Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE: Rounding the Bases , with a girl that is (rated R)

This is topic Rounding the Bases , with a girl that is (rated R) in forum Film-Yak at Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE.

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Posted by Chris Hipp (Member # 1788) on 01-23-2004, 03:32 AM:

I have been wondering about the regional/cultural/personal differences in the definition of the bases when referring to a girl.

We all know what a home run is [sex]

, that's a no duh, but what about 1st 2nd and 3rd?

I have always thought of it this way:

1st base would be a hand up the shirt, ya know, the old HONK HONK

2nd base throws me off a little. One could argue two points. 2nd base could be when she lets you use your mouth on her "bosom" but that seems like it should go in with 1st base. Or 2nd base could be the mildly pleasant hand job or perhaps getting your finger stinky.

So 3rd base would have to be a BJ, but who get an HJ without a BJ? They should really go together, but then what would be 3rd?

What do the bases mean for you? Is it all the same everywhere? I also wonder about other countries that don't play baseball. Is it measured in soccer terms anywhere? Finally, is there anywhere that 3rd and home is reversed?

Posted by Robert D. LaValley (Member # 1867) on 01-23-2004, 04:21 AM:

after reading that all I could think of typing was:

" Who's on first. What's on second. And I don't know's on third."

[Smile]

Posted by Brad Miller (Member # 2) on 01-23-2004, 04:26 AM:

First, let's examine what the bases meant in the old days

First Base: This was almost always kissing, although one guy I knew thought it meant holding hands. Sometimes it was tongue kissing and sometimes not
Second Base: This could mean anything from tongue kissing, breast feeling, to outside the clothes genital contact.
Third Base: Usually this was a hand down the pants of you or your partner
Home Run: This was always sex, although it was rarely reached in the times when you had to refer to it in terms of bases

Well, that system is OK, if you're a young teenager with a repressed sex drive. But what happens when you reach maturity and new factors enter the equation, such as oral sex ? And what about the exact definitions ?

Well, this is an attempt to answer such puzzling questions and present:

STANDARDIZED GUIDE TO THE BASES

On Deck:
Having plans for a date

Strike-Out:
[Duh !!!]

Thrown Out of the Game:
Attempted sex without condom

Foul Tip:
VD

Walk:
Kissing

Bases Loaded:
Multiple sex partners

Bunt:
Masturbation

Single:
Tongue kissing

Double:
Breasts touched, some clothes off, lotta grabbing

Ground Rule Double:
Would have sex, but no condom

Triple:
Clothes off, genital contact, mutual masturbation

Inside the Park Home Run:
Oral Sex

Home Run:
SEX !!!

Balk:
Premature ejaculation

Switch Hitter:
Bisexual

Box Seats:
Waterbed

Error:
Condom breaks during sex

Hall of Fame:
Marriage

Minor League:
Under 18

Pine Tar:
KY Jelly

Rain Delay:
Parents/Roommate return home unexpectedly

Relief pitcher:
Vibrator

Rookie:
Virgin

Seventh Inning Stretch:
Unusual positions

Grand Slam:
Sex three times in three hours or less

Three Up and Three Down:
Impotency

Now that we have the definitions, lets quickly contrast the old confusion with current clarity:

OLD WAY: We, um, got to third base... I guess... and then we, er, got like... past third base, but not to home plate.
NEW WAY: So there I was, on deck, with the bases loaded and nobody out, when I balked during the seventh inning stretch. Instead of a Grand Slam, it was three up and three down.

Hopefully, this new improved, more descriptive list will improve communications.

(This guide has been circulating around the internet for some time. I didn't actually write it.)

Posted by Aaron Sisemore (Member # 145) on 01-23-2004, 04:47 AM:

quote:
Bunt: Masturbation

Shouldn't that be 'Batting Practice' ?? [thumbsup]

-Aaron

Posted by Bob Maar (Member # 763) on 01-23-2004, 05:05 AM:

Now,if you had all read the Joke Forum yesterday posted 01-22-2004 12:33 PM afternoon you would have known the following:

Okay,anyone who’s anyone has certainly heard of “the bases”:an attempt to use baseball terminology as a means of describing the extent to which you’ve had sexual intercourse with another person.

Now,if you’ve never heard of these,or simply need a refresher, let me edu-u-cate you once more:

============================

1st Base: Kissing

2nd Base: Groping (over clothes)

3rd base: Groping (under clothes)

Home Run: Actual sex, not limited to, but including oral.

============================

Now, you might think to yourself that that’s a fairly easy way to
joke amongst your friends about far you’ve gotten with your
latest man (and/or woman as the case may be), but it doesn’t
necessarily have to end with just the four bases in the game.

There’s a whole slew of baseball terms that can be applied to the
world of sex and, in the greater public interest, I present them
to you.

Use them, enjoy them and play ball!

============================

Bunt: Accidentally rubbing against breasts or genitalia.

Pop Fly: Getting groped or groping with premature ejaculation.

Tagged Out: You get slapped for "advancing" to another base.

Stealing a base: Going for the next base while trying not to
get "tagged out" .

Leading: Trailing hands/mouth in direction of base.

Balk: Making your move to grope or touch and then chickening out.

Double play: Getting to first base and second base at the same
time.

Strike Zone: Area between the shoulders and the knees.

Rain Delay/Rained Out: That time of the month.

7th Inning Stretch: Bathroom Break.

Extra Innings: His/Her parents, roommate, etc. call to say they
will be late.

Calling Your Shot: Pointing to the girl/guy you are going to
sleep with at a club or party and succeeding.

Batting Practice: Masturbation.

Wild Pitch: While making out, he/she pulls your hand to his/her
crotch/breast.

Bull Pen: Neighborhood slut's living room or bedroom.

No-hitter: His/her parents or roommate come home early or
unexpectedly.

Sacrifice Fly: Going out on a double date with your friend and
hooking up with the least attractive of the two.

Squeeze Play: Trying to get to third base as he/she clamps
his/her thighs on your hand.

Left-on-Base: Stopping in the middle of a really hot and heavy
make-out session.

Inside-the-Park-Home-Run: Hooking up in a closet or restroom or
other confined space after meeting at a party or club.

Bean Ball: Accidentally getting kneed in the balls or being a
little too rough with the equipment.

Double Header: Either twice in one night with the same partner or
twice in the same night with two different partners at different
times.

Batting Average: How well you do with your dates.

Rookie: Virgin

Rookie-of-the-Year: Doesn't go "all-the-way" but performs well
in "other" areas.

Home-Run-Derby: Orgy.

All-Star: Someone very proficient at giving oral.

Hitting for the Cycle: Reaching all four bases in a single
session.

Posted by Chris Hipp (Member # 1788) on 01-23-2004, 10:28 AM:

Tho Joke forum is too far down, I rarely scroll that far.

Posted by William T. Parr (Member # 677) on 01-23-2004, 11:29 AM:

Damn Brad I would of never figured you to be the baseball type, but that was pretty comprehenive list for describing ones sex life using baseball analogies. [thumbsup]

OK After getting myself up off the floor and getting the tears ou of my eyes I sse the part where you did not actually come up with it on your own, but it is still damn good. In fact most of the folks in my office are ROFL in tears now because of it. [Big Grin]

[ 01-23-2004, 03:11 PM: Message edited by: William T. Parr ]

Posted by Ian Price (Member # 14) on 01-23-2004, 12:49 PM:

[Razz]

[ 01-23-2004, 03:21 PM: Message edited by: Ian Price ]

Posted by Jeff Taylor (Member # 443) on 01-23-2004, 01:30 PM:

Ian: There is such a thing as too much information...