My favorite he told was actually done on the the flight line. Very dangerous but funny as hell. They would make the new recruit get exhaust samples from the the plane on deck. They would tell the recruit to get a garbage liner and stand behind the plane to capture the exhaust. HE said that there would be frantic officers running on the deck to stop the poor sap from roasting themselves from the exhaust.

I spent 22 years for pay purposes in the navy, and never learned how to swim.

That was a very scarey position to be in, that I can tell you.

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Here is what the MSDS says:
http://www.poem.princeton.edu/MSDS/Carbon%20Dioxide.pdf

CARBON DIOXIDE: In the solid or liquid form carbon dioxide is very
volatile, readily releasing the gas. At concentrations from 2-10% it may
cause acidic taste, dyspnea, headache, vertigo, nausea, labored breathing,
weakness, drowsiness, mental confusion, and increase in blood pressure,
pulse, and respiratory rate. Exposure to 10% for a few minutes has been
reported to cause visual disturbances, tinnitus, tremors, profuse
perspiration, restlessness, paresthesias, general feeling of discomfort,
loss of consciousness, and coma. Concentrations of 25-30% may cause coma
and convulsions within one minute. Tachycardia and arrhythmias are
possible. Concentrations of 50% may cause symptoms of hypocalcemia
including carpopedal spasms. Excessive carbon dioxide for a time period of
not more than 5 minutes was reported to cause effects on vision with
constriction of visual fields, enlargement of blind spots, photophobia,
loss of convergence and accommodation, and deficient dark adaptation as
well as headache, insomnia, and personality changes, largely depression
and irritability. Even when there is sufficient oxygen present to prevent
simple asphyxiation by carbon dioxide, high concentrations may cause
adverse effects by interfering with its normal elimination from the body.
Initially, exposure to increased carbon dioxide concentrations results in
a compensatory increase in both rate and depth of ventilation. Beyond a
certain point, however, this may reverse to hypoventilation resulting in
respiratory acidosis. Death from asphyxia may occur if the concentration
and duration of exposure are sufficient. Reproductive effects have been
reported in animals.

http://www.praxair.com/Praxair.nsf/0/d3cbf4ef4186073485256a860080d221/$FILE/p4574h.pdf

------------------
John P. Pytlak, Senior Technical Specialist
Worldwide Technical Services, Entertainment Imaging
Research Labs, Building 69, Room 7525A
Rochester, New York, 14650-1922 USA
Tel: +1 585 477 5325 Cell: +1 585 781 4036 Fax: +1 585 722 7243
e-mail: john.pytlak@kodak.com
Web site: http://www.kodak.com/go/motion

I have "0" tolerance on dangerous pranks.

..no, seriously. He did.

Now the prank played on me: When I first started working in a commercial booth, I was given a week of apprentiship with a veteran projectionist who at the time I thought was a wisend, ancient old man (wisened yes, but he must have been all of 50yrs old). Finally he thought I was ready to run a show on my own. I did, and everything worked fine, so I was left to take the night shift for the rest of the week.

After about the 3rd day on my own, I started to feel a bit cocky -- I was a PROJECTIONIST. When the feature started, I put my hand on the fader control, a big old knob about 5 inches in diameter mounted on a big gray box on the wall, and I turned up the sound for the opening of the 20th Century Fox logo (with CinemaScope Extension) music -- about 2 & half, 3 points. Curtains opened and all was well with the world. The next show I did it again, thinking that now, surely, I was ruler of the universe. However, just as I went to turn it back down, I noticed the fader knob was moving back to its original position BY IT SELF. Naturally I was quite taken aback by this and tried to figure out what could possibly account for it. Coming up with no logical answer, I just put it out of my mind until the next show -- perhaps it was just the shadowy booth light playing tricks. I had closed the curtains at the end of the last trailer, made the change-over from the attraction reel, push the curtain [Open] switch, put my hand on the fader knob and turn it up as the Fox logo hits the screen. To my amazement, the knob magically returns to its original setting. Getting a little annoyed, I turn it back up. It turns itself back down. I grab it and turn it back up, firmly gripping it and holding it where I want it. Incredibly it is now forcing itself back down while I am try to turn it back up. I can feel it resisting my efforts as if it has a life of its own....and it's winning. I leave it where it wants to stay, stareing at it as if it is some demon from hell.

Next day when I came in to work, I was hesitant to tell my mentor what had happened, because, quite frankly, I didn't believe it myself and kept wondering if recreational maryjane use (this was 1968 and I make no bones about it...I DID inhale) had finally caught up with me (could it really be as bad as the adults said it was?). Finally I asked him if there were anything special about the volume fader. He said, "No; why?" in a perfectly nonchalant voice.

I said, "Oh, nothing." Then added, "Except, could it have a presetting that's automatic?"

He looked at me and said, again, in a voice that betrayed nothing, "What are you talking about....it's an ordinary fader," and he proceded to turn it up and down as if to prove what he was saying. I kept looking at it through the corner of my eye as he asked, "Why....did you have any trouble with it?"

"No, no....just wondering," says I. Then I said, "Well, actually, I wanted to turn up the sound for the Fox logo music and it....well, sort of..." then blurted out in one quick revelation...."it turned itself back down....on its own; it even forced my hand when I tried to turn it back up."

He looked and me with a straight face and asked, "What the hell are you talking about?" I felt like a jerk and said "never mind....I must have imagined it." He feined annoyance and said, "You know I thought you were serious about this job and here you are playing around with the equipment and making up idotic stories....are you sure you want to be a projectionist? Projection is a serious job; no room for dumbasses." I was roundly contrite trying to stammer out an appology and at the same time an assurance that I was serious about my job, sir.

That's when he burst out laughing saying that he wishes everyone downstairs could have seen my face. Then he went over to the fader, gave it a few twists and stood back while it did a dance up and down on its own. After he stopped laughing, he explained that the fader was attached to a small selsyn motor which was duplicated downstairs on the wall in the back of the theatre. This was so the manager could adjust the sound level depending on the film and the amount of people in the theatre (this was long before Ray Dolby decided for the world that [7] was going to be the fader position written in stone).

He asked why I though I had to "up" the sound for the Fox logo. I told him I wasn;t sure, except that gives it a little more dramatic kick. I thought he would admonish me for that, but instead he said not to worry, the Manager likes that kind of thing, but the Assistant Manager is a jerk and he just likes to prove who's got control. The Assistant Manager was on the last two nights. He said, "In this case, there's a reason the word 'assistant' contains the word 'ass' and that's why I've got this anti-ass switch down here...." and he showed me a small switch underneath the box that he installed just for such power struggles. Then he said, "Kid, don't worry, you'll do OK....you've got it in your blood."

How right he was. The Fox logo got bumped up 3 points every night thereafter.

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A fellow manager told me this one. It took place at another theater when he was projectionist and had to deal with an old crotchety Senior manager who would always pick on him. Well one day he found an empty xenon-bulb box, taped it up and sealed it as new, and waited until the manager would sit in the office and eat his lunch. He then came upstairs asking who ordered the "new" bulb, faked a trip on the stairs, and heaved the box in the manager's direction. I could only imagine the look on the guy's face. He dropped everything in reaction and was almost fully standing when the box harmlessly thudded onto his lap. Needless to say he wasn't all that happy, but the manager who told it to me still considers that one of his best ones.

Other trainee and me are wondering why along with sound info etc on the can, there is printed "Colour" in large letters.

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