my profile | my password | search | faq & rules | forum home

» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Little Johnny (Page 14)

This topic comprises 22 pages: 1  2  3  ...  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  ...  20  21  22

Author Topic: Little Johnny Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-21-2003 10:59 AM                        Rated G Sue Bee Miss Figpot, a first grade teacher observed a boy entering the classroom with dirty hands. She stopped him and said, "Johnny, please wash your hands. My goodness, what would you say if I came into the room with hands like that?" With a smile little Johnny replied, "I think I'd be too polite to mention it."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-02-2003 12:24 PM                        Rated G A salesman was going door to door trying to sell his wares. As he walked up to the next house, he noticed a small boy sitting on the front steps. "Is your mother home?" the salesman asked the small boy. "Yeah, she's home," little Johnny said, scooting over to let him past. The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you said your mother was home." Little Johnny replied, "She is." The man said,"Then why doesn't she answer the door when I knock? Is she hard of hearing?" "She can't hear it," replied the boy,"because I don't live here."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-08-2003 09:41 PM                        Rated G One day at the preschool,the teacher taught the students about Jesus asked how does he look. Mary said " He looks like a angel." Teacher says " How about you Johnny?" He drives a red pickup." "How do you know that?" said the teacher. "Well my daddy picked me up from school and on the way home a guy in a red pickup cut in front of us and Daddy yelled "Jesus Christ!!!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-09-2003 09:48 AM                        Rated G Little Johnny was reading from a Hans Christian Anderson book. "Miss Howell?" Little Johnny asked his first grade teacher, "Does m-i-r-a-g-e spell marriage?" "No Johnny," sighed the teacher. "But it should."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-11-2003 09:53 AM                        Rated G Alex Little Johnny comes home from school at the endmof a term from school with his report card. The report card has all D's and F's. His parents start lecturing him, and Johnny explains that everyone in his class did poorly not just him. "But what about David down the street," they said, "he brought home all A's and B's" "Well David is different." He retorted "How so?" His father asked. "'Cuz his parents are smart!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-11-2003 08:13 PM                        Rated X Oh Know! Little Johnny's father walks into the bathroom and catches him jerking off. He says, "Son, every time you do that you kill an innocent baby." The next day his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, "Bow your head, Pop. Can't you see we're having a funeral?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-12-2003 06:51 AM                        Rated PG One day, a class of third graders from the city were taking a field trip to the country to visit a small farm. The kids were amazed to see all the different kinds of animals on the farm. So the farmer asked one little girl, "What's the difference between a rooster and a hen?" "The hen lays eggs," replied the little girl. "Very good!" said the farmer. Then the farmer asked another little girl, "What's the difference between a duck and a turkey?" "Well," replied the little girl. "Turkeys can't swim and turkeys are what we have on Thanksgiving Day." "Very good!" exclaimed the farmer. Then he asked little Johnny, "Do you know the difference between a bull and a cow?" "Yeah," replied little Johnny with a grin. "Bulls smile when you milk them."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-12-2003 06:55 AM                        Rated G One day, during English class, Miss Figpot asks her class, "Who can tell me the meaning of indifferent?" The class fidgets a little, and they all look at one another. No one knows. Finally, Little Johnny sticks up his hand. The teacher, hesitant to call on him because of his propensity for foul language and sexual inuendo, looks for another student to ask. Finally when no one else raises their hand, she says, "Yes, Johnny?" "Miss Figpot, it means lovely." Relieved, but a little puzzled, the teacher says, "Johnny, can you explain why you think indifferent means lovely?" "Sure, teach. Last night when I was in bed, I heard Mom say, 'that's lovely.' Dad replied to her, 'Yep, it's in different.'"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-12-2003 08:54 AM                        Rated G Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So, Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick. Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can't find it," he admitted. The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way. Well five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I can't find it." Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom. So, Tommy and Billy go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Tommy, "Well, did you find it?" Tommy is quick with his reply, "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-12-2003 09:05 AM                        Rated G It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy, "My name is Johnny Fuckhauer." So she said "There'll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; tell me your REAL name!" The kid said "No, really teacher, it IS Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you don't believe me!" Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door. The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class, "Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?" "Hell no!" replied a little kid from the front row, "We don't even get a cookie break!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-14-2003 04:42 PM                        [b]Rated G Little Johnny was in pre-school and not doing very well.The teacher,Miss Crabtree,decided to work with him oneon one.Miss Crabtree her tutoring for the day by saying,"If you put your hand in your left pocket and pull out a nickel and then put your other hand in your right pocket and pulled out another nickel, what would you have?" Johnny thought for a minute and then said, "I would have someone else's pants on".  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-17-2003 07:53 AM                        Rated G Sue Bee Little Billy came home from his first day of school and said, "Mommy, the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers and sisters who will be coming to my school." "That's nice of her to take such an interest in your family, dear. What did she say when you told her that you are the only child?" She just said, "Thank goodness!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-29-2003 09:53 AM                        Rated X Little Johnny's mom asked little Johnny if he had enjoyed the field trip. "Yes it was great - we saw sheep, horses, goats, and fuckers." Mom: "Er, fine, fine. I know what the sheep and the rest are, but what is a fucker?" David: "Oh, they're the animals that give us milk and steaks" Mom: "But who said they were called, er, fuckers?" David: "That was our teacher. Well actually she called them 'effers,' but we all knew what she meant."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-31-2003 06:54 AM                        Rated G Little Johnny came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt so she asked, "Johnny, is there anything wrong"? The boy replied, "No, I was going fishing but my dad told me that I needed to go to church". The teacher was very impressed and asked Little Johnny if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. Little Johnny replied, "Yes teacher, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us".  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-06-2003 11:53 AM                        Rated G Teacher: Little Joey, give me a sentence with an object. Little Joey: You are a beautiful woman. Teacher: What is the object of that sentence? Little Joey: A high mark.  |  IP: Logged

All times are Central (GMT -6:00)

This topic comprises 22 pages: 1  2  3  ...  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  ...  20  21  22

Printer-friendly view of this topic

Hop To: Select a Forum: Category: Operations -------------------- Digital Cinema Forum Film Handlers' Forum Large Format Forum Ground Level Feature Info, Trailer Attachments & REAL Credit Offsets Category: Community -------------------- Film-Yak Film Handlers' Movie Reviews The Afterlife Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon Category: Classified -------------------- Equipment and Supplies Wanted/For Sale Help Wanted/Seeking Employment Category: System -------------------- Software Beta Testing Forum

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.