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John P. Pytlak, Senior Technical Specialist
Worldwide Technical Services, Entertainment Imaging
Eastman Kodak Company
Research Labs, Building 69, Room 7419
Rochester, New York, 14650-1922 USA
Tel: 716-477-5325 Fax: 716-722-7243
E-Mail: john.pytlak@kodak.com

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I just thought I'd return this thread to the top of "Film Yak" so folks could see it again.

I think it should be removed from film yak and made a dedicated forum!

(My character was just beginning to bloom!)

Russ

(I'm ready for my close up...)

.....as we cut to another scene we see small pieces of the Russ droid melting down into a silver liquid and slowly all flowing together. Before we know it Russ is whole again and bent on revenge, he approaches Steve and says "Todd AO film stock will only last 35 years before desintegrating, your time is running out." Steve starts shaking uncontrollably, almost like the picture from a shakemecannica. Mr Kodak interrupts by saying "Well according to SMPTE standard..."

He is suddenly cut off by Brad who jumps out from behind the Kinoton/Christie with a Film Guard flamethrower pointed directly at the evilness contaminating his booth.

To top things off the rear door opens and Leo walks in with a distinctly pommy voice he starts rambling on "That last print I made up was only 11,673 feet, there was 203 feet missing. Never mind though I have it on good authority that 35mm is dead, the only film for the future is super 8"

All of the blaster fire had vaporized a large quantity of the shape-able liquid metal that he required to assume his Human form.

Automatic protocols had then selected the highest life form that he could mimic with the available mass at his disposal.

He was still Russ, only one-eighth his former size.

He was "MINI-RUSS" He flipped off everyone in sight and then he paused, as if knowing that the true master was about to reveal himself...

He convulsed violently and threw himself to the floor as the sinister figure appeared...

Heston turned to her with a broad smile on his face. "Well hello there missy! How would you like to squeeze off a few rounds from the Charleton-Heston pistol?" "You are such a typical testosterone toting, ego-manacial, trigger-happy, ammo-loving geezer! I mean I love men, don't get me wrong. I'm not a feminist or anything like that. It's just that people like you perpetuate that stereotype that all men are..." and she continued to drone on while Heston just rolled his eyes. He finally had enough. "This little bitch is giving me a headache." And he let loose a salvo of lead into Drew. Then he spent about ten minutes shooting, reloading, and shooting up Drew's corpse while shouting things like "You like that bunny hugger!?" "Yes! Let's just get rid of ALL of the guns! That will solve ALL our problems!" and "It's a mad house!"

When he finished exercising most of his aggression on Drew, he turned to the others. "And as for the rest of you..." He stopped in mid-sentence when he discovered he was talking to an empty room. Realizing he lost track of time overkilling Barrymore, he grinded his teeth, grabbed his 7.62 mm mini-gun, 155 mm Howitzer, a MP-5, stuffed a few Berettas and Glocks down his pants and chased after Neo-Steve and Company, Brad, and Mini-Russ.

The group was outside the compound where all hell was breaking lose on the island. All the assault vehicles from the U.S. and Japanese Armies were blowing the hell out of everything. Several ground troops saw the group and surrounded them. The team leader radioed back to his superior at Sony. "We have the droid. He's smaller now, but we have acquired the Russ droid!"

Watching the battle from afar on his 2,000 inch Sony wide screen television, Bevan drummed his fingers on his armchair in anticipation. He pressed a button on the armchair and spoke into the speaker. "Wait until they have them in one of the copters and are off the island. Then engage and capture." He let loose the transmit button and turned his attention back to the screen. "I MUST have that Russ android."

On the island, the group was being ushered to one of the helicopters. Brad and Neo-Steve looked at each other with contempt. "When I get out of this, you will die most horribly." Steve just yawned at him. Right when they were about to board the copter, Heston ran out into the field guns blazing...

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"What the bloody hell was that?" Fat Bastard questioned.

"Get off you fat lard ass 2 ton whale. Your killing me as we speak"

Fat Bastard then let out this excruciating fart.

"OOOOHHHHH that one loosened up the bowels from me huge sexy ass!" -Fat Bastard

"Oh no, Damn you I was wrong all along. I'll get you for this. Get off of me you damn dirty aaaaaapppppp" At that Charleton Heston died.

Fat Bastard then looked around, shrugged and said " What the Hell Im hungry" and then ate Charleton Heston with one big gulp.

then....

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Thinking that it would receive millions of hits daily if done right, he immediately resolved to do it later, opting for the moment to yawn and fall back to sleep.

The next morning, he completely forgot his original idea and decided to make a website for film engineers and projectionists instead.

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And word must have gotten out somehow about Brad's idea for one night, about a week after starting the initial research and layout of his film site, the front door opened and he was intruded upon by five men toting automatic weapons with suppressors. Brad raised his hands in bewilderment as his forehead was painted with five distinct laser dots. They stood their ground and waited as their leader came into the room. They parted, guns still trained on Brad, to allow the man to enter.

"I heard you were making a web site about film," George Lucas intoned in his gravelly monotone voice. He looked to one of his men. The gunman shot a single silenced round into Brad's laptop screen. Brad jumped back from the desk. Hands still raised, he slowly turned to face Lucas.

"That's really gonna interfere with my plans," George simply stated. Then he took Brad's swivel chair and sat down, propped his feet on the desk, and took out his cigar cutter and a cigar.

"Here's what's gonna happen." He snipped the end of the cigar for dramatic effect then lit his cigar, took a drag, and let out a cloud of smoke. "You will cease and desist all activity regarding your plans for his proposed web site. It will never be mentioned in public or private again. You will also relay this to those who know of the web site thus far. Do I really need to go into detail the consequences of disobeying me on this?"

Brad looked back at his ruined laptop, then back to Lucas. "I don't think so, no."

"Good." Then Lucas got up. "See to it you forget about this film site."

Brad, not liking being told what to do, waited until Lucas and his company left, then reached in his hamper for his AK-47, racked the bolt, and...