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Author Topic: Little Johnny Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-01-2003 12:35 PM                        Rated G Michele Because of an ear infection, Little Johnny, had to go to the pediatrician. The doctor directed his comments and questions to Little Johnny in a professional manner. When he asked Little Johnny, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" Little Johnny nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to Little Johnny's mother. She tucked it into her purse without looking at it. As the pharmacist filled the order, he remarked on the unusual food - drug interaction Little Johnny must have. Little Johnny's mother looked puzzled until he showed her the label on the bottle. As per the doctor's instructions, it read, "Do not take with broccoli."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-01-2003 03:19 PM                        Rated G JerseyT "Now, how many of you would like to go to heaven?" asked the Sunday school teacher.All the eager children raised their hands except Little Johnny. "I'm sorry,I can't.My mother told me to come right home after Sunday school," explained Little Johnny.....  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-02-2003 03:13 PM                        Rated G The pastor was talking to a group of young children about being good and going to heaven.At the end of his talk, he asked,"Where do you want to go?" "Heaven!" Suzy cried out. "And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the preacher. "Dead!" yelled Little Johnny.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-03-2003 08:38 AM                        Rated G Michele It was the first day of the school year, and an elementary teacher was trying to get to know her students. "What did you do this summer?" the teacher asked Suzie. "Me and my family went to the beach a lot," Suzie answered. "That sounds like fun," said the teacher."How about you, Emma? What did you do this summer?" "Me and my family rode our bikes together." "That sounds lovely," said the teacher. She continued with all her pupils until she got to Little Johnny in the corner of the room. "What did you do this summer, Little Johnny?" "Nothing," Little Johnny responded timidly. "Did you do anything with your family?" the teacher asked,to try to draw Little Johnny out. "Yes." "Did you go to the beach?" "No." "Did you ride bikes?" "No,never!" Little Johnny burst out."We can never ride bikes together!" "Why not?" said the shocked teacher. "I don't know," explained Little Johnny,"but Daddy always says that when Mommy and sis start "cycling" together,it's time to get the hell out of town."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-08-2003 02:23 PM                        Rated G Alex Little Johnny was a country boy who had come into some money and decided he would go to town. Having never been to town before he strolled up and down the street looking at the stores, when he came to a barber shop. "Well," he said to himself. "I have never had a city hair cut, I think I will get one." He went in and sat down and the barber said, "What can I do for you?" Little Johnny said, "I want the works, everything, I can pay for it!" So the barber starts cutting, and in a little while he said, "Would you like a singe?" Little Johnny said, "I said I want the works, everything." The shop had a good looking,well built manicurist,wearing a tight knit,almost see through shirt and she walked over and asked if he want a manicure. He said, "I want the works, everything!" So she started working on him,all the while rubbing those big breasts up against him and looking at him with those big eyes. In a few minutes she asked, "Shall I push back the cuticle?" Little Johnny said, "Just kiss me, it will roll back by itself."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-10-2003 07:15 AM                        Rated G Michele Little Johnny returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mum, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, Little Johnny produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-20-2003 10:40 PM                        Rated G Michele "Johnny," the teacher started, "do you know what 'paranoia' means?" "It's not a word, teach, it's several words," Johnny replied. "Whatever do you mean by that?" "It's like when you go into a restaurant and a well endowed waitress with a low cut uniform reaches in front of you and says, 'does my paranoia'?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-10-2004 08:45 PM                        Rated XXX Johnny was in the playground, with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing. "Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked. "Nope," Jimmy replied. "Well, did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked. "Nope." "You didn't steal it did you?" "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were on the job. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me." Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his parents' room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking. Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily, "What do you want now?" "I wanna watch," Johnny replied. "Well, stand in the corner and keep quiet then," said his father.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2004 05:22 PM                        Rated PG Michele Little Johnny's mom was watching him play outside in a small plastic pool half-filled with water. He was happily walking back and forth across the pool, making big splashes.Suddenly,Little Johnny stopped,stepped out of the pool,and began to scoop water out of the pool with a pail. "Why are you pouring the water out, dear?" asked his mother. "Because my teacher said Jesus walked on water,and this water doesn't work," Little Johnny replied.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-20-2004 10:37 AM                        Rated G One day,Little Johnny's teacher told him that his homework was unsatisfactory and he was to do it again.Little Johnny said to the teacher,"That sucks!!!" Upon hearing this reply,the teacher called Johnny's mother and told her that she was going to have her son do his homework over,and,she was giving him some additional work because Johnny used unacceptable language. Little Johnny's mother replied,"Boy,that sucks,what did he say?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-21-2004 06:15 AM                        Rated G Little Johnny was practicing the violin in the living room while his Uncle was trying to read in the den.The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Johnny's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. His uncle listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could.Then he jumped up,slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise,"For hells sake,Johnny, can't you play something this damn dog doesn't know?!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-27-2004 08:32 AM                        [b]Rated XXX Teacher was calling on some children to think of things beginning with letters of the ALphabet and to use that word in a sentence. So she calls on Douggie and he goes E is for elephant " The elephant walks thru the jungle" Very good douggie says the teacher. Teacher calls on mary and Mary goes F is for Fairy ' The fairy Flies thru the garden" Very Good Mary. Little johnny is sititng there madly waving his hand going OOOO OOO. MIss Miss Teacher says ok little Johnny Johnny goes G is for Gnome and sits down. The teacher goes Can you use that word in a sentence Johnny. Johnny stands back up and says yes Miss, Gnome's are things that fuck the fairies and sits down.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-27-2004 08:35 AM                        Rated G A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing.He loses his balance,falls in,and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion,knows he can't swim,and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" Little Johny raised his hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-09-2004 12:43 PM                        Rated G Lorraine A father asked little Johnny what he'd like for his birthday. Johnny promptly replied he'd like a baby sister. His birthday came and Johnny got his baby sister. The next year the father asked him again what he'd like for his upcoming birthday. "Dad", said Johnny. "I'd like a pony -- if it's not too hard on mom."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-13-2004 09:21 AM                        Rated G Little Johnnie was sitting in his grandmother's kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal. "What are you doing?" Little Johnnie asked. "Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey," his grandmother replied. "That's cool!" Little Johnnie said. "Are you going to hang it next to the deer?"  |  IP: Logged

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