This is topic Things you like to say but never do. in forum Film-Yak at Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE.


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Posted by Michael Brown (Member # 890) on 07-20-2003, 04:27 PM:
 


1) I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

2) I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3) How about never? Is never good for you?

4) I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5) I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6) I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7) I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8) I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9) It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10) Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

11) I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

12) You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13) I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.

14) I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15) I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16) Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17) The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18) Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19) What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20) I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21) It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22) Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23) And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

24) Do I look like a people person?

25) This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26) I started out with nothing & still have most of it left!

27) Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28) If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29) Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30) Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed it.

31) I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32) A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33) Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34) Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

35) How do I set a laser printer to stun?

36) I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
 

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Posted by Randy Stankey (Member # 64) on 07-20-2003, 04:47 PM:
 
If people would just shut up and do what I tell them, we'd all be a lot better off!
 

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Posted by Evans A Criswell (Member # 381) on 07-20-2003, 05:10 PM:
 
When I see someone trying to deal with their misbehaving kid:

"If you'd used a condom, you wouldn't be having that problem."
 

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Posted by Michael Schaffer (Member # 1204) on 07-20-2003, 05:17 PM:
 
A variation of 2) I like to use: "What is your illness called?"
You can also always say: "I know you had a bad childhood, but..." or simply "it is not my fault you had a bad childhood".
A variation of what Evans said, if you see someone with their misbehaved kids, you can say to the parents "it is not the kids` fault, it is their messed up parents".
 

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Posted by Joe Redifer (Member # 3) on 07-20-2003, 05:23 PM:
 
Personally I say what a lot of people are afraid to, because I'm not a pussy (most people are). But still, there are a lot of things I hold back. It depends on the situation and I can't think of anything now.
 

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Posted by Bobby Henderson (Member # 840) on 07-20-2003, 06:48 PM:
 
I pretty much call things how I see them. I try not to be cruel about it. But when someone is being a dick, they really need to be cut down to size.

I guess if I shut up I might have a better chance of getting married.
 

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Posted by Randy Stankey (Member # 64) on 07-20-2003, 07:26 PM:
 
When you see an able-bodied person parking in a Handicap space:

Oh! So, "Handicap" includes "Mental"?!

(I've actually said this, but not at work.)
 

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Posted by Dave Williams (Member # 299) on 07-20-2003, 08:44 PM:
 
I once threw a handful of quarters at a guy who insisted that I was trying to rip him off when he lost at a video game in my theater. He didn't pick them up, but he did buy a large popcorn and a large dring and stayed quiet in the movie.

I usually don't censor myself. I just say the things that need to be said, even if they are based upon my bieng bi-polar.

Dave
 

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Posted by Andrew Duggan (Member # 1302) on 07-21-2003, 01:19 AM:
 
I don't think I can answer this on the grounds that it may bring the entire species down a notch or two in the morality dept...
 

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Posted by Evans A Criswell (Member # 381) on 07-21-2003, 09:38 AM:
 

quote:

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I guess if I shut up I might have a better chance of getting married.

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Bobby, don't you know that marriage is the chief cause of divorce in this country?

In our local large mall, Madison Square Mall, I used to get bugged a lot by those people that do surveys all the time. They'd wait at the bottom of the escalator for people to come down so there would be no way to avoid them. I once wanted to ask one of them, "Are you doing this because you're too stupid to do anything else?" but I didn't. People that go to the mall infrequently probably aren't bothered by them, but since I go there and walk around for exercise a good bit, I get annoyed walking past them several times in an hour.

I've wanted to say something to people in stores that are programmed to give off a "false friendliness" statement. Since I go in a lot of stores frequently, changes in policy for the staff are very obvious. There was this CD store called "Tape World" that I used to go in, and suddenly one day, all of the staff would come up to me and say "Hello. Welcome to Tape World." (and some other stuff too that I can't remember (often "Can I help you find anything?"). After about 3 times, I was tempted to respond,

"Polly wanna cracker?"

or

"I come in here several times a week. You don't have to do that when you see me."

or

"New policy?"

I never did because I didn't want to piss off these people. I could always tell when someone was new because they'd use these lines on me a couple of times until they got where they recognized me.

As for "Can I help you find anything?" Maybe I should respond "Not now, I'm just looking, but if I can help YOU find anything, let me know." Record (CD) stores used to have older people in them that knew a lot more about different types of music. Back in the 1980s, I could visit almost any record store and the people working there knew a lot more about music than they do now. Nowadays, the high-school aged people working in these stores know nothing except about the few types of music they listen to. If I'm in one of these stores and hear an older person asking about stuff from the 50s through the 80s, I can usually always help them a lot better than the people in the stores. Many times, I can name the specific CDs that have the song they want and can find them more quickly than the store people can. Most youngsters have never heard of most of the 50s and 60s artists.
 

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Posted by Randy Stankey (Member # 64) on 07-21-2003, 12:05 PM:
 
Try THIS in a restaurant:

Waitress: "Hi! My name is Cyndi! I'll be your waitress!"

Customer: "Hi, Cyndi! My name is <YOUR NAME>! I'll be your customer!"

The confused looks on their faces are priceless! I do this virtually every time I eat in a restaurant! Everybody ought to make this a habit!
 

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Posted by Brad Miller (Member # 2) on 07-21-2003, 02:18 PM:
 

quote:

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"Polly wanna cracker?"

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You know I think Loews still has that policy where after the movie an employee must be present at the exit door and say "thank you for coming to Lowes" as fast as they can repeatedly, because of course they have to thank every individual customer. That nice idea on paper turns into a cold "alright get out" when you are exiting a theater and get to hear it about 20 times while you are within earshot.

Several years back UA came up with a policy to welcome everyone. The line was "welcome to United Artists" (assumingly from the tank-topped welcome lady from the policy trailers). The orders were to welcome every patron. We did it for a couple of days and it was just ridiculous with the looks we were getting, so we altered it just a bit. By speaking louder and making multiple eye contact throughout the sentence we would welcome clumps of people. All of the "you are a robot" stares went away and it became more sincere. (I've no idea if UA still has this or a similar policy.)
 

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Posted by John Pytlak (Member # 331) on 07-21-2003, 02:31 PM:
 
I agree that a personal "greeting" repeated to each and every customer in the same "robotic" way is lame. But if a uniformed employee is waiting as people exit, and actually tries to engage in conversation with a few customers ("Did you enjoy the movie? Was everything okay?"), at least they know theatre personnel are there to help them, and you may actually learn something that needs improvement ("The theatre was so cold I was shivering", or "Whenever the sound came from the left, it sounded raspy and distorted"). The "personal touch" is great, IF it is sincere.
 

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Posted by Evans A Criswell (Member # 381) on 07-21-2003, 02:32 PM:
 
On a similar note, remember the "buh-bye" sketch from Saturday Night Live from years ago (people getting off a plane)?
 

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Posted by Matt Hale (Member # 1518) on 07-21-2003, 04:04 PM:
 
A friend of mine who works in a used computer store is quite famous for speaking whatever is on his mind. Usually they keep him away from the customers but on one particular occasion a month or so ago I dropped in to find he was the only one there...

A woman had brought in an old 286-level machine that she wanted to sell, and was getting quite indignant that he would not buy it from her. In her mind if it turned on, it had to be worth at least $200. After debating it with him at length and not getting anywhere, she finally threw up her hands and said
"Well what the [expletive] am I supposed to do with it, then?"
and my friend looked right at her with a strait face and said
"Marvel at the antiquity."

Well the whole store burst out laughing at this, and she picked up her piece of junk and fled.
 

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Posted by Sean McKinnon (Member # 612) on 07-21-2003, 11:31 PM:
 
Loews does have an "Exit Greeting" Policy. If you fail to do this it will count against you if a mystery shopper is in the theatre. Most of the large plexes will have someone (usually someone of diminished capacity) that just "exit greets". It does get very stale. Also, at Loews you must greet EVERY guest at the box office "Welcome To Loews Cineplex" and the same thing at the concession stand and door person box. It gets real old also. I think though the worst thing was thier new phone policy they enacted shortly before I left "Thank you for calling Loews Cineplex this is <NAME> speaking it would be MY PLEASURE to help you"
 

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Posted by Joe Redifer (Member # 3) on 07-22-2003, 12:27 AM:
 
Remind me never to visit a Loews. Sounds lame.
 

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Posted by Randy Stankey (Member # 64) on 07-22-2003, 09:19 AM:
 
I would repeatedly get "slammed" by management for answering the phone like:

"Thanks for calling Tinseltown-17! Randy speaking. How may I help you?"

when I was supposed to ge saying:

"Thank you for calling Tinseltown Movies-17, The best seat in town! My name is Randy. How may I direct your call?"

The "correct" way is STUPID! It's twice as long. People just want to get on with it and ask you what time the 7:30 movie starts. (DUH! 7:30, no?!) They don't want to listen to you babble out some rote-memorized script!

People KNOW who they are calling! They don't need you to remind them! It's insulting! You shouldn't have to listen to you say the WHOLE OFFICIAL NAME of your theater! Half the people don't care anyway! As far as they know, they are calling "The movies".

Now, I completely agree that the employees should give their name when answering. It's the polite thing to do. Besides, it prevents people from being smart alecks if the caller might be able to peg you by name when they complain.

Finally, when making a long, memorized greeting most people will tend to mumble anyway! It's subconscious, I think. What's supposed to be a "nice" greeting turns out to be:

"Thakya-facall Tintow-moo-sevtee! Da-besseet-a-tow! Ran-spee. Howmay-a-dire-ya-caw?"

I'm telling you! I have actually called theaters and have gotten greetings that were COMPLETELY untelligible!

Phone greetings should be such that they can be spoken in UNDER 3 SECONDS without having to sound like John Moschita!
 

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Posted by Joe Redifer (Member # 3) on 07-22-2003, 11:40 AM:
 
The way I usually answer the ringing phone at a theater is:
"wrong number" *click*

Actually I rarely ever answer the phone, but when someone calls for me or calls the direct booth line I usually just say "Projection, this is Joe".
 

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Posted by David Stambaugh (Member # 1102) on 07-22-2003, 12:07 PM:
 
It makes sense to me to have a manager-type standing near the exits in plain view when a crowded show lets out. His/her presence invites customers to comment on any problems if there were any, or even to give compliments (which I've done). But there's nothing more lame or insincere than a rehearsed speech repeated over and over. Cinemark's ticket takers and concession people here are pretty good about saying "Enjoy the movie". Short and sweet.

To people who can't park without taking up 2 spaces, I would like to say "So, do you just go through your life being an asshole all the time?"
 

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Posted by William Leland III (Member # 1400) on 07-22-2003, 01:12 PM:
 
If someone called and asked if we are showing a first run print(we where a 2nd run theatre), we would give them the number to the closet theatre but the number was really a porn theatre.hehehe
 

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Posted by R. Andrew Diercks (Member # 1725) on 07-23-2003, 01:16 AM:
 
What I wish I could say to 16 and under punks that get pissed about the rated R policy. The usual response is "That's bullshit" What I would like to say..."What is bullshit is the fact that I have to listen to your bullshit everytime you attempt to attend an R rated film and it never works. It's bullshit that you think I give two shits what your opinion is on our policy. If you are too imature to handle being told NO, you're too immature to handle the rated R film in the first place."

To parents that get pissed that they can't just drop a 10 year old off to Scary Movie or the likes of such..."Perhaps the reason we have to monitor these films and have a rating system in the first place is due to worthless parents such as yourself that could give a shit less what your child sees or does while your at the bar waiting for a phone call that the movie is over and you need to drive him/her home drunk."
 

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Posted by John Lasher (Member # 968) on 07-24-2003, 01:44 AM:
 
my $.02

At my job (Music Store Clerk), we occasionally get calls from radio stations trying to get us to listen at work. There are some problems 1) We don't have a radio in the store (a CD player, no radio) 2)If we did have a radio, it would be tuned to jazz or classical as (I believe) it is company policy not to play anything but classical or jazz unless the personality involved is a good musician (i.e. Billy Joel(Prelude), Barry Manilow(Could it be Magic/Paradise Cafe), Sting)

So... the first time someone from one of these radio stations called I said, "I'm sorry, we don't have a radio in the store."

The second time they called I said, "We're not alowed to play those artists here at the store."

The third time they called was after a whole-store inventory session (5:30AM-12:30PM), the store wasn't opening for another 2 hours, the person from the radio station was rattling off the names of everybody they play and I cut her off by saying(lying), "Oh dammit! You were doing fine, just fine until you mentioned you play Elton John. I can't stand Elton John! He makes the blood boil in my arteries! You've ruined my whole day just by mentioning him! I'll never listen to your station again! Good bye!" then, observing the sideways looks from the other employees, I said, "Telemarketer from some radio station."

ok bedtime now
 

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Posted by Duncan Smith (Member # 1556) on 07-24-2003, 04:05 PM:
 

quote:

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"Marvel at the antiquity."

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