my profile | my password | search | faq & rules | forum home

» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Movie Theaters (Page 2)

This topic comprises 4 pages: 1  2  3  4

Author Topic: Movie Theaters Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-07-2003 03:58 PM                        Rated G Janine Maurice finally got to see a movie he had been looking forward to for weeks. He found it hard to enjoy, however,because two women in the row in front of him chatted nonstop. Finally,the exasperated Maurice leaned forward and told the women "Excuse me, but I can't hear a word." The woman closest to him snapped,"I should hope not. This is a private conversation!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-11-2003 08:06 AM                        Rated PG "CARA" Screening An old Jewish woman has been invited to help screen a movie for the rating it will carry. The movie is an old remake of a Roman Gladiator-type movie.In the middle of the movie is a scene where the Romans are feeding people to the lions.The little old lady hits the buzzer she's been given,which stops the movie. The attendant comes down to her chair and says,"Yes, ma'am?" "This movie should be rated 'R'," she says, "because those Jews are being fed to the lions!" The attendant says,"Ma'am, those are Christians, not Jews." "Oh, sorry, start the movie up again. A few minutes later she again presses the buzzer. The attendant comes down to her chair."Yes ma'am?" She points to the screen."Those lions over there... ....they're not eating!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-28-2003 12:03 PM                        Rated PG Star Wars Sex Any of you people watched the movies? Sexually suggestive lines from the Star Wars trilogy... 'Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!' 'Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?' 'Put that thing away before you get us all killed.' 'You've got something jammed in here real good.' 'Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?' 'You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.' 'Sorry about the mess...' 'Look at the size of that thing!' 'Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!' 'She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.' 'I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me.' 'Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?' 'There's an awful lot of moisture in here.' 'But now we must eat. Come, good food, come...' 'That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while.' 'Hurry up, golden-rod...' 'I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?' 'Possible he came in through the south entrance.' 'And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!' 'Control, control! You must learn control!' 'Hey, point that thing someplace else.' 'I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master.' 'I never knew I had it in me.' 'There is good in him, I've felt it.' 'Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one.' 'Back door, huh? Good idea!' 'She's gonna blow!' 'I think you'll fit in nicely.' 'Rise, my friend.' 'Wedge! Pull out! You're not doing any good back there!'  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-28-2003 05:23 PM                        Rated G Sue Bee On a recent evening my family sat in a darkened theater waiting to see the latest hit movie. As the screen lit up with a flashy ad for the theater's concession stand, we noticed the sound was missing. The unexpected silence continued for several moments. Then out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd demanded,"Okay, who's got the remote?"  |  IP: Logged Mike Olpin Chop Chop! Posts: 1852 From: Dallas, TX Registered: Jan 2002 posted 03-01-2003 01:40 AM                     Rated G... I guess. That last joke reminds me of a funny event that hapened at my theatre last week. On one of our screens, the douser fell closed durring the trailers, plunging the theatre into darkness. A customer complained to me , and I had the projectionist notified. I then walked into the theatre. As soon as i saw the projectionist at the port window, I walked up to the screen, pulled out my palm pilot, aimed it at the screen, and tapped it just before the picture came back. I think the audience bought it. To them, it looked as though I had turned the screen on with a remote control! Anothr time, I was doing theatre checks, when i noiced the smell of pot smoke in one of the auditoriums. I could see the culprit (the only person in the theatre), and i asked him to leave. On his way out, he asked me how i knew he was smoking. I replied, "We have marajuana sensors in our theatres." He bought it hook, line, and sinker.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-01-2003 10:11 AM                        Rated R "If a movie is 'R-rated', it means that if you're under seventeen,you have to see it with an adult: 'What's he doing, Dad?' 'He's fucking her, Son.'" -- George Carlin  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-10-2003 06:18 AM                        Rated G Sue Bee NEWS FLASH TOP MOVIES COMING THIS SUMMER It knows your name,it knows your phone number,it knows where you live.Beware..."The Telemarketer." She was sleazy,but she was also cheap and the only hooker around.Haley Joel Osment stars in the terrifying tale of "Six Cents."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-24-2003 12:16 PM                        Rated G True story, but it happened to a co-worker of mine. David and his brother went to see "The Incredible Hulk" when it opened on Friday.They went to a theater with a digital screen. Some time into the film, the screen froze.So David and a couple of other people started yelling, "The screen's frozen!" Just as it quieted down, some kid behind David turned around and screamed, "Hit control-alt-delete!" Everyone was in hysterics!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-08-2003 04:33 PM                        Rated G Janine Movies will reach a new high in realism when the detective following a suspect can't find a place to park his car.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-08-2003 08:32 PM                        Rated G Ned 'Da Head My daughter asked if she could go see the new 'Pirates of the Caribbean' movie.I told her no way.I heard the movie is rated 'Arrrrrrrrrrrr'. [ 07-18-2003, 05:49 PM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-22-2003 11:17 AM                        Rated G Lorraine So the male flea said to the female flea, "How about we go to the movies?" And the female flea said, "Sure. Shall we walk or take the dog?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-29-2003 11:33 AM                        Rated G A woman's strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!" Several men stood up as the lights came on. An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her. "Good, are any of you doctors interested in a date with a nice,single, Jewish girl?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-26-2003 10:51 AM                        Rated G "Martin Levine, owner of a movie-theatre chain in New York City, has passed away at 65," the newspaper obit read. "The funeral will be held on Thursday at 2:10, 4:20, 6:30, 8:40 and 10:50." Merrill Markoe, Late night with David Letterman: The Book(Villard)  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-03-2003 03:09 PM                        Rated G Nancy My granddaughter wanted me to take her to see a certain movie. Since we have six theaters, Her only being three years old, I asked her where it was showing. She said mama at a theater near you.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-09-2003 11:03 AM                        Rated G A young lady was describing to her grandfather her experience at the theater the preceding evening."Why, I was really shocked," the young girl said."Everybody in the place was making out." "Making out? What in the world is that?" her grandpa asked. "It's the same thing you called necking, Grandpa." "Maybe so," Grandpa replied. "But now I call it reminiscing."  |  IP: Logged

All times are Central (GMT -6:00)

This topic comprises 4 pages: 1  2  3  4

Printer-friendly view of this topic

Hop To: Select a Forum: Category: Operations -------------------- Digital Cinema Forum Film Handlers' Forum Large Format Forum Ground Level Feature Info, Trailer Attachments & REAL Credit Offsets Category: Community -------------------- Film-Yak Film Handlers' Movie Reviews The Afterlife Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon Category: Classified -------------------- Equipment and Supplies Wanted/For Sale Help Wanted/Seeking Employment Category: System -------------------- Software Beta Testing Forum

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.