When someone starts going on about the life-changing role the Star Wars movies have played in their developmental years, casually announce that you've never seen any of them, but hear they are "pretty good."
Get important terminology wrong -- this drives the true fanatic nuts! Confuse Wookies with "Winkies"; call Yoda "Yodel"; refer to Return of the Jedi as Revenge of the Jedi, Phantom Menace as Planet Menace, and Attack of the Clones as Send in the Clowns. Get very annoyed when corrected.
Get the names of the key characters wrong, or better still -- forget them. "You remember the guy from these movies, you know, the one with the plastic head and the respiratory problem?" or "Oh, yeah, Ben-Wa Kenubi, my favorite, played by that English bloke. Wassisname. Sounds like a beer or something." Insist that The Empire Strikes Back is the only worthwhile Star Wars movie because it is "sooo dark."
Deliberately confuse science-fiction universes and inhabitants. Double fun and satisfaction as this offends two sets of rabid Nerdocracies at the same time. For example, insist that Luke Gripewater is fighting for "The Federation" and that Chewbaccy is a Vulcan. Insist that "to boldly go where no man has gone before" is a Jedi commandment. Brush off any attempt at correction with a dismissive "whatever. As if anybody really cares."
Make vaguely unsettling insinuations about George Lucas. Try "isn't he involved in some sort of DNA-cloning controversy?" or "I hear he only talks to his mother via a TV monitor," or "I read this piece where he said Star Wars was written for people who hate sex." Insist that there is a "latent homo-erotic subtext" to the Han Solo/Luke Skystalker relationship and you are uncomfortable with Lucas' "non-critical, neo-Nazi aesthetic." When asked what you are talking about, roll your eyes and refer to the "blatant homage to Riefenstahl's Triumph of the Will" at the end of the first movie, then add, "Don't tell me you didn't notice?"
When some sad sack describes the insane lengths he went to for Attack of the Clondes -- camping out on the street, taking time off work, neglecting loved ones, not bathing and so on, respond by saying someone "in the business" gave you a couple of free tickets to the official opening, but you lost them and add, "Funny, that's the first time I thought about it." When they just won't shut up about how it's the most spectacular movie event of all time and how you would have to be a moron not to dedicate every waking moment to it, simply say, "Yeah, my little sister and her little friends get a kick out of it all. You know how it is with these pop space movies."
The ultimate is to play stupid that the movie was even a big event. "Attack of the Clones? Yeah, I heard something about that in the local newspaper. Something about the guy that made the first four is going at it again or something? Dunno ... "
When someone is sitting there theorizing about how there's probably secret messages and things you can see if you look closely in the movie, just calmly sit there and say in a whisper, "Then I guess you haven't played it backwards in a VCR before?" Try not to laugh as the person (attempting to look calm and collected) slowly gets up, starts walking out of sight, then see him bolt down the street towards their house to try it. Depending on how avid of a fan the person is, look for the smoke trail.
To make the last suggestion even more fun, wait for them to call back after they have gone through the whole movie backwards and couldn't find anything in Phantom Menace. Tell them, "Oh, that's right, it was in one of the other three episodes." When they tell you the lengths they went through and the sleepless nights spent trying to get a pirated copy before everyone got to see it in the theater, tell them, "That's funny, I simply called the 1-800 number that was all over the Internet and got it mailed to me the same day, three weeks before the movie came out."
~ Author Unknown
Fingernails on a chalkboard.
On a related note, Conan O'Brien's insult dog visits the Attack of the Clones lineup: www.northeastsprinkler.com/solf/misc/sw-triumph.wmv
If they disagree that '2001' is superior on a technical level, casually mention that a guy called George Lucas actually said this himself (the quote is on some re-release posters for '2001').
------------------
'How about a movie? They're showing them in theatres now! I hear it's like watching a video with a bunch of strangers and a sticky floor.' - Xander Harris, from 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'.
Play the SW theme music LOUD over non-sync... about 5-10 minutes before the posted start time of Episode II.
Watch the fan boys RUN down the hall to the auditorium!
John William's themes are partly ripped off from Holst's "The Planets"
Sandpeople are ripped off from "Dune"
Chewie bears similarities to the Cowardly Lion, C3PO to the Tin Man, and R2-D2 to a shop vac.
The list goes on and on.
quote:
You can tick off some fans by pointing out the unoriginality of the movies.
What are light sabers' blades made out of? Light, correct?
Well, if light has nearly no mass, then howcum lightsabers seem to have physics? (Mass & intertia)
Wouldn't the act of using a light saber to, say, chop off somebody's arm be more like shining a flashlight on them?
I have also put the file here if their server cannot connect.
Josh
...So I'm not the only person who has noticed that!
But take a good listen to the score to 'the Gladiator' - Hans Zimmer did a bit more of a rip-off...
*n.b.* I'm not truly complaining, I honestly enjoy listening to the scores from the Star Wars films & 'the Gladiator', and I am happy that I have Holst's 'the Planets' on disc also.
Bespin Gantry: A furious lightsaber duel is underway.
Darth Vader is backing Luke Skywalker towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.
Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Vader: No... I am your father!
Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.
Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true...
Luke: NO!
Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?
Luke: Threepio?
Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old...
Luke: No...
Vader: Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp...
Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!
Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!
Luke: Well, it's not my fault...
Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday... boohoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith...waahhh wahhh!"
Luke: Shut up...
Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was you're age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!
Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon
Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right here baby!
Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.
Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine...
Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft Darth Vader looks after him.
Vader: Get a haircut!