Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE: My Mother has Died.

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Posted by Tim Reed (Member # 137) on 06-07-2003, 10:27 AM:

My mother died suddenly yesterday morning, apparently of heart failure. Dad took her to the hospital about 3:00am, because she was complaining of chest, neck, and shoulder pains; and her arms were numb. They ran some tests and sent her back home at 6:00am, saying they could find nothing wrong. At 11:00am, she died.

I don't know if this is the proper place to post this, and Brad, please forgive me if it isn't, but I don't exactly know what to do with myself. I've never lost anyone before. It hurts that I can never talk with her again. I keep finding myself wanting to phone her, and then suddenly realizing I can't.

Please say a prayer, my friends.

Posted by Steve Kraus (Member # 476) on 06-07-2003, 10:41 AM:

I'm sorry to hear this. Our thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time. Please don't think you can never talk to your mom again. On the contrary, you can now talk to her all the time because she will always be there with you. Be very still, open your heart, and you will hear her talking to you, too.

Posted by Michael Harlow (Member # 1353) on 06-07-2003, 11:15 AM:

Tim, i am sorry to hear of your sudden loss, my thoughts are with you.

Posted by Bruce McGee (Member # 131) on 06-07-2003, 11:25 AM:

Tim,
I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I'm very sorry for you.

When it happens suddenly, it's even worse. If she had been sick for a long time, it might be a little easier to take.

In my cases with death, it is never easy to take.

My best to you, Tim. I hope your father is OK.

Bruce

Posted by Mark Gulbrandsen (Member # 72) on 06-07-2003, 12:00 PM:

Tim,
Sorry to hear about this....my thoughts are with you. My best friends dad died suddenly in a similar way a number of years ago. He was the stage manager at Chicago's Auditorium Theatre. They burried him with the familiar pencil tucked into his ear......
When I go, I want a toumbstone that looks like a DP-70!
Mark

Posted by Don Bruechert (Member # 1538) on 06-07-2003, 12:14 PM:

Tim, sorry to hear of your loss. I lost both of my parents already - both of them a bit more slowly though, my mother to concer and my father to a whole bunch of things, emphysema and a broken heart being the forefront. One thinks if they die slowly you will have more time to adjust, but that is not the case. It hurts just as much, and you have to spend all the time seeing them suffer on the way there.

All the best,
Don

Posted by Dave Williams (Member # 299) on 06-07-2003, 12:47 PM:

My condolences on your loss. It is always difficult to lose a loved one. I too have felt that loss, from close friends to young nieces. Both my parents are very ill, my mother with diabetes and total renal failure, my father with a rare form of MS. I cannot be sure if it is easier to have years to prepare or not.

Take care of your self man.

Dave

Posted by Ian Price (Member # 14) on 06-07-2003, 12:58 PM:

Tim, that sucks way more than my cat dying. Heck, I'm over the cat, but you can never get over the loss of a parent.

Hang on to your dad, I'm sure you both need each other right now.

Posted by Jeff Taylor (Member # 443) on 06-07-2003, 01:01 PM:

I can feel for your loss, Tim. My mother died right in front of me last year--it's a tough one to get over. God bless.

Posted by Claude S. Ayakawa (Member # 1401) on 06-07-2003, 03:01 PM:

Tim,

I am almost 64 years old and up to five years ago, I still had both of my parents. I felt very fortunate when I realized that many of my friends who were the same age as me had lost theirs years ago and this gave me the false sense of satisfaction that made me think that my mom and dad were immortal and they will live forever or at least outlive me. Dad died in 1998, eight months shy of his 90th birthday but I am still blessed with the daily presence of my mother who had just celebrated her 84th birthday in January. I know the day will come soon when I will lose her too and I know how devastated I will be when that happens because more than anything, I love her the most!

You are much younger than I and losing your mother at this time is very tragic and I know how you are feeling at your profound loss. You have my deepest sympathies.

-Claude

Posted by Rachel Gilardi (Member # 1016) on 06-07-2003, 03:02 PM:

I'm sorry to hear about your mom Tim. I wish both you and your dad the best. Just remember that your mother will always be with you both.

Best Wishes,
Rachel

Posted by Christian Appelt (Member # 1067) on 06-07-2003, 04:10 PM:

Tim,

I wish you all the strength you need now.
People we love live on as a part of ourselves,
and nothing can take away what is in your heart.

Best wishes,

Chris

Posted by Don Sneed (Member # 955) on 06-07-2003, 06:06 PM:

Tim, I too feel your lost, I lost my mom 11 years ago, to this day I wish she could see me now & what I become, I think Steve said it best...never stop thinking or talking about her, & I know she will always be there to help you in spirit..remember Mom is always watching, May God Bless you & your family, one final thing, whatever you do...Make her proud, when she is talking to the angels, she can say..."That's My Boy" !!!

Posted by Mark Lensenmayer (Member # 134) on 06-07-2003, 06:24 PM:

Tim,

So sorry to hear of your loss. My parents are quite elderly, and I worry about them. My thoughts are with you.

I consider the Film-Tech regulars to be a close community. Even though I've only actually met a couple of participants, I feel I have known most of the people here for a very long time. I'm always glad to hear of the happy milestones of life, and saddened when one of us suffers a loss. This is the ideal place to post such things. Thank you for trusting us enough to share your loss.

[ 06-07-2003, 09:18 PM: Message edited by: Mark Lensenmayer ]

Posted by Scott Norwood (Member # 30) on 06-07-2003, 07:54 PM:

Sorry to hear about that Tim. I've never lost a close relative, and can only imagine how devastating it would be. Best wishes for you and your family during this difficult time.

Posted by Robert E. Allen (Member # 1351) on 06-07-2003, 09:27 PM:

Tom, you have my prayers. May He comfort you as you grieve and strengthen you to carry on as you mom would want you to do. And be strong for your dad friend, he has suffered a great loss too.

Posted by Mathew Molloy (Member # 666) on 06-07-2003, 09:36 PM:

Tim, please accept my heartfelt condolences. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your father.

Posted by Ken Layton (Member # 133) on 06-08-2003, 01:02 AM:

Tim:

Sorry to hear of your loss. I know what you're going through. I lost my mom at the age of 59 back in 1997. She was going to the bank to cash her social security check when another car darted out of a grocery store parking lot and t-boned her car on the drivers side. She died of her injuries.

It happened so suddenly that I was in total shock....I just didn't know what to do. I was so stunned that I called a friend to cover my shifts at the Skyline drivein for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I must have cried for three days straight. The support of many friends sure helped to ease the pain.

Posted by Manny Knowles (Member # 1171) on 06-08-2003, 01:05 AM:

If you really don't know what to do with yourself, then perhaps you might check out "The Grief Recovery Handbook."

Posted by Rick Long (Member # 213) on 06-08-2003, 01:36 AM:

Tim, please accept my sincerest condolences. I lost my mother several years ago due to a stroke. She did not go immediately, but clung on to life for a couple of months. I don't think she recognized me during those two months. It is a hard thing to take.

When you think back on your mother, think of the good times and be thankful that she was a part of your life.

Be there for your father. It is HE that needs YOU now.

Posted by Michael Schaffer (Member # 1204) on 06-08-2003, 01:36 AM:

My father died when I was 19. He had been very ill for a long time. The best way to make your parents live on is to live your life as well and happily as you can, since that is what they wish for the most.

Posted by Daryl C. W. O'Shea (Member # 1303) on 06-08-2003, 02:06 AM:

Tim, sorry to hear about your loss, my thoughts are with you and your family.

Posted by Randy Stankey (Member # 64) on 06-08-2003, 10:44 AM:

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

My father died when I was 17. Without going into details, times were not very happy for me for a long time.

It's hard to say that, in "some period of time", you will "feel better" about your Mother's death. When we suffer such a loss, we have the feeling like we want the whole problem to just "go away". We entertain the idea that things will "get back to normal". The hard truth of the matter is that this IS normal.

All I can say is that instead of feeling "better" you should look forward to feeling "different" about her death. It's been 21 years since my father died. Still, there are times when I feel just as sad as on the day he died. Other times, I have fond memories of the times we had. After a while, even the bad feelings won't "sting" so bad and the fond feelings will feel just a bit "sweeter".

Just consider this to be a "rite of passage" that we all must go through at least one time in our lives.

The best words of condolance I can offer come from the poem, "Inscription on a Sundial" by John Greenleaf Whittier:

With warning hand I mark Time's rapid flight,
From Life's glad morning to its solemn night;
Yet, through the dear God's love, I also show
There's light above by the shadow below.

- John Greenleaf Whittier

Years later, this poem gave me an insight to look at my problems in a different way than I had in the past. I don't know the state of mind you are in, nor do I know your feelings about such writing. I won't belabor with explanation. If you want, read it over and think about it. I hope it helps. [Smile]

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 06-08-2003, 11:14 AM:

Tim, I also would like to express my sympathies to you and to your family on the loss of your Mom. Please remember that she will always live on in your heart and in your Dad's heart. He will need your support and love. I also agree she will be watching over you and your family and you will all be together again someday.

Posted by Josh Jones (Member # 447) on 06-08-2003, 05:21 PM:

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. A few of my relatives have passed in the last few years and I know what you are going through. Remember the good times and cherish your memories.

Sincerely,

Josh

Posted by Sean McKinnon (Member # 612) on 06-08-2003, 06:28 PM:

Im sorry Tim thats terrible news I hope yourself and your family will be ok.

Posted by Peter Berrett (Member # 672) on 06-08-2003, 08:13 PM:

Sorry to hear about your loss Tim.

I lost my mum 7 years ago to cancer at the age of 53. It is good that you share you feelings as as it will help you with your grief. Everyone here shares your pain and is praying for you.

cheers Peter

Posted by Jon Miller (Member # 163) on 06-09-2003, 12:09 AM:

Tim,

So sorry to hear about your loss...my thought go out to you and your father.

We must all press on regardless....in 1996, as I was checking in to do one of my freelance projection jobs, I learned about the passing of a friend who mentored me in the world of 35mm projection. He was in his seventies, and I felt as if I had lost a father. (Like some of you in the forum, he knew the equipment inside and out and had a garage full of projection equipment and parts; he also had amazing machinist skills and the tools to boot.) As painful as it was, the show went on, but with a moment of darkness before starting the projector to honor my source of inspiration.

Posted by Robert Golding (Member # 746) on 06-09-2003, 04:42 AM:

Tim, I'm very sorry for your loss of such a special person. I lost my father 2 yrs ago and am taking care of my mother. She'll be 85 this month and we are hoping she will be with us for a long time. It's not easy lossing one of your parents. I just don't know what I'll do when mom leaves us. Enjoy the time you have left with your father and I wish both of you the best.

Posted by Stephen Furley (Member # 1277) on 06-09-2003, 04:52 AM:

Tim, I am very sorry to hear your news.

My thoughts are with you at this time.

Posted by Jason Burroughs (Member # 68) on 06-09-2003, 09:46 AM:

Sorry to hear about your loss Tim.

My thoughts go out to you and your family.

Posted by Paul G. Thompson (Member # 655) on 06-09-2003, 09:51 AM:

My thoughts go out for you and your family.

Paul

Posted by Randy Loy (Member # 112) on 06-09-2003, 10:04 AM:

Tim,

Debrean and I were out of town and without e-mail access the last couple of days so we just now found out about your loss.
We're keeping you and your family in our prayers. Let us know if there is anyting we can do.

Randy

Posted by Ray Bernardi (Member # 1615) on 06-09-2003, 12:33 PM:

My deepest sympaty to you and your family.

I lost my father when I was young. 11 years old to be exact. It was sudden. An auto accident. Here one second, gone the next. I still want to talk to him and I know the feeling of things left unsaid.

I comfort myself by thinking that God must have needed him for something very important. That's why he was called home so quickly.

I'll say a prayer for you in this difficult time.

You will get through it.

Posted by Bill Gabel (Member # 1105) on 06-09-2003, 01:18 PM:

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Tim, My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this sad time.

Bill

Posted by Jim Spohn (Member # 1547) on 06-09-2003, 02:50 PM:

Tim...I'm sorry to hear of your loss..you and your family are in my prayers...Jim

Posted by Thomas Procyk (Member # 1170) on 06-09-2003, 04:43 PM:

Tim, I am so sorry to hear about your mother. [Frown]

I recently lost my grandfather, and my mother lost her best friend (whom I knew really well, too) to a heart attack. She was in her early 40's visiting from Poland where her husband and son live.

Losing a loved one is hard, but especially hard if it's your parent and so suddenly. You and your family are in my prayers.

We're all here for you!
=TMP=

Posted by John Pytlak (Member # 331) on 06-12-2003, 09:03 AM:

Tim: So sorry to hear of your Mom's death. [Frown]

Cherish the memories of her.

Posted by Gracia L. Babbidge (Member # 582) on 06-12-2003, 09:55 PM:

Tim - [Frown]

sorry to hear such sad news!

*hugs*

Posted by David Stambaugh (Member # 1102) on 06-13-2003, 11:13 AM:

Tim, our thoughts are with you. [Frown]

Posted by Tim Reed (Member # 137) on 06-18-2003, 11:15 AM:

I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank everyone for your very heartfelt sympathies. It has been comforting to know friends all over the world have kept us in their thoughts and prayers.

A dear friend wrote about this life only being a passage to another world, one that is beyond our comprehension. I have always believed this.

If there can be a bright side to my Mother's passing, it is the knowledge that a great number of issues that had been troubling her -- some of them years old -- were all resolved just before her death; several under circumstances, we believe, that were a little too fantastic to be coincidental.

When the end came, she was happy and, for once, had no worries.

Thank you again, everyone. God bless.