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Author Topic: Are all divorces this friendly? Phil Hill I love my cootie bug Posts: 7595 From: Hollywood, CA USA Registered: Mar 2000 posted 07-13-2007 12:49 AM                  My official comment is "No Comment" HA!  |  IP: Logged Richard Hamilton Phenomenal Film Handler Posts: 1341 From: Evansville, Indiana Registered: Jan 2000 posted 07-13-2007 01:45 PM                     O.K., here goes.... 2 weeks after I seperated with my wife, she packed up our truck with everything she could fit, took the kids and moved 1500 miles away. I ended up leaving Omaha and going back to Indiana. It was my responsabality to move a whole housefull of furniture and stuff from nebraska to Florida. I haven't been able to see my kids since March '06. As far as the money, I paid very little the first year. What the newspaper didn't say was that I pay $150 a week AND $250 a week adds on to my arrearages. I was ordered to pay almost $400 a week. The reason it is $150 now is because I am working for a temp service and only take home about $200 a week. Don't get me wrong, I'll give my kids anything I can. Before I got married, I had a Porsche and a BMW sitting in the driveway of a house I owned.......now my only asset is this laptop that I'm writing on, and it's a POS. Sorry, just venting..Rick Phil, just got your "no comment" remark  |  IP: Logged Mike Blakesley Film God Posts: 12767 From: Forsyth, Montana Registered: Jun 99 posted 07-13-2007 03:29 PM                        quote: Richard Hamilton she packed up our truck with everything she could fit, took the kids and moved 1500 miles away. I wouldn't think the courts would allow her to do that, unless you were abusive or some other thing that would justify it. I'm no legal expert here, but I do watch Judge Judy from time to time.  |  IP: Logged Phil Hill I love my cootie bug Posts: 7595 From: Hollywood, CA USA Registered: Mar 2000 posted 07-13-2007 05:59 PM                  quote: Richard Hamilton Phil, just got your "no comment" remark Yeah, as you know, we both have been thru some of the same stuff. Mike: The "ex" can pretty much do what they want. Even if you go "after" them to enforce your rights, the local court must have a reciprocal enforcement agreement with the other state. Not always true. My ex took my kids and hid from me for years. I voluntary kept paying the court-ordered child support and alimony into an escrow account. She didn't know that. She took me to court and claimed I was a deadbeat dad and I owed her thousands upon thousands of $$$...she said I didn't pay. I proved to the judge what was really going on. He found in my favor and released my $$$ back to me and threaten to put her in jail. That's what paid for my 1st Corvette! Of course after that, they garnished my salary and I paid until my kids were outta college. It was worth it.  |  IP: Logged Mark Gulbrandsen Resident Trollmaster Posts: 16657 From: Music City Registered: Jun 99 posted 07-13-2007 07:09 PM                     quote: Richard Hamilton she packed up our truck with everything she could fit, took the kids and moved 1500 miles away. What you really mean is that she took the Escalade .  |  IP: Logged Kara J. McVay Film Handler Posts: 95 From: Delaware, OH Registered: May 2002 posted 07-13-2007 08:34 PM                        Taking the kids and running is exactly what happened here too. Scott won sole custody with her having NO visitaion, but she moved to TX and they would not recognize the out of state order. Bullshit if you ask me, now he pays almost $600mo. for kids he can't see, talk to or anything because of that crazy bitch. The youngest is now cutting herself and he still gets blamed even though she is the one who cut off all contact and will not let the girls talk to him even though even TX says he has Joint Custody. Sorry about the rant.  |  IP: Logged Joshua Waaland Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 800 From: Cleveland, Ohio Registered: Dec 1999 posted 07-14-2007 10:00 AM                     A guy I work with went through some crap like this. His ex-wife would take him to court every few years and get his child support payments raised. He would go to pick up his kids and they would be wearing ripped, dirty clothes and she would have new fur coats. He tried for two years to talk me out of getting married before I did. I have heard some crazy stuff from my a lot of divorced fathers that I have known and worked with. My brother almost got a divorce ten years ago. He had to try to prove that his wife was a bum to get custody of his kids. She was known for running all over town with people half her age and staying out all night. She never had a job better than Burger King or McDonald's. She was very irresponsible with money and I could go on forever about her. In the end he was going to lose custody so he stuck it out. A few years later she cheated on him. After that he didn't have to try so hard to get custody when he divorced her. It wasn't as bitter as so many others that I have seen though. My folks divorced when I was twelve. They tried pitting me against each other. To this day they put each other down in front of me when I have asked them repeatedly not to. I think many dads get the short end of the stick in a divorce especially when kids are involved. Every kid involved certainly gets screwed in the end. They have to lose the home they lived in most of their lives, make new friends, go to different schools, choose to live with one parent over the other(while enduring guilt trips from the one they didn't choose), listen to their parents fighting, go between two homes, deal with step-parents and step-siblings, etc, etc. It sucks. Every year we go to see my wife's family a few days before Christmas and leave Christmas morning. Then we drive two and a half hours north to see my dad and family for a few hours(by the time we get there they have already opened presents without us and most of them have left) and then drive another fourty five minutes north to see my mom(who usually guilt trips me because she always gets stuck with Christmas night when my father gets Christmas morning). It pisses me off because I still have to live with their mistakes(both of my parents were married three times and I have tons of half-siblings and step-siblings). I still have to hear them degrade one another, I have to try to fit them all in on holidays, etc, etc. Christmas used to be my favorite time of the year but now it is my least favorite. I wish I could just stay home and skip it altogether but then I would have to listen to the guilt trips and in the end the rest of my family would think I am the bastard. I sometimes wonder if family really wants you there to see you or if they want you there to feel good about themselves that you came to see them.  |  IP: Logged Bobby Henderson "Ask me about Trajan." Posts: 10973 From: Lawton, OK, USA Registered: Apr 2001 posted 07-14-2007 11:53 AM                     This thread and the flying sucks thread (with talk of screaming babies) makes me think about getting a vasectomy.  |  IP: Logged Mark Gulbrandsen Resident Trollmaster Posts: 16657 From: Music City Registered: Jun 99 posted 07-14-2007 12:42 PM                     Divorces are a good thing... I could still be stuck in the Chicago Burbs , flying doesn't suck , and babies scream because they can't always equalize their ears to the pressure differential in a jet easily. For a baby the pain can be excruciating. There... feel better about it all now Bobby? Mark  |  IP: Logged Brad Allen Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 688 From: Evansville, IN, USA Registered: May 2000 posted 07-14-2007 02:21 PM                     After watching my daughter go through a divorce, and the one I went through 18 years ago, it is very obvious the court system is very up in many ways. Hope it works out for you and your kids Rick.  |  IP: Logged Bobby Henderson "Ask me about Trajan." Posts: 10973 From: Lawton, OK, USA Registered: Apr 2001 posted 07-14-2007 02:52 PM                     quote: Mark Gulbrandsen There... feel better about it all now Bobby? Nope. Because there's enough retarded parents out there who insist on taking their babies on planes regardless of what high altitude does to their ears. And being married and having kids looks more and more like a crap shoot. Lots of people get married on impulse and divorce just as easily -especially here in Oklahoma. This state may be in the "bible belt" but it constantly contends with Nevada and Hawaii for the highest rates of divorce in the nation. I've known couples with kids that just bust apart from out of nowhere. I think one of the things that attracts people to marriage is a notion of comfortable emotional security in "settling down." Having kids just seals the deal further. From what I've seen, that's all a giant lie. There is no security or being "settled down" when it comes to marriage. Affairs and divorce can strike at any time even when a couple of kids have been added into the situation. I've seen a number of guys goof up their marriages by taking their spouse for granted and doing a bunch of selfish shit. In those cases, they had it coming when their wives filed for divorce. I've seen others work hard on the relationship, but still get left anyway because the wife started seeing some young punk 10 years younger. But guess what, the jilted husband still gets to pay all that alimony, child support and everything else despite the issue of adultery. Most often the guy gets handed divorce papers over money matters. That brings up another stupid reason why people get married: they think they'll do better having two incomes under one roof. What ends up happening very often is they run up a bunch of debt by chasing after a standard of lifestyle they cannot afford. When kids are added into the situation, a mountain of medical bills, day care bills, and bills for all kinds of other shit are added too. It costs a LOT of money to raise kids. Marriage as an institution and tradition is in deep trouble. A rapidly growing number of educated, high skilled people are refusing to get married or have kids. Any lawyer willing to tell you the truth will say that getting married and having kids these days is a very stupid thing to do. It's at least very risky. I'm not sure what can be done to help reverse some of the trends that are happening. Some of the religious groups want to make it much harder to get divorced. If anything I think it should be a lot more difficult for people to get married in the first place. I also believe women need to be made more accountable for their actions in a marriage that ends in divorce. Unless the wife is dousing her kids in gasoline and lighting them on fire, she gets custody, gets the house, most of the assets and the husband gets his credit ruined and gets saddled with a ton of debt. The lady could be sleeping around with every other dude in town and doing all sorts of other hinky crap and not be made to answer for it. The situation just isn't fair. And I think that no-accountability situation for women greatly encourages many of them to strike up affairs and bail out of marriages whenever the emotional urge strikes.  |  IP: Logged Leo Enticknap Film God Posts: 7474 From: Loma Linda, CA Registered: Jul 2000 posted 07-14-2007 03:25 PM                        Agreed completely with Bobby. The problem is three decades of feminism creating this big myth that the male partner has to be to blame for any relationship which fails, and must be punished accordingly. Can't really say more without getting political, but suffice as to say that if I met Ms. Right tomorrow, I would be happy to cohabit on the basis of a legally binding agreement which set out what happens if the relationship fails, but would be very reluctant to get married. You hear every day of similar horror stories here to the ones Bobby describes.  |  IP: Logged Louis Bornwasser Film God Posts: 4441 From: prospect ky usa Registered: Mar 2005 posted 07-14-2007 04:03 PM                        My understanding is that Germany and maybe most of Europe makes a marriage take a year or more before it is final. Anyone "over there" care to comment? Louis  |  IP: Logged Leo Enticknap Film God Posts: 7474 From: Loma Linda, CA Registered: Jul 2000 posted 07-14-2007 05:04 PM                        Not here. All you need to say is 'I do', and you're done! There are some formalities needed before the ceremony can legally take place, but I don't think they are significantly difficult or expensive, or take as long as a year.  |  IP: Logged Joshua Waaland Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 800 From: Cleveland, Ohio Registered: Dec 1999 posted 07-14-2007 11:31 PM                     quote: Bobby Henderson Some of the religious groups want to make it much harder to get divorced. If anything I think it should be a lot more difficult for people to get married in the first place. Agreed completely! Our church made us go through 6 months of pre-marital counseling before they would agree to marry us. They set us up with an older couple that had been married for 40 some years (he was a retired pastor) and we would meet at their house. We had to go through a workbook dealing with many of the important issues in marriage. It touched on money, sex and roles in a marriage to name a few. They would share some of their stories with us and vice versa. We found it very helpful (even though we dated for five years) because then you know where each other is coming from and there are no surprises the morning after. There were even questionaires in the book that you could photocopy and send to your future in-laws to learn more about your future spouse. The counselors could also recommend to the church that you not be married if they feel it would be a mistake. Our counselors said they only had to do that once but it was abundantly clear to both parties that they should not get married. They also encouraged us to go to at least one marriage seminar a year. I usually don't want to go but my wife does. (I hate spending two days of my weekend sitting in a seminar) In the end we usually come away with a lot of good information and new techniques to try to make our marriage better. I guess the more you can focus on your marriage and take steps to make it better the better chance you will have to stay together. It's just like learning to play a sport. You wouldn't make it to the NFL if you never had proper training by coaches in high school and learned the proper techniques. Although I have seen some marriages that make me think they need a lot more than just counseling. If you have one person that is not willing to work on it then you don't have much of a chance.  |  IP: Logged

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