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Author Topic: Little Johnny Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-05-2004 10:40 AM                        Rated G Little Johnny's mother was becoming worried. She hadn't seen her neighbor, Mrs. Goldbaum in days. Fearing the old widow may have had an accident, she decided to send Johnny next door to check up on her. "Johnny, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Goldbaum is?" "Sure Mom," he said running out the door. A few minutes later, Johnny returned. "Well," asked Johnny's mom, "is she all right?" "She's fine, except that she's mad at you." "At me?" the woman exclaimed. "Whatever for?" "She said its none of your business how old she is."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-16-2004 03:04 PM                        Rated PG Little Johnny is out on the playground during 4th-grade recess. He goes up to his classmate Lucy, and tells her "I'd sure like to be in your pants right now!" "How can you say such a thing?" she demands angrily. "Well, I just pooped in mine!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-01-2005 07:16 AM                        Rated G B.B. "Mommy, Mommy", called Little Johnny one day, "do you know the beautiful vase in the dining room that's been handed down from generation to generation ?" "Yes", said his mother. "What about it?" "Well the last generation just dropped it," exclaimed Little Johnny.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-02-2005 09:55 AM                        Rated G Little' Sue was in her bedroom when her younger brother knocked on the door. "Hey! Let me in," he shouted. "I can't let you in because I'm in my nighty and mam says it isn't right for little boys to see little girls in their nighty's!" Her little brother thought about this for a moment, then turned to walk away, when Sue called out from her room. "You can come in now! I took it off!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-04-2005 12:10 PM                        Rated PG Little Johnny ran out to a field his Pa was plowing to report, "there's a strange man at the house. I dunno what he wants." "Son," the father told him, "if it's the landlord, he wants his rent. If it's the banker, he's come to foreclose the mortgage. And if it's a traveling salesman, you run home fast as your legs will carry you and sit in your maw's lap til I get there!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-12-2005 01:39 PM                        Rated G Little Johnny came home one night rather depressed. "What's the matter." asked his mother. "Aw, gee," said Little Johnny, "it's my grades. They're all wet." "What do you mean 'all wet?'" asked his mother. "You know," he replied, "below C-level."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-24-2005 12:51 PM                        Rated G Little Timmy sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. "No, Timmy! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!" Trying to convince him further she noted, "Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby worm." "No, she isn't," said Timmy. "How do you know she's not?" said the mother. "Because I ate her first!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-24-2005 01:02 PM                        Rated G Little Johnny's dad was a farmer in a poor district of the country. One day his Uncle Abner came to visit. Since there were limited accommodations, he was required to sleep with his young nephew, Little Johnny. When Uncle Abner came into the bedroom, he saw the Little Johnny kneeling at the side of the bed with his head bowed. Thinking this was the child's religious upbringing, he decided to present a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed with his head bowed. Little Johnny looked up and said, "Whatcha doin'?" "Why, the same thing you're doing", replied Uncle Abner. "Ma's gonna be mad", said Little Johnny. "Why will she be mad?" asked Uncle Abner. "Because the bed pan's on this side!" responded Little Johnny.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-28-2005 10:01 AM                        Rated G Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to,he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully,without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned,"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish,isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-05-2005 05:30 AM                        Rated G During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, "Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" "Just a minute, I have to go pee." "That would be rude and impolite!!! What about you Johnny, how would you say it?" "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table." "And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after supper."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-23-2005 10:42 AM                        Rated G Little Johnny asked his mother: "Mamma, don't soldiers ever go to heaven?" "Of course they do!" protested his mother. "What makes you ask?" "There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards." "Oh, that's because most men who go to Heaven get there by a close shave."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-28-2005 09:50 AM                        Rated G One day little Johnny asked his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?" His dad replied,"Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! You see,your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.Then I set up a date via e-mail with her and we met at a cyber-cafe.We snuck into a secluded room,where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.As soon as I was ready to upload,we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall,and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: "You've Got Male!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-19-2005 09:21 AM                        Rated G "What's your father's occupation?" asked the school secretary on the first day of the new academic year. "He's a magician, Ma'am," said Little Johnny. "How interesting. What's his favorite trick?" she asked. "He saws people in half," answered Little Johnny. "Gosh that's exciting. Next question. Any brothers or sisters?" continued the secretary. "One half brother and two half sisters." replied Little Johnny.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-16-2005 03:31 PM                        Rated XXX Little Johnny comes home from school and says to dad; at school the boys were talking about pussy, what is pussy? Dad gets his Penthouse magazine out, opens it , draws a circle and says, there, that's it, everything in that circle. Then Johnny says, they were also talking about a bitch, what's a bitch? Dad; everything outside that circle!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-11-2005 08:08 AM                        Rated G Little Johnny, stuttering, asked his mom, "Mmmama why I tttalk like ttthis" She replied, "I don't know ask your dad." Little Johnny went to his dad and asked, "Dddad why I tttalk like ttthis!" His father said, "I don't know ask your sister." So Little Johnny asked his sister and she said she didn't know. Little Johnny was in the yard kicking rocks when the postman walks up. Little Johnny asked, "MMMr. why I tttalk like ttthis!" The postman replied, "BBBoy ggget away fffrom me bbbefore I ggget in tttrouble!!!"  |  IP: Logged

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