I wonder how you 'reprofill' something? Is this a job for Emilio Estevez?
Posted by Bobby Henderson (Member # 840) on 11-11-2005, 06:42 PM:
Hehe. Um... "it burns when I urinate, so can you put up $50,000 in good faith money so I can get treated by a doctor since I am such an irreputable scumbag not even worthy of a bullet to the back of the head? When you provide all your contact details some of my other cohorts just dying to have car batteries attached to their genitals in payment for their sins will get in contact with you."
Okay. Just a random vent on those guys. But seriously, anyone in the know on their whereabouts should recommend a Patriot missile up their wazzoo.
Posted by Leo Enticknap (Member # 534) on 11-12-2005, 07:02 AM:
Too quick and painless. I'd vote for a soldering iron.
Posted by David Buckley (Member # 2600) on 11-13-2005, 09:43 PM:
With my inbox at 1050 items I thought it was time for a clearout, and found this atypical example:
From: Mrs Caroline Solange Haafkens of Nederlanden
I am the above named person from Nederlanden. I am married to Dr.Franklyn Haafkens who worked with canada Embassy in nigeria for nine years before he died in the year 2000.We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.
Before his death we were both born again christians.When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of (Four Million six hundred thousand U.S.Dollars)with a bank called commercial bank of africa.
Presently, this money is still with the bank and the management just wrote me as the beneficiary to come forward to receive the money or rather issue a letter of authorisation to somebody to receive it on my behalf if I can not come over.
Presently, I'm with my laptop in a hospital where I have been undergoing treatment for cancer of the lungs. I have since lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only a few months to live.
It is my last wish to see this money distributed to charity organizations.
Because relatives and friends have plundered so much of my wealth since my illness, I cannot live with the agony of entrusting this huge responsibility to
any of them. Please,I beg you in the name of God to help me collect the deposit and the interest accrued from the bank and distribute it accordingly.
I want a person that is God fearing that will use this money to fund churches,orphanages and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that Blessed is the hand that giveth.I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money.
My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay
in your reply will give me room in sourcing for another person for this same purpose.
Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein.
Hoping to hearing from you soon.
waiting for your reply
Mrscaroline04@netscape.net
Yours in Christ,
Mrs Caroline Solange Haafkens
Posted by James R. Hammonds, Jr (Member # 673) on 11-14-2005, 04:08 PM:
Here is my favorite parody of one of those.
I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. Don't cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says it's not my fault. I asked her if it was God's fault, but she didn't answer, and only started crying harder, so I don't ask her that anymore. The reason she is so sad is that I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I go to sleep.
The doctors gave me an artificial body. My body is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was Billy Evansthe best they could do on account of us havin' no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said employers don't hire crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap body. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap, and it chafes her real bad.
I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this e-mail. Dr. Johansen said if you foward this e-mail then Bill Gates will team up with AOL and do a survey with NASA. Then the astronauts will collect prayers from school children all over America and take them up to space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me better then.
Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Or maybe just use my lungs and heart, when the doctors make them. The doctors said that every time you foward this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to the angels. Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.
If you don't foward this e-mail, that's OK. Mommy says you're a mean heartless person who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that she hopes that you stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach. What kind of wretched person are you that you can't take five lousy minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame for the rest of their day, and then maybe help a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?
Please help me. This really sucks. I try to be happy but it's hard. I wish
I had a puppy. I wish I could hold a puppy.
Thank You.
Billy 'Smiles' Evans,
The boy with just a head.
And a burlap sack for a body.
Posted by Jason Miller (Member # 2341) on 11-14-2005, 10:41 PM:
I could end his suffering with a leaf blower. or maybe a lit match....
Posted by System Notices (Member # 2357) on 01-06-2008, 12:21 PM:
It has been 782 days since the last post.
Posted by Danny Hart (Member # 659) on 01-06-2008, 12:21 PM:
Sorry to dredge up such an old thread, but I did a search and this is the closest I could find.
www.419eater.com
I've been having a lot of fun with this over the last year - I've had people drive miles to supposedly pick up "processing fees", people send me items of clothing for my fake fashion design company and generally messing with their heads. I've had some great death threats - too graphic to post here. I can't go into too much detail about my own particular antics as this is a real-names forum.
Some people go to more extremes - the guy who runs the site, "Shiver Metimbers", has had them fly all the way to Scotland for nothing, have carvings made of his own head and made them read out hours of audio books.
It's a satisfying hobby - knowing you're wasting these crooks time and money for your amusement.
Join in - but bait safe!
Posted by Tim Reed (Member # 137) on 01-06-2008, 05:34 PM:
Oh, I love that site! Especially the ruses, "The Road to Nowhere," and "Tale of the Painted Breast" (guy runs off with the church's money to become a clown - classic)!
Posted by Leo Enticknap (Member # 534) on 01-06-2008, 06:10 PM: