From the instructions section: "As the candle burns, a vacuum will be created within the rectum and thereby draw out the stubborn..." Excuse me???
Check out the FAQ section: "If we're talking about a really hairy bottom there is some risk of folicular ignition and special caution must be exercised." "Folicular ignition"? Uh, yeah.
I can hardly wait for Bob Maar to chime in on this one...
And no I didn't actually go searching the internet for a constipation remedy. Thankfully that isn't a problem (yet). I posted that for a forum member who found it but was too embarassed to post it.
Perhaps we should give out complimentary Film-Tech embossed butt candles at ShoWest?
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Brad, you're pretty darn Chipper yourself!!!
quote:
With every order, we include a free 18 minute VHS video as well as printed instructions.
where in the Hell did you find this?
A truly enlightening experiance I am sure.
And rachel everyone is Chipper 
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-Life is but a walking shadow, a poor player that walks, and struts its hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot. Full of sound and fury signifying nothing.
Some ideas to improve the site:
The site needs an embedded midi. My suggestions are:
"Candle in the Wind"
"Classical Gas" or
"Light My Fire."
How about a slogan?
"It is better to light one little candle than curse the constipation."
I'm sure some of the porno binaries have pictures...
quote:
And no I didn't actually go searching the internet for a constipation remedy. Thankfully that isn't a problem (yet). I posted that for a forum member who found it but was too embarassed to post it.
Uh huh, yeah, it was someone else you asked you to post it. That's the ticket.
et al. They may do Butt piercing in the near future. Please send pictures for posting in the Joke Forum.
Q: Is the ButtCandle . approved by the FDA?
A: No.
who WOULD approve of it?
Paul
Underemployed 
mercenary film/video projectionist/engineer
"Otaku wa tsurai yo" <-- Yeah I know, bad pun. Sue me.
It's tough being a fan!
Just ask Rob Lowe
Someone just cut off your left ear with a laser.
...or maybe THAT's the butt candle.
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"It's not the years honey, it's the mileage". - Indiana Jones.
Echo...
echo...
ech...o
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"It's not the years honey, it's the mileage". - Indiana Jones.
Take a google look at "Bee sting therapy" for a bit of a scare.
From the "References":
(All references seem to relate to colonic cleansing therapy - major enemas in other words - and have nothing to do with this "anal candling")
"Questions to ask about a home co1on cleansing unit before purchasing!
1. What is it made of?
Avoid any unit that is made of a laminated particle board. We have been told by owners of these boards that after a while, the lamination cracks and soiled water seeps in making the board smell horribly."
And that's a surprise???
I'm surprised that there aren't more injuries from imploding wine bottles - using it as a candle holder will apparently produce a vacuum in the bottle... ?
Seriously, these are probably like larger "ear candles" which are basically a waxed narrow paper cone. You shove the narrow end in your ear, light the other, end and the "chimney effect" produces a very slight pressure drop and a pink-noise-like sound (I doubt if a user of the anal candle will notice the sound). The quacks promoting these claim cures for the usual list of stuff.
What if you get some cheap guy who doesn't want to shell out any money and ends up using his grandma's candles or his kids communion candles and hurts himself then. I'm pretty sure Martha Stewart'll have some sort of special on this....
This _has_ to be a joke. Right?
FWIW, I searched for the trademark on www.uspto.gov. No indication of such a mark ever existing. The product has to be a joke.
Cummon Bob Maar, turn to the left and cough up. I throw down the latex glove.
Hmmm. butt candling induces a vacuum... Hmmm...
"Hi, I'm a Kirby salesman, and you won't believe the new attachment we have just for you!"
"The bride and groom were wed in a candlelight ceremony provided by their friends..."
"An novel offer from someone wanting to bear the olympic torch was rejected today..."
"This afternoon, President George Bush discussed plans for updating the Statue of Liberty with the Governors of New York and New Jersey. In a press conference President Bush said "We want to send a clear meesage to those who support terrorism, and the current statue does not reflect the attitude of our great country since 911.""
"In a related story, the pretzel has been ruled out as a reason for the President's fainting spell..."
"Enron executives have found a previously untapped source of natural gas that can be used for illumination. Exclaimed Kenneth Lay, "Why the resources in the Senate alone could light Washington!""
"Clinton was seen to be standing staring strangely at his cigar, muttering "Damn! Why didn't I think of that?...""
"Executives of seven major theatre circuits have suddenly stopped ordering replacement xenon lamps. While refusing to comment, one employee photographed at a local theatre was looking drawn and heard to comment "I can't believe the stuff this company wants from us!""
BTW, one of the first people to discover that bee stings relieved arthritis lived a town over from me in Vermont and came to the theatre regularly. He was a regular guy and chanced upon the discovery because he had an apiary.
I just heard that Bin Ladin is trying out a more crude method of relief, He just ties a kerosene soaked rag around that stick he has shoved up his a## and lights that.