quote: Roger Ebert

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"Pearl Harbor" is a two-hour movie squeezed into three hours, about how on Dec. 7, 1941, the Japanese staged a surprise attack on an American love triangle. Its centerpiece is 40 minutes of redundant special effects, surrounded by a love story of stunning banality. The film has been directed without grace, vision, or originality, and although you may walk out quoting lines of dialog, it will not be because you admire them.

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Deep Impact - where about halfway through I turned to Wife #1 and said "I know you can't possibly believe this, but this is where it starts to get dumb".

I'll end with Independence Day, which is actually far more watchable than anything I previously noted, but still sucks.
 

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Posted by Caleb Johnstone-Cowan (Member # 3710) on 05-08-2010, 07:43 PM:
 
Flightplan (pointless).
Constantine (dull).
Both Fantastic 4 films (no action).
Death Proof (apart from the two killing and sexy bits).
Spaceballs (one good gag right at the start but falls flat otherwise, can't make an entire film of Jew jokes and breaking the fourth wall).
Year One (just didn't work).

Inland Empire stands out as being the worst thing I've seen in recent memory in the Cinema. It was confusing for no reason other than to preserve David Lynch's reputation, and my High School short film shot on DVCam looked better. I contemplated walking out.
 

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Posted by Monte L Fullmer (Member # 2797) on 05-08-2010, 08:24 PM:
 
..can we add "Ishtar" in this pile of wasted celuloid?
 

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Posted by Jeremy Weigel (Member # 4208) on 05-08-2010, 08:28 PM:
 
Star Wars Episodes 1-3.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Just about anything that Speilberg has done since Private Ryan.

Jurassic Park 2 & 3
 

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Posted by Mike Blakesley (Member # 26) on 05-08-2010, 09:21 PM:
 
Rocky IV and Rocky V. (How Stallone managed to redeem the series with "Rocky Balboa" is actually pretty amazing.)

Sequels are easy targets because they suck more often than not. Too bad the ground rules here didn't exclude sequels.

Can we include sucky scenes in otherwise great movies? "Trading Places" is one of my all time favorites, but the whole sequence on the train is nearly unwatchable for me.
 

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Posted by Joe Redifer (Member # 3) on 05-08-2010, 09:36 PM:
 
Death Proof - I saw this on Blu-ray, not in the theater. I say that because the home version is longer than the version released with Grindhouse. But this movie is probably one of the first movies ever to make me so mad that I am yelling at the top of my lungs afterwards. No joke. It was such a complete waste of time. I feel that the movie took not only the two hour running time (or whatever) from my life, but many extra hours as well that it was not entitled to. That's right, it has somehow shortened my lifespan, or at least my will to live. NOTHING HAPPENS IN THIS MOVIE!!! We see 5 hours of girls talking in a car about nothing interesting at all. Fake film damage adds to the sheer intensity. Then another 5 hours of girls talking in a bar about nothing interesting at all. Then 1 minute of car crash. Fake film damage finally goes away. Now 5 more hours of girls talking somewhere about nothing interesting at all. Then girls driving a car, still boring. Then perhaps the most boring car chase scene ever put on any motion picture medium. Then nothing! I really wanted to punch my TV. This is worse than an elementary school's stage production of a PGA golf game. God DAMN it it was like watching my fingernails grow for 3 days, but at least with fingernails you can see something entertaining if you stare long enough!
 

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Posted by Bobby Henderson (Member # 840) on 05-09-2010, 12:16 AM:
 
A few random movies I don't like:

Death Proof -it's the first Tarantino movie I hated. BTW, I saw it in the theater as part of Grindhouse. Total bullshit screenplay with talk scenes that went on way the hell too extremely long. This cut may have been shorter than the home video version, but it felt longer than the duration of Ryan's Daughter. I was afraid Inglorious Basterds would turn out the same way. Thankfully it was better.

Wyatt Earp (boring)
The Postman (boring)
Smokey and the Bandit 2 (awful)
Smokey and the Bandit 3 (awful & Jerry Reed on coke or something)
There Will Be Blood (strange, boring and WTF ending)
The Godfather Part III (shouldn't have been made)
Blowout (one of De Palma's worst)
Femme Fatale (De Palma's worst)
Armageddon (feature length movie trailer)

Any movie with Jennifer Lopez made since 2000 sucks. Most of her 1990s movies sucked too.

Tyler Perry movies. Awful.

The vast majority of horror movies suck. They're not scary. The characters are usually attractive idiots who doofussed themselves into a gruesome fate. A halfway decent horror movie is an extreme rarity. I've pretty much said "FU" to that entire genre. It's a major waste of time.

All horror movie remakes especially suck, with the exception of The Fly (1986) and maybe a couple others I can't remember.

Scream was watchable, but all its sequels sucked. Some of the music soundtracks weren't too bad.
 

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Posted by Mike Blakesley (Member # 26) on 05-09-2010, 12:55 AM:
 
George Strait's acting debut, "Pure Country." Pure Corny, they should have called it.

Pretty much everything Mel Brooks did after "High Anxiety" sucks.

(Although I did love the part where Moses drops one of the tablets of Commandments in "History of the World Part 1")
 

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Posted by Joe Elliott (Member # 4006) on 05-09-2010, 01:29 AM:
 
The Kindred.

We had this movie in 1986, back when I was an usher. The projectionist comes out of the booth panicked. He asks if anyone had come out to complain yet. We were confused and said no. He then explained that when he checked it it was about 5 minutes into the reel, and the reel was in upside down and backwards (tails up). As we were heading towards the auditorium, a patron leisurely walks out and asks if we knew there was a problem.

We had to cancel the show, and all patrons were happy about. We heard several times that the reel being in wrong was the most enjoyable part of the movie.
 

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Posted by John Walsh (Member # 168) on 05-09-2010, 07:33 AM:
 
Showgirls. The acting and plot was just so bad. Funny thing though; I was working at a theater that had just opened, and there was a rare failure of the CE preamp, making the dialog completely impossible to understand. None of the 6-7 people that were there came out to complain. I guess once your mind was free to ignore the horrible acting and plot, you could at least watch it as a sort of 'moving' soft-porn magazine.
 

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Posted by Bobby Henderson (Member # 840) on 05-09-2010, 03:59 PM:
 
James Bond movies I think suck:

Die Another Day -laughable
The World is not Enough -bad script, bad acting.
License to Kill -James Bond with Lethal Weapon music.
The Living Daylights -boring.
Casino Royale (1967 spoof) -embarrassing.
Moonraker -I've grown to hate it, it's embarrassing.

There's other James Bond movies I don't really like, but don't overtly hate either. Actually there's a lot of those. Only a few James Bond movies are really good.
 

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Posted by Mike Blakesley (Member # 26) on 05-09-2010, 09:47 PM:
 
Here is a list of the lowest selling movies at my theatre (ranked by # of tickets sold), from the 20th worst to the top worst ever. A couple of these are fairly good movies, but they still suck because we wasted a week on each of them:

20. Heartburn
19. Dead Again
18. To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar
17. Angel Eyes
16. Blood Work
15. Syriana
14. Dracula 2000
13. Bad Medicine
12. Young Sherlock Holmes
11. Digimon
10. Snakes on a Plane
9. Black Moon Rising
8. Breach
7. Cry Wilderness
6. Invaders From Mars
5. U2 Rattle and Hum
4. Compromising Positions
3. An Innocent Man
2. Transporter 2

and the number one worst-selling movie of all time at the Roxy:

1. Shaft (2000 remake)
 

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Posted by Jim Bedford (Member # 4) on 05-10-2010, 10:03 AM:
 
VIBES (1988). It was the last movie I paid to get into that I walked out of due to content. Pee-U!
 

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