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Author Topic: Little Johnny Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-28-2009 07:41 AM                        Rated G Jokester "Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny, "can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not!" answered his mother. "If you do," Little Johnny went on, "I’ll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop." His mother’s ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?" "He said, ‘Hey, Juanita, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.’"  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 05-24-2010 02:03 PM                        Rated R... Johnnie comes home from school one day and asks, “Mom? I've got a question. The guys at school are using words I don't understand." "What words, dear?" "Pussy and Bitch." Mom inhaled sharply, but then said, "Oh, that's easy. A pussy is a cat, like our little Chico. A bitch is a female dog, like our Sandy." "Thanks, Mom." He then found his Dad out in the garage. "Dad, the guys at school are using words I don't understand." "What words, son?" "Pussy and bitch. I asked Mom, but I don't think she told me the right meanings." Dad said, "Son, never ask your mother about these things, ask me instead. Let me explain it like this." He pulled a Playboy from his workbench, turned to the centerfold, drew a circle around the pubic area and said, "Son, everything inside the circle is pussy." "Okay, Dad. Then what's a bitch?" Dad replied, "Everything outside the circle."  |  IP: Logged System Notices Forum Watchdog / Soup Nazi Posts: 215 Registered: Apr 2004 posted 09-10-2011 08:44 PM                 It has been 474 days since the last post.  |  IP: Logged Melanie Loggins Expert Film Handler Posts: 154 From: Wayne, NE, USA Registered: Aug 2011 posted 09-10-2011 08:44 PM                        Rated PG-13 Little Johnny was playing with his train set while his mother cleaned the house. He pulled his train down the hall and stopped in front of the bathroom door. "Ok," he said, "This is our stop. All you sonofabitches wanna get on, get on. All you sonofabitches wanna get off, get off. My train will not be late." And he pulled his train down the hall. He pulled it into the living room and stopped it in front of his dad's chair. "Ok," he said, "This is our stop. All you sonofabitches wanna get on, get on. All you sonofabitches wanna get off, get off. My train will not be late." And he pulled his train into the kitchen. He pulled his train under the kitchen table, next to where his mother way washing dishes. "Ok," he said, "This is our stop. All you sonofabitches wanna get on, get on. All you sonofabitches wanna get off, get off. My train will not be late." Well, his mother hit the ceiling! She dropped the plate she was washing and stomped over to him, pulled him up by his collar and said, "Young man! I don't ever want to hear language like that from you again! If I ever hear you say something like that, I will throw away every train car you have! Do you understand me?!?" Little Johnny looked seriously at his mom and said, "You know, Mom, it's shit like this that makes my train late!"  |  IP: Logged Ian Parfrey Phenomenal Film Handler Posts: 1049 From: Imbil Australia 26 deg 27' 42.66" S 152 deg 42' 23.40" E Registered: Feb 2009 posted 12-19-2011 05:48 PM                     Rated LBN (Little Bit Naughty) Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Seven, Sir. Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Seven Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Six. Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Seven!!! A very angry Teacher: Where the in hell do you get seven from?!?!? Very angry Johnny: Because I've already got a fxckin' cat at home!!!  |  IP: Logged Jim Henk Master Film Handler Posts: 364 From: San Diego, CA Registered: Feb 2006 posted 02-25-2012 12:49 PM                     Rated G The Math teacher quizzes Johnny: "If you had five dollars, and your Father gave you three dollars, how many dollars would you have?" Johnny replies "Two." The teacher reproaches Johnny: "You don't know your arithmetic." Johnny responds: "You don't know my Dad."  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 07-12-2012 01:58 PM                        Rated PG... The teacher asked her class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, Molly, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate', not 'fascinating.' " Sally raised her hand and said, "My family went to the zoo yesterday to see the animals and I was 'fascinated." The teacher said, "Well, that was good too, Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate,' not 'fascinated.' " When Little Johnny raised his hand, the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by him so many times before. But she finally decided there was no way he could embarrass her or her class by using the word, so she called on him. Little Johnny stood up and said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 10-18-2012 03:50 PM                        Rated PG... The teacher was asking her students what they wanted to be when they grow up. It was Johnny's turn. Johnny: "I wanna be a billionaire and go to expensive clubs. Find a bitch, buy her a million dollar apartment in Vegas. Get her a Ferrari. Buy her a beach house in Miami, a jet to fly with, get her expensive jewelry, and have sex with her 3 times a day." The teacher was at a loss for words and didn't know what to say. She just proceeded along and asked Marie what she wanted to be. Marie replied: "Without a doubt ma'am, I'd like to be Johnny's bitch!!"  |  IP: Logged

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