1.
Vermouth avoidance may connote social status or tough-guy panache, but it doesn't make much sense as far as the taste of the drink is concerned. Plenty of cocktails call for a dash of this or a drop of that, and in those recipes the this-and-that are almost always intensely flavored ingredients, such as pastis or bitters. But vermouth is not only mild; it takes what flavor it has from some of the same botanicals that contribute to the taste of gin, including coriander, orange peel and orris root.
Modern Martinis suffer from another extreme: size. The three-Martini lunch isn't quite the debilitating excess it sounds like if you realize that the Martinis of the lunch's 1950s heyday were half, or a third, the size of today's stemmed tubs of gin. The next time you catch a bit of "North by Northwest" on television, look for the scene in which Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint trade sexy banter in the Pullman dining-car. Grant starts his meal by ordering a Gibson (a Martini garnished with a cocktail onion). The drink arrives in a glass so small that both bowl and stem disappear in his hand. It was almost certainly a better drink than today's gigantic Martinis, which are guaranteed to be warm as dishwater (and about as savory) halfway through.
For all the ritual and mythology, a Martini is a perfectly easy drink to make. Start with good gin and good vermouth and the cocktail nearly makes itself. Liquor store shelves are crowded with an embarrassment of excellent gins. I tasted blind a dozen dry gins and half a dozen dry vermouths, then tried the best in various combinations and ratios.
Think of gin as basically a flavored vodka. The smell and taste of juniper berries is almost always front and center, but since a decent gin is infused with a dozen or more spices and botanicals -- often including fennel, licorice, angelica root, and cassia bark -- distillers have plenty of room to define their gin by the flavors they emphasize. Tanqueray's super-premium No. 10, for instance, is very bright, dominated by tangy citrus peel. Or the distiller can strive not to emphasize any of the flavors: Junipero keeps its flavors in such perfect balance that none poke out.
A couple of the less expensive brands gave me what I paid for. Beefeater and Gordon's were just a little too raw for the naked exposure of a Martini. But more expensive didn't always mean better. I much preferred the broad-shouldered, everyday Bombay gin to its pricier sibling, the watery Sapphire.
There's no such thing as the perfect Martini, so, as the bartender in a New Yorker cartoon once said, a near-perfect Martini will have to do. For me, it starts with Hendrick's, a gin that one could describe as bursting with flavor if the tastes weren't so beautifully rounded and seamlessly integrated. Hendrick's is self-assured enough to stand up to Vya, a delicious dry vermouth made by the Central Valley's Quady winery. Because Vya is itself no slouch in the robust-flavor department, I found that it was best to mix Hendrick's to Vya in a fairly modern ratio of 8 to 1.
My second-favorite gin was Plymouth, a venerable English brand recently revived by some savvy entrepreneurs. Plymouth has an elegant balance of the traditional gin flavorings, and a light, airy quality that matches up perfectly with Noilly Prat's delicate vermouth. Unlike the Hendrick's and Vya, Plymouth and Noilly Prat were around in the Martini's formative years. Put them together in a 1930s ratio -- four parts gin to one part vermouth -- and you have the classic in its classic proportions. Add a couple of dashes of orange bitters, and you have what I call the "Original Intent Martini."
Shake your Martinis and they'll come out with a nice icy bite; stir them if you want a silkier consistency. And either way, use ice untainted by municipal chlorine and free from memories of trout caught last summer. Then decide: olive or lemon twist? But it's not much of a choice, really: Who can snack on lemon peel?
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-11-2006, 03:04 PM:
Rated G
Golf Martini
4 Parts Gin
1 Part vodka
4 Dashes Angustura Bitters
Shake or stir with cracked ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Drop in a little white onion. That's a hole in one.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-23-2006, 04:15 PM:
Rated G
Martini Mystique
Also know as:
The Silver Bullet
The Cold War
White Lighting
Olive Soup
See-Through - is not just a drink. It is the soul of a cocktail - liquid Icon. It is invited to every film-tech drink, including those at Quark, in the belly of the Starship Enterprise.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 09-21-2006, 08:39 AM:
Rated PG Ed in Aurora, Ont.
The Value of a Drink
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
About the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
And dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
Of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their Dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell Happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
Wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
Going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
We fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
Get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the
History of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
Wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
Not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not
Posted by System Notices (Member # 2357) on 04-10-2008, 04:32 PM:
It has been 567 days since the last post.