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Topic: Flying is overrated (AKA: Northwest Airlines YOU SUCK!)
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Paul Mayer
Oh get out of it Melvin, before it pulls you under!

Posts: 3836
From: Albuquerque, NM
Registered: Feb 2000
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posted 08-17-2007 11:02 AM
I wanted to do that to some retarded woman sitting in my row the other day coming back from SFO. Said mentally challenged woman being engaged in a non-stop broken-record attempt to keep some ADHD-afflicted hellspawn urchin (complete with mullet) occupied. Always wanted to see how an A-319 handles depressurization but I was being good that day. Wearing ear buds and cranking the MP3 player helped but it wasn't enough. Ah the joys of standby pass travel on fully booked summer flights.
BTW, these days if you look pissed off, don't expect to be getting past the TSA to your next flight. From Newsweek:
quote: Smile ... Or Else
‘Behavior Detection Officers’ are now watching passengers’ facial expressions for signs of danger. It’s a new level of absurdity for America.
WEB-EXCLUSIVE COMMENTARY By Patti Davis Special to Newsweek Updated: 9:40 a.m. PT Aug 16, 2007
Aug. 16, 2007 - It was bound to happen. Now even a frown or grimace can get you into trouble with The Man.
"Specially trained security personnel" will be watching passengers for “micro-expressions” that will reveal treacherous agendas and insidious intentions at airports around the country. These agents, who may literally hold your fate in their hands have been given a lofty, Orwellian name: "Behavior Detection Officers."
Did anyone ever doubt that George Orwell’s prophecies in “1984” would arrive? In that novel, he wrote, “You had to live—did live, from habit that became instinct—in the assumption that every sound you made was overheard and, except in darkness, every movement scrutinized.”
In the study of “micro-expressions” — yes, it is actually a field of study and there are some who are arrogant enough to call it a science — it has been decided that when people wish to conceal emotions, the truth of their feelings is revealed in facial flashes. These experts have determined that fear and disgust are the key things to look for because they can hint of deception.
Let’s see, fear and disgust in an airport? I’m frightened and disgusted weeks before I have to show up at an airport. In fact, I’ve pretty much sworn off the whole idea of going anywhere by airplane. It’s bad enough that I might be trapped in a crowded plane with no food or water and nonworking toilets for hours; now there are security agents interpreting our facial expressions. The face police, in place at more than a dozen U.S. airports already, aren’t identified as such. But the watcher could be at curbside baggage, the ticket counter or near the metal detectors and X-ray machines. The Transportation Security Administration hopes to have as many as 500 Behavior Detection Officers on the job by the end of 2008.
But what about the woman who is getting on a plane to see a dying relative? Or the man who is traveling to another state to see a cancer specialist in a last bid for extending his life? What about the guy who just had a fight with his spouse and now worries that a plane crash would mean their last words were in anger? We’ve all had the experience of having a bad day, being in a rotten mood — especially at the airport, which has become a modern-day chamber or horrors. On those days, doesn’t it seem like everyone we meet looks sour and unpleasant? The opposite is also true. When we’re happy and joyful, we look at others and see happiness in them. Or even if we don’t, we look at them kindly and with compassion. It’s human nature to look at others through the lens of our own reality.
Here’s where it gets really absurd. Apparently, these Behavior Detection Officers work in pairs. One scenario is that an officer might move in to “help” a passenger retrieve their belongings after they’ve been screened. And then the officer will ask where the passenger is headed. If the passenger’s reaction sets off alarm bells in the officer’s well-trained mind, another officer will move in and detain them. Let’s be really clear here. If a stranger moved in on me like that, I’d tell that person to go to hell, throw in a few other expletives for good measure and probably give them the finger as I stomped off. Of course, I wouldn’t be stomping very far.
So while TSA employees are confiscating our scissors and water bottles, they’re going to secretly be staring at us, looking for some telltale sign of terrorist intent in a grimace, a sigh, a crinkled nose? Who knows what? In the end, the Behavior Detection Officers are the ones who are really acting suspicious. Which is the truth of the matter anyway. © 2007 Newsweek, Inc.
[ 08-17-2007, 01:43 PM: Message edited by: Paul Mayer ]
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Leo Enticknap
Film God

Posts: 7474
From: Loma Linda, CA
Registered: Jul 2000
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posted 08-17-2007 04:44 PM
So presumably this means that if you walk up to the security check wearing a bomb belt, a Yasser Arafat teatowel and a t-shirt which says 'Jihad to the Western Infidels!', but are polite and friendly to the TSA officer when you get there, he'll wave you on your merry way to the 72 virgins. But turn up in a western business suit and scowl at him, and it's next stop Guantanamo Bay...
If it's any consolation, they're just as useless on this side of the pond. Coming back from Amsterdam last month, I bought a bottle of Dutch gin, which I forgot to put in my hold suitcase before checking in. It was only when I got home that I realised I'd taken it on as hand luggage, in contravention of the 'no liquids' rule, and that the guy operating the x-ray machine had failed to spot it and stop me. The bottle could have been full of Wages of Fear-style nitroglycerine, and I could have easily blasted bits of Fokker 70 all over the North Sea.
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Leo Enticknap
Film God

Posts: 7474
From: Loma Linda, CA
Registered: Jul 2000
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posted 08-28-2007 04:32 AM
quote: Brad Miller If you can't physically fit into the seat, you have to buy a first class ticket to get a wide seat or purchase two seats.
One of Europe's low-cost airlines, Ryanair, tried imposing that rule a few years ago and got taken to the European Court of Human Rights. They also tried to charge wheelchair-bound passengers an extra £10 to cover the extra costs of processing them through Stansted Airport, and got whacked with human rights legislation over that, too. In response to the morbidly obese man who was told to buy a second seat, Ryanair's no-nonsense boss, Michael O'Leary (I tried to paste a link to his Wikipedia entry, but repeatedly got 'Sorry - this forum does not allow parentheses in HTML tags) made a statement to the effect that if the guy had the self-discipline to stay out of the greasy spoon for a few days before his flight, he wouldn't have that problem.
Personally I'd approach the problem from the other end: if you end up sitting next to someone who's taking up part of your seat, call the purser and threaten to sue the airline for failing to provide what they contracted to, i.e. the exclusive use of a complete seat for the duration of the flight. The chances are they'll upgrade you rather than them.
A few years ago I was on an Air France flight next to a passenger who had put hand luggage in the space in front of my seat as well as her own. I asked her politely to remove her bag from my seatwell (being 6"2' and the flight being five hours, I needed the legroom), but she refused, pointing out that the overhead bins were all full. I called the stewardess, who at first said words to the effect of tough luck. I then took my camera out of my carry-on, took a couple of pictures of the bag jammed in front of my seat (plus its owner and the stewardess), and asked how she'd like me to take Air France to the Small Claims Court when I got home, and put the pictures on www.airlinequality.com. She disappeared in a fluster, returned shortly afterwards and upgraded me to business class.
One thing I like about American airlines is that they don't take prisoners where stupid amounts of hand luggage is concerned. Their line is that everyone gets to take one piece on, but if you've got more than that and it won't fit in a bin or in front of your seat and your seat only, then you've got to check it - no ifs or buts.
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