quote:

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Hey, I didn't answer the phone because I am trying to avoid a phone call. So, leave me a message, and I'll call you back. If I dont call you back, then guess what, it was you that I was trying to avoid...Yeah..oh well. Bye.

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I realize that, cell phones have caller id, and I could just not answer the call I am avoiding, but people dont realize that when they hear my message.
 

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Posted by Phil Hill (Member # 371) on 07-25-2004, 08:30 PM:
 
Some I occasionally use:

"Hello. I'm not home. Or, I can't come to the phone. Or, I'm not alone. Please leave a message at the tone."

"Hello. I'm sorry I'm not available to accept your call right now. Please leave your number and I'll get back to you just as soon as I damn well please. Thank You!"

" Hi! You have reached 976-PHIL. Your phone number will be charged $25.00 for this call. Thank You!"

>>> Phil
 

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Posted by Gordon McLeod (Member # 33) on 07-25-2004, 09:24 PM:
 
One year at christmas I put a recording of Alister Sims "Are there no prisons, are there no workhouses....."
At new years I put on " Our new years resolution is that we are changing our circle of friends at the moment so if we don't get back to you well......."
boy did we get a lot of hangups
 

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Posted by Bobby Henderson (Member # 840) on 07-25-2004, 09:36 PM:
 
I have the short and direct "I'm away from the phone, leave a message" quip. For fun, I had one outgoing message that simply said "Bingo!" It was funny to hear the dumbstruck pauses from callers ahead of their messages.
 

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Posted by Jeremy Fuentes (Member # 2135) on 07-25-2004, 09:43 PM:
 
For a while my voicemail was a song. "Soulglo" from Coming to America.
 

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Posted by Paul Mayer (Member # 355) on 07-25-2004, 09:51 PM:
 
The current machine (my roommate's) uses a synthesized voice that cannot be changed. But my machine answers in Japanese with a woman's voice, or my own out-going message which says "Speak."
 

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Posted by Ryan Luby (Member # 2520) on 07-25-2004, 11:14 PM:
 
My current voicemail carries out a 35 second conversation with the caller before suggesting that they leave a message at the beep.
 

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Posted by Robert L. Fischer (Member # 2424) on 07-25-2004, 11:19 PM:
 
Hey, it's Robert. Leave me a message, or, uh, leave me alone. Either way, I don't give a damn.

*as quoted by Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force, with the requisite name change*
 

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Posted by Scott Norwood (Member # 30) on 07-25-2004, 11:22 PM:
 
My work voicemail tells people to leave a message.

My home voicemail tells people who are calling for restaurant reservations that they have the wrong number. This is the result of a restaurant which apparently advertised my phone number as theirs a few months ago. I really should change the message back to the boring one because the calls have subsided since then.
 

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Posted by Brad Miller (Member # 2) on 07-25-2004, 11:41 PM:
 
What's wrong with leaving a professional outgoing greeting as the restaurant (but don't name the actual name, just mention "than you for calling the reservation line for your dining pleasure" and such like that)? Tell them that no one is available to take their reservation at this time, but to please leave their name, desired date and time, as well as number in their party and contact phone number, and if there is a problem with their reservation they will be called back.

Oh yes, and be sure to mention some kind of FANTASTIC deal on a very expensive dish.
 

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Posted by Manny Knowles (Member # 1171) on 07-25-2004, 11:45 PM:
 
May I suggest the Soylent Green?
 

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Posted by Thomas Procyk (Member # 1170) on 07-25-2004, 11:54 PM:
 
I can't post what my outgoing message says because it might offend people. So I will remain silent.

=TMP=
 

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Posted by Paul Mayer (Member # 355) on 07-26-2004, 12:31 AM:
 
I used to do something like that back before I had an answering machine. At one time a local Pizza Hut's phone number was one digit different from mine, and we used to get lots of wrong number calls trying to place take-out orders. Once in a while I would take an order and tell the fat-fingered fool that the order would be ready in 15 minutes. Then my roommate and I would drive down to the place to watch the ensuing comedy of errors. Very satisfying.
 

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Posted by Andy Aggieri (Member # 2398) on 07-26-2004, 02:28 AM:
 
Paul I tried to call pizza hut once here in Vegas and a guy yelled at me for calling the wrong number, maybe it was you.

You must have been getting a lot of calls from pizza hut customers if the phone number was only one number off.
 

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Posted by Carl Martin (Member # 1146) on 07-26-2004, 04:19 AM:
 
in college my dormroom phone was the same as the copley plaza (i think) hotel, except it was the local area code, not 800. supposedly a former occupant actually took a reservation. i just never had enough wits about me.

carl
 

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Posted by Joe Redifer (Member # 3) on 07-26-2004, 07:53 AM:
 

quote: Thomas Procyk wrote:

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I can't post what my outgoing message says because it might offend people. So I will remain silent.

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quote: Joe Redifer

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Why even bother to hit the REPLY button, then?

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Hey Joe, I think he was trying to be funny...
 

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Posted by Gordon McLeod (Member # 33) on 07-26-2004, 10:13 AM:
 
Brad said"What's wrong with leaving a professional outgoing greeting as the restaurant (but don't name the actual name, just mention "than you for calling the reservation line for your dining pleasure" and such like that)? Tell them that no one is available to take their reservation at this time, but to please leave their name, desired date and time, as well as number in their party and contact phone number, and if there is a problem with their reservation they will be called back."
Good start but would go on to explain that due to lack of refrigeration for the last few weeks they have an early bird special

 

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Posted by John Lasher (Member # 968) on 07-26-2004, 10:34 AM:
 
My voicemail used to play an excerpt from Beethoven's "Rage Over a Lost Penny" in square-wave notes (they sound just like the beep) but, I share my phone with three other people and they didn't think that was so great, so...

We used to have a voicemail system with multiple mailboxes. The outgoing message said:

For John, press one. For Alex, press two... To hear the sound of one hand clapping, press five. (Upon pressing five, the caller would hear silence for a few seconds, then some idiot (me) shouting "Bravo, bravo!")

I'm going to shut up now.
 

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Posted by Paul Mayer (Member # 355) on 07-26-2004, 10:43 AM:
 
Nah wasn't me yelling. We used to get two or three calls a day in '78 and '79. That Pizza Hut is still there at N. Rancho near Washington. As for the numbers, theirs was (and still is!) 647-1555, mine was 647-1755. Wonder who has that number nowadays...
 

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Posted by Steve Kraus (Member # 476) on 07-26-2004, 10:53 AM:
 
My messages aren't particularly interesting but I was able to hack into Richard Greco's voicemail and found this.
 

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Posted by Thomas Procyk (Member # 1170) on 07-26-2004, 10:54 AM:
 
Joe -- Rachel is right.
Rachel -- I can give you my number if you wanna hear the message.

John -- That reminds me of a phone number to a brokerage firm in South Florida that would go something like:
To check the status of your portfoilo, press 1, To make a transaction, press 2, to speak to a broker, press 3, for directions and office hours, press 4, to hear a duck quack, press 5!

When you pressed 5, there would be a loud duck quack or three, and it would hang up on you.

=TMP=
 

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Posted by Mike Blakesley (Member # 26) on 07-26-2004, 11:57 AM:
 
When I first got a cordless phone, I changed the message to "I can't find my phone right now, please leave a message." It was true quite often.
 

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Posted by Steve Kraus (Member # 476) on 07-26-2004, 12:26 PM:
 
It's getting harder and harder to find a corded telephone with features. Although I know digital has made eavesdropping less of an issue I still prefer to go cordless only as needed and not for routine use. My ideal phone would have these features:

Corded.

Decent quality digital answering system.

Direct speed dial buttons. That is, individual buttons that you press to spit out a number sequence. No code numbers. I use these mostly for dialing 1-### followed by hand dialing the rest of the number so as to simplify dealing with the multitude of area codes we have here. A memory dialer that requires pressing M## would serve no purpose.

I have an AT&T that does all the above although the answering machine section gave up the ghost a while back.

To be ideal however Caller ID should be included to avoid another box.

Any suggestions?
 

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Posted by Rachel Gilardi (Member # 1016) on 07-26-2004, 11:36 PM:
 

quote: Thomas Procyk

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Rachel -- I can give you my number if you wanna hear the message.

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Oh oh!!! I wanna hear!!!

BTW, your pic is slighty frightening... I LOVE IT!
 

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Posted by Joe Redifer (Member # 3) on 07-27-2004, 12:09 AM:
 
Tom's new pic looks so... über![av=m]
 

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Posted by Manny Knowles (Member # 1171) on 07-27-2004, 01:51 AM:
 
Thomas' new pic is so "extreme."

Are those closet doors?
 

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Posted by Phil Hill (Member # 371) on 07-27-2004, 05:04 AM:
 
Yes, Thomas' pic is ***REAL*** scary. But Manny, yours seems to say:

"Hey, I may be wearing glasses, but I don't have hairy palms."

>>> Phil
 

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Posted by Manny Knowles (Member # 1171) on 07-27-2004, 02:36 PM:
 
Did I mention that I was a MASTER COMMUNICATOR?

That is EXACTLY what I wanted you to "get" from the new photo, Phil.

It itches something AWFUL when as it grows back...
 

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Posted by Phil Hill (Member # 371) on 07-27-2004, 05:29 PM:
 
Joe told me the itching is from all those electrolysis hair-removal treatments you had on your palms.

>>> Phil
 

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Posted by Brandon Willis (Member # 2345) on 07-27-2004, 09:22 PM:
 
"Hi, this is Brandon's voice mail. I'm not available to answer this junk right now so leave a message and I'll call you back as soon as I can. It's deluxe, son!"
 

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Posted by Kyle Caudill (Member # 1252) on 07-28-2004, 03:07 PM:
 
In college...my roommate had a cell phone but left the passcode 1234...

I recorded a message that had a porn background music with a woman moaning and tried to imitate shaft. "Oh yeah, you have reached ______ I'm busy right now, I'll get back to you when i am finished."

Very amusing till his grandmother called...
 

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Posted by Jesse Skeen (Member # 586) on 07-28-2004, 07:00 PM:
 
My message says "Leave a message, and as long as you're not a telemarketer, I'll get back to you." Amazingly I still get a lot of messages from telemarketers.
I once had a phone number similar to an airline's number, and one time I was woken up by someone speaking Spanish- I knew enough of the language to book 'em a flight
 

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Posted by Steve Kraus (Member # 476) on 07-28-2004, 11:26 PM:
 
When I worked at the post production center some of our Hollywood feature production clients would have their own direct lines temporarily installed in their editing rooms to supplement our own phones. One of them got the number of a well-known but recently closed restaurant so of course they got their calls. So when the phone was ringing one time after the editors had left for the day I was only too happy to take reservations for two.
 

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