Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE: Dick Cheney

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Posted by Will Kutler (Member # 770) on 02-16-2006, 09:47 PM:

Texas Bar Assn., on behalf of Texas-based divorce attnys with political ties to the US Supreme Court and Capitol Hill are starting a new company that will send ex-spouses on hunting trips with VP Dick Cheney! [Big Grin]

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-17-2006, 07:33 PM:

Rated PG

NEW BUMPER STICKER:

I'D RATHER HUNT WITH DICK CHANEY

THAN RIDE WITH TED KENNEDY

Posted by Scott Norwood (Member # 30) on 02-18-2006, 07:04 AM:

A selection of actual headlines from the Cheney-Whittington shooting
incident.

Shoots, Hides and Leaves
-- Washington Post

Arms-bearing Americans are rarely wrong
-- Telegraph, U.K.

Guns don't shoot people: Vice Presidents shoot people
-- Capitol Hill Blue

Real Men Don't Hide Behind Scott McClellan
-- Yahoo! News

Shooting pains
-- Globe and Mail, Canada

Pundits bird-dog vice president
-- Detroit News

Hit me with your best (buck) shot
-- Houston Chronicle

Cheney Gets His Gun
-- Yahoo! News

Ready, Aim, Misfire
-- San Francisco Chronicle

Orange you glad Cheney's not here?
-- Chicago Tribune

Cheney not licensed to shoot birds (or friends)
-- Australian

Analysis: Cheney's little shot not a big deal among mishaps
-- Buckeye Firearms Association

Cheney Bags a Lawyer
-- The Herald

Cheney can't hide from smoking gun
-- Virginia Pilot

See Dick. Run!
-- The Smoking Gun

Loose Cannon
-- Washington Post

So he shot a man
-- Town Hall, a GOP online blog

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-18-2006, 09:35 AM:

Rated G

That’s the big story over the weekend.

On a quail hunting trip in Texas, Vice President of the United States, Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78 year old lawyer.

In fact when people found out he shot a lawyer his popularity is now at 92%! [Big Grin]

Posted by Will Kutler (Member # 770) on 02-18-2006, 04:00 PM:

How Cheney can win the Gold at the Olymics Speed Skating-Shooting Bi-athalon? Hold back and shoot the leaders from behind!

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-18-2006, 10:19 PM:

Rated PG

"Hillary Clinton blasted the vice president today for failing to disclose all the facts. She wants Dick Cheney to give exact details. You know like, "How do you shoot someone and make it look like an accident?"

--Jay Leno

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-18-2006, 10:23 PM:

Rated PG

George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all the dumb George W. jokes people tell about me."

Wise Old Cheney, feeling sorry for his old boss kid, said sage-like, "Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."

Now Cheney, to patronize George W, took him outside and hailed a taxi driver.

"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," said Cheney.

The cab driver without saying a word drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, Cheney looked at George W. and said, "See! That guy was really stupid."

"No kidding," replied George W. "There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead." [Big Grin]

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-18-2006, 10:26 PM:

Rated G

"Good news ladies and gentleman, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction … It's Dick Cheney."

"The Late Show With David Letterman" (CBS)

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-19-2006, 09:00 AM:

Rated G Bruce

"Kind of a sad study out today that single women over the age of 35 are more likely to be shot by the vice president than to find a husband."

--Jimmy Kimmel

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-19-2006, 01:48 PM:

Rated G

Letterman's Top Ten Dick Cheney Excuses

10. Heart palpitation caused trigger finger to spasm

9. Wanted to get the Iraq mess of the front page

8. Not enough Jim Beam

7. Trying to stop the spread of bird flu

6. I love to shoot people

5. Guy was making cracks about my lesbian daughter

4. I thought the guy was trying to go 'gay cowboy' on me

3. Excuse? I hit him didn't I?

2. Until Democrats approve Medicare reform, we have to make some tough choices for the elderly

1. Made bet with Gretzgy's wife [Big Grin]

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-19-2006, 01:50 PM:

Rated G

The Late Show With J. Letterman Carson:

Tonight, our entire balcony is made up of people who survived hunting with the Vice-President.

He's out there. He's on the loose. Check the backseat floorboards before getting in your cars.

Cheney did say he took all responsibility in an interview yesterday. Of course that would have been more believabe if he hadn't taken the lawyer-friend to the hospital strapped to his hood.

Now he's trying to get Abramoff to go duck hunting with him later in the year and the whole congress is encouraging him to go.

Why it took so long for the accident report to come in, no one seems to know.

Apparently, the early reports stated that the shot came from a grassy knoll.

Even President Bush has accused the Vice-President of "tainting our entire 8 years". This time someone's seriously hurt.

I've not been feeling well. May have the chicken flu. You see, my neighbor has it and she's just across the road. It was bound to happen.

Goodnight ladies and gentlemen! Remember..check those cars. He's out there. [Big Grin]

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-19-2006, 08:25 PM:

Rated XXX

Click Below

http://cheneyplaysfolsom.cf.huffingtonpost.com/

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-21-2006, 12:29 PM:

Rated G Bruce

The Texas Parks and Wildlife Department issued a statement today saying Vice President Cheney broke no law by shooting a lawyer instead of a quail over the weekend.

A TPWD spokesman noted that, in Texas, lawyers are not considered game creatures, and are thus not subject to seasonal limitations or bag limits.

It was further noted that lawyer hunting was encouraged as the state is overrun with the pesky creatures.

Unlike quail hunting, for which Mr. Cheney did not have the requisite game-hunting stamp, there is actually no special stamp required to hunt lawyers

A local food critic said that, contrary to rumor, lawyers do not taste like chicken, but rather like bovine dung which is a major component of their composition. [Big Grin]

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-23-2006, 03:18 PM:

Rated PG Bruce

Did you hear that they are finally going to close down the Guantanamo Bay prison? Yeah, instead they're going to send all the detainees on a hunting trip with Dick Cheney.

"The other day, Dick Cheney gave an interview with Fox News. Actually the interview did get off to a bad start when Brit Hume said, 'Mr. Vice President, I have some questions.' And Cheney said, 'Okay, shoot.'"

--Jay Leno

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 02-28-2006, 07:23 PM:

Rated G Quirk

"Cheney has joined the ranks of premature ejaculators. Yep, he blew his load too soon." [Big Grin]

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-07-2006, 09:21 PM:

Rated G

Even Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton couldn't resist. Firing up the troops Friday night with talk of Democrats taking back the House and Senate in November, the former first lady said, "We can target our passion."

After a strategic pause, she added: "And, lucky for us, we have far better aim than some people in Washington."

On Saturday, DRC member Ken Harper of Putnam County introduced Sean Patrick Maloney, a former aide to President Clinton and a candidate for state attorney general, to the crowd by noting it often wasn't easy for Democrats operating in traditionally Republican areas of the state.

"Being a Democrat in Putnam County is like going on a hunting trip with Dick Cheney _ every day," he said. [Big Grin]

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-07-2006, 09:28 PM:

Rated G

"Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird."

—Jon Stewart

"Cheney's defense is that he was aiming at a quail when he shot the guy. Which means that Cheney now has the worst aim of anyone in the White House since Bill Clinton."

—Jay Leno

"You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.'"

—Craig Ferguson

"But all kidding aside, and in fairness to Dick Cheney, every five years he has to shed innocent blood or he violates his deal with the devil."

—Jimmy Kimmel

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 03-08-2006, 08:38 AM:

Rated G Bruce

WASHINGTON, D.C. A White House source stated that Congress is considering awarding Vice-President Dick Cheney the Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian commendation, for his act of bravery in shooting an attorney. The source was quoted to say,"All Americans have wanted to shoot a lawyer at one time or another and Cheney actually had the guts to do it."

***********

In a related story, the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, which issues hunting licenses, said that it will start requiring hunters, wishing to bag a lawyer, to have the new "lawyer's stamp" on their hunting license. Currently Texas hunters are required to carry stamps for hunting birds, deer, and bear, at a cost of $7 annually. The new "lawyers stamp" will cost $100, but open season will be all year long. The department further stated that although the "lawyers stamp" comes at a hefty price, sales have been brisk and it is believed it will generate annual revenues in excess of $3 billion dollars. Other states are considering similar hunting stamps.

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 04-01-2006, 11:33 AM:

Rated PG Bruce

Sing to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies

Come and listen to a story about a man named Dick, A poor marksman with glasses kinda thick, Then one day he was shooting at some quail, When up popped a lawyer and let out a wail!

Attorney that is. Buckshot barrister; Texas Toast.

Well next thing you know Ol' Dick's the butt of jokes, Got folks rolling And laughing coast-to-coast

An undisclosed location Is the place you ought to be Anywhere but standing In front of Dick Cheney.

V. P., that is, Hunting fool, Shotgun scars. [Big Grin]

Posted by Bruce Hansen (Member # 281) on 04-03-2006, 05:22 PM:

Rated G

Well, the terrorists now know that if they want to see George Bush dead, all they need to do is give Dick Cheney a gun.

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 04-10-2006, 04:23 PM:

Rated G

Reported in Newsmax Today:

Cheney Shot in Hunting Accident in 1990s

Years before Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a lawyer during a Texas quail hunt, Cheney himself was on the receiving end of an errant shotgun blast.
Carlsbad Mayor Bob Forrest said he doesn't know for certain if he or his twin brother, Dick Forrest, fired the shot during the hunting trip in the late 1990s. It accidentally pelted Cheney, who was then chief executive at Halliburton Co.

"We're probably the only twins in the United States that have shot the vice president and never have gone to jail," Forrest joked. The Albuquerque Journal reported the incident Sunday.

Cheney wasn't hurt but he was miffed, Forrest told the Journal.

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-13-2006, 04:38 PM:

Rated G

"This is the time of the year everybody's getting ready for the holidays. Earlier today, Dick Cheney brought home a Christmas tree that he shot."

--David Letterman

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 12-18-2006, 08:20 AM:

Rated G

I would rather go hunting with Dick Chaney than driving with Ted Kennedy! [Big Grin]