my profile | my password | search | faq & rules | forum home

» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Weird Things (Page 5)

This topic comprises 6 pages: 1  2  3  4  5  6

Author Topic: Weird Things Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-16-2003 11:20 AM                        Rated PG Connecticut's Supreme Court heard arguments in April on a rather fine point in "Miranda warning" law: whether the police can use a drug suspect's vomit against him (or at least use the eight bags of heroin that came up with the vomit). Arresting officers apparently asked suspect Vincent Betances if he had just swallowed heroin,and Betances (without a Miranda warning) said that he had,leading officers to summon medical help. Betances now says the officers' question was unconstitutional "interrogation," even though without immediate treatment,he could have died. [Hartford Courant, 4-23-03]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-25-2003 06:08 AM                        Rated G Becky   Erational Crime News: A husband and wife team entered a service station, waving guns and threatened to rob the place. The man took the manager at gunpoint into the office where the safe was located, while the woman stayed out front with the assistant manager. Making small talk during the robbery, the assistant manager told the woman about the great contest the store was sponsoring and said that if she filled out an entry form, she might win a slew of different prizes. The excited woman quickly filled out the form, using her real name, address, and phone number. She then crossed her fingers for good luck and handed the form to the assistant manager. The couple was quickly arrested.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-29-2003 07:29 PM                        Rated G Becky Erational Crime News: A man in Auburn, California, was arrested and charged with burglary,forgery,and passing bad checks after purchasing $267 worth of supplies at an office supply store. The man had done a great job printing the bogus checks,complete with false bank account numbers that could successfully be scanned through any store's "check identification" system. Where did he go wrong you ask? For some insane reason,the man had printed his full name and address on each check.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-22-2003 07:18 AM                        Rated G A daring thief who stuffed a pair of live lobsters in his pants learned that crime doesn't pay when the frisky creatures gave him a vasectomy. Police say the 24 year old shoplifter was leaving a Bristol, England supermarket when he removed the lobsters from their tank and shoved them into his trousers.The man sprinted past stunned checkout girls, but came to a screeching halt when he felt the lobsters clutching on his manhood. The thorny creatures were finally removed when emergency medics pried them loose with pliers. Doctors say the thief will fully recover from his frightening tangle with the lobsters, but he will never be a daddy. The thief's painful prank landed him in the hospital, where he is expected to remain for three or four weeks. But thanks to a kindhearted supermarket manager, he will not be charged with any crime. "The guy's gone through enough pain," said the store manager. "I think he has learned his lesson. I doubt if he'll ever steal again."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-22-2003 07:21 AM                        Rated G Lorraine When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street,he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying it was the best laugh he'd ever had.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-22-2003 07:23 AM                        Rated G Lorraine A few years ago 'clever' drug traffickers used a propane tanker truck entering El Paso from Mexico. They rigged it so propane gas would be released from all of its valves while the truck concealed 6,240 pounds of marijuana. They were clever, but not bright. They misspelled the name of the gas company on the side of the truck.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-12-2003 10:27 AM                        Rated G Michele A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving car's sunroof during an incident best described as "a mistaken rapture" by dozens of eyewitnesses. Thirteen other people were injured after a twenty-car pile up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman who was apparently convinced that the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up into the air,and then passed a man on the side of the road who she claimed was Jesus. "She started screaming,"He's back! He's back!" and climbed right out of the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everet Williams,husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene. "I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped," Williams said.She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on to say. "This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene. Madison questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was dressed up as Jesus and was on his way to a toga costume party when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blow up sex dolls filled with helium which floated up into the air. Ernie Jenkins,32,of Fort Smith, who's been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus,pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration, and said,"Come back here," just as the Williams' car passed him,and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into the sky as they passed by him,according to her husband,who says his wife loved Jesus more than anything else. When asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls,Jenkins replied"This is all just too weird for me.I never expected anything like this to happen."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-24-2003 08:13 AM                        Rated R Lorraine A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A FUCK-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-30-2003 09:40 AM                        Rated G Michele Give Them Points for "Style" A 17-year-old boy, after receiving a free Krispy Kreme doughnut at an Erie, Pa., store promotion, stepped back in line for another but was refused. According to the Erie Times-News, he returned a few minutes later with a McDonald's sack over his head and asked for a doughnut but was again refused. Then he fell to the floor and flailed his arms and legs, demanding another free doughnut, and was cited by police for disorderly conduct. Erie Times-News, 8-25-03 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In Edmonton,Alberta, in July, Bill Sokolik pleaded guilty to a 2002 robbery that went down this way:He had wrapped his head in gauze, covered his face with silicon putty and rouge (and oversized glasses),grabbed a Samurai sword,walked into a Jehovah's Witnesses hall, and screamed, "I am the evil that you have read about! This is the face of evil!" He was in the middle of collecting cash and credit cards from everyone when the police arrived. (A psychiatrist had testified that Sokolik had run out of medication several days before.) Edmonton Journal, 8-1-03  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-08-2003 02:46 PM                        Rated G Michele Des Moines,Iowa,convenience store clerk Harpal Singh called the police to tell them he had just been robbed."He's about 5 feet 10," Singh told the emergency operator over the phone,just as the robber stepped back into the store. "I'm 6-2," the robber said."About 6-2," Singh told the operator, "and about 38 years old." The robber again interrupted, "I'm 34," and asked for his wallet back that he had dropped during the robbery. By the time the robber ran out the door again,police had arrived. Steven Hebron,34,was arrested and charged with robbery. "I.Q. around 80," Singh said."Barely 70," the robber corrected.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-08-2003 02:49 PM                        Rated G Michele James Cripps,21,took a vacation in Las Vegas,Nev.In a drunken stupor the night before he went home to Bristol,England,Cripps married a complete stranger from Australia. "If you go to Las Vegas,you drink,you gamble,and you get married," Cripps said."Which is what I did." Such marriages are legal in Las Vegas -- and binding. The hard part? Telling his girlfriend back home.On the bright side, he says he was "too drunk to consummate" the marriage.The Times reports Abi Harding "dumped him",though the "exact nature of[her] reaction goes unrecorded." Yes,well,her exact words weren't the sort of thing you could publish in a newspaper anyway.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-21-2004 11:03 PM                        Rated G Strange Will On June 8, 1948, Cecil George Harris a Saskatchewan (Canada) farmer,was repairing his tractor when he inadvertently put the vehicle intoreverse, pinning his left leg underneath one of the rear wheels.Believing no one would come to his rescue,he used his jackknife to scratch onto the tractor's fender: "In case I die in this mess,I leave all to the wife. Cecil Geo. Harris." Although his neighbours eventually found him 10 hours later, Harris diedof his injuries two days later. Soon after,the etched fender was admitted to probate as a valid holograph will.The fender and kniferemained "on file" at the local Kerrobet Courthouse until it closed in 1996.The fender and knife are now on permanent display in the University of Saskatchewan's Law Library.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-13-2004 07:50 AM                        Rated PG Louise ENGLAND - If you just so happen to catch yourself a painful case of hemorrhoids, one way not recommended by physicians to relieve the itching is by sticking a toothbrush up there. A 69-year-old man thought that shoving the bristly appendage up his rectum would soothe his pain. Unfortunately, what resulted was a trip to the hospital and a procedure involving biopsy forceps after x-rays revealed that the toothbrush had become stuck in the man's pelvis. So remember: Brushing regularly will prevent cavities, but brushing anal cavities will cause irregularities.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-13-2004 09:03 AM                        Rated G The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [ 10-29-2004, 09:51 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-29-2004 09:52 AM                        Rated G A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch & wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.  |  IP: Logged

All times are Central (GMT -6:00)

This topic comprises 6 pages: 1  2  3  4  5  6

Printer-friendly view of this topic

Hop To: Select a Forum: Category: Operations -------------------- Digital Cinema Forum Film Handlers' Forum Large Format Forum Ground Level Feature Info, Trailer Attachments & REAL Credit Offsets Category: Community -------------------- Film-Yak Film Handlers' Movie Reviews The Afterlife Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon Category: Classified -------------------- Equipment and Supplies Wanted/For Sale Help Wanted/Seeking Employment Category: System -------------------- Software Beta Testing Forum

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.