"Are you guys showing the entire movie or just a Sneek Preview"
 

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Adam Fraser
www.pinestheatre.com
 

A patron walks up to the theater, and looks above my head to see a large sign with movie mylars and showtimes for each movie. They stare for a good minute or so, and then ask if these showtimes are right, or does such-and-such movie start at such-and-such time?

Now that I think about it, that is becoming more common now.
 

hmmmm. let's see.......

7 o'clock??????

"Could you have the guy upstairs fix the tracking on the movie?"

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"Running through life at 24 frames per second"
 

Followed by

"What do you mean I have to leave?"
 

And I'm the one in the behind the conc stand stocking.
 

Maybe they meant it "sarcastically". They get the same question at the ferry boat and think the people are stupid. Maybe if the question were asked.....
"What time does the 7 o'clock show of Spider-Man start.....today?"
Next time they ask that question call them a smart ass and punch them in the nose

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Greg Mueller
Amateur Astronomer, Machinist, Filmnut
http://www.muellersatomics.com/
 

LOL! Evil, Greg. I'm sure there are plenty of theatre folks ready to punch customers with the openings of Spider and SW 1.2.

 

He further explained that what people really mean is, "What time does the parade pass the point where I am standing?" So it's not such a stupid question, just improper wording.

Maybe your customers are saying, "at the 7:00 showing, what time does the FEATURE start?"

My own personal favorite dumb questions come from what I call balcony idiots. We have a balcony where no one under 21 is allowed. We have a large sign saying "BALCONY RESERVED FOR ADULTS ONLY." We have another sign at the top of the stairs saying "We're sorry, but NO ONE UNDER 21 can be allowed into the balcony, for insurance and safety reasons." Still, every week without fail, we get "Can the kids go up in the balcony if they are WITH ME?"
 

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This one time, at Projection Camp, I stuck a xenon bulb....
 

If somebody asks me a question like, "Is this in digital sound?", I'll say, "Oh, no... It's in DIGITAL sound!"

If somebody drops popcorn on the floor and they make one of those fake apoligies (You know. "OH, I am SOooo sorry.") I will say something like, "Don't worry the cat will get that."

In five years of messing with people like that, I have only ONE person ever say, "What? You have a CAT here?!"
And ME, always, the wise-ass said, "Yeah, but we have to lock him up at night because the GUARD DOGS ate the last one!"

Took me five minutes to explain to the poor lady that I was only joking around!

"well, when I watch a movie at my house..."

"Two tickets for, um, squiggle" (meaning the movie "pi"... the mylar just had the mathematical symbol)

"can you adjust the saturation?" or "you're showing the movie in black and white" (when the john q trailer was the first one in the pack, among other times)

Another great, a lady ordered a medium combo (two drinks and a popcorn) both drinks with diet pepsi. When handed her drinks, she looks down, confused, and proceeds to ask me "which one is which?" How is it possible to be this stupid?
 

"Your projectionist hasn't opened the curtains! At every other theatre I've ever been to they open the curtains" ..... for a WS feature from somebody who obviously has never seen anything other than films in scope and you'd be surprised how often we get that!

"no I don't have a ticket for this showing .. I have a ticket for a film I watched in another auditorium last session... Isn't this a 'walk through' theatre?" ... from back-packing pommy tourists who have obviously been to many other 'walk through' theatres in their travels and couldn't understand why I was throwing them out.
 

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Adam Fraser
www.pinestheatre.com
 

While looking at the marquee in the box office: "What movies do you have?" followed by "What time do they start?"

While looking at the drink towers: "What drinks do you have?" of course the response I want to give "The same ones we had yesterday".

When lines are long: "Why can't you open a special line for me? I am not watching (insert popular movie here) tonight."

"Can I use the restroom?" Put a damn cork in it.

While watching the popper spew out popcorn: "Is that popcorn FRESH?"

Damn, I have gotten so cynical over the years...

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This one time, at Projection Camp, I stuck a xenon bulb....
 

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Adam Fraser
www.pinestheatre.com
 

"Is the Lion King really going to be only 30 seconds long?"

This after watching a three minute long trailer where the narrator stated that the Lion King is the 32nd full length animated feature from Disney.

Crack me up! That's got to be the best I've heard. Surely this guy was messin with your head

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Greg Mueller
Amateur Astronomer, Machinist, Filmnut
http://www.muellersatomics.com/
 

quote:

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"BALCONY RESERVED FOR ADULTS ONLY"

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That sounds like a fun balcony... clothing optional?
 

Thats O.K. we just sweep it back into the popcorn machine.
 

My reply: 'Not every movie has surround channel information on it'

Their reply 95% of the time: 'On my home theatre setup I hear the talking on all the surround speakers...' Idiots.

'Can you please rewind the film' Popular if patrons arrive late.

'Can you please pause the movie so I can [use the bathroom, go to the car, have a smoke, etc]?' Grrrrrrrrr!!

-Aaron

This after watching a three minute long trailer where the narrator stated that the Lion King is the 32nd full length animated feature from Disney.

Now THAT'S funny! LOL
 

I've heard of customers asking to pause or rewind the film because they think they're special, but I've never encountered that one myself. The only time I've ever had a customer ask if we can rewind is if the sound crapped out or something like that.
 

Even if it were possible to rewind film on a platter, are customers stupid enough to believe that we would inconvenience several hundred customers just because _one_ person showed up late?

Of course, if there's a sound problem or something in the first 20 minutes or so, it would be possible to drop that film back on the payout platter and re-thread the projector (this works on Christie platters...not sure about others), but that would throw off the showtime schedule for the rest of the day.
 

When we occasionaly sell out an auditorium, Our cashiers get asked: WHY ARE YOU SOLD OUT?"

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"This theater sucks! The movies are always sold out!"

 

Recently I was getting an old booth prepared to be opened as a new art complex. The projectors are Simplexes, which leak oil because of crappy design. The company that used to own this theater had kitty litter boxes beneath each projector to collect the oil as it leaked. One of the guys who was doing construction downstairs walks through the booth and sees the kitty litter boxes, complete with spots of oil and asks "You guys have a cat up here?". I respond "You bet! All projection booths are required by law to have at least one kitty." His response to that: "Really?!"

"I've been in the industry for 50 Years"

"Yes that switch is in the on position"

& my favourite one I've had from a manager when ask what projector he needs the spare part for, the reply was " The silver one in screen 1 "
 

What difference does it make that he was black?
If I was a 12 year old girl I dont think I would want a 25 year old man hitting on me regardless of what color he is.
 

So James, if you were a 12 year old girl and wouldn't want a 25 year old man hitting on you regardless of his color, does that mean that when you were a 12 year old boy that you wouldn't have minded a 25 year old man hitting on you? See what I mean? It's just all how the text is read and interpreted. No big deal.

Good one Gordon, but unlikely. Most gorgeous 25 year old females know the sad truth. A gorgeous female hitting on a 12 year old boy will just turn him into a buttermat.
 

...sadly, that effect is not limited to just 12 year old boys!

"Man, I can't believe the prices here. I spent 50$ on a freakin' movie"

(Don't go to the concession stand then)
 

If a black forum member said "Some white guy hitting on a 12 year old girl" how much do you wanna bet that no one would have said anything?

Give it a rest, people! God society is stupid.

A Russian in N.Y is not a Russian American.
An Englishman is not an English American etc

Bugger Political correctness.
If you were born in the States, you are an American, regardless of your colour/hue.

 

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"This one time, at Projection Camp, I stuck a xenon bulb in a lamphouse...wait, that's not funny."

~Ethan.
 

We both run over there and I find that he was talking about the vertical masking coming down for a Scope film. Idiot.

Also once had a customer tell me "You forgot to turn the THX on." We're not even a THX-certified theater, let alone THX not being a sound system. "But the paper said you guys have THX!!" Seems like those are the magic words: "the paper said"

And then, of course, those customers who save their popcorn bags and bring them back demanding a refill. Even though their bag is still advertizing "Sleepy Hollow"...

=TMP=
 

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- Nick Catalano
 

"Hey...can I....uh....maybe take you out to a movie sometime?"

Yeah...smooth, hit on a manager of a movie theater and ask them to go see a movie!
 

When I was in junior high, I used to ask the lifeguards at Splashtow, Waterworld, and even the Schlitterbahn if they would like to go down the slide with me later.
Unfortunately, no one ever accepted.
 

No offense intended, but why do I get this picture of Carrot Top standing by the swimming pool yelling 1-800-C-A-L-L A-T-T?

I'm talking to a non-cinema tech friend:

Me: Have you noticed that with some films after the adverts and trailers the screen seems to get wider before the film starts?

Friend: No

(Here i'm talking about masking opening from 1.85:1 to Scope)

Let me point out that in the UK all adverts and most trailers are always 1.85:1 so its is usuall for a scope film that after the adds and trailers (1.85) the audience sit in darkenss for maybe 10 seconds while the masking moves before the start of the film.

I always felt it is weird that the average audience member fails to remember (As the UK film teckers know it is often that UK audiences get to watch masking changes).

The audience never remembers mid-show masking changes. It's weird since I (when I was a mere audience member ) saw the masking changes (aka oooo look the screen is getting bigger) and remembered them.
 

Going to see spiderman waiting in line and the family of four in front of me and my six year old daughter asks this question of the box office cashier... "I can't decide between this one or SW2, can you tell me which one is the movie with darth vader?"

My daughter proceeded to say, and outloud I would add "duh, its star wars, spiderman has a spiderman in it".

Just two days later, I am standing in line to get tickets to SW2, and the people right in front of me say to the cashier "how many screens do you have this movie playing on?"

Understand that this theater is the VILLA in salt lake. It is and has always been, and for what about sixty years, a SINGLE SCREENER! The cashier responded with this witty remark, "we are playing it on all of our screens".

Dave
 

I have heard the words 'midnight matinee' spoken by patrons as well...

-Aaron

 

Once, some lady walked out of the movie and said the picture was out of sync?? translation, frameline down the middle of screen...
I was ashamed

Josh
 

When the punters ask which screen, just point them to the nearest
Screen # ... is showing AOTC today
 

What is wrong with people? You can't please them! Let them in, don't let them in. Your damned if you do, damned if you don't!!!

I just don't get it.
 

I guess it's time to get this chipper photo changed, it's horrible. I guess I'm just the kind of girl that people WANT to take to the movies...you know, to sit in the dark.
 

sorry about that, folks
 

As for stupid questions:

Countless "Whattya mean you can't rewind the movie, isn't it just a big VCR/DVD?".

These always happened when there was a line at box office, "What movies do you have and what are they about?" or "What movies do you have and who's in them?"

Three of the platters at my ol' theater were in front of a window, once overheard a customer with his little daughter pointing at one and saying, "Look honey, that's a BIG projector!"

"I can't hear the THX!"

And I've always heard this one from 13 y.o.'s thinking they're pretty smooth, "Do you splice porn in like Fight Club?" I'd sometimes answer with, "Yeah, didn't you see her?" I think this helped our ticket sales cause they went back in looking for the splice . Other times I would just say, "If i could find 35mm porn, why would I cut it up?" A reasonable argument I think.

Cust. "I'd like a medium combo (2 drinks, 1 corn) with a Diet and a Mountain Dew."
Emp. "I'm sorry, we don't have Diet Mt. Dew, would you like something else?"
Cust. "No, I'd like a Diet AND a Mt. Dew."
Emp. "I'm sorry, but we don't have Diet Mt. Dew"
Cust. (becoming agitated) "No, A Diet Pepsi, and a Mt. Dew."
Emp. "Oh, we have those, but we don't have Diet Mt. Dew, would you like something else?"
Cust. (very agitated now) "A medium combo w/ Diet Pepsi and a Mt. Dew.
"

One of the funniest employee/customer conversations I've witnessed in a while.
 

I had a GM that insisted that we used 18/8ths of a cup of salt in each batch of popcorn. When I told her that that was over two cups of salt, she just insisted on that figure again. When i inspected our measuring spoons, I found that they had no size markings on them. They were, however, made of 18/8 Stainless Steel!

-Adam

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Find me online
AOL: Dexter Caldwell
yahoo!: dexter_caldwell

"It is the opinion of the entire staff the Dexter is criminally insane."
 

This patron must have read my review of that summertime classic.
 

There was another time when a customer, directed to the auditorium directly ahead of them walked into our back hallway door which was also straight ahead, but lacked the mylar above the correct (and obvious) door that all the other customers were entering
 

I hope the employee involved in the Mountain Dew conversation is terminated. Pissing off a customer is not funny ... it's bad customer service, especially over something like this. Laughing at said employee just positively reinforces said behavior.
 

Customer: 'Why are you showing all those films with black people in them?'
Box Office Girl: 'Err... what do you mean exactly?'
Customer: 'I mean, they don't half act strange in them films. I mean, when you see real black people they're pretty normal really, but in them films they act all strange. They talk funny, and they all put their hats on the wrong way round.'

I don't think he was actually racist - just completely failing to take in anything these films had to offer. Fortunately there was no-one else around at the time to take offence; could have been a quite tricky situation had there been.
 

Yes, the cashier in the box office actually asked me that question. It was when I bought a ticket for Igby Goes Down at the Regal Warrington Crossing megaplex in Bucks County PA.
 

The funnier conversations are when some calls and asks us what movies we're playing, after naming all 7 movies and times, they ask us how its posible to play all those movies, and in the daytime..
 

quote:

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The funnier conversations are when some calls and asks us what movies we're playing, after naming all 7 movies and times, they ask us how its posible to play all those movies, and in the daytime..

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uh, night vision goggles. Duh!