*Start accent*

"Now in my day, ol' Charlie would shuffle those gosh darn reels all day long!"

(I know this is a stretch, picture Dana Carvey doing it)

"He never complained! He was saving up to get his loving wife of 57 years that boob job she always wanted!"

...Brad stood and listened to Jimmy. He looked at the wounded Steve and John and wondered to himself...

"My God, what have I done?"

"So..." said Brad calmly, "We meet again Stevie-Wan... It was wise of you to conceal your true identity from me." With this, Brad himself double somersaulted to the make-up bench and motioned to a beat up old Technicolor film can (is there any other kind?) Instantly the can flipped open and a bottle of Whiskey flew into Brad's hand. "Damn! er...How did that get in there" said Brad and tried again. This time a bottle of Film-Guard came from the trunk and landed in Brad's grasp. With one swift movement he ignited his Film-Guard Saber and a red glow emitted from the end of the bottle.

(Breathing asmatically)
"So it appears the hand is now on the other foot" Brad said. This was enough to completely confuse Steve (and for that matter, Jimmy Stewart as well) long enough for Brad to move into position. "When I started out projecting and doing changeovers I was but the learner, now I am the Film-Tech Master".

"You will never make me change to the dark side of platter operating" said Steve. "I'd sooner...

Then the booth door opens up and the wacky lovable Jar Jar Binks enters. "Messa wanna watch movie! I'ssa all ready finish me popcorn!" "Oh what the fuck is that!?," a bewildered Jimmy Stewart asks. "A dead gungan," Brad states and with that, he sails through the air at lightening speed lopping Jar Jar's head clean off. The decapitated head plops to the floor and with his final words states the obvious. "Messa gonna die..." and all twenty feet of his tongue roll out. Everyone in the booth begins to clap in approval.

"NO MORE INTERRUPTIONS! IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO DIE GUTTAG!" Brad performs his gravity defying acrobatics as he sails toward Guttag, and their blades lock! Brad begins to push both lightsabers into Guttag's face. Sweat rolls down the changeover artist's face as the blade bears down on him. His own saber is only (ironically) thirty-five millimeters away. Then Brad pitches backward in agony. Pytlak has shot the evil film lord with his trusty blaster. His eyes are crimson, but that doesn't stop his dead on accuracy. Brad grumbles in pain and escapes by leaping through the hole in the ceiling provided by the Kodak man earlier.

"To the roof," John shouts and all but Jimmy leap with ease through the hole. "I'll just stay here and start the show then right," Stewart asks to the departing heroes. But John leaps back down. "Come Mr. Stewart. We may need your wisdom dispensing comments. On my back." Jimmy reluctantly latches onto John's back and both fly out of the booth and onto the roof. The chase is on as Brad sails from rooftop to rooftop. The others try to close the distance when...

All of the sudden Steve starts hearing
things. Sounds, voices, words. It was the voice of Brad:

"Steve"
"Brad"Steve questioned.
"Steve"
"Dad? Why didnt you tell me? No it cant be true NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"join me"Brad Vader holding out his hand in mid air.
"I will never join you."
"steve"

The rest of the crew lose Brad's location.
"Why that son of a Bitch" exclaimed Jimmy Stuart.
"Hey calm down. Whats for dinner? You know in England we call french fries chips" Exclaimed dead Ringo Starr. The ship flies off and lands in the land of the Ewoks. One of the Ewoks Touches Steve and gets shocked. They then lead Steve to meet with yogurt for training where...

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"Quick! Power down everything! Mr.Stewart. Kindly extinguish that joint." The entire ship is powered down and they anxiously wait as the small convoy passes. Then one of the escorts menacingly turns in their direction heading for the Nebuchadnezzar. "I thought everything was powered down," asks NeoSteve. "Is anybody carrying anything battery powered they forgot to turn off," Morpheus asks. "Don't look at me. I'm antiquated," Jimmy laughs. NeoSteve and John say they're clean. And then something occurs to John. "Igor!" And with that they all rush for the stockade where Igor is just sitting on the bench playing with a gameboy.

"I thought you guys searched him," an agitated Morpheus asks. "We did," NeoSteve states. "He must have hidden that thing up his--" "Turn off the game, Igor," John shouts. Morpheous fumbles for the keys to the cell when the ship pitches violently throwing everyone off their feet. "We're caught in their tractor beam," Morpheus declares. "I say we kick some fucking ass," Jimmy shouts. John whips out his blaster. "I'm with you Mr. Stewart! I'm not disembarking without a fight!"

"So who's ships are those and where are they taking us?," NeoSteve asks. They all look at NeoSteve then run to the bridge to find out. All are filled with a sense of foreboding when they see the huge subterranean factory complex of Bevan! The ships set down on delivery docking bay ninety-four and the occupants of the Nebuchadnezzar watch as several armed troops head for the captured vessel. The doors to the Nebuchadnezzar part and...

John looked around in dismay "Dammit, with these Bevan-poos, we're not going anywhere." He looked out of a gap in the 'poos. "And they've even chocked the wheels of the Nebach...Neber...dang, never could pronounce that thing."

All of a sudden the familiar strains of "Movie-Tunes" piped through the ceiling. The crew looked at each other despairingly. "ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!" cried Jimmy, and with that he started to bang his head against the giant wall of Bevan-Poos.
This time the crew looked at each other with a raised eyebrow. Neosteve approached the rabid Jimmy. "Hey Jim, I really don't think that's going to get us anywhere - these Bevan-poos can hold a 747..."
Morpheus interrupted him. "Neosteve, stop. This has to happen. There's a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path..."
"...and banging your head against a wall, Morpheus. How is this helping?"
"Watch and learn."

Jimmy looked up and saw with his glazed eyes something in the distance. "Hey, Harvey!" Igor looked at the others - "who the hell is harvey?" Morpheus glared at him. "He is The One." Neosteve tugged at Morpheus' shirt sleeve and asked in a quiet voice "but I thought I was The One".
"Well, um, he's, err, a different One. Ummm, there's two parts to every One, don't you know."

"Hey Harvey, let us out of here." Jimmy cried. Harvey loped over to the outside of the cage. Jimmy turned to the others "He says that the lock was made by Sony and that the dodgey soldering shouldn't be too hard to break." Sure enough, the lock snapped open and the crew shuffled out of their cell.
John turned to Morpheus. "Where do we go now, oh wise one, and don't give me that bullshit 'there's a difference between knowing the path and walking it' excuse!" Morpheus looked around. "This way." Jimmy said "if it's alright with you fellas I'd like to take harvey for a few drinks." Jimmy wrapped his arm around a big empty space.

I must now take the blame for bringing Jimmy Stewart back to life only to release him here! (LOL)

Steve's boss called and complained that he hasn't made a changeover since that damn ship departed!

Film-Tech is sending countless messages as to where the hell Brad went! (Russ, you were the last guy to order Filmguard before he disappeared!!)

Ringo's management (excuse me, the guys at the pub) are screaming bloody murder!

No one has really complained about John. It would seem that Kodak has a rather liberal vacation package *grin*!

Guys, we need real writers!! Everbody cough up a dollar to pay them so we can get this saga back on track!!!(LOL)

Steve, Brad, Jimmy and John turn to Gordon and say...

"Stand back everyone," John shouts. They scatter and he whips out his blaster shooting at Russ' body until the hand relinquishes its grip. Morpheus crawls away from the headless spasmatic Russ. Sparks are flying from the neckline. Morpheus is coughing and sputtering as he tries to speak. "We have to (cough, cough) we have to get out of here! He'll go any (cough) minute!"

Everyone hauls ass out of Russ' highrise apartment. Then the tenth floor shakes as Russ' body explodes taking most of his apartment with him. Then our group takes a breather on one of the landings in the building's stairwell. "It's just one fucked up thing after another with you guys, isn't it," Jimmy notes. "So what the hell just happened," Neosteve asks Morpheus. "It would seem our friend Mr. Kress was an android or some kind of cybernetic organism," Gordon replys. "Yes," Morpheus confirms for Gordon. "Specifically designed by the Sony corporation to overtake the exhibition industry. I saw the logo stenciled on a part inside where the human clavicle would be. And there's probably more of them out there. Interspersed among the theatre population."

"Oh shit," NeoSteve exclaims. "We left Ringo's body up there!" "Well I guess we'll just have to bury his head then. After we collect the remains from the concrete below that is," Jimmy chuckles. "And who, I wonder, is going to collect YOUR remains after I've killed all of you," a sinister voice states below the group. They all turn and look down the next set of steps to find...

With that, Brad extends his hand (ala Spiderman) and 6000 ft of 70mm film flies out completely sealing Jimmy, Neosteve, Gordon, John, Morpheus and Jar Jar's brother Jar Jin in a large cocoon.

Then someone with a megaphone begins speaking. "You fools! Did you think that your tiny conflict could be contained!?"

"We had plans for Russ! Big Plans!! Breakfast cereals, celebrity appearances, tee-shirts, mall openings...."

"He was going to be bigger than 'Pokemon' for us!!!"

This was followed by a rather obvious attempt to create dis-cord among the people who were holed up together. "Eastman-Kodak financed 90% of his manufacturing costs!"

"You thought that John was dis-appearing because he was answering questions at Film-Tech or just on vacation! FOOLS!!! *evil laughter* He was returning to our laboratories every time he noticed a subtle flaw in Russ' behavior that might risk detection!"

"Remember that facial tic? Or what about the time that Russ had to go to the bathroom every 21 minutes on the dot?"

"We overlooked the fact that he might actually develop the ability to realise that he was trapped in a B grade movie!"

The forces drew nearer, almost completing their encircling maneuver, when Brad saw a weakness in their approach.

And with that, Gordon took the mini gun in one hand and the sandwich in the other and gunned the helicopter down while eating the sandwich.

(Applause from audience)

Brad then took the roll of splicing tape and...

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The mental picture of Jimmy Stewart saying "It's just one fucked up thing after another with you guys, isn't it!" will most likely keep me laughing for the rest of my life!

Russ