This is topic When you wipe your ass, do you go from front to back or back to front? in forum Film-Yak at Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE.
To visit this topic, use this URL:
https://ft-forum.com/ft/cgi-bin/ubb/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=8;t=004507
Posted by Paul Mayer (Member # 355) on 02-17-2006, 01:46 AM:
Well? ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Posted by Nate Lehrke (Member # 1460) on 02-17-2006, 01:48 AM:
side to side for me.
Posted by Dick Vaughan (Member # 540) on 02-17-2006, 03:27 AM:
You mean you chaps don't have someone to do it for you ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
Over here in the home of the Founding Fathers we have had a long tradition here of employing someone to carry out those distasteful jobs. Old King Henry VIII had The Groom Of The King's Stool for instance.
Posted by Nick Scott (Member # 2850) on 02-17-2006, 03:43 AM:
Start at the back for me and have a nice stretch
Posted by Joe Redifer (Member # 3) on 02-17-2006, 04:31 AM:
Giant wad of toilet paper shoved right in the middle. Scrub around back and forth and from side to side. A twist can also come in handy. Keep it up. 8 minutes later, your done!
Posted by Nate Lehrke (Member # 1460) on 02-17-2006, 05:24 AM:
So Joe, you wipe in a tornado motion?
Posted by Mark Gulbrandsen (Member # 72) on 02-17-2006, 05:52 AM:
quote: Nate Lehrke
So Joe, you wipe in a tornado motion?
Auntie Em... Its a twister... its a twister....
Posted by Michael Brown (Member # 890) on 02-17-2006, 07:19 AM:
Nobody else here uses the 3 sea-shells?
Posted by Dominic Espinosa (Member # 2122) on 02-17-2006, 01:40 PM:
Front, back, side to side, sometimes diagonally to spice things up.
Posted by Steve Scott (Member # 630) on 02-17-2006, 01:53 PM:
So, anybody own a bidet?
Posted by Dieter Depypere (Member # 3184) on 02-17-2006, 02:21 PM:
Wiping? For wimps I use a full-automated toilet with water sprayer ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
No honestly, I wipe somehow (I do not check how. Who am I?).
(Seriously guys, how many silly questions will follow?)
Posted by Brad Allen (Member # 470) on 02-17-2006, 04:24 PM:
And how many of u simply don't wipe at all?
Posted by Paul Mayer (Member # 355) on 02-17-2006, 06:02 PM:
Well, for those kind of people, maybe we should send them a copy of this poster for mounting in some conspicuous location:
As for me, being an old DC-3 pilot kind of guy, I use corn cobs. Direction agnostic.
Posted by Phil Hill (Member # 371) on 02-17-2006, 06:27 PM:
When I was in the Army, I was assigned the take the Jungle Survival Course and spent 2 weeks with only the bare necessities that were issued. That included among other things, K rations and a few sheets of TP.
We were instructed how to make good use of the limited amount of TP. Basically, ya folded a single square twice upon itself to form a smaller square with a common corner.
Then you'd tear a small piece from that corner and save it.
Then unfold the sheet and stick your finger thru the hole in the center of the sheet and wipe.
Afterwards, use that small piece of TP you saved to clean your fingernail.
Posted by Bobby Henderson (Member # 840) on 02-17-2006, 06:28 PM:
Multiple wipes in multiple directions -with clean paper applied to the angle of attack on each wipe! You'll smear shit all over your cornhole otherwise!
Perhaps I am a bit paranoid. Like I said before in a previous post, if I have to go to too much trouble I'll just take a shower to get my back end properly clean.
quote: Brad Allen
And how many of u simply don't wipe at all?
If the thought of wiping doesn't occur to the person, then he is a true slob. And he likely doesn't have a girlfriend either. I'll bet at least a few relationships have ended over the girlfriend discovering brown scortch marks in her boyfriend's shorts.
Someone who deliberately doesn't wipe is indeed making an anti-social statement. If it's a hippie refusing to wipe just to save some trees, then he's being an asshole about his asshole.
Posted by Jeremy Jorgenson (Member # 2989) on 02-17-2006, 06:38 PM:
I would hope the ladies are going front to back ... as for the guys, I really don't care one way or the other (as long as it is getting wiped, that is).
Posted by Bobby Henderson (Member # 840) on 02-17-2006, 09:07 PM:
Aw Jesus, that just gave me a flashback to probably the wierdest class I had in high school. Quantico High School didn't have very many students. I was the only guy in my sophmore year biology class.
Our teacher (I forget her name) was wierd. During one class, she told the girls the proper wiping direction to clean their butts. I'm not kidding, either! She really did that. "Do not reach in through your legs, reach around from behind and wipe outward, not toward your vagina." And then she said, "naturally, Bobby, you don't have to worry about that." I wanted to bark back, "well, I don't plan to wipe shit forward onto my sack anyway!"
Posted by Dieter Depypere (Member # 3184) on 02-18-2006, 03:37 AM:
I have read somewhere that if a woman wipes in the "wrong directon" it could cause vaginal infections. So maybe your teacher knew why she said that.
Posted by Wolff King Morrow (Member # 2226) on 02-18-2006, 05:47 AM:
Unfortunately, I never figured out how to use the 3 sea shells.
Posted by Jon Miller (Member # 163) on 02-18-2006, 08:15 AM:
If you have a case of "ring of fire" (rest in peace, PGT), some doctors may suggest you not overdo the TP going in any direction and instead get used to skid marks on your tighty whities or boxers.
Posted by Richard Greco (Member # 2032) on 02-18-2006, 11:39 AM:
Always I lean to the left and wipe with the right, back to front, using a nice amount of TP.
Posted by Randy Stankey (Member # 64) on 02-18-2006, 11:45 AM:
So, nobody else uses FilmGuard?!
You should try it! You'll never have a skid mark again!
Posted by Tim Reed (Member # 137) on 02-18-2006, 12:16 PM:
quote: Dick Vaughan
Old King Henry VIII had The Groom Of The King's Stool for instance.
Eeeew! That reminds me of Mel Brook's History of the World, Part One.
"Oh, piss boy!"
I love how Mel stands there with a dignified aire, holding the bucket, taking the job very seriously.
Posted by Dieter Depypere (Member # 3184) on 02-18-2006, 12:26 PM:
Oh yes, I remeber, and after having done his business he throws some money in the (full) bucket
Posted by Paul Mayer (Member # 355) on 02-18-2006, 12:35 PM:
"Wait for the shake!" Loved that scene.
Posted by Bobby Henderson (Member # 840) on 02-18-2006, 04:16 PM:
quote: Dieter Depypere
I have read somewhere that if a woman wipes in the "wrong directon" it could cause vaginal infections. So maybe your teacher knew why she said that.
I would agree young girls should be educated about proper hygiene, although I think the female culture around girls growing up already puts a great deal of stress on hygiene and beauty -past the point of cultural indoctrination.
The girls in my class at that time were all 15. It would seem pretty ridiculous if a girl didn't know proper wiping etiquette by that age. What teen boys do or don't do with TP is another matter. I would bet the underwear scortch marks ratio between boys and girls is at least 10:1, if not more lopsided than that. But girls can make up for that imbalance with a drawer full of period panties
Toilet humor is so much fun.
Posted by Gordon McLeod (Member # 33) on 02-18-2006, 07:51 PM:
Does the future of the cinema industry lie in our bodily functions?
Posted by Mike Heenan (Member # 392) on 02-18-2006, 08:15 PM:
John Holmes would regularly use coke-whore's tongues to wipe himself clean.
Posted by Bobby Henderson (Member # 840) on 02-18-2006, 10:33 PM:
Maybe that's how he got AIDS.
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Posted by Mike Heenan (Member # 392) on 02-18-2006, 11:34 PM:
That would be pretty funny if it was that, compared to all the other stuff he's done, that should be a factor. Makes you wonder if he was part German? Lol. ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
Posted by Phil Blake (Member # 2012) on 02-20-2006, 08:39 AM:
Here in OZ the wiping is directly determined by the variety of toilet paper available at the time.
Government issue paper found in public toilets is made from reject newsprint and has the texture of varnished tissue paper, glossy and fragile. wiping is to be done with great care.
Service stations usually supply strips of used wet and dry sandpaper from paint and panel shops.This makes you wonder is wiping is an option worth taking at the time, if dark might be less painfull to drag your butt across the grass outside.
Shopping centre toilets generally provide real nice soft and high tensile paper in postage stamps sizes, you need hands as steady as a brain surgeon to handle this.
or the budget rolls you find in guest toilets in houses you stay at , best take your own!
Posted by Randy Stankey (Member # 64) on 02-21-2006, 09:21 AM:
I thought, in Australia, Y'all wiped in counter-clockwise spirals!
B'Cuz, EVERYBODY knows that toilets swirl backwards in the southern hemisphere!
Posted by Bobby Henderson (Member # 840) on 02-21-2006, 01:24 PM:
"Life Is Cheap and Toilet Paper is Expensive."
Some are serious about a clean ass.
quote:
Police: Man killed over toilet paper
Tuesday, February 21, 2006; Posted: 2:17 p.m. EST (19:17 GMT)
MOSS BLUFF, Florida (AP) -- A man accused of fatally beating his roommate with hammers because there was no toilet paper in their home has been arrested, police said.
Franklin Paul Crow, 56, was charged Monday with homicide in the death of Kenneth Matthews, 58, according to the Marion County Sheriff's Office.
Capt. Thomas Bibb said Crow initially denied his involvement, but confessed during questioning. (Watch how an 11-year-old helped get the confession -- 1:30)
Crow told investigators that the men were fighting about the toilet paper over the weekend when Matthews pulled out a rifle. Crow said he then began beating Matthews with the sledgehammer and claw hammer, according to an affidavit.
Matthews was beaten so badly he had to be identified through his fingerprints, detectives said.
Crow was being held at the Marion County jail without bond. It was not immediately known whether he had an attorney.
Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
Posted by Phil Blake (Member # 2012) on 02-22-2006, 09:49 AM:
Well Randy , I am not sure about the swirling backwards bit , but there is one thing we who live in a land down under appreciate more than soft toilet paper and that is "Gravity"
Posted by John Lasher (Member # 968) on 02-25-2006, 01:50 AM:
Used to do front to back, until I had my infection/surgery, tried back to front but it would take me 15 minutes or more to get "immaculately clean" (as the hospital discharge papers ordered). Side to side seems to work best, but I think when the wound finally closes (from surgery # 4, more than 1 1/2 years ago) I'll take a big stinky dump and wipe front to back for the first time in my adult life.
Actually, I've somehow managed to synchronize my rhythm so I usually end up going right before I take my shower, during which I scrub the area with a washcloth (a cheap white one, separate from the one I use for everything else and purchased expressly for the purpose).
[Hey, I'm not the one who started a thread asking how people wipe.]
Posted by Paul Mayer (Member # 355) on 02-25-2006, 11:38 AM:
That's right, Paul Goulet was. ![[evil]](graemlins/evil.gif)
Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM
6.3.1.2