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Author Topic: Computers System Notices Forum Watchdog / Soup Nazi Posts: 215 Registered: Apr 2004 posted 09-13-2011 04:25 AM                 It has been 1094 days since the last post.  |  IP: Logged Ian Parfrey Phenomenal Film Handler Posts: 1049 From: Imbil Australia 26 deg 27' 42.66" S 152 deg 42' 23.40" E Registered: Feb 2009 posted 09-13-2011 04:25 AM                     Mujibar was trying to get a job in India . The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.' Mujibar said, 'I am ready.' The manager said, 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green .' Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green, And I pink it up, and say, Yellow, this is Mujibar.' Mujibar now works at an IT call centre.  |  IP: Logged System Notices Forum Watchdog / Soup Nazi Posts: 215 Registered: Apr 2004 posted 03-07-2015 03:32 AM                 It has been 1270 days since the last post.  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 03-07-2015 03:32 AM                        Rated PG... A guy texts his neighbor: Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you. I know it’s no excuse but I don't get it at home. I can't live with the guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again. The man, feeling outrage and betrayed, grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom and without a word shoots his wife. Moments later the guy gets a text: Bob, I really should use spell check. That should be "wifi"....Sorry!  |  IP: Logged System Notices Forum Watchdog / Soup Nazi Posts: 215 Registered: Apr 2004 posted 06-21-2017 12:22 PM                 It has been 837 days since the last post.  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 06-21-2017 12:22 PM                        Rated G.... TEXT MESSAGE... Dearest Dad, I'm coming home to get married soon, so get your check book out. I'm in love with a man who is far away from me. As you know, I'm in Australia and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, and had long chats on Whatsapp. He proposed to me on Skype, and now we've had two months of a relationship through Viber. My beloved Dad, I'd like your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding. Lots of love and thanks. Your daughter, Lilly THE RESPONSE... My Dear Lilly, Like wow! Cool! I suggest that you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through PayPal. And when you get fed up with your new husband, sell him on eBay. Love, Your Dad  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 02-10-2018 12:32 PM                        Rated G...... ORDERING A PIZZA IN THE COMPUTER AGE....... CALLER: Is this Rocco's Pizza? GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza. CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry. GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Rocco’s Pizza last month. CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza. GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir? CALLER: My usual? You know me? GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust. CALLER: OK! That’s what I want … GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust? CALLER: What? I detest vegetables.. GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir. CALLER: How the hell do you know? GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years. CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol. GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago. CALLER: I bought more from another drugstore. GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement. CALLER: I paid in cash. GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement. CALLER: I have other sources of cash. GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using undeclared income source, which is against the law. CALLER: WHAT THE HELL? GOOGLE: I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you. CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me. GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago.  |  IP: Logged

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