Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late to class?

Johnny: Because of a road sign I had to pass.

Teacher: And what does the sign have to do with it?

One day, little Johnny's mother walked by her young son's room and sees little Johnny masturbating. Later, she has a talk with him and tells him that good little boys save it until they are married.

A few weeks later, the mom is having another talk with little Johnny. "How are you doing with that problem we talked about, dear?" she asks.

Little Johnny said to his aunt Tess, "Geez, Aunty Tess, you're as ugly as a hatful of assholes!"

While the old aunt reeled in horror at the remark, Johnny's mother, who had overheard this, pulled Johnny into the kitchen and gave him a whack round the earhole.

"You naughty horrible boy!" she screamed, "How can you say to your dear old aunt that she's ugly! You get yourself right back in there and apologize to her! Go on, tell her how sorry you are!"

The class was studying the Middle Ages, and all the kids were having fun learning about chivalry and knights and such.

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.

She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny had been bringing his drawings home from kindergarten every day since he started a month ago.

Each day his mother admired the pictures and hung them on the refrigerator. One thing started bothering her. Little Johnny only used black and browns for his drawings.

Fearing a problem and not wanting it to get worse, she decided to take him to a child psychologist.The psychologist delicately went to work. He gave Little Johnny a battery of psychological tests. He chatted with Little Johnny. Everything seemed perfectly normal. Every day for two weeks, the tests continued. Yet everyday, Little Johnny continued to bring home drawings in only blacks and browns.

Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem and fearful that something was terribly wrong, the child psychologist decided to give Little Johnny some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happened.

Little Johnny's teacher was asking all the kids in the class what their parents did for a living.

Little Mary got up and said "my Dad is a pilot, and my Mommy is an architect."

"Great," said the teacher.

Michael got up and said " my Dad is a Doctor, and my Mom is a housewife."

"Good," said the teacher.

Johnny was last in the class and when he got up he said: "My Mommy, she is a substitute."

Knowing better about his background and always striving to correct the kids, the teacher said, "you mean she is a Prostitute."

Teacher: Little Johnny, if your father earned $1,000.00 and gave half of it to your mother, what would she have?

The Homework Hustle

"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would
you please do my homework for me?"

The father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."

The teacher says, "Okay, class, we're going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word 'perhaps' in it."

Claude says, "Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework?"

The teacher says, "Very good, Claude."

Mary says, "The sky is very dark... perhaps it's going to rain?"

The teacher says, "Very good, Mary."

She calls on Little Johnny in the back. "Johnny?"

Johnny says, "Yesterday, when I got home from school, my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna shit on the piano?"

Teacher: Johnny, if I had seven oranges in one hand and eight in the other, what would I have?

DADDY'S BALDNESS

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning. He got to thinking about things, and asked, "Mommy, why does Daddy have such little hair on his head?"

"He thinks a lot, dear" replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a such good answer to her husband's baldness.

"Then, why do you have so much hair?" asked Little Johnny.

Tommy, Johnny and Harry were standing around bullshitting about how tough their fathers were

."My dad went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson. Lick that!" said young Harry.

"Well, my dad did two tours of Vietnam and killed 19 men so lick that!"Tommy said.

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm.

Little Johnny asked his Mom, "Where did we get him?"

His mother says, "Heaven Johnny."

Teacher: Let's take the example of the busy ant, he is busy all the time, works all day and every day. Then what happens?