Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE: Long distance relationships, do they work?

This is topic Long distance relationships, do they work? in forum Film-Yak at Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE.

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Posted by Chris Hipp (Member # 1788) on 08-04-2006, 11:57 PM:

I have never been involved in a long distance relationship, hardly even a short distance relationship, but I have noticed something about the long distance relationship. It only seems to work when you have two things. 1st, One person, usually (always) the guy has to be good liar. 2nd, The other person, usually a girl, has to be really dumb. It seems like a magic combination. Anyone else have any opinions?

Posted by Bobby Henderson (Member # 840) on 08-05-2006, 12:16 AM:

Long distance relationships suck ass.

Pretty much you need to be in the same city or town. Otherwise it just isn't going to work. Especially these days with gasoline costing $3.00 and up per gallon.

Posted by Emma Tomiak (Member # 1862) on 08-05-2006, 12:35 AM:

Well I happen to be in one right now, and I have to say that while it hurts to be away from my guy, it's working out well so far. I think it is working for me because I know I'll be going back soon (in the next year or so). And with email, texting, cheap international phone rates and the like, it's very easy to keep in touch. We spoke about each of us dating others until I returned, but decided that neither of us was interested in that, so we decided to keep dating. Just 8,000 miles apart.

Also, my dad dated a lady from Spain for over a year before she moved here to Texas to live with him. He got to visit her once a month or so, having more money than I do for plane tickets and travel, but they stayed in touch through phone and email. She's been living with us for over a year now and things are working out great.

I think, to make a long distance relationship withstand the test of distance and time, the people involved must be very committed to each other, and plan to be together (and by that I mean in the same area) in the future.

Posted by Bobby Henderson (Member # 840) on 08-05-2006, 01:18 AM:

I'm going to fucking cry now. Geez. That's so sweet.
[beer]

My cousin Kevin has been married to a really beautiful lady he met who is from Spain. Her name is Pilar. And she really is to die for. That lucky bastard. Hehe. I am truly jealous.

Meanwhile, Yours truly is having to weather what he finds in these parts of the dead American sort of Southwest within former "Indian Territory." I'm not lonely...

...but I'm not exactly bending over backwards to be committed to anyone either. It's tough to find someone who is not a chain smoker, a tweeker, a neurotic over-eater, etc. etc. etc.

I don't know. My father always loved to float this saying:
"Love is like the morning dew.
It is as apt to settle on
a pile of shit
as it as a rose."

You may love someone, but you can never know nor control how they think or feel about other people or things they love.

When you actually reach a true connection with someone on both the physical and mental level it is really great. You just have to try to make it last.

Posted by Mike Heenan (Member # 392) on 08-05-2006, 01:25 AM:

It seems that if you loved someone, something silly like gas at $3 a gallon shouldn't matter. [Smile]

Posted by Chris Hipp (Member # 1788) on 08-05-2006, 03:55 AM:

I would have to agree with Mr Henderson. Gas is ridiculous and if she lives in a different zip code it would be long distance. Let's face it, long distance relationships are bad for the environment. It could be Al Gore's 2008 campaign slogan "Stop Global Warming, Bang Your Neighbor!"

Posted by Brad Miller (Member # 2) on 08-05-2006, 07:13 AM:

The short answer is that they absolutely can and do if the two of you are truly in love.

I think Mike has it figured out. If you've met someone more than 3 hours travel away, you have to ask yourself if you are really in love with this girl. If you are, then absolutely nothing should get in the way, unless you physically cannot afford to spend the gas or airplane money to get there.

You should also ask yourself if this is someone you could forsee actually spending the rest of your life with. If you tell yourself "no", then it's really just a booty call and you aren't in love.

Finally, ask yourself how you feel about full frontal male nudity.

By the way, I don't agree with the whole zip code thing. You can be one block away and be in two different zip codes!

Posted by Michael Barry (Member # 237) on 08-05-2006, 07:31 AM:

Funny you should ask!

I had a running gag with my friends for years due to the fact that every time I would meet a girl she would be from halfway across the country. So I'd meet a girl and my friends would ask, 'So where does this one live...Perth?' (Perth being on the opposite coast to Sydney).

Finally, I met a girl 'only' 20kms away or so. That's close compared to what I had before (my previous gf was 80kms away).

We're no longer together but to answer the original question - yes, I believe it can work as long as you are planning on doing something about the distance thing sometime. I don't believe it's sustainable long term or on an ongoing basis but it can work until something better is worked out.

On the other hand, I wouldn't deliberately go looking for someone long distance as it is a pain in the ass!

If you can date someone in the same suburb, it's so much better. And I'll confirm that statement if I ever achieve that feat. [Big Grin]

Posted by Bobby Henderson (Member # 840) on 08-05-2006, 01:51 PM:

I agree some people are definitely able to make long distance relationships work. However, I think odds are stacked against most people who try.

There's a number of practical sacrifices you have to make. You can't see each other at just any time. Most people have to work Monday through Friday and then only see their significant other on the weekend.

Eventually one of two things happen. One person will leave his/her job and location to be with their significant other full time in the same city. More often people just start getting tired of the distance and blocks of time where they're not seeing each other. All those other days during the week start turning into opportunities to spend time with other people. Then they move on to someone else.

I've dated women in the Oklahoma City area. That's about the longest distance I think is reasonably practical. The drive there is a bit over an hour from here (doing 80mph on the 75mph turnpike). $30 is spent on gas round trip and then you add in another $5.50 for tolls.

Posted by Mike Heenan (Member # 392) on 08-05-2006, 02:19 PM:

Ironically for people dating each in town, they work M-F also... but they have the advantage of seeing each other those same nights if possible... but then if you're wiped out from work, most likely you see each other only on the weekends. And no I'm not offering tips on your love life, but still justifying the expense of gas vs a relationship seems awfully Costanza-ish, lol.

Posted by Chris Hipp (Member # 1788) on 08-05-2006, 03:54 PM:

Well maybe Mike Heenan makes enough money to be able to drive 100 miles to get laid, but most of us do not.

I used to date a girl that lived about 50 miles away. Gas was around $1.50 at the time, I had no bills to pay so it wasnt a big deal finacially. The biggest problem was the time. You can't just go over there to hang out and then go to work, you have to plan an entire day around it. I can't justify driving two hours round trip for half an hour to an hour of foreplay/sex.

Not only would I not have the time now, I also have bills to pay. Sure I could be a loser and move back in with my parents to save money, but living on your own is the first step towards being a man.

Brad, tell me, were you the one doing the lying or being lied to? I had no idea you were so sappy. The zip code comment was an exagerration, also known as a joke. Of course you didnt like Anchorman or Ricky Bobby so I can't expect you to understand a good joke.

I guess my biggest beef with the LDR is, why put yourself through that? There are single guys and girls all over the place that you can be with, assuming you don't live in Bobby's area. So as long as you are unlike me and have the balls to do something about it then you can have a good partner.

Posted by Joe Redifer (Member # 3) on 08-05-2006, 04:38 PM:

quote: Bobby Henderson
The drive there is a bit over an hour from here (doing 80mph on the 75mph turnpike). $30 is spent on gas round trip

Dude! You get some shitty mileage!

Posted by Brad Miller (Member # 2) on 08-05-2006, 05:41 PM:

quote: Chris Hipp
Well maybe Mike Heenan makes enough money to be able to drive 100 miles to get laid, but most of us do not.

quote: Chris Hipp
I can't justify driving two hours round trip for half an hour to an hour of foreplay/sex.

Oh sorry, I didn't realize the title of the thread was "Long distance booty calls, do they work?" [Razz]

(I'm surprised no one commented on my quote. I know CH got it.)

Posted by Mike Heenan (Member # 392) on 08-05-2006, 06:27 PM:

Well Chris since you just assume I have the money to do that, I'll let you continue doing so, not my problem. I'm not in a LDR and never have been in one either. I just found bobby's comments interesting , of relationships basically not being worth it if you have to drive an extra 50 miles and shell out a little more money for gas.

Posted by Mark Gulbrandsen (Member # 72) on 08-05-2006, 07:17 PM:

Gee, I have a girl friend in every town that I service! You can take that statement how ever you want to....

Mark

P.S. Just kinddin of course...

Posted by Bobby Henderson (Member # 840) on 08-06-2006, 11:44 AM:

quote:
Dude! You get some shitty mileage!

My pickup gets around 22 miles to the gallon on the highway, which is actually pretty good for a 5.3 liter V-8 engine. On most trips to OKC and back I'll put about 220 miles on my truck. If I was having to drive back and forth to OKC quite a lot, I would certainly use a more fuel efficient vehicle.

quote: Mike Heenan
And no I'm not offering tips on your love life, but still justifying the expense of gas vs a relationship seems awfully Costanza-ish, lol.

I don't think you quite understand the points I was making.

You're already spending nearly $40 just to get from point a to point b. That's before you've done anything else, like go out to eat, see a movie, go dancing, etc. You're up and past $100 pretty quickly for just one date. If you're seeing the lady every weekend, then you're paying the equivalent of a new car payment.

If I'm a cheapskate for saying that's kind of expensive then so be it. I'm glad $100 here and there on a frequent basis seems insignificant to others.

And the money is just one thing. As I said before, the time apart is an even bigger problem. The distance makes it tougher for a couple to get serious or even turn into a wedge that pushes the couple apart. There's lots of other time during the week when one can meet other people.

Posted by Louis Bornwasser (Member # 3063) on 08-06-2006, 04:08 PM:

Could work if conditions are right.

Married people in the military do this all the time. How "single" are the each of you? Louis

Posted by Chris Hipp (Member # 1788) on 08-06-2006, 05:13 PM:

Oh, I am not talking to anyone right now. I was just curious about the question.

Posted by Bobby Henderson (Member # 840) on 08-06-2006, 06:04 PM:

quote: Louis Bornwasser
Married people in the military do this all the time.

Are you talking about both people in the marriage being military? Having grown up on Marine Corps bases I can say it is pretty rare for both husband and wife in a couple to be military. That sort of thing can happen, but it is usually very discouraged. Depending your rank, unit, etc. it can even be seen as improper fraternization.

A Lieutenant Colonel my father knew in New York married a woman Marine officer stationed in Washington, D.C. Every weekend he rode back and forth on the metroliner. They did that for a year. Then he got out of the Marine Corp and moved to D.C.

Most military families have to deal with long stretches of time apart. Even during peacetime it is common for military people to be stationed overseas on "unaccompanied tours" that last a year or two. Every relationship suffers for it. Infidelity can occur, whether the guy is playing around over there or his wife sends him a "Dear John" letter from stateside. It isn't easy, but many military couples are still able to make things work. Often they have other priorities, such as children to consider.

Posted by Louis Bornwasser (Member # 3063) on 08-06-2006, 06:33 PM:

Bobby: my stereotype military family is the patient wife waiting for the navy husband to return from 9 months at sea. Some do, some don't. Louis

Posted by Ron Curran (Member # 3631) on 08-06-2006, 07:21 PM:

My first love was a girl from another country who lived in another state.

It lasted 3 years.

Posted by Barry Floyd (Member # 385) on 08-07-2006, 10:46 AM:

When I was dating my wife's college roommate, I was driving from Nashville to Florence, Alabama 3 nights a week. Left the office at 4:30 p.m. - arrived at her front door at 7:30+/-. Worked good for about 3-4 months. One night I went down un-announced to surprise her and got surprised myself when I found her with her hometown boyfriend she had failed to mention. [fu]

When I graduated from high school, a friend and I went camping one weekend and met some girls from Toledo, Ohio. At the end of the weekend, we all exchanged phone numbers and addresses. The girl I met (Debbie), she and I wrote letters 3-4 times a week to each other for almost 2 years. I went and visited her in Toledo about 3 times. Once she graduated from college, I lost touch with her. That was over 20 years ago, and I still have a box out in the garage with all of her letters in them... they even still smell like her perfume.

Posted by Phil Hill (Member # 371) on 08-07-2006, 09:09 PM:

Our Grand-Poo-BAH sent me a pic of his Long Distance Honey:

Posted by Jennifer Pan (Member # 2035) on 08-07-2006, 09:46 PM:

Is Brad under there? [Big Grin]

Posted by Jason Black (Member # 684) on 08-07-2006, 10:19 PM:

For God's sake...

I hope he isn't *in* there....

ISH>..

BTW Jen:
Your new pic is smokin hot.. ;-)

I need to update mine...

Posted by Chris Hipp (Member # 1788) on 08-07-2006, 10:55 PM:

Come on now guys, This is a thread about how stupid long distance relationships are, not about fat fetishes or hot member pics.

I have a story about military LDRs. My ex white trash whore cuntrag of a roommate used to date a guy in the navy. He was out at sea for about a year or so. He would write her the letters and tell her how happy he was to be with her and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ...until a couple weeks before he was coming home, he sent her the break up letter. I don't know if it was a guy or a girl but he was involved with someone all that time on the ship. He kept writing her to keep her around as a back up. I think that is great, the more pain and anguish she goes through the better.

In this case it was a good thing, but a lot of guys do the same thing to undeserving girls.

Posted by Bobby Henderson (Member # 840) on 08-07-2006, 11:10 PM:

Chris, I'm confused about the chronology in your last post.

Were you roommates with this...um...female...while she was married to the guy in the Navy? Or did that whole drama thing happen before or after you were roomates?

Did you think she was a "whore cuntrag" while she was your roommate? If so why would you want to have a roommate you didn't like?

I don't know, maybe I'm just being a dumbass tonight. Normally I excel at being an asshole.
[evil]

Posted by Michael Coate (Member # 757) on 08-07-2006, 11:25 PM:

quote: Bobby Henderson
Normally I excel at being as asshole.

You got that right! [Razz]

quote:
BTW Jen:
Your new pic is smokin hot.. ;-)

While everyone is drooling over Jen's smokin hot new photo, how many of you can actually brag about seeing the real deal in person? In other words, Jen's among the dozen or so Film-Tech members I've had the pleasure of meeting outside of cyberspace. Now if we could just get the guy-to-girl ratio here to change...

Posted by Joe Redifer (Member # 3) on 08-08-2006, 12:05 AM:

michael coate i m jellus of u i wish i cud meet teh Jen!

Posted by Jennifer Pan (Member # 2035) on 08-08-2006, 12:18 AM:

Me Too!! [Big Grin]

Posted by Chris Hipp (Member # 1788) on 08-08-2006, 12:43 AM:

Bobby, for the record she was not my girlfriend, we never made out or even hugged. Purely a financial situation. She needed a place to stay, I had just bought my house and was still scared about not being able to make the mortgage and pay all the bills alone. I've only worked about three weeks this year that were less than 80 hours so I havent had any problems with that. Anyway, I let her rent the room.

After a couple months she got mad about something that was not my fault. Even if it was, she was not willing to discuss anything like an adult. So there was no way to try to work the situation out because she would just throw a hissy fit and storm off. I've even told her that at anytime she decides to come to me and show me how it was my fault or how it could have even possibly been my fault that I would fix it. She still has not done this, because she knows I am right of course. Now, had I been getting something extra from her besides the rent, I would have given in.

On to your question. No, they had already split up before she moved into the house. I think she is a whore cuntrag because she has no sense of loyalty to her friends and no appreciation for what other people do for her. I have no respect for people who will throw their "friends" away faster than a bloody tampon.

I will quote chris rock for a second, "A man can never win an argument against a woman. You see, Men have this need to make sense."

I usually make good after a few months or a year, ya know with girls I dated and whatnot, doesnt always work because they get new loser boyfriends that are too insecure about them talking to me because they will realize what a loser their new boyfriend is. So, generally I like to make good after a falling out, but in this case I would rather see her strewn across the highway like a dead dog.

It is late, I am babeling. Time to go home.

Posted by Bobby Henderson (Member # 840) on 08-08-2006, 07:46 PM:

Damn! It's sounds like you had to live through some of what lots of married guys have to endure.
[Razz]

I doubt if I could have a platonic female roomate. Men have a pretty simple code when it comes to roommate conduct: Help maintain the food and beer supply, help to keep the bathroom clean (along with not turning the rest of the house into a toilet), have a system to accomodate roommates when they need some "alone time" with a lady. It's rare for women to tolerate other women as roommates.

The only way I'm having a woman as a "roommate" is if she's my wife, or at least a very serious girlfriend.

Posted by Jason Black (Member # 684) on 08-08-2006, 08:11 PM:

Two of the best roomates I ever had were girls...

The best part was the sex with one.. before moving in, anyway. After moving in, the sex stopped...

I miss those days sometimes... LOL...

Then again,
one of the worst room mates I ever had was a girl, also. Actually, it was my best friends g/f. She was a total slob. I'm not sure she would wipe her ass if she didn't HAVE to. I could always tell when she was around.. dishes would be all over.. and the friggin A/C would be on 60... while her ass was either in the bed.. or worse yet, not even there!

I would pull the disconnect and hide it when I left.. until she got the hint... Then the a/c stayed at 72 or wherever it was set. Never could get her to pick up her glasses/cereal bowls tho..

My buddy wound up marrying.... then divorcing her...

Posted by Chris Hipp (Member # 1788) on 08-08-2006, 09:16 PM:

you're right Bobby, it was just like being married without any benefits of it. Constant nagging about stupid stuff that didnt even matter. She only used the stove once or twice the whole time she lived there but if she saw one splatter on it she would throw a fit. Of course if you turned around she had her coffee pot with two week old coffee in it that looked like a science experiment. I knew her for about six months before she moved in an she was always cool and then all of the sudden once she moved in it was a complete 180 on her personality. Which I suppose is what happens to alot of people when they get married. Women have to earn their right to nag through many blowjobs.

I won't have another roomate unless I absolutely cannot pay the bills, and it would definitely be a guy I can take if I had to. I would rather work three jobs than have to go through that again. It is a huge inconvenience anyway. Sometimes i like to watch movies or work on the hosue in the middle of the night and you can't do that when you have to worry about waking up someone on a 9-5 schedule.