One day a teacher was teaching a fourth grade class a new word.

The word was fascinate. She asked the students if they could use the word in a sentence.

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher said, “Johnny can you use the word fascinate in a sentence?”

Johnny said, “yes, this book is fascinating.”

The teacher said, “no- not fascinating, fascinate.”

Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, teacher! Oh, me, me!"

The teacher smiles and says, "All right, Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?"

Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate."

The teacher is taken aback, but she manages to smile and says, "Wow, Johnny, that's a mouthful."

Little Johnny replied. "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Well sonny, did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

One day Johnny was doing his homework. He was up to spelling and he needed to spell harasment. His teacher told him to have a parent recite the words so they can practice writing it so Johnny looks up to his mother and says, "Mom, how do you spell harasment?" His mother replies, "You know I can't tell you. Just sound it out." With that Johnny wrote down on the paper.

Little Johnny walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''

One day in a kindergarten class, a young boy went up to a girl,pulled down his pants and asked, "What's this?"

The little girl said that she didnt know.

Then later that day she went up to him and pulled her pants down and asked, "What's this?"

The little boy said that he didnt know.

That day after school each child went home.

When the little boy got home he pulled down his pants and asked his brother, "Whats this?" his brother replies, "That is your limo. You can park it in any garage you want to." Satisfied with the answer, the little boy went to his room.

At the same time at the little girl's house she pulled down her pants and asked her sister, "What this?" and her sister told her, "That is your garage. Dont let ANY limo park in it." Satisfied, the little girl went to her room.

The next day in class the boy went over to the little girl, pulled down his
pants and said, "My big brother said that this is my limo and I can park it in ANY garage I want to."

The little girl pulled her pants down and said, "Well, my sister told me this is my garage and I cant let ANY limos park in it."

When the little girl went home, her hands were all bloody.

Baby Talk

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No," said his mom, "Of course not."

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.
She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today."

The first student raised her hand to volunteer.

"Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first."

Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny."

The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?"

Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie."

"Very good," the teacher told Kevin.

Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..."

Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again.

Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next.

One day while Jonny was in class, his friend dared him to ask what a purple blurple is. So Jonny raised his hand and the teacher called on him, cuz everyone knows Jonny. Jonny asked, "Whats a purple blurple?"

"Jonny! How dare you ask such a horrible question! I'm taking you to the principal's office!" The teacher screamed. So she took Jonny to the principal's office and threw him on the waiting couch. When it was Jonny's turn, the principal said, "Come in Jonny, did your teacher have you come down to give me some thing or tell me something?" Cuz everyone knows Jonny. Jonny stepped in and said, "Well, all I did was ask the teacher what a purple blurple is..." "Jonny! Take your things and
leave school, never come back!" the principal raged. So Jonny school and went home to his house. He knocked on the door and his mother answered.

"Why hi Jonny, whats up? Why are you home early?"His mother asked. "Well, my teacher sent me to the principal's office and the principal sent me home!"Jonny explained. "Why...did that happen?"His mother asked. "Cuz all I did was ask what a purple blurple is!"

"Jonny! Go up to your room and have your father deal with you once he gets home!"She yelled. So Jonny went up to his room and waited for three hours when he heard a knock. "Come in," Jonnysaid. Jonny's father entered and said, "Jonny why is yourmother so upset?" Jonny replied, "Well, my teacher sent me up the principal's office, who sent me home, then mom sent me up to my room and that's it!" "Why did all this happen?" Jonny's father asked. "Cuz I asked what a purple
blurple is."

"Jonny! Pack your bags! I want you out of this house in ten minutes!!" His father screamed. So Jonny packed what was important and that he could carry and the door. Hewas walking down the street when Bob the cab driver came. "Hi Jonny!" Cuz everyone knows Jonny. "What's with all the luggage?Why don't I give you a ride and you can explain." So JonnyClimbed into the cab and started, "My teacher sent me to the principal's office...the airport please...and the principal sent me home and my mom sent me to my room and my dad threw me out ofthe house!" "And why did that happen? What did you do?" Bob asked. "All I did was ask what a purple blurple was." heexplained.

"Jonny! Get out of this cab!" Bob yelled as he slammed on the breaks. Jonny got out of the cab and took his luggage. By this time Jonny was only 100 feet away from the airport so he walked the rest of the way. He had no money so he slid in a corner and slept there.

A flight attendant found him in the morning, "Hi Jonny!" Cuz everyone knows Jonny. "Why are you in a corner in the airport." "It's a realy long story, I was kicked out of my house." Jonny summarised. "Ohhh, that's horrible, how about we give you a
free trip to anywhere." So, Jonny went on a jet to anywhere and everywhere. The p Jonny explained all that had happened. "Why?" Is all the pilot had to ask. "All I did
was ask what a purple blurple was!" The pilot got a parachute on Jonny and threw him out the door. Jonny landed next to the President of Amierica.

"Hi Jonny!" Cuz everyone knows Jonny. "What brings you to Rome?" Jonny explained what happened."...And then the pilot threw me out the window!" "Well, that's quite an interesting story. Why did, ah, that happen?" the president asked. "Well, all I asked was what a purple blurple is!"

"Jonny! What an inappropriate question! You need to go talk tothe Pope!!" So, the president takes Jonny over to the Pope."Hi Jonny!" Cuz everyone knows Jonny. "Tell me your story."Jonny explained everything to the Pope. "But, why, my son?" "I
asked what a purple Blurple is."

"Jonny! I need you to go talk to my councelor, he overheard everything, just go talk with him." So, Jonny stepped over to the councelor. "Hi Jonny!" Cuz everyone knows Jonny. "I know your story, let's cross the street and get some ice cream and
talk this over." So the councelor walked across the street and motioned Jonny to do so. Jony was hit by a car.

What's the Moral of this story?(scroll down)
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Answer:Look both ways before crossing the street!

Little Johnny comes home one day and says to his mom, ''Mom! Little Mark next door has a penis like a peanut.''

''What do you mean, Johnny? It's shaped like a peanut?''

One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying,"Fuck this," "Fuck that."

The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says,"You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us."

"Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny.

"Yes," says the priest.

"Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny.

"Yes," says the priest."

Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny.

"Yes," says the priest.

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding on a condom.

Johnny's father, in an attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it, bent over as if to look under the bed.

Little Johnny asked curiously, "What 'cha doing dad?"

His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed."

One day, Little Johnny's class was reviewing the alphabet.

His teacher knew that he had an ''advanced'' vocabulary for his age, so she was trying to avoid calling on him.

When the teacher asked for a word beginning with "A", Little Johnny raised his hand.

The teacher knew he would say "ass" so she called on Mary Lou, who said ''apple".

This continued through most of the alphabet, because his teacher knew that there was a cuss word that Johnny would say for every letter of the alphabet.

Then she got to ''R''. She thought for a moment, but couldn't think of any cuss words that began with R, so she called on Johnny.

Sex Education

A teacher was telling her students about human anatomy in a sex education class.

She took her pointer and pointed to the picture of a male and a female. "

The female has two breasts and one vagina.

The male has one penis."

LittleJonny in the front row jumped up and said that the teacher was wrong.

Ok, So Johnny's a little older here.

Sitting in the bar, George asked Johnny, 40, "How come you aren't married?"

"I haven't found the right woman yet," said Johnny.

"So what are you looking for?" asked George.

"Oh she's got to be real pretty," explained Johnny, "a good cook 'n house keeper, - well and she's got to know how to handle money, - a really nice and pleasant personality is a must, - and money, she's got to have money, - and a home, a nice big house, is what she has to have."

"A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!" said George.