Teacher: "Johnny, please list the 10 Commandments in any order."

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''

''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.

''Why don't you sleep on it then?

Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad. '

'Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night,

Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper.

So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep.

Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there.

So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid.

Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government!

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home
and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story.

The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.

Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."

When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."

Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched.";

Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."

Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story.

Little Johnny is a 17-year-old ninth grader who is becoming increasingly disillusioned with the public school system.

One day he got an easy homework assignment. 

All he had to do was put each of the following words in a sentence.  This is what he did....

1.  HOTEL    --    I gave my girlfriend da crabs and the HOTEL everybody.

2.  RECTUM   --    I had two Cadillacs, but my ol' lady RECTUM both.

3.  DISAPPOINTMENT   --    My parole officer tol me if I miss DISAPPOINTMENT they gonna send me back to the big house.

4.  FORECLOSE   --    If I pay alimony this month, I'll have no money  FORECLOSE.

5.  CATACOMB   --    Don King was at the fight the other night, Man, somebody give thatCATACOMB.

6.  PENIS   --    I went to da doctor and he handed me a cup and said PENIS.

7.  ISRAEL   --    Alonso tried to sell me a Rolex, I said Man, that looks fake. He said, No, ISRAEL.

8.  UNDERMINE   --    There is a fine lookin' hoe livin' in the apartment UNDERMINE.

9.  TRIPOLI   --    I was gonna buy my old lady a bra but I couldn't find no TRIPOLI.

10.  STAIN   --    My mother-in-law axed if I was STAIN for dinner again.

11.  SELDOM   --    My cousin gave me two tickets to the Knicks game, so I  SELDOM.

12.  ODYSSEY   --    I told my bro, you ODYSSEY the tits on this hoe.

13.  HORDE   --    My  sister got into trouble because she HORDE around  in school.

14.  INCOME   --    I just got in bed wit dis hoe and INCOME my wife.

15.  FORTIFY   --    I axed  da hoe how much?  And she say FORTIFY.

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.

She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you'restupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said,"Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

Little Johnny and his dad were out in the woods, playing hide and seek.Little Johnny has been hiding for 20 minutes, and there was still no sign of his dad. He starts to shout for his dad.... There was noresponse.

After he had been shouting for a while, a police officer came upto him and asked him what the problem was. Little Johnny explained that he had gotton seperated from his dad.

Then the officer asked, "What's your dad like?"

When Little Johnny's mother found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen. But Little Johnny overheard some of his parents' private conversations.

One day, when Johnny and his mother were shopping, a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.

Little Johnny has been having trouble keeping his pets alive. There was the dog who was starved, the cat who Johnny threw off the roof, the fish that was baked in the microwave, the bird who was cooked in the oven, and the snaked that was run over and used as a belt.

Little Johnny's father was trying to think of another animal that Little Johnny could have. He asked his buddies, his barber, the grocery man and a police officer to see if they could help with the problem. Unfortunatly, none of them had a clue what to
get poor Little Johnny. That is, until he finally asked his wife. She said, "Buy him some crabs, they live a while and they aren't easy to kill."

Lil' Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses' legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Pop, why are you doing that?"

"Because I'm thinking of buying these horses."

Johnny looked worried and said, "Then I think we'd better hurry home
right away!"

"Why?" his father asked.

Little Johnny's class had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael; he's a doctor.'"

Little Johnny was always late for school. Day after day he would come to class late. Finally, his teacher told him if he was late one more day he would be suspended.

Little Johnny was in class, and the teacher wanted words for the letters she called out.

She called out A and a little girl said apple. She got all the way to W, She thought Johnny didn't know a bad word for it, so she called on him.

Little Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom.

He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?”

She says, “Well, it's a beaver, Johnny.”

The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower.

       
Little Johnny comes home one day and runs up to his mom.
"What's a bitch and a pussy?"

"Well," Mom says, "a bitch is a female dog and a pussy is a cat."

Little Johnny thinks to himself that this doesn't sound right since the other kids were calling each other that. So he goes to Dad.

"What's a bitch and a pussy?" Dad pulls out his Playboy and opens it to the centerfold. He draws a circle around the woman's pussy.

A salesman knocks on the door of a suburban house.

It's opened by a Little Johnny dressed in a cape that trails along the floor behind him. On his head, he's wearing a large top hat. In one hand, he holds a huge glass of brandy and in the other, a remote control. In his mouth is a smoking cigar.

"Mom and Dad in?" asks the salesman.