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Author Topic: Little Johnny Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-18-2002 10:55 AM                        Rated PG A teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. When she asked little Johnny, he said, "My father's dead, Miss." "Oh, I am sorry, Johnny. In that case, what did he do before he died?" "He went blue, held his chest and moaned aaaaarrrrrrggg, and collapsed."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-18-2002 10:57 AM                        Rated X Tommy, Johnny and Harry were standing around bullshitting about how tough their fathers were. "My dad went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson. Lick that!" said young Harry. "Well, my dad did two tours of Vietnam and killed 19 men... so lick that!" Tommy said. "That's nothing!" declared little Johnny. "My dad hasn't wiped his ass in 10 years... so lick that!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-18-2002 11:00 AM                        Rated PG Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother, "please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this." So Johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door. "First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse..." So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. "OK, now take off my skirt...." and he takes off her skirt. "Now take off my bra..." which he does. "And now, Johnny, please take off my panties." and when Johnny finishes removing those, she says, "Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-19-2002 12:42 PM                        Rated R "Why do you look so glum today?",the teacher asked young Johnny. "I didn't have no breakfast,"Johnny mumbled. "You poor dear," said the teacher."Now, to return to our geography lesson,Johnny,where is the French border?" "In bed with my mom.That's why I didn't have no breakfast."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-19-2002 12:44 PM                        Rated G Little Johnny watched,fascinated,as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that,mommy?"he asked. "To make myself beautiful,"said his mother,who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?"asked Little Johnny."Giving up?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-19-2002 12:46 PM                        Rated X Little Jenny comes home from playing at Johnny's house. "Hey Mom, guess what! Johnny's got a penis like a peanut!" Mom is understandably confused for a second,then asks,"What, you mean it's shaped like a peanut?" "No silly, it's salty!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-19-2002 12:48 PM                        Rated X Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher. She says,"Hello class,I'm Mrs. Prussy.When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter." The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy." A few days later the regular teacher is still sick. When Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is. Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher,"I Remember it has an "R" after the first letter." "That's right," she coaxed. Then after a few seconds Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-23-2002 10:41 AM                        Rated G Little Johnny was approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool,"said the lifeguard."I'm going to report you." "But everyone pees in the pool,"Johnny protested. "Sure they do,"said the lifeguard,"but not from the diving board!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-23-2002 10:47 AM                        Rated X "Okay, class,we're going to play a game today,"said the third grade teacher."I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word 'perhaps'in it." She then goes around the room asking each child. Mikey says,"Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework." The teacher says,"Very good,Mikey." Clair says,"The sky is very dark, perhaps it's going to rain." The teacher says,"Very good,Clair." Little Johnny says,"Yesterday, when I got home from school my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna shit on the piano."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-23-2002 12:20 PM                        Rated X Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said,"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you.It will give you acne,rot your teeth,make you fat." Little Johnny replied,"My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The man asked,"Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" Little Johnny answered,"No,he minded his own fucking business!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-23-2002 12:27 PM                        Little Johnny kept disrupting his third grade class by regularly letting loud farts.His teacher kept him after school.When she insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behavior,Little Johnny said,"I do it because I can do it better than anybody,and I'm very proud of that fact." The teacher says,"If I show you I can do it better than you,will you stop?" Little Johnny agreed and the teacher placed two pieces of paper on the floor with identical piles of chalk dust on each one. Johnny dropped his pants, squatted down, farted and blew all but a tiny little speck of dust off the paper. The teacher dropped her panties,lifted her skirt,squatted down and farted but when she was done,there wasn't a trace of chalk dust left on the paper. Johnny was astonished and asked if he could see her do it again.She was willing and as she repeated the process,Johnny peeked up underneath her skirt."No wonder you won!"he exclaimed indignantly,"you've got a Double-Barrel!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-08-2003 12:13 PM                        Rated X Little Johnny went to the Drug Store and asded the pharmacist, Sir, can you tell me where the ribbed condoms are?" The pharmacist replied. "Son, do you know what condoms are used for?" "Sure do. They keep you from getting venereal diseases." Th pharmacist was impressed. "That's right, son. Do you know what the ribs are for?" Little Johnny paused and then answered..... "Well, not really, but they sure do make the hair on my goat's back stand up."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-10-2003 04:58 PM                        [bRated G An Important Role [/b] Little Johnny's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment.Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today,he asked his son if he got a part. Little Johnny enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years." "That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-11-2003 10:04 AM                        Rated G Birthday to remember When Little Johnny opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the sink. His Mother was not so pleased. She turned to her mother and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Her Mom smiled and then replied....."I do remember."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-11-2003 01:35 PM                        Rated G Are caterpillars good to eat? Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat? Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals! Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the question? Johnny: It's because I saw one on daddy's lettuce, but now it's gone.  |  IP: Logged

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