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Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 10-28-2005, 03:11 PM:
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
When Sam Goldwyn was at his height as a motion picture producer, and charming everyone with his beautiful abuse of English, it is said that he rejected the script for a movie called "The Optimist."
He didn't think that a story about an eye doctor would sell. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 10-28-2005, 03:23 PM:
Rated G
Tom Cruise and Rene Zellweger will co-star in the psychological horror flick "The Eye." And we all know what that means: Rene is single again ... no one can remember who Katie Holmes is ... Cruise has a new movie ... time for another wedding!
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 10-28-2005, 03:24 PM:
Rated PG
Demi Moore, 47, has announced her engagement to child actor Ashton Kutcher, who is about half Demi's age. Ashton said the decision to go ahead with the marriage hinged on whether Demi had kids old enough that he could play with. Demi said she hopes she can soon give birth to a little brother for Ashton.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 10-30-2005, 05:04 PM:
Rated G ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
For one scene in Gangs of New York (2002), Cameron Diaz was directed to slap Leonardo Dicaprio in the face over and over and over again.
"When Robert De Niro and I used to do a scene like this," Director Martin Scorsese told Leonardo Dicaprio, "Mr. De Niro would take real slaps in the face – real slaps."
"Anything you and Mr. De Niro used to do I totally respect," Leonardo Decaprio said. "I’m absolutely game."
Thirty-five or forty takes later, Leonardo Dicaprio was passed out on the floor, his head, he recalled, "Felt like a cantaloupe."
Though unable to see straight, he looked up at Mr. Scorsese.
"Did we get it, sir? Did we get it?" he asked.
"That was perfect, kid, that was perfect," Mr. Scorsese replied. "Now we just have six more angles on this shot...."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 01-06-2006, 10:22 AM:
Rated G Betsy
Men never get too old for the entertainment industry.
I saw a Clint Eastwood movie, he's around 110, and they have him in bed with a twenty-four-year-old.
I demand some parity, a film where Tom Cruise sleeps with Phyllis Diller.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 01-06-2006, 10:48 AM:
Rated G George
"I got a role in the new Tarzan movie. Boy, you should have seen all the crazy animals we had to work with."
"Were you the star?"
"No, but when the lion got loose and chased the cast, I was the leading man!"
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 01-08-2006, 07:10 AM:
Rated G
A famous Hollywood director dies and reaches Heaven. At the proverbial gate, St. Peter meets him and explains that God would like the director to make one more movie.
The director grimaces, "But I retired years before I died. I'm tired of all the hassles involved in making movies."
"Listen," St. Peter explains, "we got Ludwig von Beethoven to write a new score for the movie..."
"You're not listening to me," the director protested. "I don't want to make any more movies."
"But we’ve got Leonardo de Vinci to do the set design for you," St. Peter exclaimed.
"I don't want to make any more movies!" the director insisted.
"Just look at this script," St. Peter said. "We got William Shakespeare to write it for you!"
"Well," said the director, "a score by Beethoven, set design by de Vinci, a script by Shakespeare...How can I go wrong? I'll do it!"
"Great!" exclaimed St. Peter. "There's only one small hitch... I’ve got a girlfriend who sings..."
Posted by Paul Mayer (Member # 355) on 01-08-2006, 11:02 AM:
Rated G
Hollywood is a place where:
When you're good they call you great.
When you're great they call you a genius.
And when you're a genius they don't call you.
Posted by Paul Mayer (Member # 355) on 01-08-2006, 11:06 AM:
Rated G
Old Hollywood saying: "They'll never forgive you for carrying a screwdriver."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 01-14-2006, 11:19 AM:
Rated G Popo
The theatrical agent, trying to sell a new strip act to a night-club manager, was raving about the girl's unbelievable 72-26-38 figure.
"What kind of a dance does she do?" the manager asked, duly impressed by the description of the girl's dimensions.
"Well, she doesn't actually dance at all," the agent replied. "She just crawls out onto the stage and tries to stand up!"
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-03-2006, 09:19 AM:
Rated G
"Spokespeople for the Academy Awards are calling for Oscar speeches to be short, interesting and wholesome. The show is now going to be nine minutes long."
--Conan O'Brien
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-03-2006, 09:30 AM:
Rated G B.B.
MOVIE QUOTES ABOUT BEAUTY
"Help me, Mary Kay, you're my only hope."
"I love the smell of microdermabrasion in the morning!"
"Spray Misty for me."
"Luke ... I am your barber."
"What we have here is a failure to exfoliate."
"Blonde. James Blonde."
"I don't believe that man's EVER been to cosmetology school!"
"I'll make him a coiffure he can't refuse."
"Houston, we have a pimple."
~ M.Raymond
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-08-2006, 01:38 PM:
Rated G Lorraine
Late one night on the set of Francis Martin's "Tillie and Gus", W. C. Fields found himself shooting a scene in a diver's costume. According to the script something had gone wrong and Fields was to be hauled up in a diver's bell, half dead, and then gasp, "is there a doctor in the house?"
Instead of uttering the scripted line, however, Fields pointed at his gigantic diving footwear and exclaimed: "[Boxer] Primo Carnera's carpet slippers!"
Fields was promptly reprimanded for changing the line. "Why? That's funny," he replied. "Everybody knows about Carnera's big feet."
Nonetheless, with the hour approaching midnight, it was agreed that the scene should be reshot. Coming up a second time, Fields pointed to his feet again and quipped: "Charlie Frobisher's bedroom slippers!"
Again, he was scolded for changing the line. "What's the matter with you?" Fields cried. "Don't you know the name 'Charlie Frobisher' always gets a laugh? People will howl at it!"
The director, astonished by Fields's terrible judgement, began to wonder whether he was losing his mind.
As the clock struck midnight, Fields was sent into the tank again. Upon rising this time, he promptly spoke the proper line and went home.
The explanation soon became apparent: Fields's contract stipulated that he be paid an $800 bonus every time he worked past midnight!
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-08-2006, 02:18 PM:
Rated G Lorraine
When Gene Hackman was cast to play Lex Luthor in Superman (in 1978), he agreed to wear a fake bald headcap, but refused to get rid of his bushy moustache.
Dick Donner, the film's director, was not amused. Luthor, he complained, was supposed to be clean- shaven.
"That," Hackman retorted, "is your problem!"
In a desperate bid to persuade him to shave, Donner visited Hackman in makeup one day and offered him a modest proposal: If he would get rid of his treasured moustache, Donner himself would follow suit - right then and there.
Eventually, Hackman agreed and was soon clean-shaven - whereupon Donner plucked from his face... a fake moustache!
After a moment of incredulous anger, Hackman joined Donner in a round of laughter.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-08-2006, 02:29 PM:
Rated G Lorraine
During the production of "The Blue Lagoon", Brooke Shields' handlers, concerned about the film's nudity, sought assurances that nothing untoward would appear on screen.
The producers, having made a solemn promise, endeavored to keep it in a novel fashion: by having the young star's hair glued to her breasts.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-08-2006, 02:39 PM:
Rated G Lorraine
While preparing for his role in "The Wild" (2006), Kiefer Sutherland had to practice roaring like a ferocious lion.
In order to avoid embarrassment, he decided to practice alone, while driving, rather than at home in front of his family.
While roaring away on the freeway one day, Kiefer looked over and was embarrassed to discover that a woman driving in his blind spot had been watching him.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-09-2006, 08:57 AM:
Rated G cutie pa2ti
"A new cologne is coming out. It's for cowboys and it's made from cow manure. That way the women will be on you like flies."
~Bill Maher~
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-20-2006, 05:30 PM:
Rated G
Nicolas Cage started life as Nicholas Coppola, but changed it to disassociate himself with famous film director Uncle Francis Ford Coppola. The name 'Cage' came from the comic book character 'Luke Cage'.
•
Red Buttons was originally known as Aaron Chwatt. The idea for his new name came from his hair colour and the 48 buttons on his bellboy's uniform.
•
Bette Davis started out as Ruth Davis but changed to Bette after Balzac's cousin Bette.
•
The Phantom of the Opera star was once called Michael Dumble-Smith. The unsurprising desire for a name change was concluded after he saw a passing Crawford's buscuit lorry.
•
The former Roy Scherer became Rock Hudson after his agent searched the globe for an alternative, coming up with an amalgamation of the Hudson River and the Rock of Gibraltar.
•
Orginally Susan Weaver, Sigourney picked out her unusual new name from a character in the novel, The Great Gatsby.
•
Oprah is actually a typo. Her parents wanted to use the biblical name Orpah, but the midwife couldn't spell so it became Oprah.
•
Friends star Luke Perry was originally Coy Luther Perry but changed to Luke after the character in his favourite movie, Cool Hand Luke.
•
Originally Doris Von Kappellof, Doris followed the wise advice of band leader Barney Rapp and changed her name. She used to sing the song 'Day after Day' for him.
•
Born Frank Cooper, his agent persuaded him to change to Gary after the agent's home town - Gary, Indiana.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-20-2006, 05:33 PM:
Rated G
FROM HUMBLE BEGININGS
•
Oscar nominated actor Tom Berenger earlier appeared in US soap 'One Life to Live'. HIs luckless character, Tom Siegel fell in love with a nun and died after falling down some stairs.
•
Another Hollywood box office hit, Tommy Lee Jones, also appeared in 'One Life to Live'. His character, Mark Toland, was involved in blackmail, affairs and was wanted for murder. In all, Jones spent four years on the soap.
•
An early acting job for Kevin Kline was as the character, Woody Reed in the US soap, Search For Tomorrow.
•
Broadway and West End singing sensation Elaine Paige served her apprenticeship in UK soap Crossroads. She had a small part as Caroline Winthrop in the late sixties.
•
The 'Three Men & a Baby' star, Tom Selleck was once better known as Jed Andrews in US soap, The Young & The Restless.
•
Clockwork Orange star, Malcolm McDowell is another Crossroads refugee having played the role of Crispin Ryder in the popular UK soap.
•
The star of Ghandi played Ron Jenkins in UK soap Coronation Street before hitting the big time.
•
AbFab star and ex Avenger, Joanna Lumley is also another Coronation Street ex. She played Elaine Perkins in the Street (1973)
•
And the final Coronation Street link is Monkee's front man Davy Jones. He played Ena Sharples grandson, Colin Lomax in an episode back in 1961.
•
Before wearing underpants the wrong way round made him a household name, the Superman superstar got another famous record. He became the first person to be called a Bastard on US daytime TV, playing love cheat Ben Harper in 'Love of Life'
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-20-2006, 05:35 PM:
Rated G
Lon Chaney's great skill as a silent film actor came about as a result of his upbringing. Both of his parents were deaf-mutes, so he learned to communicate by expressive pantomime.
•
Hollywood director Steven Spielberg played a cameo role as the clerk who receives Dan Ackroyd and John Belushi's money at the end of the Blues Brothers.
•
Max Von Sydow plays Jesus Christ in 'The Greatest Story Ever Told' and Satan in 'Needful Things', the only actor to play both parts.
•
Ed Koch, the Mayor of New York in 1984, played himself in the film, The Muppets Take Manhattan.
•
Stephen King, no stranger to taking walk on roles in the films of his own novels, played the minister at a funeral in the 1989 adaptation of his book, Pet Cemetery.
•
Actress Sissy Spacek got so into the part of Carrie that she slept with fake pig's blood all over her to ensure continuity.
•
David Prowse, the actor who played Darth Vader in the original Star Wars films, was also in the Stanley Kubrick classic 'A Clockwork Orange'. He is the caretaker of the man who was beaten by Malcolm McDowell's character and his gang. David Prowse carries the man who is now in a wheel chair around the house.
•
Ronald Reagan was the only president to have ever worn a NAZI uniform. (Of course. he wore it as an actor in a movie)
•
Artist Pablo Picasso appeared in a crowd scene in Jean Cocteau's 1962 film, The Testament of Orpheus.
•
Both actors that have played 'Mr. Rourke' on the 'Fantasy Island' television programs have also played a villain on 'Star Trek'.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-21-2006, 03:06 PM:
Rated G Lorraine
"There's no thief like a bad movie." (Sam Ewing)
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 04-06-2006, 03:15 PM:
Rated G Sam
WHAT WE HAVE LEARNED FROM THE MOVIES
Imagine you lived a remote life but had satellite television and were able to see movies all of the time. How misguided would your life be? Below are a few of the things that you would have learned.
1. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while SCUBA diving
5. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
6. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
9. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilisation.
10. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
11. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
12. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
13. When they are alone, all non-native English speakers prefer to speak English to each other.
14. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
15. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 04-06-2006, 03:18 PM:
Rated G Jorge
A DICTIONARY OF HOLLYWOOD VERBS
To "schmooze" = befriend scum
To "pitch" = grovel shamelessly
To "brainstorm" = feign preparedness
To "research" = procrastinate indefinitely
To "network" = spread misinformation
To "collaborate" = argue incessantly
To "freelance" = collect unemployment
NOUNS
Agent = frustrated lawyer
Lawyer = frustrated producer
Producer = frustrated writer
Writer = frustrated director
Director = frustrated actor
Actor = frustrated human
COMPOUND WORDS
High-concept = low brow
Production values1 = gore
Production values2 = explosions
Entry level = pays nothing
Network-approved = has made them money
Highly qualified = knows the producer
FINANCIAL TERMS
Net = something that apparently doesn't exist
Gross = Michael Eisner's salary
Back End = you, if you think you'll ever see any
Residuals = braces for the kids
Deferral = don't hold your breath
Points = see "Net " or "Back End"
COMMON PHRASES
You can trust me = You must be new
It needs some polishing = Change everything
It shows promise = It stinks rotten
It needs some fine tuning = Change everything
She got great press = She'll never live down the embarrassment
I'd like some input = I want total control
It needs some honing = Change everything
Call me back next week = Stay out of my life
It needs some tightening = Change everything
Try and punch it up = I have no idea what I want
It needs some streamlining = Change everything
It's all up on the screen = You'll never find the money I embezzled
You'll never work in this town again = I have no power whatsoever.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 05-16-2006, 03:37 PM:
Rated G Lorraine
Walt Disney got his idea for Mickey Mouse while he worked in a garage.
He was watching the mice play one night and got the inspiration for Mortimer Mouse. He didn't change the name until shortly before he finished the first Mickey Mouse cartoon--the 1928 "Steamboat Willie".
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-05-2007, 11:03 AM:
Rated G Betsy
Some movie directors get carried away with the search for the perfect scene. When Sydney Pollack directed The Electric Horseman, he reshot the big kiss between Robert Redford and Jane Fonda fifty times.
The film's accountant estimated that the single kiss cost the studio $300,000, commenting, "It would have been cheaper if Redford had kissed the horse."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-05-2007, 11:17 AM:
Rated G Lorraine
One day during the production of Sophie's Choice, Meryl Streep was required to shoot the pivotal scene in which her character, standing with her young son and daughter in a "selection line" in a Nazi concentration camp, is forced by a German guard to choose one of the children to be sent for extermination. As the scene came to an end Streep, who later called it the most emotionally grueling of her career, was surprised that Pakula, for whom she felt a great emotional kinship, had not called 'cut.' "I thought, 'My God, he's overwhelmed...'" Streep promptly looked over to where the director was sitting with his cinematographer - and was shocked to find that both men, with their heads tilted back, had fallen sound asleep!
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-05-2007, 11:18 AM:
Rated G Lorraine
Pianist Victor Borge (1909-2000) was once asked why the keys on his piano were so yellow. Borge insisted that, notwithstanding the evidence, the piano was not very old. His explanation? "The elephant," he declared, "smoked too much."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-15-2007, 11:54 AM:
Rated G Bruce
"This is America. If you don't like spaghetti and meatballs, then you can just get the hell out!"
--Steve Buscemi as the homeless guy in "Big Daddy"
"Ummm... a malt Glen Garry for me and my friend here. And if you tell that bartender to go extra easy on the water, this 50 cent piece has your name on it."
--Vince Vaughn in SWINGERS
"Baseball's hard. You can love it but, believe me, it don't always love you back. It's kinda like dating a German chick."
--Billy Bob Thornton as Buttermaker in "Bad News Bears"
Honesty is the key to a relationship - If you can fake that, you're in...
--Emo Phillips
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-19-2007, 09:35 AM:
Rated G B.B.
"The rumor in Hollywood right now is that Al Gore may announce he's running for president during a speech at the Academy Awards. That's right folks, they found a way to make Oscar speeches even more boring."
-- Conan O'Brien
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-01-2007, 01:53 PM:
Rated G
"Did you all watch the Oscars last night? It was so long the memorial clip actually featured people who were alive when the show began."
- Jay Leno
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-27-2007, 04:33 PM:
Rated G Marty
It was a simpler time back then. We were so easily entertained. We would watch anything. We'd watch a flying nun; we'd watch a talking horse. We are so much more sophisticated now, watching people eat bugs and marry strangers for money.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 10-18-2007, 12:56 PM:
Rated G Lorraine
The story of Mary Poppins as a nanny is well known. Less well- known is her subsequent tale....
She traveled to Hollywood, where she opened a shop on Sunset Boulevard as a fortune-teller. Of course we already know she has supernatural powers, so it's no surprise that she was quite skilled in fortune-telling, and her reputation grew rapidly.
She continued to tell fortunes, and found that in particular, she always received a very strong premonition whenever someone was about to have an onset of bad breath. Her predictions of this turned out to be accurate 100% of the time. In order to publicize her success at this, she had a large sign placed above her door, which read:
Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis.
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 10-25-2007, 08:53 AM:
Rated G Lorraine
The producer of a low budget film is trying to convince the newly hired director of the quality of the work by telling him the big names they've gotten for the cast.
"First of all," he tells him, "We've got Gibson in the lead."
The director is surprised, "You got Mel Gibson?"
"Well, no," the producer responds, "we got Marvin Gibson, he's a distant cousin who lives in Queens, but he's very up and coming. And besides, we've also got Redford."
"You got Robert Redford?" the director asks.
"No, we got Jeremy Redford, but he's very talented and has lots of acting experience from years of dinner theater. But," he says enthusiastically, " we've got Streisand and in a singing role."
"Barbara Streisand?" he asks.
"No, Elizabeth Streisand." The producer responds. "But she's got a great voice. AND we've got Goulet."
"You got Robert Goulet?" the director asks.
"Yeah," the producer replies glumly, "we got Robert Goulet."
Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-13-2008, 03:03 PM:
Rated PG Lorraine
Edith Sitwell (1887-1964 once received letter from a concerned reader.)
"Dear Dame Edith," it read. "As an admirer of your poems I am nevertheless greatly disturbed by a poem containing a line about the mating of tigers. I have a daughter of 19 - at that age when the brook runs into the river - and a son aged 10 who is very restless. I wish to entreat you, dear Dame Edith, when you write your poetry, to consider the disturbing effect that lines like those about the mating of tigers may have on the young."
Edith's reply? "Tell your dirty little brats to read King Lear."
Posted by System Notices (Member # 2357) on 12-02-2010, 02:22 PM:
It has been 993 days since the last post.