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Author Topic: The last person who posts here wins (part 2) Tony Bandiera Jr Film God Posts: 3067 From: Moreland Idaho Registered: Apr 2004 posted 06-27-2010 04:23 PM                     If I gave you a hard-on would you hold it against me?  |  IP: Logged Paul Mayer Oh get out of it Melvin, before it pulls you under! Posts: 3836 From: Albuquerque, NM Registered: Feb 2000 posted 06-27-2010 05:48 PM                        Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?  |  IP: Logged Mark Ogden Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 943 From: Little Falls, N.J. Registered: Jun 99 posted 06-27-2010 07:11 PM                     Remember: It's only sexual harassment if he's ugly.  |  IP: Logged Phil Hill I love my cootie bug Posts: 7595 From: Hollywood, CA USA Registered: Mar 2000 posted 06-28-2010 03:46 AM                  When I was in college, my roommate, Tim, was in pre-med... Ummm, we used to play "doctor"...  |  IP: Logged Tony Bandiera Jr Film God Posts: 3067 From: Moreland Idaho Registered: Apr 2004 posted 06-28-2010 06:11 PM                     So Phil, who had the bigger stethoscope?  |  IP: Logged Frank Angel Film God Posts: 5305 From: Brooklyn NY USA Registered: Dec 1999 posted 06-29-2010 08:17 PM                        NEWSPAPER HUMOR: 1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country. 2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country. 3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles. 4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts. 5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country -- if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it. 6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country. 7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train. 8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably including farm animals and while intoxicated. 9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores. 10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country, or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans. 11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store. 12. The Sacramento Bee is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something in which to wrap it. --  |  IP: Logged Ian Parfrey Phenomenal Film Handler Posts: 1049 From: Imbil Australia 26 deg 27' 42.66" S 152 deg 42' 23.40" E Registered: Feb 2009 posted 06-29-2010 10:10 PM                     Tony. That's something to "speculum" about!  |  IP: Logged Joe Elliott Master Film Handler Posts: 497 From: Port Orange, Fl USA Registered: Oct 2006 posted 06-30-2010 10:45 AM                     Talent hits a target no one else can hit. Genius hits a target no one else can see.  |  IP: Logged Phil Hill I love my cootie bug Posts: 7595 From: Hollywood, CA USA Registered: Mar 2000 posted 06-30-2010 03:00 PM                  Dale Evans was hanging around their ranch while Roy Rogers went into town to get a new pair of cowboy boots for working around the horses. When he returned he promptly went into the barn wearing his new boots and they got all dirty with the type of mess commonly found in horse stalls. Dale called him into the house to enjoy the fine meal she had spent all day cooking. When Roy showed up she made him take off his new boots and leave them on the porch. After supper he forgot about his boots and left them out over night. The next morning he woke up, ate breakfast, and went out onto the porch to put on his boots. To his dismay, they were missing. Eventually he found them, chewed by an animal. Looking around, Roy saw some mountain lion or “Cat” tracks and he knew what had gotten his boots. Roy returned to the house, retrieved his rifle, and went to the barn where he saddled up Trigger. Soon he was on the way to find the mountain lion. As the day wore on Dale became concerned about what was taking Roy so long. Finally, just before sunset, she spotted Roy and Trigger returning. Seeing the dead mountain lion slung across Trigger she sang (To the tune of Chattanooga Choo-Choo): "Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes? Size number 9, they had the looking-glass shine..."  |  IP: Logged Paul Mayer Oh get out of it Melvin, before it pulls you under! Posts: 3836 From: Albuquerque, NM Registered: Feb 2000 posted 07-05-2010 03:20 PM                        Beetlebomb...  |  IP: Logged Randy Stankey Film God Posts: 6539 From: Erie, Pennsylvania Registered: Jun 99 posted 07-08-2010 11:51 AM                     I am standing in the shower Singing opera and such, Pondering the possiblilty I pull the pud too much. There's a smell in the air. Is it flatus? Just a touch! And it makes me think of you.  |  IP: Logged Frank Angel Film God Posts: 5305 From: Brooklyn NY USA Registered: Dec 1999 posted 07-08-2010 04:01 PM                        AIRPORT SECURITY Full-body x-rays scans do present problems for some flyers, especially women. Here is the solution: Have a booth with 12 inch thick walls of reenforced concrete that each flyer steps into. It is not an X-ray scanner, but it has the latest electronic sensing circuitry that WILL detonate any explosive device may be on the person or his/her carry-on. It would be a win-win for everyone, and there would be no argument about racial profiling either. This method would also eliminate a long and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift. Case Closed! Scenario: you're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system, "Attention standby passengers we now have a seat available on flight number.......... "  |  IP: Logged Mike Blakesley Film God Posts: 12767 From: Forsyth, Montana Registered: Jun 99 posted 07-08-2010 06:55 PM                        [ Like ]  |  IP: Logged Paul Mayer Oh get out of it Melvin, before it pulls you under! Posts: 3836 From: Albuquerque, NM Registered: Feb 2000 posted 07-09-2010 12:26 AM                         |  IP: Logged Paul Mayer Oh get out of it Melvin, before it pulls you under! Posts: 3836 From: Albuquerque, NM Registered: Feb 2000 posted 07-15-2010 11:00 PM                        If it's Thursday it must be Cody, WY.  |  IP: Logged

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