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A crowd hoping to sit down and enjoy Jason Lee screaming at sentient karaoke chipmunks received a shock last Thursday when a Chicago man stood up naked from the front row of a showing of Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, crossing the franchise's unwritten rule of only heavily implying chipmunk sexuality but never actually showing a dick.

The incident occurred only a half-hour into a showing of the film, barely allowing captivated audience members to settle into the intriguing premise that Jason Lee has taken his sentient rodent family on a tropical cruise for some reason. It was at around 4:30 that Edward L. Brown is accused of rising from his seat--at the time, seemingly roused by the powerful onscreen emotions--only to reveal that he was bare-ass naked. He further confirmed this fact by turning towards the 86-member audience and outstretching his arms--possibly inspired by Alvin's hilarious and timely Titanic reference (above)--before reportedly "sitting back down to enjoy the movie," Brown clearly curious to see how it is the chipmunks get stranded on an island now that everyone had seen his flaccid penis swaying in tune to The Chipettes' Willow Smith cover, "Whip My Tail."

Worsening the offense: it turns out Brown didn't even purchase a ticket to this squeakquel. According to his account, he'd been snuck in by an unknown female who had told him to get in the front row of Chipwrecked, take off his clothes, and wait for her to return with a bounty of crack, heroin, and intercourse for him. Front row of Alvin and the Chipmunks 3 is basically the new "behind the 7-11, back near the dumpster where those cameras can't sees ya."

Non-naked theater-goers were offered vouchers or refunds as compensation for their children being forever scarred by a crackhead's expectant nudity. Brown was jailed, his bail set at $100,000, "charged with three felony counts of sexual exploitation of children, aged 4, 6 and 6; one misdemeanor count of sexual exploitation of a minor aged 14; and one misdemeanor count of disorderly conduct," as there seems to be some expectation to keep your clothes on during the film, however provocatively the Chipettes may sway. Dave eventually showed up to the island to rescue the Chipmunks, because despite the trouble they cause him, he ultimately loves them all very, very much.

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Posted by Jonathan Goeldner (Member # 4854) on 01-04-2012, 10:47 PM:
 
personally I'd be more offended and shocked for viewing (and enduring) this craptastic movie than seeing a naked man...
 

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Posted by Jesse Skeen (Member # 586) on 01-05-2012, 02:06 AM:
 
That's why everything should be in 3-D- if this movie was, likely fewer people in the theater would have seen this guy with their 3-D glasses on. He COULD have picked a better movie to do this in regardless- I've heard of stuff like this going on but never during a kids' movie!
 

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Posted by David Favel (Member # 1125) on 01-05-2012, 02:44 AM:
 
We had a customer that recently told us she had been nailed in the front row during the Rugrats in Paris...
 

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Posted by Bruce McGee (Member # 131) on 01-08-2012, 09:08 AM:
 
I hope that the audience laughed at the idiot that exposed himself.

Some people...
 

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Posted by Frank Angel (Member # 248) on 01-08-2012, 08:00 PM:
 
Years ago I ran Fellini's SATYRICON and somewhere halfway through, I see something weird in the left hand corner of the screen. I couldn't exactly make out what it was, so I looked thru my binoculars and there was a student, evidently high on something, walked out on the stage naked. The film pretty much obscured him enough that lots of people hardly knew what was happening, until, of course, the cops made us stop the show and turn up the house lights Idiots. What a sight. Our stage manager, not much more than a kid himself, as was I, had placed himself between three cops and the naked terrified student who didn't even know where he was. Our stage manager told the cops in no uncertain terms that it was a school matter with a sick student and neither the performing arts center or the university had asked them on campus and we were not pressing charges. Then the full house, almost all 2500 of them were students, began booing the cops who finally declined to press it any further. A stagehand had come on stage with a blanket and covered and took the kid off stage and sobered him up. He's lucky our guys were there to intervene.

So I can tell you from experience, with a picture being projected on a naked person, it really is quite difficult to discern what is actually going on. This, of course is from an observation 200ft and 5 stories up from the stage. I suppose people sitting in the front rows get a better view, but to me, all I could see was what looked like something wrong with the print in the bottom corner of the screen.
 

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Posted by Joe Elliott (Member # 4006) on 01-12-2012, 07:34 PM:
 
You know what's worse that watching Chipmunks? Having to watch it three times. Two different theaters, had to watch it all the way through twice at one, once at another.
 

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Posted by Frank Angel (Member # 248) on 05-19-2012, 03:45 PM:
 
Joe, that's an occupational hazard as any veteran projectionist will attest. If most of us older guys here were to go over a list of the mind-fryingly bad movies that we've had to endure in our careers -- three and four times a day, week after week and many of them ran much longer than the short engagement times of today's releases -- it would make your blood run cold....or just drive you to drink.
 

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Posted by Joe Elliott (Member # 4006) on 05-20-2012, 09:09 PM:
 
Oh, I've been around a while. I started at a union house in KCMO in 86, I've even worked a reel to reel house back in 88. Just rarely HAD to watch every second of a movie like that. Although I did once have to watch "My best friend is a Vampire" 3 times thanks to someone who cut the reference frames off all of the reels. I knew what was reel 1 and what was reel 5, but the movie was so bad, it was hard to figure out what order the other 3 reels needed to be in!! It was still better that Chipmonks.
 

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