At Sunday school, the teacher asked Little Johnny, "Johnny could you tell me what we are supposed to do to deserve salvation?"

Teacher:"where were you born?"

Little Johnny: "New Jersey, Sir."

Teacher: "Which part?"

Little Johnny: "All of me."

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Teacher: "How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?"

Little Johnny: "Don't bite any."

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Teacher: If you received $10.00 from 10 people, what would you get?"

A priest was walking along the corridor of the parochial school near the preschool wing when a group of little ones were trotting by on the way to the cafeteria. Little Johnny stopped and looked at him in his clerical clothes and asked, "Why do you dress funny?"

He told him he was a priest and this is the uniform priests wear.
Little Johnny pointed to the priest's plastic collar tab and
asked, "Do you have an owie?"

The priest was perplexed till he realized that to him the collar tab looked like a band-aid. So the priest took it out and handed it to Little Johnny, to show him. On the back of the tab were raised letters giving the name of the manufacturer.

Little Johnny felt the letters, and the priest asked, "Do you know what those words say?"

"Yes I do," said Little Johnny, who was not old enough to read. Peering intently at the letters he said, "Kills ticks and fleas up to six months!"

Little Johnny was crying one day, and his Dad asked him why.

'I've lost five cents,' sobbed Danny.

'Don't worry,' said his Dad kindly.' Here's five more for you.'

Little Johnny and Little Mary were walking home from school one day. As they walked along, they saw two dogs knotted up along side the road, doing it, well, doggy style.

"What are they doing, Johnny?" Mary asked.

Well, Little Johnny, being a man of the world for all his 12 years, knew what they
were doing but was embarrassed to say it, so he said, "Well, he's scaring her."

Little Mary said, "Oh."

They walked a little farther, and Little Mary said, "Scare me, Little Johnny."

Well, Little Johnny thought, "What the Hell." So he took her into the bushes and "scared" her. After they were finished, they started walking home again. Pretty soon, they walked past a stallion mounting a mare in the field.

"What are they doing, Little Johnny ?", she asked.

"Well, he's scaring her." So Little,Mary said, "Scare me again, Johnny.

" Well, Little Johnny took her into the bushes and "scared" her again. After they were finished, they started walking home again. Pretty soon, you guessed it,
they saw a bull and a heifer in the field, going at it.

"What are they doing, Little Johnny?" she innocently (?) asked
again.

"Well, he's scaring her" Little Johnny said once again.
After a few more minutes of walking, Little Mary said, "Scare me again, Little Johnny."

"Name the elements, Little Johnny," instructed the teacher.

"There's earth and there's air," began the boy,"and then fire and..... er......water ..... and - oh, yes - fucking."

The teacher gasped, then recovered herself.

"That filthy thing you named, what ever made you include it?"

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and go into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in a "Passionate Embrace." Little Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother.

Mommy "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an
interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I
want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Little Johnny to tell his story.

Johnny starts his story, describing the car into the woods, the
undressing, laying down on the seat, and Johnny said, "Then Daddy and Aunt Jane ... started doing that same thing Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the army."

A young pretty female school teacher had been telling her class about the value of being observant and said, "Now children, look at the clock; what does the clock have that I have too?"

One little girl stood up and said, "It has a face."

Another girl raised her hand and said, "It has hands."

"Splendid," said the teacher, "now what has the clock that I haven't got?"

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